A Prison Break

Did his blowout with his Jim cause the cascade of events?

copyright ©2009 by A_Satori. All rights reserved.

[Author's note: My thanks to Andrea4328 and ny_girl14 for their editorial help on this story. It is greatly appreciated.]

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PART 1

CHAPTER 1

I unlocked, then pulled the passenger door open only a foot or so on my nine year old pickup. I started to walk around the front as Lana jerked the door open wider and then climbed up into the cab. "Climbed" is the best way to describe it. She was petite, slim verging on skinny, clear and alluring blue eyes, brunette hair that I was sure had been dyed slightly darker recently. Her legs were smooth and slender until her ankles which were a half size too wide compared to the rest of her limb. She had the prettiest feet I had ever seen. Her breasts were small, her lips fairly thin, her face was cute, maybe even pretty when she didn't trowel on the makeup. She had an irritating eyebrow piercing, which only had the little ring in it today. Sometimes she had a short, dangling thing swaying from it. Whenever she had that little chain or something hanging down, it took all my strength of will not to rip it off her face.

I had to unlock my door. She never leaned over to open it for me. I kept unlocking her door first just to see if she'd ever do it. I pulled the door open and my gut clenched. She was wearing a black stretchy miniskirt and her black shitkicker boots. She was slouched on the seat. I got in and closed my door. I shoved the key in the ignition and turned on the engine. "Take your feet off the dashboard."

Lana made a face. "Why? This stupid truck is so old and crappy, who cares?"

My pickup had turned into a rusting beater, but the interior was still fairly nice except for the crusty carpeting and the cigarette burns showing in the cloth bench seat between my thighs. "Take your feet off the dashboard." I could hear her chewing her bubble gum.

"What difference does it make? Gawd."

I switched the engine off and slouched a little too. From the inside pocket of my down jacket, I pulled out my pack of Marlboros, then my Zippo from my jeans. I lit one.

"Wha' we gonna do, just sit here?"

I exhaled my first drag and rolled my window down a crack. It was early March. Warm weather was at least a month away. I didn't answer her. I gazed at the prison. It looked like the prisons in a dozen movies I'd seen, cyclone fencing topped with coiled razor wire, then the concrete wall topped with more wire, brick and concrete buildings on the other side of the wall. The mortar colored structures nearly melded with the sad gray overcast of the sky.

Lana exhaled audibly. She slid her boots down to the floor. "There. Happy now?"

I put the cig between my lips, reached under the seat and pulled out a rag. I offered it to her. "Clean it off."

"Gawd... you're such an ass." She yanked the mechanic's rag from my hand and gave the spot where her boots had been a quick once over. She barely touched the dashboard or glove box door, essentially just smearing the wet, dirty sole prints. I didn't really care, but I did get pissed when she tossed the rag onto my lap.

"There. Happier now?"

I took the rag off my crotch and shoved it under the seat. I sucked another drag from my cigarette.

"What now?"

"Seat belt."

"Gawd." Lana jerked the belt across her chest and then shoved the metal tongue into the buckle on the seat.

I restarted the engine and we pulled out of the visitor's parking lot of the women's state prison. It was a two hour drive home. I really needed a drink. That was one of the things Barb and I had in common, we really liked our cocktails, cocktails and fucking, usually rough fucking. She had a nice, hot body. We had been going out for about four months and for some reason, one night I asked her to marry me. She said yes immediately. We tied the knot a month later, small affair, with a big open bar. She was 32, I was 27.

Barb had gotten knocked up when she was fifteen, had Lana when she was sixteen. When I proposed I hadn't given much thought to Lana. She wasn't my kid and I had never planned to be her "stepdaddy." Before and for a while after the wedding, I thought Lana and I were at least getting along. When Barb and I had were dating, Lana and I sat together a few times and we had real conversations which made me hope we'd be friends, and failing that, we'd just be neutral and coexist. I knew she and Barb had their problems, but even though I had spent days and slept over quite a few nights at Barb's before we were married, I had no idea how bad things were between them until after the wedding when I gave up my crappy apartment and moved into Barb's nearly as crappy rental house.

For the first four or five months, if I wasn't too drunk, and occasionally even when I was, I would try to mediate their arguments. Sometimes taking one side, sometimes the other, depending on who I thought was more right or at least logical. Mostly though, I took neither side, tried to calm them down, then told them what I thought was right, just, or equitable. No matter how I handled it, their usual response was they'd both get pissed off at me. I gave up on trying to be the voice of reason. After that I usually just left the living room and went to the kitchen or out to the garage, or just left the house. Of course that pissed off Barb. She'd get angry at me later and ask why I wasn't there to give her support. Yet whenever I made any suggestion about parenting, even when there wasn't an argument in progress, she'd point out that there was only one parent in the house and it was her.

One time when Barb and I were in a sober period, we drove into the city on a Saturday for lunch. We actually had a wonderful time together, at the restaurant and taking a stroll along the lakefront. We talked about a million things that day, and we did speak calmly about parenting and Lana. She mentioned that the arguing with Lana had never been as heated and emotional nor as frequent before. She said it had started getting much worse about a year or so ago. That evening while I was checking the oil in the truck, I realized a year or so ago was about the time Barb and I had gotten married. I started wondering if Barb was blaming me for Lana acting like a little bitch.

There was one real knockdown drag out between them last year. Lana had invented an online persona on one of those social/friend/chat internet sites. Barb had walked into her room and happened to see the six hot photos on Lana's personal page. From their shouting, I knew none showed her face, either her brunette hair hid it, or the pose did.

When their fight moved down the hall to the kitchen, I stepped into Lana's room. The pics page was still on her monitor. In half the photos she looked her age at the time, seventeen, in the other pics she appeared to be two or three years younger. She wasn't totally naked, so no nude shot of her pussy, the same for her small tits which were covered by a camisole or a strategically placed arm. Three featured her cantilevered, thonged apple ass. The other interesting surprise in her room was that her bed was made, no clothes or crap on the floor, it was clean and orderly but not retentively so.

Barb had screamed for nearly an hour calling Lana a slut, a whore, an ungrateful little bitch, et cetera, et cetera. Barb made her delete the internet page and grounded her for a month. As with all her groundings though, it was forgotten after a few days, when Barb and Lana would get along, or at least have the appearance of doing so. It was always like that. They'd have explosive, screaming arguments, and then be tentative friends for a few days until the tension and animosity started growing again.

On a Friday night, eighteen months into our marriage, Barb and I went out for dinner and drinks, which usually meant drinks first and maybe free peanuts at the bar. I had a blowout with my foreman that day, so I really got smashed. I was so loaded I had no idea nor recollection of how drunk Barb was, or of leaving the bar. I guess some bar "friends" helped her get me into the car. She drove. Ten minutes from the house, she had an accident. I was either passed out or asleep when it happened. I didn't have my seat belt on. I got a 3 inch laceration running from between my eyes angling towards my temple. I still don't know what I whacked my face into. It required 32 stitches.

Barb didn't have a scratch on her, but the sixteen year old boy riding his bike hurrying home from some party, who she had broadsided, was DOA at the hospital. A couple months later she got a decent plea bargain, 3 to 5 for depraved reckless endangerment. It could have been manslaughter which would have at least tripled her sentence. The county was overwhelmed with criminal cases and they had just convicted a guy for drunken driving - manslaughter a month before her accident. A lot of press on that one. I guess the state prosecutor figured there wouldn't be much news coverage on the same crime. She was incarcerated on October 15th.

Before her sentencing, she asked me, begged me to be Lana's guardian. I finally relented, mainly because I was half in the bag when she brought it up, and 3 years seemed like three months to me at the time. We were both sure she'd be paroled after 3 years. Of course that wasn't based on any facts. It just seemed right and fair that she would be out at her first parole hearing. I mean, it never came out at the court proceedings or sentencing, but the kid had been drinking too, the autopsy showed his alcohol level just barely under the legal adult limit. Maybe that fact helped her lawyer get the plea deal. I don't know. Anyway, I signed the papers. The lawyer took all her savings, plus whatever she and I had socked away in that year and a half of marriage, which wasn't much. The family of the kid had a civil suit against Barb too. I'm still not sure how financially liable I would be on that. I really didn't want to know.

"Turn down the heat. It's hot in here."

I sighed. "I have my window open. It's not too hot. Crack your window open if you think it's too warm." I liked a little heat on my legs but a cool breeze at my head.

"I don't wanna open my window." She exhaled sharply raised her foot to the seat and started unlacing her boot.

I pushed the fan lever to off, there would still be some heat coming out. I was too damn tired to tell her to take her boot off the seat. I really didn't care. So far, Lana had come with me every week since October to see Barb. Actually she didn't once, during her Christmas vacation. She had hung with her friends that day.

In late January, I came with a birthday cake for both her and Lana. Barb had asked me to do it. Their birthdays were three weeks apart. I brought the cake more or less at the midpoint between the dates. At our little visiting room "party," Lana had acted like a real bitch when Barb told her she loved her, had been spending a lot of time thinking about their history together, and how she prayed everyday that when she got out they'd be able to start over again and have a better and much closer mother-daughter relationship.

Even I knew it was a pipe dream, but I still got really pissed at Lana. Even if it was only a momentary self-delusion, it was obvious Barb needed a positive response from her daughter that visiting day. Lana gave her a smirky smile and said sometime like, Oh, Mom, get real. It is what it is, and who knows where I'll be when you get out. It was something like that. When Lana later went to the vending ladies room, Barb had burst into tears.

I glanced over again as Lana planted her delicate, pretty feet against the dashboard. I noticed her tight miniskirt had slid up almost to her pussy. It pissed me off that my cock started growing from a partial hard-on to a full mast. I thought about those nearly nude photos on her internet page. I again didn't want to admit to myself that I really wanted to fuck the living shit out of the girl. Fuck her cunt, fuck her mouth, and especially fuck that sweet, cantilevered, seductive apple ass of hers. I really needed a drink badly. I was also hungry. All we had eaten was crap from the vending machines at the prison visiting room.

"Turn up the heat, it's cold in here."

My jaw clenched for a moment. I told myself to calm down. I switched the fan from off to low.

Lana was eighteen now, since a week or so after that damn birthday cake. She could be on her own. I could divorce Barb. Say hell with both of them. But I hated breaking my word more than I hated the situation, at least thus far. The only reason I could come up with for signing those guardian papers was being half in the bag at the time. That had to be it. And why, when Barb talked to me, didn't I ask her about what would happen when Lana turned eighteen and finished high school? Today Barb said that she had written to the local community college and a packet of information would be coming to the house for Lana. She said Lana should start there and live at home and then when Barb got out on parole, she'd work and help Lana pay for a real college. I almost laughed when Barb asked Lana if she had gotten a part-time job yet. All three of us, at my insistence, had talked about it in October. I doubted the little bitch had ever filled out a job application at any point in her life.

I sighed and watched the road ahead.

Lana giggled softly. "I bet Barb's just goin' nuts in there."

"When did you stop calling your mother 'Mom'?"

"I don't know, recently I guess." She stroked her palms on the tops of her slender thighs a few times while grinning. "Yeah, I bet she's just goin' nuts, she must be so horny. You two used to fuck all the time. Gawd. She used to get so loud it'd wake me up." She giggled again. "Once I woke up, and I thought I heard loud, real slow clapping coming from your bedroom. And I couldn't figure it out for a while, and then..." She laughed once more. "I like realized you were spanking her. There'd be that loud clap, then a... oh, or a... oooh! And I'd hear you too, but your voice was low and growly, so I never heard what you were saying." She laughed. "I knew Barb was a slut, just not how big of one."

I wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, but even though I was now her legal guardian, I wasn't her parent. And Barb and I had fucked a lot and she was right about the spanking too. It both surprised me and pissed me off she had just called her mother a slut, but it's probably what I had thought when I first met Barb. Was Lana also calling me a slut? I was the guy with Barb. Wouldn't that make me a slut too? Dammit. I had to say something.

I kept my eyes on the road. "You should never talk about your mother like that, if nothing else, she gave you life. You should thank her for that alone."

"Thank her for what? My life? Who would want my life? She should have aborted me. I would have."

At the moment, I wholeheartedly agreed with her about that abortion.

"Turn up the heat more, it's still cold in here."

It wasn't cold. I looked at her bare, smooth legs. The damn skirt was up to a fraction of an inch shy of her eighteen year old, teenage cunt. I checked the mirrors, slowed the truck and pulled off onto the shoulder.

"What're we stopping for?! I wanna get home!"

I opened my door and stepped outside. I gripped the lever behind the seat. "Lean forward."

"Why?"

"Lean forward and you won't be cold anymore."

Lana exhaled sharply. Her bare feet slid down the front of the dashboard to the floor. She leaned towards the windshield. I folded the bench seat forward a little and grabbed a large plastic zip seal bag. I let the seat fall back. I tossed the baggy next to her. "There's a blanket. Put it over your legs." I got in, put my seat belt on, checked the mirrors and got on the road again. I figured the blanket would keep her warm and stop me from looking at her legs.

"This thing is filthy. I'm not going to use it."

"Any dirt, is on the bag, not the blanket I washed it months ago and I've never used it. It's for emergencies."

She shoved the bag towards me. "I'm not going to put that rag over me." She tightened her black, fake leather jacket around herself, and planted her feet back on the dashboard again.

Ignoring her shit wasn't working. The little bitch was making me angry as hell, yet I knew if I gave her an amplified verbal piece of my mind, I'd still be pissed and she'd probably be a bigger bitch. It was just these rides every week when I couldn't escape, couldn't jump in the truck and go to Sully's or some other bar, or just turn the TV volume up. The real irritating part was that I was supporting the little cunt. I fed her, I paid the rent, I gave her the allowance, and I picked her up when she couldn't get a ride home from wherever. I was getting really sick of it all. I kept thinking that she was eighteen years old, no matter how much younger than that she looked. She was fuckin' eighteen!

I took a slow breath. "How many part-time jobs have you applied for, meaning filling out applications, interview, all that stuff?"

"Enough."

"How many is that? Because it if was enough, you'd have a job right now." My gut was knotted tight.

"Why do I need a job anyway? I'm still in high school."

"You won't be in a couple months. And... I'm not a chick, but I'd imagine chicks want to buy clothes and other crap before they start college."

"I'll use some of Barb's savings. That'll be okay with her. And if it isn't, I'll just take it and pay her back whenever she gets out of prison. My name is on that account too."

I laughed. "Your mother's broke."

"You have her money. I know she had savings. If you don't give me some when I need it, I'm telling her you've stolen it."

"You think that lawyer was free? We used all her savings and basically all our savings since we've been married. There's no money for you to count on."

"She spent all that?!"

I wondered what she considered all that. "You don't believe me, ask her next week. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm the one supporting you, and come summer, you are going to get a job. I'll pay for tuition, fees, and books at that community college, but I'm not paying for clothes, shoes, CDs, DVDs, any new shit like that, and... and after you graduate in June, no more allowance. If you get a job this summer, a full time summer job, and save all the money for school to pay for most of the tuition and fees, and want some little things, maybe I'll pop for 'em, as long as you save your checks for school."

I expected her to scream at me, but she just slumped lower in the seat and her arms folded across her chest. I glanced over and got a peek of her red panties. I had assumed she had a shaved cunt but the part I could see looked soft, somewhat puffy, so I guess I was wrong. Yeah, it did look like there was a curly muff under that cotton. She finally spoke five minutes later.

"Life fucking sucks," she said softly but with an edge to every word with even more emphasis on the last one.

I completely agreed with her. I felt like telling her so, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction. I turned on the radio, classic rock. I expected her to bitch about it, but she stayed mute. It was another hour before I spoke again.

"Wanna stop and pick up a pizza for dinner?"

"I'm not hungry."

I looked over at her. I walked my eyes along her slender legs to her skirt. Her panties were still peeking out. I thought about how much I wanted to shove my cock hard and deep into that bitchy little cunt.

* * *

CHAPTER 2

I have an on again-off again relationship with AA, not as a full member though. I had been on again for three weeks when I took a seat on the wooden pull-out bleachers in the high school gym for Lana's graduation ceremony. I was trying to do my best today. I even had a sport coat and tie on, in spite of the fact that it was unseasonably warm for early June.

I couldn't recall much from my own high school graduation exercise, except for the period before we all walked into the gym. We were in the auditorium waiting to form up into two lines to march into the basketball court. I remember it had seemed ass backwards to me, but knew it was in the gym because there was more seating for all the families. I had been sitting on the edge of auditorium stage with a couple friends waiting for some assigned teacher to tell us to line up, when Mrs. Cantrall walked up.

She said she was very glad to have had me in her English class, that she hoped I continued my writing, and told me to drop by her house any time, that her husband who taught creative writing at the university had read my short stories and would like to meet and talk with me. She added that they both thought the stories showed talent and great potential for me as writer. I told her I really enjoyed her class and that, yeah, maybe I'd stop by sometime. I never did, and I've always regretted it. She was the best teacher I ever had, very intelligent, and she truly cared about all her students. I heard she died a few years back, cancer or something.

I don't want to think about how many regrets I'll have when I'm sixty. If I live that long.

I was the only "family" Lana had to show up for the ceremony. Barb's parents had disowned her and their grandkid as soon as Barb got a job after finishing high school. I never thought Barb gave me the whole story about that. Lana said I didn't have to come today, that it wasn't any big deal, but I figured that might just be bravado on her part. Even if she hated Barb, she had to be missing her today, her graduation day, a milestone in one's life, at least I guess it's supposed to be for some people. Lana had actually passed every course she needed to get her diploma. I was a little surprised. I never saw her do a minute of homework. I guess she might not be as stupid as she acted sometimes.

It felt stuffy in the gym, which gave me a taste for a Budweiser tall boy. Everyone around me, the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, were all smiling, talking, laughing, as we all waited for the show to begin. After ten minutes, I loosened my tie. I gawked at a blond who seemed harried as she walked along a row to get to her seat next to her waving older sister, at least they looked like sisters. Some of the guys stood up to let her pass which just made it more difficult for her to get by in the bleacher type seating. They probably just wanted to rub their bodies against her. She was very hot, nice T and A, pretty face. Late 20's. She made me remember I hadn't had sex since October.

Barb hadn't been granted conjugal visits, at least she hadn't mentioned she had. Her in prison, me totally sober while I was there, I didn't even ask her about it. I had a feeling I'd not be able to get it up if she had been granted the visits. I figured the fuck room wasn't even going to be "sleazy motel" good. It was a medium security prison. I thought medium meant conjugal visits were possible. I had no idea about any of it, nor had I tried to find out any information. I guess I could at least ask her about it next week. Maybe the week after that. Maybe I should let her bring it up. This was the first week I wouldn't see her. Visiting day was Sunday, today.

She told me to come here instead. A month ago she said she wanted to get Lana something nice as a present. I suggested I get her three or four classic novels. I thought it might get her at least in the habit of reading before college. Barb made a face at me and told me not to be ridiculous. I told her to just tell me what to get. She rattled off the names of a few clothing stores I should try to get catalogs or sale papers from, bring them the following week and she'd pick something out. I bought the gift this past Wednesday night. I even wrapped it and put on the card from Barb. I had gotten the card a couple weeks ago and during the time Lana walked away from the visiting room table to get candy or something, Barb had written a brief note and signed it.

The band started playing that standard graduation song, and the capped and gowned students began marching in. The music instantly caused a lot of twisting and neck stretching in the stands, parents and relatives trying to see Johnny or Janey, and of course numerous camera flashes. I'm only 5'-9" but I didn't have to elongate my neck to spot Lana. She was the one who looked too short, too petite to be a senior. Maybe that's an exaggeration. She had once said she was 5'-1", and with heels on she was, well, taller relative to the heels. She was probably closer to 4'-11" actually. She was sandwiched in the line between two girls who were both overweight and tall, which made Lana look even skinnier and shorter.

I didn't pay attention to any of the speeches, the words at least. The valedictorian was a dishwater blond chick. Pretty enough face I guess, maybe a bit of baby fat, but I really couldn't tell anything about her body, except that her lower legs were average. The guest speaker was some state legislator, a woman I never heard of. She droned for a while about the importance of education. She wore those half glasses, the ones with the lenses cut horizontally, and had a chain attached to the temple pieces. I hate those glasses and those chains, or maybe it's the people who wear them I end up hating. By the time everyone got their diplomas, and the ceremonies drew to a close, it felt like I'd been in the gym for three or four hours. It was actually about half that.

I had told Lana I'd wait for her outside by the big oak tree. I had also told her I was going to take her out to dinner at a decent restaurant. I was waiting on giving her the gifts until 4PM or thereabouts. Barb was going to try to call at exactly 4PM. We'd drive home, wait for her call, then go to dinner. It would take some time to drive into the city.

As everyone got up to leave, I tried to spot the hot blond I had seen arrive late, but I didn't see her. I joined the slow river of people trying to exit. After the bottle neck at the gymnasium doors I moved quicker in the foyer, meandering my way though the first clumps of graduates who had rushed out, grinning parents, and so many flashes from digital and film cameras that if I was a vet, I'd probably have hit the floor and shouted, Incoming!

At the big oak tree, I pulled out my Marlboros and lit one. A minute later a guy dressed in a much better suit than my sport coat walked up to me smiling.

"Hi, how are you today?" he asked.

"Fine. How 'bout you?"

"Great. It's a wonderful day. My son's graduation. You have a graduate in the group?"

"Yeah." That's all I said. I didn't want to tell the guy anything and was wondering what the hell he was doing talking to me. I took another drag from the cig.

"I guess you're unaware that the campus here is a smoke free zone."

"Really?"

"Yes, it is."

I held my cigarette down and watched my ring finger flicked the ash. I looked the guy in the eyes. "Thanks for telling me. Now, if anyone is wondering and asks me, I'll be able to tell them." I raised the Marlboro and took another drag. The asshole's jaw tightened for a moment, then he turned and picked a course through the little groups of happy people and disappeared.

There were three smoked down to the filter butts on the ground at the oak tree when Lana finally walked up, not wearing her academic gown. It was balled up in her arms with the mortarboard cap on top. She held it out towards me.

"Here, take this for me."

My jaw clenched for a second. I tossed the fourth butt on the ground and took the gown and cap from her. Some friend had picked her up when I was in the shower. I hadn't seen what she was wearing. It was a tight tank style minidress that only went to mid thigh. Not some spring pastel, it was black, as were her high, spiked heeled pumps. The style I hated that had a thin strap around the ankle. I thought they looked like hooker heels. She had a lot of dark eye shadow on and dark red lipstick, which to me always made her look even younger, like some grade school girl who got into her mother's makeup.

"So," I asked, "wanna head to the truck? I've got a couple things to do before we go to dinner, so we gotta go home first." I hadn't eaten any breakfast or lunch. I half wished we could go to dinner immediately. It would take at least forty-five minutes to get to the restaurant.

"Dinner?" She made a face.

"Yeah, remember? I'm taking you to that fancy Thai restaurant in the city. You like Thai. We talked about it on Wednesday and again last night."

"Oh, that? Oh... I forgot all about that. I'm going with Cindy to a party now, actually two parties, so like I'll be home really late." Her cell phone rang. She pulled it out of her little purse and answered it. "Yeah, in a minute. I'm telling him right now." She thumbed it off.

I was pissed about the dinner for a moment. I was actually hoping we might have a nice time. She was a hot little thing to gaze at if nothing else. "Look... can you delay the partying? Come back home for about an..." I looked at my cheap watch. It was 3:20PM. "For an hour or so, because..." I exhaled sharply. "Listen, it was supposed to be a surprise, your mom's going to try to call you around 4PM at the house so we can accept the charges. She wants to congratulate you, you know, graduating."

"Oh... gawd... I just talked to her last week. I'll talk to her next week, during the visiting hell. I'm not going home."

I got pissed again. "Look... delay the freakin' partying for a goddamn hour. Barb wants to congratulate you on graduating... she wants to talk to you today."

Lana made another face. "Who cares about all that congratulations shit. It's just high school. I'm going to that party. I don't know when I'll be home."

She abruptly turned and strode away. My blood boiled with anger as I watched her damn hot apple ass sway. She thumbed her cell and started talking. I turned and headed to the truck and then the house. On the way, I picked up a cold twelve pack of Busch. I finished one by the time I pulled into the driveway.

* * *

CHAPTER 3

I put my tool box in the truck. Nobody had wanted to get a beer. There weren't any single guys on the crew. Fridays they all wanted to get home and start their weekends. Wednesdays, "hump day," was better for getting someone to go for a drink. I tossed my soft wall cooler on the seat, then pulled the back forward and dropped my hard-hat behind the seat. I stood outside and looked at the house for a couple minutes. It was almost all framed in and sheathed. I liked it at the point it was, sheathed, but no wrapping on nor any of the windows or doors installed. I liked looking at the bare, simple, geometric shapes and forms.

I got into the truck and drove towards home. I stopped for one beer on the way, then a short stop at a liquor store for a fifth of Southern Comfort. We had worked a little later than usual to get a dozen more sheets of OSB on the roof to finish it off, so I didn't get to the house until roughly 6:30PM. I walked in through the mud room.

Lana was standing in the kitchen, her shitkickers on, another tight, black miniskirt, a bunch of stupid big jewelry around her neck laying on her purposely ripped black T shirt. That goddamn dangling chain was hanging from her eyebrow. Her arms were folded across her chest. She had black leather bands on her wrists, which reminded me of my studded leather handcuffs. I had used those on Barb quite a few times. She loved those kind of games.

Lana nearly shouted, "Where have you been?!"

It was five days since her Sunday graduation ceremony. She had stayed out all night after that. I left for work on Monday and she still hadn't returned home. Since then, we had hardly spoken a word to each other. We rarely ate any meals together, I usually ate at home, she usually went out in the evenings and either didn't eat or probably ate fast food. I set the bottle of Comfort on the counter, then opened the fridge and grabbed a cold beer. I popped it open. I took a few gulps then sat at the kitchen table and started unlacing my work boots.

"Where have you been?! I've been waiting for you!"

I pushed one boot off and started unlacing the other. "Gee... let's see, Friday... not quite the weekend, oh yeah... I was working, building a house. Did you know I'm a carpenter?"

"Yeah, it's Friday. I need my allowance. I need it right now. Cindy's coming over in a few minutes."

I looked at her. My brow pinched. "You need your what?"

"My allowance!"

"You graduated last Sunday."

"So?"

"You're out of high school. You don't get an allowance anymore. I told you that."

I bent down again and finished getting my boot off. I took another gulp of beer, then picked up my boots and set them in the laundry/mud room. I went back to the fridge and looked inside. I didn't feel like making a burger. I wasn't sure what I wanted to eat. I sat at the table, lit a Marlboro, then sipped my beer. I was surprised Lana hadn't said anything more. My surprise was premature.

"I want my allowance. I... I don't have a job yet. I need money to... to live."

I took a drag and looked at her. "You need money for fun and extravagances. Your basic living needs are taken care of. There's ground beef in the fridge, you have a roof over your head, your own private bedroom, a bed. Your living needs are taken care of. You're very lucky to have all this. A lot of people don't." My voice lowered and I did nothing to hide my irritation, "If you want other things, go out and get a job."

Her jaw clenched, her eyes glared, her nostrils flared. Her arms unfolded and went to her sides. Her hands balled into little fists. "You're an ass... did you know that? You're nothing but a big, fucking asshole!"

I knew I was lucky I hadn't opened the Comfort, because if I had a few shots of that, I would have grabbed the little bitch and slapped her hard across her face. Maybe she saw in my eyes that I was considering it, because she turned and stomped to the front door, opened it and slammed it closed. I heard a car pull into the driveway. I then heard Lana's voice.

"Let's fucking get out of here!"

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. It was the first time in my entire life I had ever thought about slapping a woman, at least in anger like that. Yeah, I was very glad I hadn't had any of that Comfort. I got up, pulled a glass from the cabinet, a few cubes from the freezer, opened the bottle and poured myself three fingers.

Two days later we were on our weekly drive to the state prison. We still weren't talking, which was fine with me. I admit my gut was a little knotted though, not due to the silence, but because I knew it was going to be one of the really crappy visits. Barb was probably still sad, or depressed, or had reached the angry stage now, regarding Lana not being home a week ago to take her call. She was probably also to the point of blaming me for it, for at least part of her daughter's disregard and self-centeredness. She'd need to blame someone other than herself and I'm the only one available.

In addition to that probability, I was 99.9% sure Lana was going to bitch non-stop about no longer getting an allowance. I knew she'd lie, say it was impossible to get a job, tell Barb she had filled out a hundred applications, say it was so hard to get a job because she didn't have a car, and on and on and on. After we had the damage repaired, we had sold Barb's car to help towards paying her fines and attorney's bill. I figured that had really made Lana angry. I was certain she had been thinking she'd get the car when Barb went to prison, but she hadn't shown any anger or disappointment about it, which had really surprised me.

Since March, I had talked with Barb a half dozen times about the allowance thing. I told her I wasn't going to budge on it. I told her that again a week ago when she called the house. I had a feeling she was going to try to get me to back off the decision when Lana would cry or get mad at the end of her hyperbolic, theatrical, emotional presentation to Barb about it. I knew the little bitch could work up tears whenever she thought it'd pay off for her. Although, Barb might be pissed off enough about that call a week ago and stick to her guns, well, stick to my guns actually. I would also point out that $30 a week for an allowance had been a hell of a lot of money for doing absolutely nothing around the house.

I'd also tell her that new home starts had slowed down again according to the news and what Jim had said the other day when I asked if we'd be working through the summer without any layoffs. He said he thought there'd probably be layoffs, which usually meant me. I'd be first to get an "unpaid vacation." Jim had said that once, told me to look at it as an unpaid vacation. What a fucking prick. I wasn't sure if I had the right employed quarters to qualify for unemployment benefits. I was usually laid off during the winter months if there weren't a lot of starts. Winter was usually for finish carpentry. Jim said he had no reservations about my finish skills, but had some about my starting on time skills. What a fucking prick.

It was a warm day. Lana had her bare feet planted against the dashboard again. She had that tight black miniskirt on again too. I wondered for a moment if she had a half dozen of those or just wore the same one when she wasn't wearing her tight black jeans. She still had too much makeup on, but not as "Gothy" as usual, which was another reason I thought she'd try to manipulate Barb during the visit. I was glad she didn't have anything dangling from her eyebrow ring. I had wondered a few times if she had her nipples pierced. I hadn't seen any rings on them poking against that nearly see-through camisole she wore in a couple of those pics on that internet page.

The visitation went the way I had anticipated. Barb started out being hurt and pissed about the phone call, but then Lana twisted the facts so much so that it was outright lying, saying she was sorry she missed the call but that I really hadn't explained it very well, and she had told me days, no, a week or more before graduation that she was going to a party right after the ceremony, that she now wished she would have been home and wished I had told her in a less confusing way so she had understood what the hell I was really saying. She then changed her story, saying I hadn't really told her there was going to be a call, that I had just said there'd be a "surprise" at 4PM at the house. She added that I had been drinking anyway, so she thought it was all just some stupid joke.

Barb was angry until that last lie from Lana. Barb looked at me at that point, even though I wasn't loaded when she finally called at 4:40PM. I only had a couple beers, maybe a shot of Comfort too, I can't recall, and anyway I had been completely sober at the gym.

Then Lana laid on the "I'm so sorry, Mom" crap, telling her how she knew how important it had been to Barb because it would have been so important to her too, talking to her mom on her graduation day. It really wasn't her fault though. She worked up the crocodile tears after that, even a couple sobs tossed in. They hugged for nearly two minutes, the guards letting it slide passed the 15 second time limit.
After the fake tears were wiped a few times, Lana started in on how she had tried and tried to get jobs, applied everywhere within walking distance and couldn't get anything, even at the fast food joints. She said that without her allowance it was going to be the summer from hell and what would she do in the fall? She'd never be able to do anything fun, or buy any clothes, or get little things that were really necessary. She'd never see any of her friends if she had no money. More faux tears started dropping from her eyelashes.

I stopped listening. A few minutes later I said was going outside to have a smoke. I had two cigs. When I got back to the visiting room, the crying had stopped. When I sat down at the table. Lana smiled at Barb and said she was going to get a drink of water since she didn't have any money for a snack.

Barb looked at me with intense eyes. "Give her some money for a soda and a snack."

My jaw clenched. I guess my eyes were intense too.

"Please, just a couple dollars."

My gut knotted again, but I pulled my wallet out and gave the little bitch two dollars.

Lana smiled at her mother. "Thanks, Mom." She gave me a smile too, a smug variation.

As soon as her hot, pouting apple ass swayed away, Barb started in on me.

"Maybe we shouldn't cut off her allowance. It is hard to get a job. I know. I've been through it all my life. I..."

The "we" really got me angry. I cut her off. "Barb, she's playing you, and you goddamn well know it. She's lying about everything. You know what really scares the hell out'a me?"

Her eyes teared a little. She knew I was telling the truth but she didn't want to believe me nor admit it. "What?"

"What if she walked in here, and told you I had a woman over, I was fucking some other woman, or... or even worse, what if she came in today and said I had assaulted her, raped her? She's your kid, not mine. You can believe her fucking bullshit all you want but I'm not going to fall for it. I'm being goddamn nice to your kid, I always have been, and all I get from her and all you get from her is that shit attitude. I'm not giving her an allowance this summer. I'm not doing that. I've told her and I'll tell you again, I'll pay for her food, the roof over her head, and I'm even going to pay for that community college in the fall. Without me, she'd be on her own right now. And what I said a moment ago? I do get scared she'll make up some damn bullshit about me, call the cops, tell you, whatever. I don't trust her."

"She wouldn't do that."

"Why not? She just lied through her teeth about last Sunday. I told her plainly you were going to call, that it would break your heart if she wasn't there to take the call. She was just an inconsiderate, self-absorbed, self-centered little bitch about it. I was going to take her out to dinner, a nice place, she told me to go to hell about that too. That was fine, but when she said screw your call, that really pissed me off."

"She... she's had a rough life. I... I haven't been... a... very good mother." Barb started crying. Her voice became high pitched and squeaky, "I made... m-made so many mistakes with her. So... s-so many other mistakes too."

"Yeah, and here I am dealing with one of your huge mistakes, you being in prison, but I'm not going to deal with eighteen years of your mistakes with Lana."

Barb's crying turned into sobbing and I instantly felt like a total asshole. I hated it when I lost my temper, sometimes it just happened, I wouldn't even be aware it was boiling up. It just exploded and took possession of me. She bowed her head. She looked so much older and so damn pathetic at that moment. Her hands went up to her face, her palms covering it as she shook with more sobs. I reached for her arm. As soon as my fingertips made contact with her skin, she quickly turned to the side.

She squeaked, "Don't... touch me." She released a couple more loud sobs.

I had just been cruel to her. I knew she thought, and to a degree I also thought, that she was in prison because I had been so wasted that night. I knew with a couple less shots in me, and a couple more in her that night, I might be sitting in her chair and she in mine. I seriously doubted she'd be visiting me at this point though. I reached for her again, stroked her arm. She didn't pull away. "I'm sorry, Barb. I didn't mean to say that. I don't think that."

"Yes, you do."

"I shouldn't have said it if I do or not. Both of us have made big mistakes in our lives. At least you're getting dry in here. I'm trying but... hell, I'm off the wagon again. On-off, on-off. Listen, things will work out. Don't worry about it. Really, please don't worry."

"Are..." She wiped her eyes and nose with a paper napkin. "Are you going to give her an allowance?"

My jaw tightened for a moment. "No. I'm sorry if that bothers you, but no, I'm not. Barb, I'm broke, we're broke. When I was a kid, from the time I was fifteen, I always had a summer job, right through college. She hasn't applied for any jobs. I'm not giving her money to blow. If she doesn't want to work at least part-time for spending money, she can just stay at home and watch TV or surf the internet. I don't tell her not to have her friends over. She can do that."

"She's ashamed of the house."

"Hell... it's better place than my parents' house."

I didn't want to breech that subject. I was thinking of getting a smaller place, maybe an apartment. The house wasn't the greatest nor the worst in a fairly shitty part of town, but I thought the rent was high for what we got for it. The problem was we had just signed a new three year lease a couple months before the accident. I knew I'd probably lose the security deposit if we moved. Plus I really didn't feel like apartment hunting.

I exhaled. "Look... when she starts community college in the fall, I'll... you and I will talk about the allowance thing again, but if you mention one word about it to her, I won't ever give her an allowance, and I'm not saying I will in the fall, just that you and I will talk about it again."

She blinked a few times. "Are you sure you won't at least give her..."

I interrupted quickly, "Barb, I'm not giving her spending money. I told her months ago she'd not be getting an allowance after she graduated, and she'd need a job this summer. I told you months ago the same things. In fact it was last fall we talked to her about getting a job."

Barb blew her nose. "All right." She took another napkin and wiped her eyes. "She didn't say, did she like the sun dress? Was I right about the size?"

I didn't want to tell her. Barb had told me to put a gift receipt in the box in case it didn't fit. I thought it was an incredibly stupid gift. I had never seen Lana wear anything close to it, but Barb said that she'd be graduated and would hopefully change her style, start acting more like an adult. I knew that was a wishful prison fantasy. I had given it to Lana on Monday evening. She had ripped open the envelope not to read the card but to see if there was any cash in it, then ripped open the gift wrapped box, frowned, and then in a snotty tone asked me if I had kept the receipt.

I told her it was in the box under the tissue paper. She tossed the dress on the couch, and got the receipt. She said it didn't say how much it cost on it. I told her it was a gift receipt. She asked how much she'd get when she returned it. I just told her she'd have to wait to find out. I was really angry about it all. She glared at me, grabbed the dress, then the box and went to her room. The wrapping paper was still in the living room, on the floor.

On my way home from the graduation ceremony, I had decided not to give Lana the three gift wrapped novels I had gotten her. Barb had been right, Lana would have thought they were a ridiculous gift. They were still sitting on the shelf in the bedroom closet.

"I guess it didn't fit. She said she was going to returned it."

"Did they have her correct size, or did she get something else?"

"I don't know. I guess you could ask her."

Lana walked up. She had a bag of tortilla chips and a soda She sat down. She didn't offer any chips to her mother or me. "So... did you two have some time to talk?"

Barb sighed. "You... you should try harder to find some summer job, honey. Maybe..."

Lana broke in, "I told you, no place is hiring!"

An expression of defeat, maybe despair washed across Barb's face and for a few moments she looked ten years older again.

Barb's voice was soft, "Just keep trying, honey."

"I can't. I don't have a car. I can't get around town to even apply for jobs."

I spoke, "There's the county bus line. One stops six blocks from the house that goes to the big mall. I'll buy you a ten pack of tokens."

"I don't wanna ride the bus. Only dweebs and old people ride that bus."

Barb continued the soft toned voice, "Honey, you should take the tokens. We're... trying to be helpful."

Lana's jaw clenched as she glared at her mother. Her mouth opened and then she rethought whatever she was about to say. She slumped lower in the plastic chair, her arms folded over her chest as she looked towards the barred and cyclone fence covered windows of the cafeteria.

When the visitation period was over, and Barb hugged her daughter, Lana's body was limp in the hug. She just said "Bye" to her mother without even looking at her. I kissed Barb who was on the verge of tears again. I hugged her and told her not to worry, things would work out.

Of course I didn't believe that. During the last part of the visit I was again silently cursing myself for ever signing the damn guardian papers. I figured I'd probably be paying for a divorce lawyer soon. Maybe not. That would take a some initiative, energy, some actual caring, and I used all my energy and any "giving a damn" I could muster to keep my job, in other words, to stay sober on my job. I was going with the flow, or maybe I really didn't want a divorce. Sometimes Barb and I did have a good time together. Sometimes even when we had been sober. And, although no one could tell with her in the prison jumpsuit, she had a very hot bod. Maybe I'd just think about it.

Near the half way point of the drive back, I was hungry, with a taste for greasy spoon food. I remembered a truckstop, about fifty minutes from the house, somewhat seedy but right off the interstate, easy off, easy on. I didn't want to stop for fast food which Lana might have enjoyed. I had gone there a handful of times a couple years ago when I was working on a job out this way, mostly for breakfast, but for dinner twice when we worked overtime. It was about twenty miles ahead.

I took a slow breath. "You hungry?" I glanced her slender legs. My balls were turning blue again. Lana waited almost a minute to reply.

"Yeah, but I don't have any money."

I actually smiled, well, a half smile. "Don't worry. My treat."

She didn't say anything more and neither did I until I turned into the semi-trailer crowded parking lot.

Her face scrinched up. "We're stopping here? Why not like a Burger King or something? Didn't you see that one just down the road?"

"Home cooking here." I smiled again. Sometimes I just had a craving for greasy spoon food. Breakfasts were always the best, but anytime was all right when the urge hit.

I wasn't able to park very close to the entrance. We got out of my pickup and headed to the doors. A woman, maybe thirty, looking the worse for wear, dressed nearly exactly like Lana, miniskirt and tank top, sans the shitkickers, was smoking a cigarette standing at the corner of the building out of sight from the windows. As we made our way to the doors, she looked at Lana for a few moments, then at me.

She smiled. "Hey, honey, how are you today?"

I nodded and smiled. "Fine. You havin' a good day?"

"Could be better." Her smile stayed in place as her eyes somewhat glared at Lana.

"Well, hope you have a better one."

As we approached the doors, Lana asked, "Do you know that woman?"

I grinned. "No, never saw her before."

Lana noticed the sign in the window--

WAITRESSES WANTED

FREE ROOM/BOARD INCLUDED

"Maybe I should just apply for a job here. I wouldn't even have to live with you."

I laughed when I opened the door. For the hell of it, I held it for her. I checked out her seductive ass. I guess that's why I held the door.

The "trucker only" seating area was packed with rough looking or fat guys. The non-trucker area didn't have many patrons, and those sitting at the booths and tables I assumed were truckers too, probably guys who just wanted things a little quieter. The place hadn't changed at all since my last visit. We took a booth. Most of the waitresses in the 'trucker only' area were either wearing hot pants or miniskirts. The rest of the waitresses were wearing black pants and T shirts. They looked older than the others even if they weren't. There was one in hot pants working the non-trucker area too. We waited five minutes before a sad looking middle-aged woman came to our table. She gave us laminated menus and glasses of water.

"You two want coffee?"

"Nah, I'll have a beer though. A bottle, Busch I guess."

She looked at Lana, "What about you, hon?"

"I'll... have a beer too."

"I need to see some ID."

Lana exhaled. "A diet Coke."

"Okay. I'll give you two a few minutes and get your drinks." She walked away.

Lana started reading her menu. "None of this sounds good."

"The cheeseburger isn't bad." I heard her release a huff of air.

The woman came back with our drinks. "Ready?"

"I am." I looked at Lana. "You?"

She exhaled again and frowned. "I'll have the cheeseburger basket."

"Everything on the burger?"

"No onion."

"Cheeseburger basket, no onion." She quickly wrote a notation on her pad, then looked at me. "What can I get you, hon?"

"I'll have the Greek chicken."

The sad waitress made another fast scribble. "All right." She took our menus, turned and walked away.

Lana said, "The service is terrible here. How come that area over there is so crowded? Why are all the waitresses over there?"

"It's a truck stop. That's the trucker area. They get priority."

"That's stupid."

"It's the main portion of their business here. They cater to them because truckers want to eat and get back on the road quick, time is money sort of thing."

"None of those guys seem to be in a hurry."

I smiled and sipped my beer.

"I wonder what the tips are like here. Maybe I really should apply for a job here."

I chuckled again. "I don't think that'd be wise."

"Why? I bet I'd get really good tips."

I thought she'd probably make a lot of cash, at least at the start, with good tips. Facade and manipulation. Those things were second nature to her. I thought she might actually get into the work too. "You wanna live in a truckstop? Out here surrounded by corn fields."

She glared at me and then sipped her soda. She looked towards the windows.

"I have to hit the mens room."

I stood up and walked to the hallway at the rear of the dining area. A guy and a chick in a miniskirt were coming into the hall from the exit door at the far end. He had his arm around her shoulders. She was smiling at him with dead eyes. I guessed she was probably in her mid to low thirties, trying her best to look twenty, but had the lines around her eyes and mouth of a forty year old.

I went into the john. The place could have use a little mopping. I pissed, washed my hands and started back to the table. My gut tensed when I saw our booth. A guy much larger than me was sitting next to Lana, slightly turned towards her, his arm lying along the top of the bench seat back behind her head. I walked up. She had an expression of terror on her face.

"Come on, baby, out to my truck, we don't need a room. Why spend the extra cash? I'll sweeten your tip. I got a nice, wide bed behind the cab. I ain't gonna bite you."

"Hey... asshole. She's with me." I growled at the guy but my gut was still tensed. I was in good shape, all the construction work, and once in a while I worked out with iron in the basement, but the asshole was at least six-two and had a good seventy pounds on me. I had no idea why I thought rough talk was the way to get him away from Lana. Did I want to get into a fight with the guy? Was I that stupid? Yeah, I had been, on more than a few occasions. "Go find someone else to say hello to."

"She didn't say she was with any little prick."

I decided I didn't want to get into a fight. I quickly rethought my strategy, and verbally backed off. "Look, buddy, she's with me. Okay?"

"Why didn't you say it like that in the first place instead of the asshole shit, asshole."

"C'mon, man, leave her alone. She doesn't even work here."

"Huh?"

"She doesn't work here."

He looked at Lana. "Don't you work here?"

She still looked terrified. Her voice was squeaky, "No."

The guy's brow crinkled as he gazed at her for a few seconds, then looked at me and started getting up. "Shit... sorry, man, like really, but... she was sittin' alone and... you know the skirt."

"Yeah... yeah." I sat down. "Forget it."

The guy walked away.

Lana's terrified expression remained. "Why... why did he come over like that?"

"He thought you worked here. It's a... a full service truckstop."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That long building in back, the motel in back of this building?"

"Yeah?"

"This is a greasy spoon restaurant with a brothel out back.

Her face scrinched up. "A what?"

"A cathouse, a... a whorehouse. Some of the waitresses are prosties... prostitutes." I saw her face turn even paler under the coat of makeup.

"He... he thought I was a whore?"

I smiled. "I guess."

The waitress came up with our food. "Can I get you another beer?"

"Nah... I'm fine."

"Want your check now?"

"Yeah, I guess."

She ripped it off her little tablet. "You want something else, just wave me over and I'll add it on."

"Okay. Thanks."

"Sure, hon. Have a nice day." She glanced at Lana.

I said, "Yeah, you too."

I cut a piece of chicken and ate it. It wasn't bad. When I was a teenager, I really didn't like garlic. I do now for some reason. There was a minute or two of silence at the table before Lana spoke again.

"Is... is she one?"

"Who and what?" I kept a straight face.

"Our waitress, is she... is she a prostitute?"

I smiled. "I don't think so." She hadn't yet touched her cheeseburger. She looked around, then at the truckers only area. "Which... which ones are?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do." Her eyes grew larger. Her eyes grew larger. "Have... have you come here for... for sex?"

"No. I've never paid for it. And... I don't wanna get any STDs."

"You never went to a prostitute?"

"No. Believe it or not, there were chicks who found me attractive before Barb did."

She looked over at the truckers again. "Which.... which are prostitutes? Tell me."

"You see the ones in hot pants and miniskirts, dressed like you are?"

"Yeah."

"My guess is those girls." She didn't realize I was telling her she dressed like a cheap whore.

"Most of those aren't girls."

"I bet a couple are but are probably strung out."

"You mean drug addicts?"

"Possibly. I'm sure they're not getting rich, saving any money. Might just be strung out on life."

"How... how much do they charge?"

"I don't know, maybe... twenty bucks for a blowjob, maybe... fifty for a half 'n' half."
"What's a half and half?"

I ate some of the coleslaw. I swallowed. "Half suck, half fuck." I figured it was all right to speak frankly. I was sure she had heard all the words and probably performed the acts too.

"Oh." She stared at the trucker area for a minute. "That guy thought I was one."

I chuckled. It sounded more like she was speaking to herself, but I responded anyway. "Well... you're a hot lookin' chick when you don't slather on the makeup, and you're wearing the uniform." I instantly regretted the 'hot looking chick' comment. I quickly shoved another piece of chicken into my mouth.

She turned her face towards me. Her eyes seemed a little wider than usual. Her teeth clamped her lower lip for a few seconds. "You think I'm hot? I... I thought you thought I was ugly."

"I never said you were ugly." I ate a few fries.

I relaxed a little when her eyes went back to normal and she added ketchup to her burger then took a bite. A couple minutes of silence ensued. She broke it again.

"So... like you're sure it's fifty dollars for a... a... half 'n' half?"

"I'm guessing." I then made another verbal mistake. "Want me to ask?"

She stared at me for a few moments. "Yeah, ask."

"I was kidding." When I blurted it, I hadn't been.

"Ask... c'mon. I... I'm just curious."

I had to admit to myself that I was now curious too. I had been before when I used to come to the joint. "Maybe I will on the way out."

She frowned at me, then took another bite of her burger. We finished eating fifteen minutes later. Lana only ate half her burger, a few of the limp greasy fries, and didn't touch the paper cup of coleslaw. I ate some of her fries and a forkful of the coleslaw. I left an adequate tip, picked up the check and said, "Ready?"

"Yeah."

At the cash register, we had to wait for someone to come over. I pulled out my wallet and got the money ready.

Lana stepped closer and whispered, "Ask, c'mon, ask."

I let out a huff of air in lieu of a laugh.

"C'mon, just ask. I'm... I'm just curious."

I was too again. Our waitress finally came up to the register.

"Was everything okay?"

"Yeah, it was fine." I started to hand her the cash, then stopped. I took out two more singles. "I left a tip on the table, but maybe it was a little light." I added the couple bucks to what was in my hand. "I was... thinking of having a party, is there anyone who works here I... I could invite?"

The woman glanced at Lana, then at me, then at Lana again, before she looked at the trucker only area.

"Not right now, but... maybe in a few minutes." She looked at Lana once more then glared at me.

"Ahh... on second thought, I don't think I'm going to throw the party." I handed her the cash. "Keep the change. Have a good one."

"Yeah, you too, hon." Her eyes went to Lana one last time.

I held the door for Lana again just to get another gawk at her ass. We stepped outside.

There was an edge to her voice. "Why didn't you ask?"

"There wasn't anyone to ask."

"Wouldn't she know?"

"Maybe, but I don't think she's involved in that part of the business."

"You should have asked her."

My jaw clenched again. I saw the earlier woman still at the corner of the building.

As we approached she said, "Hi again, honey." The woman glanced at Lana.

I thought she might have been good looking at one time. "Havin' a better day?"

"Not yet. Are you... are you lookin' to have a better day?"

I slowed. "What did'ja have in mind."

She glanced at Lana again. I thought the woman's eyes looked dead like the hooker's in the hallway.

She flicked her hair. "Are you a cop?"

"No. I was wondering the same about you. Are you a police officer?"

She smiled. "No, I'm not a cop, honey, just a girl looking for some fun. You wanna have some fun?"

"How much does fun cost nowadays?"

"For the three of us?"

I grinned wondering what expression was popping onto Lana's face. "No, just you and me."

"For sixty you can have my company for an hour, and we can have any kind of fun you want. But... you have to wear a condom. Just so you know that."

"Anything?" I doubted I'd have to wear a rubber, but I damn well would if I was going to fuck her. I wasn't a total idiot. Something had to be wrong. Sixty seemed way too low for 'anything.' She had to be totally broke and in some sort of jam.

"Uh-huh."

I decided to push it. "I'm... well, I'm out'a work right now, can you manage a discount, how 'bout... forty?"

Her jaw tightened for a moment, then the fake smile came back. "For you, honey, yeah... sure."

"I have to get the girl home. You gonna be around later?"

She frowned. "Yeah."

I felt bad about what in essence was teasing her, and I guess I was still feeling bad about being mean to Barb. Out of guilt or pity, I'm not sure which, I pulled out my wallet. I was getting short of cash, but drew out a fiver and gave it to her. "Take a break, have a cup of coffee." She had to have hit the skids, maybe a druggie with a jones on right now. Forty bucks seemed incredibly cheap for an hour of 'anything.' I didn't see any tracks on her arms, but she might be shooting between her toes or god knew where. Maybe a crackhead. Her skin didn't look that bad so I didn't think she was using crank. Maybe she was just waiting for a trucker to trade for travel to get anywhere else in a hurry. Maybe escaping from her pimp?

The five bucks neutralized her frown but didn't make her smile. She took the bill. "Thanks, honey."

"Take care."

"Yeah, you too."

We walked to the truck. I opened my door first this time, got in, leaned to the passenger door and unlocked it. Lana climbed in and I started the engine. I headed for the interstate ramp.

As we got on the highway Lana spoke, "So... so she charges sixty dollars for a... a half and half."

"No, she charges forty bucks for an hour of anything a guy wants to do."

"You mean like... like anal too."

I guess I wasn't surprised that she knew about anal. I figured all teenagers nowadays knew about anal. The internet had everything on it. "Yeah, maybe more than that."

"Like... what else is there?"

"B and D, spanking, all sorts of stuff." I didn't really think it included any of that. The chick had meant suck, fuck, and butt.

Lana looked out the door window for five minutes, then she took off her boots and stuck her feet on the dash, her usual pose. I just had to look whenever I had a chance to get a furtive peek. I had a hard-on in the booth in the restaurant, imagining fucking her if she was a prosti. My cock was fully erect again, thinking about doing her ass now, slow at first, then rougher when she got used to it. Barb loved it pretty hard after her asshole got accustomed to my girth. I also had a taste for her little bitch's cunt, for both my tongue and my prick. We barely said a word the rest of the drive to the house.

* * *

CHAPTER 4

Tuesday, after I made burritos, I was shocked when Lana ate with me in the living room as I watched the news on PBS. When she was home, she usually ate in her room. She didn't even bitch about the news being on, although near the end of it she did mutter something.

"I wish we still had cable."

I wasn't sure if she was thinking aloud or talking to me, but I mumbled back, "I wish it was free."

I expected some snotty retort but none came. I started wondering if something was up with her. I thought that even more when she stood up with her tray and said she was going to do a load of laundry. That surprised me. I mean I knew she meant only her clothes, but I couldn't remember her ever using the washer and dryer in my presence. I knew she washed her clothes because the detergent bottle would be moved or I'd find a softener sheet left in the dryer. I never used those. I thought maybe she was trying to make a point that since she didn't have spending money, she had nothing to do at night.

She put her dishes in the sink and then went to her room. A few minutes later I heard her go to the mud room, then a few minutes after that I heard the washer kick in. She went back to her bedroom and I did some channel surfing, then got up to put my dish in the sink and get another beer. I went back to the living room, propped a couple throw pillows at the armrest so I could half sit up to sip my beer as I stretched out on the couch. Not much but reruns on TV. I wasn't really paying attention. I heard Lana go back and forth few times from her room to the mud room.

I dozed off for not much more than a half hour. It was still light outside when I woke up. I heard Lana talking where the armchair recliner was. I twisted my neck to look. She was on the phone, sitting sideways in the chair, her back against one armrest of the chair her legs draped over the other one. I blinked. All she had on was a white, mens, tank undershirt, the kind that was made of very thin, ribbed cotton material. It only reached to her mid thigh. At the moment though, in her pose, the hem was nearly up to her hips. Her hair was damp. She must have taken a shower. She also wasn't wearing much makeup, maybe none at all.

She giggled. "Get out. Did he really say that to you?"

She glanced over and met my eyes for a few moments, then her eyes swiveled away. "Get out." She giggled again. "So... what did he say she said? I bet that was good." She blinked. "Uh-huh."

She grinned, then slowly raised her torso straight as her ass swiveled on the seat cushion. Her smooth slender legs slid off the arm and her feet went to the floor. I couldn't look away. Her feet were a shoulders' width apart and angled pigeon toed, but her knees were together. A cute and sexy pose. It made her look fourteen. She leaned forward and then back again. She laughed, scrunched down in the chair as her knees parted and wagged a few inches back and forth. The slouch had raised her tank shirt. Whenever her knees parted I'd get a peek at her tiny black panties, maybe a thong. It just covered her muff. I couldn't turn my face for another minute. When I finally did, I had a throbbing erection. I felt for my beer on the floor and took a long drink. I heard her voice closer. I glanced to the side. She was standing a couple feet from me. Our eyes met.

She covered the microphone on the cordless. "I'm checking the dryer. Want another beer?"

"Huh? I-I... uh... no, not right now." Her eyes stayed locked with mine for a moment, she glanced at my crotch, then she turned and started towards the kitchen.

"So... what did you end up telling him about that?"

I wanted to turn and check out her ass but I didn't. Then the shock hit me. She had offered to get me a beer. It was something nice, minimally nice, but still nice. It was the first nice gesture she had ever done.

My jaw clenched. I had to watch it. She was running some manipulating con on me. She wanted her allowance. Maybe she thought little gestures would get it for her. I looked at the floor. The wrapping paper was still there, it had moved a few feet the past week but it was still there. She hadn't washed dishes or cleaned anything in the house. She couldn't be that stupid, to think fetching me a beer was going to make me start handing her $30 a week.

I closed my eyes and took a slow breath. I wasn't going to spin my mental wheels about it. The image of her knees wagging and her panty covered pussy popped into my mind. I felt like grabbing my cock and giving it a squeeze. She didn't have a boyfriend as far as I knew, but if she hooked up at parties or whatever, the guy was a lucky son-of-a-bitch. I flinched, more like jerked in my lying position at the two cold, moist taps at my shoulder. I turned my head. Lana had the phone to her ear. Her arm was extended towards me. Her hand held an unopened can of beer.

"I... I didn't want that." I cleared my throat. I could just make out the darker pinkish color of her nipples on her firm, small breasts beneath the nearly sheer cotton fabric. She dipped the phone away from her mouth.

"Oh... thought you said you wanted one." She started to pull her arm back.

"Well... now I do. Uhh... thanks." I sat straighter and reached towards her hand. She gave it to me. The phone moved back to her mouth.

She spoke into the cordless, "Like why else would she have done that?"

I popped open the new beer and then instantly remembered there was an open one on the floor. I wanted to twist around to take a good look at her ass, but again I didn't. I tried to recall if she had ever worn that mens tank. She had walked around the house with a long T on before, but not a nearly see through tank shirt.

She was in her room or shuffling clothes to her room for the next hour talking on the phone the whole time. I finished off the two beers. Lana came out of her room and walked up behind the couch. It was almost as if I could feel her body heat.

"What'cha watchin'?"

"I... I don't really know. Put on whatever you want. I'm goin' ta bed soon." I raised the remote in my hand, glancing up. I was sure she had been looking at the bulge in my crotch.

"Mmm... okay." Lana took the remote. She walked around the couch, one hand grabbed the big floor pillow and dragged it in front of the TV. She lay down on her stomach, her chest and elbows on the large pillow.

The tank shirt was up to her hips. I could see part of her bare ass, and when she moved her slender legs apart, I got a peek of the small black patch of cotton fabric covering her eighteen year old cunt. My cock was definitely throbbing.

"There's not much worth watching, is there?"

"Huh?" All I was watching was her apple ass and slender legs, and the porn vid going on in my head-- my tongue, hands, cock all over her, violating every nook, cranny, crevice, and orifice of her young, nubile body.

Lana wagged her heels and her legs separated an inch or two more. "There's just crap on tonight."

"Yeah. Reruns." I heard her sigh.

She twisted and held up the remote, her left hip turned upward from the floor, accentuating the pouting curve of her hot apple ass. "Want the remote back?"

"No. You keep it. I'm... I'm gonna head to bed soon anyway."

"Wanna stay up and watch Leno or Letterman?"

Her asking me to watch TV with her was another first. I never stayed up that late on a work night. She was playing me. "Nah... job tomorrow." I was tempted to ask her about job applications but didn't. I was having a difficult time thinking straight.

"Oh... yeah." She turned around again, her bottom pouted more for a few moments as she got more comfortable on the pillow. Her smooth legs separated a little more. Without thinking I gave my aching, throbbing cock a squeeze, then realized what I was doing and yanked my hand away. I kept staring at her legs and ass and that little black piece of cotton showing at her pussy. It was a thong. I could make out the waistband under the tank shirt disappearing into the deep cleft between her pronounced buns.

I couldn't pull my eyes away. I thought about dragging my tongue from the back of her ankle up her smooth, slender calve, slowly, in a zigzag pattern, to the back of her knee, then higher up the back of her thigh to the luscious pouting cheeks of her ass. My hands would push her shirt to her waist, then my face would slowly smear over her seductive buns. She'd be fresh from her shower, and I found myself thinking how my hands would grip her buns, spread them, and how my tongue would push between and lave circles on and around her clean, torrid, squinting, little asshole.

After a few minutes, I'd turn her over, lick her teenage cunt, fuck it with my tongue, suck her labs into my mouth, and then rub my tongue on her clit until she was screaming with orgasmic delight. Then I'd push my throbbing, sex deprived cock into that juicy cunt and fuck her, fuck her good, fuck her slow at first, then fuck her rough, take out all my months of sexual frustration on that tight, slippery twat.

Maybe I'd rip that tissue paper tank shirt off her, get to her firm young tits, suck her nipples, smear my face over those small, pliant mounds, maybe give them a few nipping bites, then ravage that little mouth of hers with my tongue, all the while thrusting my stiff, throbbing muscle into her.

Lana's heels started wagging again. The movement brought me out of my slightly inebriated reverie. I told myself to get a grip. My brain was reeling and I was still half thinking with my dick. I tried to tell myself this was just another con job, she wasn't teasing me because she was horny. She looked horny though, and she was definitely goddamn teasing me. I shouldn't have had the beers. I kept seeing and nearly feeling my cock thrusting into her cunt, her tight, warm, slippery, squeezing, bitchy, little cunt.

I sat up quickly and rubbed my face with both hands. What the hell was wrong with me?! She was Barb's daughter! She was playing some manipulative game, some con on me, some bullshit to get what she wanted, whatever the hell it was! I was so crazed with the images flashing through my mind that I forgot about her allowance. I really wanted to fuck the little bitch, wanted to fuck her until we were both exhausted and gasping for air.

"You okay?"

I yanked my hands away from my face. Lana was staring at my crotch. She was in that half twisted provocative pose again. She had a small smug smile on her mouth. I exhaled. I didn't give a damn if she saw the bulge. "I'm fine. I'm..." I stood up. "I'm goin' ta bed. Goodnight." I turned and headed to the hallway.

I could hear the smug smile in her voice. "Nighty-nite. Sweet dreams."

I started thinking it had been eight months since I had a fuck and that one had been pretty lousy. Barb wasn't into it much at all. I guess I hadn't been either. It was the night before she was incarcerated.

I was incredibly horny. I needed to get a fuck.

* * *

CHAPTER 5

Lana continued the little evening tease performances the next few days. I'd get hard and think about screwing her every conceivable way, or think about tonguing her cunt and anus, and how I'd hold her head and fuck her mouth, or how much I'd enjoy spanking that hot, slutty apple ass she was flaunting at me.

For some reason, on Friday I had a little shouting match with Jim at the job site after lunch. The prick threatened to fire me so I had to shut up. After that I knew I needed to tie one on when I got home. I was hoping I'd have a respite from Lana driving me crazy. I figured she'd go out on a Friday night, allowance or not. I was really hoping she would.

When I arrived home, she was there. I asked her if she had a fight with her best friend. She said no, that all her friends were going to a movie, and she didn't have any money. She didn't say it in a nasty way, which surprised me.

As she had the three previous evenings, she took a shower around 7:30PM, then came into the living room at about 8PM, wearing a mens tank undershirt that went down to almost her mid thigh. I could just make out the pink circles of her aureoles, her small, firm, slightly pointed breasts didn't sway or jiggle much as she leaned down and dragged the floor pillow over between me and the TV screen. She planted herself down on it, her chest on the pillow, her back dipping, sloping in a sleek curve down to the upslope curves of her seductive apple ass, her naked, slender, smooth legs separated slightly, her petite feet angled pigeon toed, periodically her heels slowly wagged side to side.

My cock was already bulging the crotch of the clean jeans I had put on following my after work shower. By the time Lana settled on the floor, it was fully erect and throbbing. I knew within an hour my balls would be painfully blue again. I hadn't beat off all week, like it was some freakin' game I had to win against Lana's teasing.
I already had a couple beers and I needed something stronger to get through the evening, hopefully it'd make me doze off. That had been the plan, get loaded, swear to and at myself about the shitty day, especially the argument with Jim, get sleepy and fall asleep on the couch. Her staying home was fucking that up which made my day even worse. I finished the beer I had, rose from the couch and started towards the kitchen.

"Where ya going?" Lana asked.

I stopped and turned around. She had rolled onto her side, her legs shifted, one partially folded, her forearm and hand holding her head up. The pose accentuated every curve of her slender body. "Kitchen. Why?"

"Are you getting something to drink?"

I exhaled. "Yeah." She was blatantly prick teasing me, not only with her pose but she kept glancing at my bulge. I watched her eyes go there again and the tip of her tongue slowly travel on her upper lip from one corner of her mouth to the other, then back again. She had obviously seen too many lousy movies. Her eyes met mine once more.

"Since like I'm jus' gonna stay here tonight, I was wondering if like I could like have a beer too, jus' one."

"I'm not getting a beer."

"What are you getting?"

"Bourbon rocks."

"Could I have one of those?"

My brain told me to tell her no, my dick said what the hell, give the little bitch a drink maybe she'd put on a better 'floor show' tonight. Bad days always put me in a 'don't give a damn mode.'

Her left eyebrow rose on her forehead and her mouth curved in a half smile. "It'll be our little secret."

My cock lurched all by itself at the mention of a secret. "Jus'... jus' one... with water."

"Mmmm... okay." Her mouth formed a full but light smile. "Want me to help?"

"Yeah... sure." I don't know why I said that.

As she moved to stand, her shirt came up and I got a shot of the white cotton covering her snatch. It had to be a thong because I hadn't notice any panty lines under her thin tank shirt covering her hot bottom.

When we got to the kitchen she really didn't help, just waited, leaning forward against the counter while I put ice in the glasses, then she moved next to me, pressing her little, skinny body right up against mine as I poured the whiskey in my glass first. When I moved the bottle over to her glass, her arm went around my back, she turned slightly into me pushing one of her little tits into my arm, and for some reason I froze for a couple moments before I started pouring. It felt like my cock was about to explode from the extra blood pumping into it. As the amber liquid start flowing into her glass, her hand moved off my waist and she pushed my elbow up, making me pour more into her glass and spill some on the counter. I quickly lowered the bottle. "Goddammit! You made me spill it!"

Lana, giggling, grabbed her now substantial drink and said, "I'll put the water in."

It pissed me off that she made me waste at least a shot of booze, but my mind hadn't been on what I was doing anyway. I added a bit more to my glass and screwed the top back on the bottle. I stiffened for a moment when she passed behind me and her hand dragged along my lower back near my ass. I turned to say something to her, but my eyes went to her bubble butt and my brain went blank again except for the vision of my cock pushing between those firm, pronounced buns. I told myself to get a grip. She was just pulling a con job on me, a fucking practical joke. Haha! We'll get him horny all the time until he gives me my fucking allowance! I wasn't ever going to give the little bitch a fucking allowance! I didn't care if my fucking prick did explode from pressure!

"C'mon, wha's keeping you?!"

I took a gulp from my drink and again told myself to relax. It was just a silly and stupid teenager teasing me. What was the big deal? She was just getting some payback for what she viewed as me being a tyrant, or asshole, or mean son-of-a-bitch. Who cared? And I'd beat off good tonight. I liked her little fuckin' body. I was getting a little show for free. Of course I wanted the full monty, but what the hell, beggars can't be choosers. I took another sip and made my way back to the couch.

I sat down. Lana was sitting on the pillow, not fully on it, just her ass and thighs. She was facing the couch. Her slender legs were in a loose pretzel configuration, her feet and calves on the floor. Her tank shirt was stretched across her thighs. I had an unimpeded view of her little white panties covering her twat. She took a drink and I glanced up from her cunt. Her eyes were definitely on the throbbing lump in my lap. I took a drink too. She moved, knee walking over to the end table.

"Mind if I surf and look for a movie or something?"

"Nah... go ahead." She got the remote, knee walking back to the pillow, stopping at the midpoint to sip her drink, then finishing the trip. She set her glass on the floor and went down on all fours. She moved the pillow a few inches, her ass pouting right at me. She lowered her torso towards the pillow, accentuating her apple ass even more, then slid her legs back and straight, slowly lowering her hips to the floor. Her chest was propped up over the pillow, held up by her elbows. It curved her back and made her ass look even more pronounced. She started slowly channel surfing. My eyes weren't on the TV. My cock was throbbing, my gut was tensed, my mouth was salivating.

"Oh... that Terminator show is on. I don't think I saw this one. I guess they're showing the reruns during summer. Wanna watch it?"

I only vaguely heard her. I was watching the porn vid in my mind, starring me and the little bitch.

Lana twisted onto her side. "Wanna watch this?"

I drew my eyes away from her ass. That smug smile was on her mouth again. "Huh?"

"'Terminator,' the TV show. Wanna watch it?"

"Uh... yeah, whatever. Put on whatever you wanna." I took a good pull from my bourbon rocks.

"'kay." She turned and took a long drink from her glass. She set it down and did a little hip grinding to get comfy on the pillow. "You think she's hot?"

"Huh?" I finally looked at the TV. "What?"

"That Asian-Am... maybe Amer-Asian chick. You think she's hot?"

"Uh... I don't know... yeah... yeah, I guess."

"I don't think her bod's all that hot, her legs look too thick to me, but she comes across as really hot. I guess that's wha' counts." She raised her glass again and took another sip.

My eyes went back to her ass. Over the next forty minutes the show got better, some twists, some stretches, some back and forth of her legs. We both were bending our elbows pretty fast too. Her big drink was nearly finished, so was mine.

Lana picked up the remote and lowered the volume to barely audible. She turned onto her side, her top leg folded a little, as before it accentuated every curve she had. I finally looked at her face.

That smug smile was back on her mouth. "I bet you're jus' as horny as Barb, maybe more 'cause you're a guy."

I knew I wasn't thinking very clearly, or more accurately, I was doing most of my thinking with my dick. She knew she was driving me nuts. I was getting sick of her freakin' game. I wasn't going to admit how damn horny I was! "Go... go an'... an' put some goddamn clothes on, some... some shorts, or somethin'." I took another gulp from my glass. It was almost empty.

"You know, I could help you with that."

"Help me with what?" I was at least partly in the bag and with my dick doing most of my thinking, I couldn't take my eyes off her hot body. I don't think I ever wanted to fuck any chick more than I did her at that moment. I had no idea what she was talking about.

She giggled softly. "You know, with being horny. I... I could help you not be horny, you know, like... for a price."

"Huh?" I wasn't really sure what she had just said. It couldn't be what I thought I heard. I forced my eyes to her face. My brow pinched. "Wha' the hell did'ja jus' say?"

She maneuvered on the floor so her head was towards me. Her lithe body rose onto all fours. She crawled closer. Her tank shirt drooped. I could see both her little breasts. Her nipples were taut. They looked like light pink raspberries.

"You could pay me to hook up with you." She looked at my bulging crotch. "I know you're horny. I know you think I look hot. You said so in tha' truckstop."

My brain was reeling. I don't know why, but I chuckled then said, "Oh... so... I'm gonna pay you for sex, huh?"

She moved closer and got into a kneeling position nearly between my legs. She placed her palms on my thighs close to my knees. "Uh-huh."

I forced a laugh out again. My mouth was on autopilot, maybe I thought I was playing along, teasing her back. "An'... wha'd'ya charge?"

"A... a hun'erd dollars for a... for an hour of half 'n' half."

Again I chuckled. "Honey, I can get anything from that chick at the truckstop for forty bucks."

"I'm... I'm better looking than her and... and younger."

I let out a huff of air. My cock was throbbing. My blue balls were screaming in pain. I'm not sure but there might have been a vague voice in the back of my mind shouting at me to shut up and walk away. If there was, I didn't understand what it was saying. "She was hot, and... I'm sure she knows her job."

"I... I'm not a virgin."

I hadn't thought she was but it was nice to have confirmation. I was a bit too loaded to note the slight hesitation. She had lost her cherry but that hesitation might have meant she hadn't repeated the process too often. "I figured."

"I give good beejays."

"Beejays?" I knew what she meant I just wanted to hear her say it. My hand moved, then stopped. I had almost squeezed my throbbing cock.

"Oral sex. Don't play dumb. You know, blowjobs."

I couldn't tell if the expression on her face was embarrassment, fear, anger, or possibly pride. Maybe all four? I was tempted to ask her for affidavits proving she gave good head. "You been doin' this long?"

Lana's brow pinched. "Huh?"

"Well... a hun'erd bucks is awfully steep for a novice, no matter how many amateur beejays you've done. That babe at the truckstop, said anything for forty. Anything meant anal, B 'n' D, spanking, all that stuff. You're gonna hav'ta do better 'n' a hun'erd for a halfsies."

Lana pursed her lips. She turned around then crawled on all fours to her drink. I wasn't so drunk not to know that she was displaying her fuckin' hot ass for me, teasing me, showing me the merchandise. She sat down, picked up her glass and finished off the mostly bourbon, bourbon and water. "I... I foun' out that anything di'n't mean stuff like that. It means... anything with your dick or mouth or hands. Not B&D and S&M. So... so don' try to fool me 'bout tha'."

"Who tole you that? Have you tole anyone 'bout this? You offerin' sex to me?"

Funny, but I didn't have one thought of Barb, it was as if she didn't exist. I asked the questions because of another little voice somewhere in the back of my alcohol clouded brain reminding me that it wouldn't be good if anyone knew. At that moment, I wasn't sure why that was though.

"No. I'm not an idiot. I... I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd... I'd be too embarrassed to say I let you fuck me. I... I found out that stuff... on the internet."

If I had been a little more sober, I wouldn't have believed her about not telling anyone, about anything she had just said, and where on the internet would you find out what 'anything' meant when spoken by a hooker? Maybe chatrooms? But I was pretty loaded and anyway ninety per cent of my thinking was going on between my legs, not between my ears. So, I believed her about it all. "Okay... maybe I was wrong 'bout the bondage thing." I knew 'anything' only meant suck, fuck, and butt. I sipped my drink. I saw her jaw clench.

"Okay... seventy-five for a half 'n' half."

I smiled then chuckled. "I can't afford that. You gotta do better, baby." She rose from the carpeting with her glass in hand. "Where you goin'? Negotiations over?" There was a small part of me, a microscopic part of me that was hoping she'd go to her bedroom, slam the door shut, push the lock button on it, and then never speak to me again.

"I'm gonna get another drink."

"Hey... you didn't ask. You can't have anymore booze." After she passed me I gave my aching cock a squeeze.

"I don't care what you say. I'm havin' another."

I realized I didn't care what I said anymore either. I took another gulp from my glass. I listened carefully thinking she might call one of her asshole girlfriends to discuss the negotiations. All I heard were the freezer door opening and closing, ice clinking, and a bottle nearly being dropped onto the countertop.

I got up and went to the kitchen too. We passed midway. She was walking and drinking. I didn't turn my head to check out her ass. I poured a few fingers, added ice, then poured an aditional couple fingers. I went back to the living room. She was sitting on the pillow still facing the couch. She had turned off the TV and had the CD player on low, some chick singer. I sat down and didn't hide where my eyes were looking-- right at her panty covered pussy. I took a hefty drink of my bourbon rocks.

Lana took sips of her drink as she looked from my crotch to my face over the next couple minutes. I just gazed at her body and more or less matched her sip for sip.

"Well?" She said. "A hun'erd for a half 'n' half."

I looked at her face and grinned. "You think I'm drunk?"

"I don' care if you are." She took another sip from her glass.

"A few minutes ago, the price was seventy-five." I saw her brow pinch. I could see she had forgotten.

"'kay. Seventy-five."

Somehow my brain worked my mouth for a few moments. "You know what I liked best about that chick at the truckstop?"

Lana frowned. "Wha'?"

"It's not jus' that she was cheaper, I knew I could trust her."

"Oh gawd. You're not thinking about Barb are you? I'd never tell her, an'... an' like I said, I'm not gonna tell anyone. I'd be too embarrassed." She took a swig from her glass. It seemed she stared at the bulge in my crotch while she swallowed. "I thought you guys would be on a break. I mean like wha' does she 'spect you to do, not get any for like five years?" She smiled then giggled and looked into my eyes. "Yeah... I thought you guys would be on a break... a prison break." Lana laughed. "Get it? A prison break?" She laughed again.

My brow pinched. Finally I thought about Barb. What the hell did Barb expect me to do for three to five years? Why should I be forced into celibacy because of her fuckin' mistake? We sure as hell should be on a break, right? That's only fair. I didn't do any criminal act. She did! I'm supporting her fuckin' kid. What the hell am I getting out of it but grief from both of them! I wasn't going to become a fuckin' priest for five fuckin' years!

I guess I forgot about the possibility of conjugal visits.

"So... you're gonna keep your mouth shut, huh?"

"I jus' said I would." She took another drink. "Seventy-five for half 'n' half."

"I want a triple play, and a cheaper price. I keep thinkin' 'bout that chick sayin' forty bucks for an hour of anything."

"I knew you'd want anal." She bit her lower lip for a moment, then took a gulp of her drink. "Anything for.... for sixty dollars."

"That truck stop chick said forty."

"For me it's sixty. That's twenty for each thing."

I took another swig of my bourbon rocks. "I might need more than an hour. I'm half smashed. It all takes longer when you're drunk."

"No it doesn't."

"Jeezuz... okay-okay... Fifty for anything for one hour."

A smug, triumphal smile curved her mouth. "Okay... deal." She started to take a drink, then pulled the glass away from her mouth. "Wait! You tricked me! I said sixty!"

Even half smashed I smiled at her use of 'trick.' "No, you just agreed to fifty. I'll give ya fifty."

"No I di'n't!"

"Then... screw it. Give me the remote." I pretended to drink more bourbon while I held out my hand. I was holding my breath, leaving the glass perched in my mouth.

Lana's jaw clenched. "Okay... fifty, but it's only an hour. Not a minute more."

I lowered my glass but kept it near my mouth. "What if I don't like it? What if you don't perform good enough. You gotta get into it, 'cause I know you could just lay there like a sack of flour. If that's the case, I could save my cash and screw my pillow." I finished off my drink.

"I... I'll perform. I won't jus' lay there. Fifty for... for all three things an'... an' tha's a... a one time only price."

I lowered my glass and stared at her. It finally hit me that I was going to fuck her for fifty dollars. I blinked. I suddenly didn't have a single relevant thought in my head.

"So... where d' ya wanna do it? An'... an' you should give me the money firss'." Lana started to stand up. She looked a little wobbly.

I watched her rise and step closer to me. I looked at her legs as my arm moved automatically, my hand went to the back pocket of my jeans. I blinked again. My wallet wasn't there. I looked at her face. Surprised there wasn't a smug smile on her mouth. She was either angry or scared. I was too far in the bag and my brain wasn't working very well so I didn't bother trying to interpret her expression. "My wallet... my money's in the bedroom. I'll get it."

"I'll... I'll make us two more drinks. 'kay?"

"Uh... yeah, sure." I gave her my glass, she turned and leaned down to pick up her empty tumbler. I looked at her pouting ass as I stood up. It made me remember my throbbing hard-on. I headed to the bedroom and Lana went to the kitchen.

I turned on the tea lamp on Barb's dresser, then picked up my wallet from top of the chest of drawers. I looked in it. There was only eighteen dollars. I hadn't cashed my paycheck. I usually did that on Saturday mornings if I wasn't too hungover. I glanced at the doorway, then stepped over to the closet and opened the right side bi-fold door. I licked my fingertips, then reached inside, up to the top casing. I had routed out a segment of the casing to be able to hide a business size envelope in it, just a quarter inch of it showed the top. I pushed it up with my moist fingertips and got it out. I had five hundred bucks in it, ten fifties. Emergency money. I took one out, a new crispy one. I closed the envelope and reached up to get it back in the casing slot.

"Wha're'ya doin' in the closet?"

I looked at the doorway. Lana was holding one bourbon rocks in her left hand, the glass nearly full of ice and booze, her right hand was holding another that she was drinking, her head titled back a little, her eyes on me. I should have closed the goddamn bedroom door. "Lookin' for... somethin.'"

She lowered her glass. "Is 'at my money?"

I closed the closet door. "At the mo', it's still my money."

A frown appeared on her mouth, but only for a second. "You wan' your drink?"

"Yeah." We walked towards each other. I took the glass and had a big gulp. I wondered how much was left in the bottle. I went to the bed. I hadn't made it, I never made it in the mornings. I did it at night if the comforter and sheet were half kicked off the bed. I sat on the edge of the mattress and raised the glass to my mouth again.

Lana bit her lower lip for a moment. "So... we're... gonna do it in here?"

"Yeah. We'll... we'll start in here." I wasn't sure why I said that.

Lana giggled softly. "'kay." She took a long sip of her drink then walked towards me. She held out her hand. "So gi' me my money firss.'"
My cock was throbbing, my balls were screaming in pain. I knew I was thinking with my dick. I knew I was going to fuck the hell out of her, but my hand with the bill didn't move. My brain was trying to tell me something, so was my gut. There was something like nervousness or fear churning inside, but my brain was too wasted to interpret any of it, and my dick was shouting to get the show on the road. Finally a sentence came out of my mouth, "Ya know, no one can know 'bout this. If you ca..."

Lana's eyes grew large and filled with anger as she interrupted, "I tole you... I'm not gonna tell anyone." She blinked and the anger drained away. Her teeth clamped her lower lip for a moment. She shook her open hand a few times. "Are ya gonna gi' me my money or... or not?"

My arm moved by itself. I handed her the fifty. She yanked it from my grasp, then turned and stepped to Barb's dresser. She took a long drink from her glass, then put the bill on the dresser and used her glass as a paper weight on top of it. She switched off the tea lamp then turned around. "So... so... wha' d' ya wan' me to do firss'?" She blinked a couple times and bit her lower lip yet again.

I raised my glass and took a long drink, my eyes on her. At the moment she looked fourteen, skinny, biting her lower lip, her slender legs looking smooth as satin in the soft, dusky light coming in from around the closed window blinds. I set my glass on the bedside table, then switched on the lamp there. I wanted to see what I was fucking. I threw the top sheet and comforter over the end of the bed.

Her face tensed slightly. "You... you wan' the light on?"

I looked at her. "Yeah. Come closer." I saw her hands ball into fists for a moment as her teeth clamped her lower lip once more. Her thumbs and fingers moved as if she was trying to massage her palms. She took a deep breath, her hands loosened and she stepped closer to the bed, standing a couple feet in front of my knees. I looked at her crotch, still covered by the nearly see through men's thin cotton tank undershirt. I realized she had taken off her panties. I could just make out her dark muff. "Take your shirt off."

Lana hesitated for a moment, then crossed her arms in front of her, grabbed the thin fabric and raised her shirt up and over her head. She turned and tossed it onto the dresser, then faced me again. Her small breasts looked larger than I imagined, but were still little. Except for the thick muff around her cunt, she looked years younger than eighteen. I felt my cock get stiffer.

I gazed at her cunt. It was one of the prettiest pussies I had ever seen. The tops of her labs were already flared, like wings of a little butterfly. My tongue moved in my mouth. Her legs looked smooth, a gap between her thighs, her knees touched, then her calves almost touched, then her ankles touched. Her slender legs looked perfect, her ankles no longer seemed a half size too big. Her feet were little and attractive. I watched her toes curl on her right foot. I looked at her face. Her teeth were clamped on her lower lip yet again. Her pretty eyes were open wider than normal. I wasn't sure but she looked nervous, maybe even scared.

"So... so wha' d' ya wan' me to do firss'?"

"Jus'... jus' turn around for me right now, all the way around." She did a quick 360. I exhaled. "Do it again, slowly." She did it again, very slowly. I gazed at her ass and her contours. She did look young but had womanly curves. She really did seem to be shifting between fourteen and eighteen right before my eyes. She definitely had a killer ass, and my cock throbbed harder as I thought about shoving it into her hot little asshole. When she finished her turn, I stared at her cunt. I licked my lips.

"So... wha' d' ya wanna do firss'?"

"I... I wanna lick your pussy."

Lana blinked a couple times. "You... you wanna lick me? Lick my pussy?"

I looked at her face as I stood up. I wasn't sure what her expression was. It seemed both scared and surprised. "Yeah. Sit on the edge of the bed." I moved to the side and Lana sat down. I stood in front of her, opened my jeans, then pushed them and my briefs down. My aching hard-on sprang out. I raised one foot and shoved the jeans passed it, then did the same with the other leg. I tossed them to the side. I pulled my T shirt up and over my head, adding it to the pile. I saw Lana's eyes wide again. Her teeth were holding her lower lip once more.

Her voice was nearly a whisper, "Gawd... you're... you're big."

I almost laughed. It was exactly what a whore would probably say! I knew I didn't have a monster dick. I was average. Maybe a little thicker than average according to a couple chicks in my past, and Barb had said it too. Maybe Lana had only experienced below average size cocks.

I moved closer to her. "Lay back." As she did I went down to my knees. My hands spread her thighs, then slid under her apple ass. I pulled her towards me so her hips were right at the edge of the mattress. My hands cupped behind her knees and I raised then folded her slender limbs up and back. Her knees were near her shoulders. She raised her head from the sheet and her eyes met mine. She still had that half scared, half excited expression.

I gazed down at her cunt. A moment later, her pink labia opened more, the butterfly morphing into a narrow, elliptical, exotic, little flower. Barb had a pretty cunt too, but her labs were thicker. Lana's were thin, delicate. I think my mouth actually salivated. I stared at her slit realizing I hadn't had my mouth on a cunt for eight or nine months. Hell, I hadn't even seen a pussy in that amount of time. I shuffled back on my knees a bit, then my head descended.

I smeared my face over her little thick muff. I could feel her pink labs, already moist and slippery, licking my skin. Her hair was surprisingly fairly soft. I drew the tip of my tongue up from the bottom of her slit to her temporarily hidden clit. Her flower opened wider. I could feel her pearl firm beneath its thin hood. I flickered my tongue against the nub and pushed the hood back, then rubbed it firmly side to side. It felt large. Barb had a large one too.

"Mmmmhhhh," Lana moaned softly. "Ohhhhh." Her hips squirmed slightly.

Even though I was paying for it, I guess I was sticking to my usual fucking plan, maybe it's more of a theory. Give the chick an orgasm first and then she'd put out better for you after that. To be honest, I get off on chicks cumming first. Not sure why. Maybe it helps me unleash my own needs later. I also really don't know why exactly but I also like licking pretty cunts. I like it when the chick kisses back with it. It's wanton, slutty. I like that. Lana tasted good too, clean, fresh.

My tongue slid from her pink pearl and wiggled as deep as I could push it into her channel. Jeezuz... she was incredibly tight, warm, and juicy. As my tongue swirled within her satiny, hugging hollow, her cunt started drooling more, or I salivated more, maybe it was both. I could feel it running onto my chin. Her hips churned harder. She pressed her cunt to my mouth. My tongue automatically became more ardent.

"Mmmhhh... oh... ohhhh gawd," Lana murmured.

My eyes looked towards her head. She was arching her neck back. Her little tits were

rising and falling with each quick gasp of breath. I pulled my tongue from her gooey hole and frantically rubbed her big clit again.

A whimper emanated from Lana's throat, "Oh... oh-h-h-h-h-hhh."

My lips formed an "o" around her pearl. I sucked gently as the tip of my tongue flickered firmly on her taut nub. Through my hands and mouth, I felt her shiver, then she twitched a few times. I kept working her clit for a minute or so, then sucked her thin pink labia into my mouth, rubbed them with tongue, pushed them out, sucked them back in, rubbed them, then push them out. I kept repeating that for another minute.

"Oh... oh... ohgawd." Lana's neck arch collapsed. Her trembling head rose. Her mouth was open as she panted her breaths. Her eyes met mine for ten seconds before she couldn't hold her head up any longer. It flopped back down to the mattress.

"Oh-h-h-h-hhhh," she whimpered again.

I released her labs, stiffened my tongue and stabbed it into her drooling cunt. My right hand slid down the back of her folded thigh. She was smart enough to wrap her arm around her calve to hold it folded back herself. My hand moved down to her ass. My thumb found her hot little asshole. A stream of her pussy dew and my saliva had it all slippery. I coated my thumb with it as I stroked circles around and over her torrid squinting little hole. She tensed for a moment, but when my tongue went back to rubbing her clit, she relaxed then churned her hips with more abandon, pressing her cunt to my mouth. My thumb started pushing into her ass. She tensed again. I moved my thumb away, as my other hand pushed harder behind her knee, making her hips rise a fraction more. I slid my tongue down from her clit, through her warm, slippery slit, then laved her hot asshole with wet, broad strokes. Her body shook for five or so seconds.

"Oh! Oh gawd!" Lana's eyes shut tight as her neck and back arched, pushing the top of her head into the mattress. "Urrrrrrrhmmmm," she moaned.

I kept tonguing her little hole, but slid my thumb back to it too. I worked it with both for a half minute or so, then wiggled and undulated my tongue into her cunt again, as my thick digit kept rubbing and circling her slippery asshole. There was gel lube in the drawer of the night table, but I didn't want to stop to get the damn tube.

I pulled my tongue out of her and raised my head a little. "Hold both your legs back for me." I watched her wrap her other arm around her right calve. She pulled both her legs back, farther than I had them. It raised her hips a fraction higher.

I shifted slightly to the side. My tongue concentrated on her big pearl. My newly freed hand pushed between her thigh and chest. I fondled her little tits as my other hand moved again. I wiggled my ring finger into her wet cunt and let more of my saliva drool down between her labs as I pulled it out, coating it more. I moved the tip of that finger to her squinting little hole and pressed gently at the apex of her anus while wiggling the digit. I kept my tongue working her clit, almost as if I was trying to erase it. I moved the tip of my middle finger to her channel and diddled at her opening. Her hips squirmed more intensely. The tip of my wiggling ring finger finally started to work into her hot asshole. I dipped my middle finger into her cunt. She started pushing towards it. I pushed on both fingers. She tensed probably because of the one barely stuck in her ass. I changed tongue strokes on her, slowing them, circling around the nub, sometimes pushing her pearl side to side. I heard her breathing get more ragged.

"Oh... oh gawd... oh... oh... mmmmmhhh."

Her hips swayed and maybe she relaxed because both my fingers started sliding into her.

"Oh... ye... ye... yessssss..... mmmmmhhh."

I started to slowly finger fuck her ass and cunt. After a dozen strokes she began trembling.

"Oh-oh-oh... oh gawd." Her shaking intensified.

I don't know why, but I really wanted to taste all of her again. I slowly withdrew my fingers, then laved my tongue down through her labs, all over her torrid little hole, then pushed it into her cunt, while both my hands played with her little tits, cupping, stroking, massaging, giving her raspberry shaped nipples little tugs and twists, nothing harsh, sometimes holding the small plaint mounds firmly as my thumbs petted and stroked over her taut berries.

My tongue went crazy, licking through her furry muff, stabbing into her drooling channel, even trying to push into her asshole a few times, but mostly wildly lapping away on her big clit. Her shaking increased, then she started twitching. A few moments later, I felt her hands hold the back of my head.

"Oh-h-h-h-hhh... oh-h-h... oh! Oh! OH! OHGAWD!"

The only way to describe it, was that Lana's petite, slender body began convulsing. I pulled my mouth back. I didn't want her to ram her cunt into my teeth. I did smear and stroke my face over her oozing slit and muff though. She was either having one hell of an orgasm or she was fucking faking it like an Oscar winner. It gave me an erotic rush just feeling her twitching and trembling, and seeing her little body out of control.

I waited until her spasms lessened, then licked her slit for another minute. She moaned again and shook harder during those sixty seconds. My hands slid up the backs of her firm, slender thighs to her knee pits again. I stood up. I was breathing heavily too. "Reach down... guide my cock in." I wasn't really going to fuck her yet. I wanted to do something that I loved doing after tongue fucking a cunt. Then a bit of sanity spewed out of my mouth without me even thinking it. "Do I need a condom, or are you on the pill?" I got instantly pissed at myself for asking. I didn't want to stop for anything!

Lana swallowed a couple times as her hand gripped my prick. "I... I went on the pill a coupl'a months ago." She looked at her hand and guided my dick to the wet opening of her twat.

I was instantly glad I had asked. I nudged the head in. Jeezuz... she was fucking tight.

"Oh god... you're... you're so big."

Again I thought she was spouting bullshit. I had my legs spread and was leaning over her. It wasn't the most comfortable position but I wasn't going to be inside very long. I pulled back slightly, and pushed in a little deeper. Jeezuz... she felt sleek, satiny, perfect.

"Urrrhhh," she groaned. Her hips began to sway. Her breathing was quickening again.

I pulled back a little, then pushed in again, swaying my hips too, going a little deeper. I kept repeating that over the next minute or so, until I finally pulled back nearly all the way out of her, then pushed in again sliding the full length of my throbbing cock into the tight confines of her slippery twat. I think I felt the head press against her cervix.

Lana twitched. "Ooh!" She started panting faster.

I churned my hips and grinded my muscle inside her and my groin against her pubis. It took a few moments before she started mirroring my movements.

She whispered breathlessly, "Oh gawd... ohgawd... you're... you're so big."

I was looking down between our bodies, seeing that I was fully planted inside her cunt. I felt the tip rubbing against something deep in her. I realized then that I was at the perfect point of inebriation. I loved that point. I knew if I hadn't been drinking, I'd probably be unloading my balls into her right now. Jeezuz.... her cunt felt perfect. Sometimes when I got too loaded, it was difficult sustaining an erection, but there was this, what I called the 'perfect zone' for fucking when drunk. Not so wasted it was difficult to stay hard, but drunk enough so I had to actually concentrate on shooting my wad. I knew at that moment, I'd be able to fuck the little bitch as long as I wanted tonight. I grinned, at least on the inside I grinned. I looked at her face. She was also watching our organs. "You like my cock in you, baby?"

Lana looked up. Her mouth was open as she sucked in breaths. She nodded.

My jaw clenched as I grinded my rod into her a bit more intensely. Her face winced then she panted faster and churned her hips harder. "I think it's time you give me one of those famous beejays of yours. I want you to suck it.... suck it good, baby."

Her hips squirmed even more intensely. She looked up at me as her brow pinched. "Right... right now?" She panted a few breaths.

"Yeah... now, baby."

"Yeah... yeah... 'kay."

I slowly pulled out of her comfy snatch, then let her legs unfold as I stood straighter. I had pushed her farther onto the bed. Her calves lowered against the side of the mattress and box springs. I noticed her little feet didn't quite touch the floor. She slowly sat up. She reached for my prick. Her delicate hand wrapped around the base.

She whispered, "God... you're so big." She leaned forward and engulfed the head. She sucked as her tongue laved around the helmet.

"Urrrrrh.... ye-ahhh." I couldn't help moaning. It had been a long time. I was in need. I liked knowing she was tasting her own cunt juice on my cock. That's one reason I pushed it into her first, although I had really needed to feel it in her. Her pussy felt too perfect around my tongue. I had to know what it felt like around my prick. I almost hated to admit it felt fucking perfect, slick, smooth, tight, slippery, warm... fucking perfect.

I was tempted to fuck her mouth now, maybe even push my cock into her throat, but I guess I was thinking there'd be a 'next time,' and I didn't want to scare her, plus I only rarely got into that pushing down their throat crap. I usually wanted the chick to do it on her own. At least try it. Do a little payback for me tongue fucking their cunts so well. My hands did gather her hair from the sides of her face though as I leaned to the side to watch as well as I could. I realized I should have told her to kneel down. I liked that too, the chick kneeling, that also gave me a little erotic rush.

"Take as much as you can... deep... take it deep." I wanted to see what she'd do. She held me tightly and tried. As soon as the helmet got to the back of her tongue, her gag reflex kicked in. She coughed and I yanked my dick back. I didn't want her puking on me. She pulled her head back, coughed and swallowed a few times. She then shocked the hell out of me.

She took a couple quick breaths. "Sorry... I'll... I'll try again."

I think that was the first time she ever said sorry about anything. Her face moved towards my cock. I stepped back. "Not here. In... in the living room." I was getting tired of standing. I really liked that she leaned forward more and gave the head a few circling licks before she let it go and stood up.

"'kay." Lana swallowed a couple times and licked her lips, then wiped them with the back of her hand.

"Take your drink with." I grabbed mine from the bedside table.

"'kay." She got her glass and took a gulp, then walked out of the bedroom.

I walked behind her to the living room. She definitely had a killer ass. I gave my throbbing cock a squeeze as I imagined it sinking into her tight, little asshole. In the living room she set her drink on the end table. I put my glass there too, then headed to the armchair and sat. "Kneel down, and start suckin', baby."

She didn't hesitate. She knelt between my knees, grabbed the base of my prick and engulfed the head again. Her hand started stroking, meeting the "O" of her mouth sliding down. I gathered her hair again with both hands to keep it out of the way, then held it in one like a pony tail in back of her head. She sat back on her legs, her hand angling my throbbing rod down a little, and then as her head kept bobbing, she gazed at me with upturned eyes. She looked fourteen again, and if I hadn't been in the 'zone,' I probably would have pumped my load then and there.

I started thinking about how perfect it felt inside her tight cunt. She was also sucking pretty well. For a few moments I felt like a kid in a candy store, not knowing what hole I wanted most. Her eyes closed as she sucked the head of my prick hard as her tongue laved around it. Her free hand started roaming my abdomen and chest. For a very brief moment I thought of Barb. She liked feeling my abs and chest when she went down on me. Lana started bobbing again and the thought of Barb vanished.

I watched the tight "O" of her liplock slide up and down the top portion of my cock as her hand stroked up meeting the downward wash of her wet, warm mouth. Sometimes she'd loosen the "O" and let some of the mix of her saliva and my leaking semen drool down my rod, lubrication for her stroking fist. Her thumb couldn't touch her fingertips, so maybe to make up for that, she'd twist her hand sometimes to rub the entire girth of my throbbing prick. Maybe that gave her the idea to bring her other roaming hand to help with the job. She sucked the head and part of the rod fairly hard as her tongue laved the helmet then both her hands wrapped around the staff, twisting around in opposite directions on my now slippery circumference. She sucked harder. I shut my eyes at the wonderful sensations, my gut tensed, then my ass, then the rest of my body as I pushed up in an autonomic response to her stimuli.
"Urrrrhhhhhhh," I growled.

"Mmmmmhhhhh," she hummed, the vibrations of that went right into my cock and made me take a sudden giant leap towards unloading my balls into her hot mouth. I hated to admit it, but she did know how to give good beejays. I opened my eyes and gazed at her. Her eyes turned upward again. I again had that taboo impression of her being younger than she was, and once more it almost made me shoot my load. I didn't want to cum yet. I wanted to fuck the hell out of the little bitch.

I growled, "You're making me... wanna fuck you, Lana."

"Mmmmhhhh," she hummed once more. She pulled one twisting hand off my rod which moved to my abdomen, it formed a claw and she dragged her fingernails over my hairy torso. Her other hand started jerking me off again, as her head resumed bobbing. "Mmmmhhhh," she moaned yet again. The vibration nearly pushed me to the brink again.

I released her hair then my palms held the sides of her head. I nudged it up. She responded by a downward pressure, increasing her sucking and jerking her hand faster. I wanted to fill her mouth with jiz but not before I filled her tight little cunt. "No... no... stand up. I'm gonna fuck you now." She sucked even harder then a few seconds later she let go of my rod and jerked her head up. POP! I flinched as my dick recoiled from her mouth. It bounced against my abdomen. "Urrh... jeezuz." I gasped a couple breaths, then said, "Stand up."

Lana swallowed a few times, then she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She gripped my knees and pushed up to stand. I noticed her eyes wide and her small breasts heaving with each of her quick breaths. She took a step back as I stood.

I moved over to the end table by the couch. I handed Lana her drink. I picked up my glass. I finished it off. I'm not sure why I did that. I was more than half wasted already. I had that kid in a candy store confusion again. I tilted my head back to get the last drops. I set the glass on the table, and looked at the arm of the couch. It was one of those couches where the arms were as high as the back. I hated those couches, I liked the arms lower, but they were good for one thing. I pushed the end table away. The lamp teetered for a moment, the cord tightening to the floor outlet under the couch. I turned and saw Lana's head tilted back getting the remnants from her drink. When she lowered her glass I took it from her hand and put it on the end table.

I looked at her. "C'm'ere."

"Huh?" Her brow pinched for a moment, then her mouth formed an inebriated smile when my hand firmly but not harshly gripped her slender upper arm. "You're... you're gonna kiss me?"

That thought hadn't occurred to me. I was going to fuck her little, tight cunt, fuck it rough, ravage it good and thoroughly. I wanted payback for all her fuckin' bitchiness. "Yeah... c'm'ere."

I didn't have to pull her. She was in front of me in an instant. I let go of her arm and her hands held my shoulders. She moved closer sandwiching my throbbing rod between us. She had that fourteen year old face on again, her expression a mix of... of what? Fear? Fear and excitement? Her teeth clamped her lower lip for a moment. My arms went around her. Her lip slipped out from under her teeth. Her mouth opened slightly just before mine met hers. My tongue slid between her parted lips and her mouth immediately opened wide. I was surprised how our tongues began dancing wildly, as if we had done it before. I pulled her closer and she pressed her little body into mine. She squirmed slightly, pushing and stroking my cock with her abdomen. I could feel the top of her furry muff touching my aching balls. My hands slid down to her bubble buns. I squeezed them firmly and she exhaled sharply into my mouth.

"Mmmmhhh," Lana moaned.

I was glad we were kissing. Her arms encircled my neck as she pressed her lithe form tighter to my body. I gripped the cheeks of her seductive bottom harder. Again she exhaled into my mouth but her tongue never stopped its Salome dance. I released one bun and dipped a couple fingers into her deep, warm valley. The skin there felt baby smooth. Two fingertips circled and stroked her hot little asshole. Lana tensed for a moment, then she pushed her chest into me more as her ass pouted towards my digits. Those little movements had me near the brink for a few moments. Was she thinking about getting her butt fucked? Would she like it as much as Barb? I broke the incredibly hot kiss at the thought of Barb. My head tilted to the side and I kissed Lana's ear, then the side of her neck.

"Mmmmmhhh," Lana moaned then started gasping breaths.

Her murmur pushed all thoughts of my wife from my mind. Both my hands gripped the cheeks of her ass harshly. She tensed for a moment then moaned again. My mouth moved to her ear once more. My voice was low and raspy, "I'm gonna fuck you, baby. You wan' that? You wan' me to fuck you good?"

Lana was still breathing raggedly when she responded, "Yeah... oh god, yesssss." She panted a few breaths, then added, "I've wannid... you to for... for so long... yeah... do it."

In my booze hazy brain, all I heard was: Yeah. I loosened my grip on her ass. I growled, "Turn around."

She was still panting breaths. "Huh?"

"Turn around," I repeated, then put my hands on her slender waist and turned her to face the high armrest of the couch. "Bend over."

"Huh?"

I held her waist with one hand as my other moved between her shoulder blades. I nudge her forward. "Bend over." I almost added 'bitch' but didn't.

Lana giggled. "Oh." She leaned over the armrest. She giggled again when her little feet left the floor and her slender, almost skinny legs were hanging in the air. She spread them apart.

I put my hands on her ass again, then ran my right palm up her spine. It made her back dip into a sleek curve up to her neck. I gazed down at her bubble butt and leaned away to look at her cunt. Her thin pink labia were flared open. They glistened. My mouth salivated again. I slid my palm down her spine to her ass again, and both my hands gripped her buns and opened her valley. I saw her little, squinting, light pink anus tighten and relax, once, twice, then a third time. I could see the nub of her surprisingly large clit poking out from under its hood. It almost looked like a little cone shape at the moment. I had to swallow my saliva. Without thinking I kept my hands gripping her buns and knelt down, then sat back on my heels. A moment later my tongue was laving around her wet, slippery slit, then rubbing her taut elongated pearl. Her little body trembled in my hands and against my mouth.

"Ohhhhh.... oh gawwwwd," Lana moaned. She pulled a throw pillow under her profile. Her hands clenched it tightly.

I lapped away at her clit and slit. Her pussy really was cute and pretty. So was her tight little asshole. I wasn't thinking at all really. I was just doing. I was becoming an animal of lust. I liked getting to that point. Without a thought, my tongue slid up between her buns and I rubbed it around her hot little orifice like it was the sweetest candy. It tasted like nothing actually, skin and maybe a little pussy dew that had drooled down over it. I gave the sides of her baby smooth valley a few teasing nips.

"Ooh! Mmmmmhhh... yeahhhh," Lana cooed.

I laved my tongue around her asshole a few more times, then went back to her clit. As I flickered and rubbed my tongue against it, I again realized that I had paid her for sex and I was acting as if she had paid me. I pulled my face back. My hands gripped the cheeks of her ass tighter, digging the fingertips into her firm flesh that instantly tightened.

"Mmmmhhh," she moaned.

I gave her buns a few playful nips then pulled my face back again. My hands slid to her hips as I smeared my face over her seductive bottom. I growled into her flesh, "I'm gonna fuck you, Lana... I'm gonna fuck you good and hard."

She was panting. "Uh-huh... mmmh... yeah... yeah, do me... do it to me."

I quickly stood up. My hands pushed her a bit more onto the armrest. I grabbed my cock, and directed the head to her slit. I moved the tip up and down between her labs. It felt warm and slippery. I think I could actually feel her taut clit. My hand wiggled my rod so the tip rubbed back and forth in quick strokes over her elongated pearl. Her hanging spread legs shivered then trembled.

"Oh... oh-h-h-hhh gahhhhd," Lana released a quivering moan.

I moved the head to the opening of her tight channel. I nudged the head into her wet warmth, then let go of my prick. My hand joined my other at her waist.

Lana was gasping breaths again. "Oh... ohyeah... yeahhh." I heard her take a few quick, deeper breaths as I pushed just a fraction more into her tight channel. "Do it... do it.... oh god.... you're... you're so big."

My jaw tightened at that repeated piece of nonsense. I almost rammed the entire thing into her as hard as I could, but didn't. I wanted to feel every single inch of her tight cunt before I started fucking the hell out'a her. That little piece of bull about me being big, I figured one of her stupid girlfriends told her to say that to any guy she screwed, maybe they had come up with it in some laughing discussion about fucking guys. Her hips started swaying and moving back and forward. I knew what she was doing. Other chicks had mentioned it to me. She was rubbing her clit on the armrest. That was one reason I bent her over. The main reason was that I liked seeing a chick in that position, open, on display, and it was too awkward for them to move and protest much.

I pushed another inch in, she seemed to tense, then relax as I pulled back, then pushed in again a little deeper. She tensed again, stopped moving her hips. Jeezuz... she was so fucking perfectly tight around my prick. I pulled back a fraction, her hips started squirming again. I pushed in another inch deeper. Her body tensed yet again.

"Oh god... oh... you're... you're so big."

My jaw clenched again. I remembered again I was paying her. She was playing her part in a very cliché manner, trying to play me actually, like I was some john -- Oh you're so big! I reared back then plunged my throbbing cock into her tight little cunt as hard as I could. Smat! My groin hit her buns. Her body seemed to recoil starting at her buns traveling up her torso and down her legs which bounced against the side of the couch.

"AH! Oh... gawd!"

I pulled back and rammed into her again, then started pistoning my 'in the zone' rod into her tight, juicy cunt over and over again.

"AH! Ah... oh!" Her body shook for a few seconds. After a dozen thrusts, her hips started moving forward and back, her ass shoving back as I plunged my pulsing prick into her depths. I wasn't sure, but I think the head was punching her cervix every other stroke or so. From past experience, I know some chicks thought that was painful, other chicks loved it. I really didn't give a damn what Lana's opinion was about it. I drove my cock hard into her a dozen more times, then shoved it deep again, grinding my rod inside her and my groin against her ass. I liked watching her hips and butt churn crazily.

I was gasping for breaths too. "You like... like being fucked... by my cock, baby?"

"Mmmmhhh.... ye... ye... yeahhhh... mmmmh."

I pulled back and shoved it in hard again. Her body did that little lurch. I grinded for a few seconds, then pull back slowly, waited a moment, then drove my hard spike into her depths and grinded once more. Her little body lurched again. I loved that.

"Ah! Oh... oh yeahhhh," she moaned again.

I kept thrusting like that another five or six times. She'd always moan like a slut after each one. For a moment it made me think of Barb. Barb got verbal, and she always moaned like that too. I drove my prick into her perfect pussy again. Jeezuz... it really was perfect -- tight, slippery, warm. It felt like smooth, slippery satin backed by extra firm foam rubber. I almost laughed at the thought, wondering if that's how those toy cunts were made. As I grinded into her I felt her channel constrict even tighter around my throbbing prick. It now felt like muscle behind the satin.

I shut my eyes tight as I again felt myself suddenly at the brink of shooting my load. Her hips churned harder, so did mine.

It was my turn to moan, "Urrrrrhhh... fu-uuuuuck." I opened my eyes and turned my face to the side, concentrating on delaying my ejaculation, wondering where my 'zone' had gone. I saw the big tube of Lana's hand lotion. She had about four of different brands that migrated around the house. It was the stuff I often stole from her. Some Norwegian hand lotion that was actually really good for chapped dry hands. My hands were usually like that from the construction work, even in the summer, but mostly in the winter when I was lucky enough to be working. It really healed the cracks in my skin. It was also probably 70% petroleum jelly.

I leaned to the side and grabbed the tube. I kept grinding my prick into her as my other hand moved from her waist. I unscrewed the top, then squeezed a large dollop of the thick gel just above the crack of her ass. It came out in a long thin string. The hole in the top had a very small diameter.

I tossed the tube on the end table, it bounced and landed on the floor. I pulled back on my cock and rammed it into her again, grinding my hips as she did likewise. I smeared my thumb in the dollop of gel, then gathered the rest of it on the tip. My other hand gripped her bun, opening her valley. I rubbed my gelled thumb on her hot, squinting, little asshole. She tensed for a few seconds.

"Mmmmmmhhh," Lana murmured and then her hips resumed squirming.

I pulled my cock back, then instead of ramming it to her depths, I slid it in slowly, as I had the first time, feeling every sensual inch of her tight channel. I kept doing it like that as my thumb worked her other tight hole. Lana's hips kept moving as they had been, forward and back on the armrest, sometimes side to side, not slowing at all. She was rocking her clit on the armrest. I started wiggling and pressing the tip of my lubed thumb at the apex of her asshole. As the tip started to make her anus yawn, she tensed again. I slid my cock all the way in. "Push out with it."

"Wha'?"

"Push out with your asshole." Her body stayed tense but her rocking on the armrest started again.

A moment later her hips stopped moving. She spoke breathlessly, "Too much. It... it's gonna hurt. Can't ya jus'..."

I interrupted as I retracted my throbbing rod so just the head was in her cunt, "Jus' push out a li'l. If... if you don' like it... I'll... I'll pull it out." I wasn't sure if I would or not. I wiggled my thumb a little faster and pressed again but still gently. I felt her asshole loosen. My thick thumb started sinking into her hot ass. As the first knuckle passed her anus I slowly pushed my cock into her too. My undulating thumb disappeared into her ass, the wide knuckle at the base forcing her torrid little hole to form a slightly larger "o".

"Urrrrhhhh.... ohhhh.... gawwwwd," Lana groaned.

Her cunt gripped me like a vice, her asshole did likewise to the big knuckle on my thumb. Seeing her asshole grip and hearing her moan almost made me fill her cunt with all the pent up hot spunk screaming for release from my blue balls. I had to shut my eyes again and get control of the urge to shoot my wad. I felt her asshole loosen slightly, then her cunt relaxed a little too.

"Oh gawd... I... I feel so... so full.... you're... you're too b-big."

I opened my eyes. I slowly pulled my cock back so only the head was in her pussy. I twisted my thumb in her ass. Her little hole and cunt tightened for a moment, then her hips slowly started rocking again. I kept my cock steady as my other hand pushed between her and the armrest. My fingertip found her taut clit.

"Oh... oh... oh-h-h-hh," Lana started rocking faster. "Oh... ohgod," she mumbled.

I pulled my thumb back, almost out, then pushed it deep again.

"Ooooooh," Lana cooed. She rocked faster on the armrest.

I did that with my thumb four or five more times, then pulled it out. I moved that hand to her waist as my finger continued to shift side to side on her rocking clit. I started fucking her with short quick strokes of my cock.

"C'mon... c'mon," Lana whispered between gasps of breath. "C'mon... do it... do it." She tried to rock farther back.

I wanted to hear her say it. "Do what, baby? What do you wan' me to do?"

"C'mon... do it." She panted a half dozen breaths. "Fuck me... c'mon... fuck me."

I rammed my cock into her. Her little body did that hot, jerking lurch.

"Oh! Yeahhhh... oh... oh yeahhhhh, c'mon... don'... don' stop... c'mon... c'mon!"

She nearly screamed the last 'come on.' I didn't piston her but fucked her forcefully, deeply, and with quick thrusts. Her body still lurched with each plunge, but not as much as before. In her awkward position she tried her best to shove her cunt back to meet my probing rod. Jeezuz... her cunt felt perfect around me. She was even getting more juicy. I wasn't sure but I think my aching balls were wet from her. I started pounding her harder. I was starting to lose the 'zone' again, but I kept ramming her. I didn't want to stop, not only because it felt fucking fantastic, but I wanted to make the little bitch cum again. I'm not sure why that was important to me, but I wanted her to cum on my cock. I started to think I might shoot my load first. A moment later, her little body started shaking.

Her voice was a warbling high pitched tone, "Ohhhh-h-h-h-h-h-h... nnnnn-h-h-h-hhhh..... oh.... oh... oh.. oh. Oh.... OH... OH GAAAAAAWWD! ARHK!"

Her body started convulsing then I felt her tight channel grip my throbbing prick on the next thrust. At her last little yelp, I shut eyes tight to keep from cuming myself, then her channel started going into spasms, contracting repeatedly, and I really thought I might pump my load into her. I fought the urge. I wanted to fuck her more. It took me ten seconds to push the urge back. I opened my eyes. I watched her squirm and twitch and shudder. I heard her panting, gasping breaths louder than my own. I pulled my hand from her cunt. Both hands gripped her narrow waist. I pounded my cock into her another ten times.

"Oh! OH GOD!"

I watched her body jerk and quiver harder, then drove my prick deep again and stayed deep. I swayed my hips, feeling her tightness, feeling the spasms of her pussy, like it was trying to milk the spunk from my balls.

She whispered between pants for air, "Cum... cum... in me... cum... c'mon... cum... cum in me."

I was also sucking big gulps of air. "I'm gonna." I swallowed a couple times. "In... in the bedroom." I took a few more quick deep breaths. "A drink... then... then in the bedroom." I slowly pulled my cock out of her comfy cunt. I finched when the now very sensitive head came out and my prick sprang up to nearly vertical. I let out a huff of air in lieu of a chuckle. I was really in the fuckin' 'zone.'

I gave her hot ass a couple taps, not spanks, just firm taps. Smat-smat. Her little body flinched, but then she giggled for a moment. "C'mon, get up."

She swallowed, panted a few breaths, then said, "I... I don' think I can."

My hands slid down her back to her shoulders, then down her arms to her elbows. I pulled them down to her sides, her hands let go of the throw pillow. I gripped her arms and pulled her up, her spine dipped making her ass even more pronounced and the sight made me wish my cock was still in her. I would have done her right there, holding her like that suspended in the air, if my prick had been inside her. I had fucked chicks like that before. It was hot, I liked it.

Lana giggled as her pussy slid off the armrest and her little feet touched the floor. "I... I don' know if I can stand."

I pulled her up to a standing position. I still held her arms somewhat behind her as I kissed and licked her neck. She tilted her head to show me more neck. My teeth then clamped her ear for a moment before I rasped out, "Do ya wanna drink."

She shook her head slightly. "No... I wanna make you cum. I wan'... you to cum in me."

"I'm gonna, baby." I gave her neck another sucking kiss, then let her arms go. She wobbled for a second then her hand gripped the armrest for support. I grabbed my glass and went into the kitchen. As I was putting ice in my glass, Lana came in with her glass. She rinsed it, put ice in, then filled it with water. She drank half, then refilled it. I poured my drink and downed a third of it, then grabbed her free hand and headed back to the bedroom, my stiff, nearly vertical, throbbing cock springing forward then back to my abdomen with each step.

The lamp was still lit on the bedside table. I let go of Lana's hand, put my drink down, then propped up a couple pillows against the headboard. I sat down on the bed with my back to the pillows, slouched a little. I gripped my aching cock at the base. I looked at Lana. She was staring at my prick. My hand wagged it a few times. "C'mon, baby, get on it. You do some work for a while."

Lana set her glass down next to mine. She put a knee on the mattress then surprised me. Her delicate hand grabbed my prick above my fist, she leaned down, her other arm went over my body, that hand planted on the mattress, her mouth opened wide and she started sucking my cock. I released an inadvertent groan, "Urrrhhh."

Her little hand started twisting around my rod as she had done earlier. She sucked harder and her tongue went crazy on the head. I thought she wanted me to cum without fucking her more. Just as I was about to tell her to stop and get it in her cunt, she yanked her head back. POP! She giggled, probably at the sound, and then moved her hand higher, her thumb rubbed her spit and my leaking semen around the helmet. She pulled her other leg onto the bed, folding it, then raised it over my legs like she was trying to get on a horse from a kneeling position. She let go of my cock and crawled up my sides.

"How... I... don'... how should I do this?"

I was a little surprised she didn't know how to do it. I figured I'd tell her the way I liked it best. "Put a hand on my shoulder, then squat over it, like a baseball catcher, grab it with your other hand and guide it in." I let go of my rod.

Lana giggled softly as she moved into what I thought of as a really hot, slutty pose. As she moved, I again had that feeling I was with some much younger girl. The thought made my prick expand a bit more for a moment. I watched her align the head with her opening. I blinked. There was a thin, short line of pussy drool hanging from her slit. I had heard about that sort of thing happening but I had never seen it.

Lana must have seen it too. "Oh god... you made me so wet." She giggled when she moved the head of my prick to catch the drool, then she rubbed it against her slit a few times. Her hips swayed as she tried to nudge the head inside. She pushed down with her hips and it almost felt like the head 'popped' inside her. "Oohh... god... you are so big." Her hips swayed more and my rod started sinking into her warm slippery cunt again.

I almost rammed it up into her for making that fuckin' stupid comment again, but I was enjoying watching her hips sway and my cock slowly disappearing into her tight pussy. Who knows, maybe she only had skinny, tiny dicks fucking her before this. It seemed even during fucking she couldn't stop bullshitting and scamming.

I kept watching my cock and her cunt. I had a funny thought. It almost looked like her cunt was sucking my fuck muscle into her body, like it was eating it. I almost chuckled about that, but then it just felt too good. I watched her glistening labs disappear into my pubic hair and felt the "O" of her cunt kiss around the very base of my rod. I was sure I felt the head push against her cervix.

Lana, still watching between our bodies, mumbled, "Mmmm... oh god... you're... you're so deep." She pushed down more and swayed her hips. She tensed for a moment, then squirmed harder. She exhaled her whispered words, "Oh gahhhhd."

My palms held her hips. I nudge her up. We both watched my cock begin to appear again. Her labs seemed to pout outward, as if her cunt was licking my staff, or trying to keep it inside. When just the head remained, she reversed course and lowered onto to my throbbing peg again. Jeezuz... she felt fuckin' perfect around my cock. Her labs kissed my groin again as her cunt tightened around my full length and her hips grinded and push down even more.

"Ohhhh... gahhhhhhd." Lana shut her eyes and her body shivered for a moment, then her hips slowly rose again until the head was only left, then again she reversed movement, this time her tight pussy slid down my staff faster.

"Yeahhh," I groaned, "Like that, baby. Like that."

Lana increased her speed a little more, but after the tenth stroke down my rod she stopped although she kept squirming her hips. I was sure I could feel the head right up against the end of her tight channel. She didn't seem to mind.

She spoke as she panted breaths. "My... legs. It's... hard doing it this way. They... feel like jittery."

"Move your legs so... so your kneeling, don't let my cock out." I watched her move one leg. My hands moved to her waist. "Lean forward when you get your other knee down."

"Oh... yeah, I see." She kept watching between us as she started rocking, caressing my cock in her pussy with shorter strokes. She closed her eyes for a moment. "Oh... oh yeah." The strokes got a little longer.

I nudged her head out of the way with my own. I realized I hadn't sucked on her little tits yet. Her pink nipples were standing taut, like two pink raspberries. My hands slid up her sides to her ribs. I pulled her down as I shoved my back up the pillow a little. I smeared my face over her small plaint mounds. Her nipples were hard. She surprised me yet again.

"I... I have li'l boobs."

It sounded like an apology. I didn't really care about big tits, although a couple chicks in my past had decent sized ones, and one of those girls really liked them treated rough, both her nipple and the whole tit. She loved it when I cuffed her wrists behind her back, made her kneel down as I sat in a chair at her side. I'd hold her hair in one hand, pulling her head back, making her spine and neck arch backwards. I'd French her mouth or suck on her neck while my other hand grabbed, squeezed and generally manhandled her tits. She loved to have her nipples clamped with my thumb and finger, twisted and pulled until she was whimpering from it. One time I slapped her right tit, a sort of an in the moment kind of thing. She loved it. I spanked her tits that night, and a couple other times before she dumped me about a month later. The slaps weren't really intense though.

I sucked Lana's nipples gently at first, rubbing my tongue on the firm nubs, kissing her breasts, sliding my mouth to her other tit, kissing, sucking, moving from one mound to the other. I started sucking harder.

"Mmmm... yeah... uh yeah," she murmured as her cunt kept sliding up and down on my throbbing prick.

I drew more than her nipple into my mouth, more of her pliant flesh, then I clamped my teeth down a little, not really a bite, while my tongue rubbed her berry. I think she liked that because she moaned again and she started rocking faster on my cock, when I clamped and sucked her other tit, she shoved down ardently and squirmed her hips wildly. I felt her back dip more which seemed impossible to me, her breast pushed against my mouth tilting my head back on the pillow. I didn't know she was that limber, like some incredible carnival rubber woman, although I should have noticed that earlier when I had her legs folded back. I bet she could get her calves behind her head.

Her mons was now in contact with my groin and her squirming intensified. I felt her hugging cunt squeeze tighter around the length and girth of my prick. I finally realized she was rubbing her clit on my pubic bone. I felt the tight sleeve of her channel giving my rod quick short strokes while her hips continued grinding like some possessed slut. I got my mouth around a nipple again, grating it with my teeth, then sucking it hard. Her body started trembling.

The tone of her voice was higher, "Ohhhh-h-h-h-h... ye-ahhh-h-h-h." She panted a half dozen breaths. "Cum... cuminme.... oh god... c'mon-c'mon-c'mon... uhhh-h-h-h."

I didn't want to cum yet. I was enjoying it too much. I did want to feel her juicy twat cum again on my cock though. I moved my right hand from her thigh and slid it, palm down between our bodies, curling all the fingers back save for the middle one. The tip touched the root of my cock, I arched the digit slightly, and I felt her taut, pink pearl slide over it. She twitched, then shoved down so hard it seemed she wanted to get my balls inside her cunt. Her grinding hips started wiggling back and forth with more force and speed.

"Oh g-g-g-god! Cum... cuminme.... I hav... wanna... ha... feel... you... cum... c-c-cum... oh... oh... oh-h-h... OH!" Her body started shaking, then twitching.

I was sucking her right tit really hard. I could feel her cunt shivering, then I was sure it was doing that convulsing thing. Jeezuz... that felt good. I suddenly started to lose the 'zone' again. It was like her cunt was frantically trying to jerk off my cock. Her hips twitched a couple times, then her torso jerked up. My mouth stretched her small breast, there was a slurping and pop sound as it was pulled from my sucking mouth. As soon as it exited, a second jerk forced her little body forward this time. Her sternum rammed my forehead, snapping my head back, the rear of my skull banged against the headboard. A microsecond later there was a second thud. I figured her head had hit the wall. There were only a handful of times I had seen some chick orgasm that fiercely, Barb was a few of those. I had been on the verge of unloading into her cunt until she whacked my head.

Maybe her orgasmic spasm pissed me off, or maybe I realized again it seemed like I was servicing her, not the other way around. I had paid the little teasing bitch! Why the hell should I care if she got off?!

She was still orgasmic, on the downside of the peak, as I folded my legs on the mattress into a pretzel form and my torso rose to vertical. I pushed her onto her back, my arms moved quickly, shoving between the backs of her folded thighs and calves. The crooks of my elbows behind her knees began pushing her legs up and back so her knees were at her shoulders as I worked my folded legs back out from under her ass and lower back, making sure my cock didn't slip out of her tight snatch. I sat back on my heels, then stretched one leg back followed by the other. I had her little body basically folded in half, her pretty, petite feet hanging in the air, like when I tongue fucked her pussy. I was going to pound my throbbing, aching fuckmuscle into her drooling little cunt until it emptied the load of spunk boiling in my aching blue balls.

Lana's face looked dazed, or maybe it was frightened, or possibly that was just her well-fucked expression. For some reason, I wanted the little bitch to cum yet again for me, cum once more on my aching prick. I don't know why. She was panting, gasping her breaths like a chased then cornered little animal.

I could feel her tight channel still quivering around my prick as I pulled back and rammed it into her. Her body lurched.

"Ah!" A pained expression came onto her face as I grinded my stiff rod into her.

I looked into her eyes and growled, "Play with your clit."

"Wha'? Huh?" She kept panting breaths.

"Finger your clit. Do it."

Lana had to shift and twist her shoulders to get her arm between her folded legs. I watched two of her fingers start rubbing back and forth over her pink pearl.

She closed her eyes and mumbled, "Oh-h-h-h gahhhhd."

I decided to fuck her hard but slow, increasing the tempo with each succeeding plunge of my cock. I pulled back and rammed it into her, grinded for a moment, then pulled back slowly, then rammed deep again, another grind, then pulled back.

"Oh-h-h... I... I can... can feel it!"

I rammed it in again... pulled slowly back and again... again... again... I fucking hoped she could feel it. Where the fuck had she been the past... however long we'd been fucking?

"I... I can... I can feel it!"

My speed picked up. Jeezuz... her cunt was still wet and tight. It really was smooth satin. Fucking perfect. I increased the tempo of my thrusts. I saw her pull her hand away from her clit. I had told her to do that mainly for herself. As I rammed into her again, after her body lurched she raised her head to watch the next plunge then the next and the one after. I pulled back.

"Oh god... I can see it... I can see it in me! I can feel and see it!" She gasped a few breaths. "Do... do it slower... please... jus'... jus' a few times."

I figured what the hell, I'd give the little bitch what she wanted. I looked down at her cunt wondering what the big deal was about watching it. I mean, I liked to watch too, but it seemed she was seeing something for the first time.

I didn't ram it into her. I pushed it in, but did the grind at the end. I blinked. I saw it too. Maybe I had seen it with Barb once or twice, and definitely with skinny Darlene back in college. I pulled my cock back then pushed it in slowly again. Yeah. Maybe it was the way I had her legs folded up and back, raising her ass off the sheet a little, changing the angle of my probing prick, and of course, her flat abdomen was almost concave really; for whatever reason, I could see my fucking prick bulge her abdomen, going in and coming out. She had felt it with her hand. It looked a little like that fuckin' Alien movie, you know, the one where the creature comes exploding out of the guy's stomach? I was a little too wasted to remember the exact times I had seen it before, I mean a chick's lower abdomen doing that, not the fuckin' movie, but, yeah, I had seen it before. I liked watching it now as I had with those other chicks.

I don't know why but I kept slow fucking her. Lana and I seemed to be mesmerized by the quirky thing, you could even see it sway a little when I grinded it into her, or maybe that was her squirming, I'm not sure which. About the tenth stroke, as I watched the elongated hump forming under her skin again, I twitched when I got this flash vision of one of those fuckin' alien monsters exploding out of her tummy. I had to shut my eyes and shake my head to make it go away.

That happens to me sometimes, like on the job, I'll be on the roof, cutting excess OSB off the gable ends and I'll suddenly see a vision of the circular saw binding, jerking back and slicing right through my thigh. I was surprised I flashed. That happened mostly when I was sober.

When I opened my eyes again, Lana's head had flopped back, her hand was feeling and stroking over the subtle ridge above her mons. I stopped thinking about aliens and then started worrying I was loosing the 'zone,' not that I'd cum too fast, but it would be one of those extremely rare times, half wasted, when I couldn't get my rocks off, even though my balls were screaming in pain, nor be able to get my hard-on to shrink. If that happened, I knew I'd not even be able to walk tomorrow unless I was bent over, my balls would be a step past 'blue balls' and be into 'purple balls.'

I resumed fucking her at what I think of as a 'normal speed.' I looked down. Her two fingers were back on her clit, more diddling her pearl now than rubbing it. She shook for a few seconds and then moaned. Her head turned to the side and I saw her profile. For some damn reason, she looked fourteen to me again. I wasn't sure I liked that anymore. I shoved it into her a little harder and a little faster. I thought about Barb for a moment. When I was in this dilemma and other times too, she'd talk filthy for me. We both loved doing that once in a while. I'd keep pounding her and she'd keep mumbling filthy shit or answering my filthy questions and it'd eventually get me off.

My voice was a breathless growl, "Do you like me... fucking you, Lana? Do you like my cock fucking your little cunt?"

"Uh-huh... uh-huh. Yessss... oh god yeah." I saw her swallow then take a couple deeper gulps of air. Her body still lurching from the force of my thrusts, not as much as a few minutes ago though. "It... it hurt a li'l at firss', but... then... oh god... it felt so good... so good. I di'n't think... it could." More pants. "I... I wanna feel you cum... cuminme." She then said something I didn't think I'd ever hear from her. "Please.... please cum-in-me."

I leaned down farther, forcing her folded legs down even more, her knees nearly level with and next to her shoulders. It raised her ass higher off the mattress. It didn't seem to give her any discomfort, then I recalled how flexible she had been earlier. I started pounding her again, so fast and hard that I was driving her ass into the mattress so she was almost bouncing up to meet my next deep and hard thrust. I smeared my face back and forth over her little tits. I savagely sucked her nipples a few times. She whimpered twice. I kissed and sucked on her neck, then her shoulders, then back to her tits. I raised my head.

"Tell me again," I growled. "Tell me wha' ya want."

"I wan' you to cum. I've... wannid you to come in me for so long." She gasped a couple breaths. "I wan' you to cum in me like you do in her." Another few gulps of air. "Cum.... cum. I wanna feel it... I wanna feel it so much. I wanna hear you like... with her... C'mon cum... please... please."

I was huffing my own breaths so loudly and I really wasn't paying attention much to her words, mostly just the erotic pleading tone, only really hearing 'cum-in-me.' I was getting off on it but wished she had more experience with dirty talk. I was on the way to shooting my wad though.

"I'm fucking you, Lana.... I'm fucking your sweet, hot, little cunt." I pounded her harder. "I'm fucking your little... teenage.... tight... li'l twa...." The urge seemed to come out of nowhere. My balls tightened. I rammed deep into her, grinding viciously into her, pushing my face into her tits, then her neck. I felt the first dollop of spunk start to boil up from my nuts. It actually hurt a little, blue balls will do that sometimes. "You wan' it, La.... URRRRH!"

My body stiffened as the first surge went up my cock. I could tell it was only a little spit that came out the tip, then the second surge immediately followed, really gripping my gut, and I knew as it spewed into Lana's depths it was a freakin' stream. "ARRRRRH!

Lana started shaking. "I... I feel it!" She tried to push harder against my groin, which was impossible, our bodies couldn't have been pressed together any tighter than they were.

The third and fourth surges were streams too, not as much as the second one. The fifth and sixth shots were smaller but bigger than the first. I thought it was over and gasped a deep breath. I always seem to hold my breath when I cum. Maybe all guys do. When I sucked in air, I was surprised when my balls tightened again. I gripped Lana's upper arms and pushed my face into her shoulder, as three more spasms shot through my prick. I think they were blanks, but even so they did feel good. "Ah... fu-uck!"

I think Lana whispered, "Oh my god. I can feel it."
If I hadn't been an animal while I fucked her, I certainly was at that moment because I didn't have a cogent or any other kind of thought in my head. My body felt incredibly good, maybe 'relieved' is a better word, and also totally exhausted. It was as if the eight or nine fuckless months of lousy sleep, plus this week of even lousier sleep had all caught up to me as I spewed the last shot of cum in her. My body went limp.

After about a minute or so, I knew I had to get off her, at least get some of my weight off her. I had to feel like a ton on top of her little body. I usually surprised every chick I ever fucked, that I'm not one of those guys who just roll off and go to sleep. I actually like the cuddling crap afterwards, the kisses, the little nibbles, the more gentler touches, the afterwards exploration of the chick's landscape with my mouth, tongue, hands, fingers.

Tonight though, I had no energy left and it took all my brain power to just realize I had her legs folded back nearly to the freakin' mattress. I cleared my throat. I let go of her upper arms, then struggled to get my left arm out from behind her knee. The right was easier. I pushed most of my weight up using my elbows. My face turned to the side. I just kept taking gasping breaths. My brain started functioning at about 20%, because I registered surprise at what Lana did next. Her arms slid over my shoulders and around my neck and her slender legs wrapped around my lower back. I felt her cheek press against the back of my head. For some reason, I was glad my cock wasn't shrinking really fast and was still inside her snug channel.

Lana whispered, "I... I di'n't know."

I had no clue what she meant. Hell, I didn't really care what she meant. I cleared my throat softly. "I'm not gonna move yet, 'kay?" I didn't think I could.

"Don' move. I don' wan' you to move."

I don't know if it was for ten seconds or five minutes, but I'm sure I fell asleep. It couldn't have been very long because my dick was still in her. "I..." I swallowed a couple times. "I need some water... or a soda." I'm not sure, but I think her arms and legs tightened a little more around me.

Lana's voice was soft but a higher pitch than normal, "Right now?"

I took a breath to say In a minute, or, As soon as I can move, something like that, but I'm sure I dozed off again because when I finally decided to say, Yeah, now, I realized my cock was no longer in her snug little cunt and couldn't remember it slipping out. Her arms and legs were still around me, hugging me. I pushed up higher with my elbows. "I hav'ta get something to drink."

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"My water's on the table."

I really didn't want to go to the kitchen. I wanted to have some water and go to sleep. "Yeah... fine." I waited for her arms and legs to move. They didn't. "I can't with your arms 'round me."

Lana exhaled. "'kay." She slid her legs and arms off me.

I pushed up and sat back on my legs. I twisted to get her glass of water from the bedside table, turned towards her again, then drank half the tall glass. I noticed her cunt was drooling my jiz. I looked at her face. She was biting her lower lip and had that nervous or scared expression on her face again. I figured she was sleepy too because her eyes were watery. Her body, her expression, her teeth clamped on her lower lip, she looked fourteen again. I felt something in my gut like guilt for moment, but it quickly went away. I lowered the glass. "Want some?"

"Um... yeah." She pushed herself back as she raised her torso. She sat pretzel legged then took the glass from my hand. Fourteen, maybe even thirteen at the moment. Another brief, mysterious twinge in my gut.

Whatever I was thinking it was really hazy. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. As if by instinct or habit with some chick in my bed, I moved to the half I always sleep on, so my left arm is next to the girl. I pulled a pillow over and lay on my back. I wanted to say something to Lana but I wasn't sure what it was. I tried to keep my eyes open but the lids kept closing. I swallowed a couple times.

Lana moved, sliding on the sheet to put her glass on the bedside table.

She was a girl, a teenager, like a freshman in high school, I thought. Yet I also knew it was an illusion, she was eighteen, not fourteen. It still felt kind of taboo-hot, although something that wasn't hot was beginning to mix with the sensation. I didn't want to know what it was. I saw her turn her face to mine just before my lids drooped down again.

"Are... are you gonna go to sleep?"

I squinted at her. "Huh? Uh... yeah... yeah, sleep." My eyes closed.

"You... you don't wanna... um... um... can... can I sleep here? In bed... with you?"

I had to raise my eyebrows to get my eyelids open. My brow pinched. "Huh? Ahhh... yeah... sure. Turn off the lamp." I guess I figured what the hell. I was tired of sleeping alone. A warm body would be nice to have in bed for a change. Or maybe I didn't think about it at all.

Lana moved a pillow and then lay on her back. She reached for the lamp and switched it off. There was just the street lamp light pushing into the room from around the drawn blinds, some light was on down the hall, probably the living room. I closed my eyes and felt her move again, sitting up again. I didn't look. I figured she had changed her mind and was headed to her bedroom, but then I felt the top sheet floating down onto my body. "Yeah.... good," I mumbled, at least I think I did. I sensed her move back to her lying position.

Her voice was soft but above a whisper, "Do... do you wanna spoon?"

I might have been asleep for a few moments. My brow pinched. I wondered when she got something to eat. It felt like a struggle to open my eyes. I looked at her in the near total darkness. "Huh? A spoon for what?"

"Do... um... do you wanna sleep next to me, you know, on your side, with... with your arm around me?"

"Ahhh..." I wasn't quite sure what she meant. "Ah... yeah, sure."

I watched Lana turn on her side then wiggle and slide towards me. I stared at her ass under the sheet, and thought there was something I forgot to do. When her body started touching mine, I realized she meant 'spooning.' I rolled onto my side towards her. I was exhausted. Her body did fit very nicely with mine. Perfectly in fact. I pushed my arm under her pillow, then draped my other arm over her, my hand cupped her warm, palm sized breast. Her nipple was still a taut raspberry shape. My head was a little higher than hers on the pillow. I liked the subtle, sweet herbal fragrance of her hair, or maybe she had on perfume. We were both silent for a couple minutes and then just as I was about to drift off she spoke, pulling me away from the threshold of unconsciousness.

"Remember the truckstop?"

"Huh?" I cleared my throat. "Wha' 'bout it?"

"When you came back from the bathroom, no... no guy ever... talked for me like tha' before."

I sighed. "Don' worry 'bout it. I'm... I'm not crit..." I cleared my throat again. "C'mon, Lana, you had on wha' the.... the call girls were wearin', so the guy jus' thought tha..."

She interrupted, "Not tha' asshole guy, I meant... I meant wha' you said, wha' you did."

"Huh? Wha' I said? Wha'd'ya mean?" I couldn't recall saying anything to her.

"When you tole the guy to... to take his hands off me, an'... an' that I was with you, an'... an' you seemed ready to fight for me. You... you p'tected me."

My brow pinched and then my eyes opened a little. To be honest, I was too damn tired and too wasted to recall any of the diner events. I knew I said something to the trucker, not exactly what though. I had been ready to fight the guy. I guess I had been protecting her. I certainly wasn't going to let the asshole drag her off and fuck her. I blinked a couple times trying to figure out what scam she was now starting. I was too damn sleepy to think. Was she thanking me? I really didn't think she was. I couldn't remember her thanking anyone for anything before. "Well... uh... I wasn't goin' to let that guy touch you."

"I know." I really didn't notice that her voice had gotten very nasally, like she had a cold.

I kept my eyes half open for a couple moments to see if she had anything to add. When she stayed silent I closed my eyes, inhaled her sweet scent and relaxed. Once again, on the threshold of sleep, she dragged me back.

"I... I liked what we did tonight. I... I had two... no, maybe three orgasms. Tha'... tha' never happened before. Was... was I as good as her?"

All I could get out was, "Mm-hmm." I had no idea who she was talking about.

A minute later she stopped me once more from stepping into oblivion.

"We... we didn't do everything. You... you wannid to... um... you wannid to do anal, di'n't you? You... you do that with her."

"Hmm? Mmmm... mm-hmm."

"I... I kinda wannid to try it. I thought it'd be really hot, ya know?"

I vaguely heard her, but it didn't fully register in my brain, nor in my cock. Surprisingly I didn't get wide eyed and sit up. I desperately wanted to sleep. "Mm-hmm."

At least a minute of silence passed before she spoke again. "I... I-I've like only been... with like two guys... like one time each. An'... an' I di'n't really do as many... um... beejays like... like I kind'a said."

"Mm-hmmm." What I had heard was -- I-I blah-blah, blah-blah blah blah, blah-blah blah.

"There's... like somethin' else I wanna tell you, but... um... like I don' know if... like I should. I... I don' know if you'd wanna know, or... or like even wanna hear it. I mean like... hate to hear it."

"Mmmm." The only thing that filtered through the alcohol fog to me was that Lana was possibly saying something wasn't quite finished between us. I had no idea what it was, nor did I care. A hazy image of Barb's contorted, crying face at the prison cafeteria appeared in my mind, then it faded away. What I heard slightly more clearly than whatever Lana had said, was from a nebulous voice in my mind shouting from a long distance away, announcing that I had really fucked up big time tonight. I was more than half in the bag, and so close to sleep that I wasn't sure why the voice was saying that, although I seemed to sense my ol' hated companions, Regret and Guilt, entering the room.

As the black void finally engulfed me, I think Lana started speaking softly again.

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End of Part 1

(comments/critiques/feedbacks welcome.)

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A Prison Break Ch. 02

Cascading events take a surprising turn.

copyright ©2009 by A_Satori. All rights reserved.

[Author's note: This story is Part 2 of A Prison Break, which I recommend be read prior to the story below.]

[Acknowledgments: My thanks to Andrea4328 for her editorial input and especially her tutelage on comma splices in compound sentences, although some of it may have fallen on deaf ears. Her work on this story is greatly appreciated. Any mistakes remaining in the text are mine alone.]

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A PRISON BREAK, PART 2 - COMFORT AND ANXIETY

CHAPTER 6

I hate waking up with a hangover. I guess no one does. I've often wondered if a little 'hair of the dog' works as a cure. I've never tried it. The last thing I want to do when I'm really hungover is have a shot or beer or bloody Mary, or anything alcoholic.

The worst kind of hangover for me, is when it's not just the physical elements of -- the queasy stomach or true nausea that leads to vomiting; the stinking cotton mouth; the splitting headache; the dizziness; the possible sore muscles which depends on what you did the night before, sitting on a bar stool isn't bad the next day, throwing punches in the parking lot can be; and that general physical malaise that feels like you tried to poison yourself the night before, which in essence, is what you did -- no, it's when you wake up with all that plus, instantly feel that tight knot in your gut that signals you did something the night before you'll cringe with guilt if not shame about today, as soon as you can recall what it is. I usually have that with my hangovers, maybe a little less often since I met Barb.

The only thing that tops all that to make it the absolute worst, is when you're also disoriented. Possibly you don't know where you are, or you don't know what day it is, or you don't know who you're sleeping with in bed, and the worst version of latter is being in bed with a woman and thinking she's someone else. Actually the ultimate absolute worst is a combo of all those things.

I hadn't opened my eyes yet, when I realized the odd sensation on the outside of my lower left thigh was a small foot. I wondered if Barb got as drunk as I did last night. I next became aware of my pubic hair being stuck to my skin in a few places which told me Barb and I screwed when we got to bed. I somewhat recalled I really got my rocks off. I hope she did too.

Wait. Wait a second.

I felt my gut tighten even more. It couldn't possibly be Barb next to me. My head hurt worse as some flashes of the previous night momentarily illuminated my mind. Lana. I fucked Lana last night. Oh jeezuz. I screwed her a lot last night. We were drinking bourbon. Jeezuz... I gave her whiskey! Shit! She's going to tell Barb, she's going to tell Barb about it all!

Wait a second.

Jeezuz. I paid her for sex. I fucking paid her for sex! The week of teasing and then she propped me. I fuckin' bargained with her. I paid her. We fucked. We fucked a lot. Oh jeezuz. I fucked Barb's daughter like she was a whore! She said she wouldn't tell Barb. She said she hadn't told anyone. Didn't she say that? Did I believe her? I think I did last night. Do I believe it now? Ohhhhh shit.

My throbbing headache intensified. I wished I could hit the rewind button on my life to yesterday afternoon when I had the fucking shouting match with Jim. I would keep my mouth shut, and then... come home and give Lana $15 to go out with her friends to... what the hell was it? Was it a movie? Then, just had a few beers and gone to bed. Jeezuz... I fucked Lana! I fucked Barb's daughter!

I told myself to relax, to get a grip. If Lana was going to tell Barb, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. Same with her blabbing to her stupid friends, nothing I could do about it. What if she told the cops? Did I commit a crime last night? Because I'm married to her mother? Because I signed those goddamn guardian papers? I didn't have a clue about the criminality regarding any of it, except me being the john part. And of course her being the prosti. Yeah, those two things were criminal. Jeezuz. I fucking paid her for sex!

I opened my eyes just a slit to see if somehow she could have her sole against my thigh yet still be looking at me. No, she was turned away from me, lying on her side. Jeezuz... she looked fourteen again. A disquieting wave of revulsion for myself coursed through me as I remembered during the past few months that aspect, her looking so much younger than her age, got me hard. Maybe I'm nothing more than a fucking pervert. A pedophile? NO! I don't gawk at fourteen year old girls, unless they look legal. Lana looks eighteen... most of the time! I'm not a fucking pervert. No, I'm just a fucking john!

Jeezuz... I paid her for sex. I had always told myself I would never, NEVER pay for sex, and I never did, until I get married, then I pay the daughter of my wife for sex. Not only was I scum, I was fuckin' STUPID scum!

I opened my eyes wider. She was lying in one of the poses she had used during her teasing shows. She was on her side, her back to me, her legs folded, her torso twisted so her shoulders were nearly flat on the mattress, every sensual curve on her little body was accentuated. Her dark brunette hair was mussed and sexy looking, spilled around the pillow. I held my breath and listened. I heard soft, regular breathing from her. I figured she must be asleep. I exhaled.

I tried to think of what to do first. My head was throbbing so much, and my mind was either reeling or hazy, or maybe both, that I didn't know what to do first. Then, my body made up my mind for me. I really needed to piss.

As quietly and gently as possible I slid to the edge of the mattress, then out from under the sheet and stood. My dick was sore. We must have really fucked a lot last night. It was also flaky from my jiz. I looked down on Lana. I hoped she slept for a couple more hours so I could think, so I could get a grip, so I could figure out what the hell to say to her, figure out what to do.

I glanced at the master bath. I didn't want to wake her making noises in there. I decided to use the hallway bathroom, which was really Lana's bathroom now. I silently walked into the master bath just to get my toothbrush and toothpaste, then left the bedroom, actually tiptoeing part of the way.

I headed to the hall bathroom realizing I hadn't been in there for months. She never told me not to, I just stopped using it. I thought if I didn't use it, I would never have to clean it. I don't have any friends who visit the house, so no one associated with me pisses or shits in there either. A month or so after Barb went to prison, I stopped using it. Around last Christmas Lana had started keeping the door always closed.

I opened the door and stepped inside. Two astonishing things hit my dulled brain. The first was that it was freakin' clean, almost spotless, even the plastic wastebasket was clean, I mean it had some tissues in it, but the plastic itself was clean. It had never been this clean and orderly, even when Barb was still living in the house.

The second thing was that she had transformed it into what I call a "girl's potty room." There was a sort of placemat cloth on the lid of the toilet water closet, centered on it was a softball sized round ceramic vase with a few very realistic silk flowers in it. In the corner of the room were more flowers, flowers and weeds actually, large, dead and dried which were stuck in and held up by a tall, wicker, horn shaped, faux vase. There was a short, four legged chromed wire rack with two shelves I had never seen before, similar to one of those old fashioned TV stands. It had two matched sets of thick, fluffy bath towels, hand towels, and washcloths neatly folded, stacked on the lower shelf, a wicker tray on the top shelf held another ceramic vase with a few silk flowers, and two small white dishes with scented, different pastel colored, scented soaps balls. Patterned, dark fabric was draped around the top and side casings of the small window, not really curtains though.

It seemed the walls had been painted recently, I couldn't remember it being the powder blue it was now, which complimented the colors of older style tile work. The white ceiling had definitely been recently painted. It also seemed the door and casing on the very narrow linen closet had been too. I didn't recall it being off-white, or semi-gloss before. There were a handful of pictures hung on the walls, not large, mostly watercolors or photos of flowers and landscapes. For some reason, I wondered if she had painted the inside of the linen closet door.

I closed the hall door behind me, and pushed the lock button, noting that door back had been painted too. I set my brush and toothpaste on the vanity top. The bottles and jars on it were all neatly arranged, no hairdryer or curling iron with the cords all tangled up like it used to be in the master bath when Barb was here.

I stepped to the linen closet door and opened it. I saw older towels, toilet paper rolls, and a few older looking bottles of shampoo and bars of soap on the shelves. The jamb was painted as well as the inside face of the door. My gut knotted tighter when I saw the 4 x 6 inch picture frame hanging on the door. A photo was under the glass.

It was a pic of Barb sitting on a blanket at a beach. She looked to be eighteen or so. She was wearing a red bikini. The wind had blown a few strands of her hair across her forehead. She was sitting pretzel legged, holding a toddler standing on her lap, a dark brunette little girl who was wearing those white plastic frame kid's sun glasses and a little, white, floppy sun hat. Both of Barb's slender arms were wrapped around the little girl, her cheek was pressing against the side of Lana's head. A slender, petite, fortyish woman in a blue tank suit, also a dark brunette and also wearing shades, sitting with her legs folded to the side, was leaning into Barb holding herself up on an outstretched arm which was hidden behind Barb. She had her cheek pressed to the side of Barb's head. All three females were grinning, maybe laughing. Lana looked so cute and pretty. So did Barb. The older woman was attractive too.

I knew immediately the woman in the tank suit had to be Barb's mother, Lana's grandmother. I felt my guilt swell within me. At the right edge of the photo, I noticed part of a dark blue, white topped, plastic cooler poking into the scene. Sitting on the lid was a bottle of a wine cooler. Barb had told me once, she used to love those.

The photo had to have been taken just about the time Barb said her parents had thrown her out of the house and completely disowned her and Lana. I stared at the woman's face. Barb's story and that face didn't seem to match. I knew that really didn't mean anything. My parents' home movies proved that. You can't really tell anything about people, especially if it's just from a photo. But... that woman's smile was definitely genuine, so was her caressing hand on Lana's foot. I knew in my gut that woman could never disown her granddaughter, and probably not her daughter either.

I suddenly felt even worse, like I was snooping in Lana's personal things, defiling her privacy. I guess I was. I realized I hadn't pissed yet. I closed the narrow door, then stepped to the toilet and raised the seat and lid. Jeezuz... I really needed to piss. It was making a lot of noise in the water. I turned around and looked at the tub. It was a hell of a lot cleaner than mine. I wondered if I should just hold off and use my bathroom later. Hell, I was the one paying the fucking rent! I'd shower here.

I turned towards to the toilet again. Shit. I had peed on the rim of the goddamn bowl. I shook my dick to get the last few drops out, then yanked some toilet paper off the roll and wiped up my lousy aim. I tossed it in the bowl, flushed, then lowered the seat and lid.

I turned on the shower. I stepped to the wire rack and reached for one of the fluffy big towels, then pulled my hand back. I muttered, "Fucking chicks." I returned to the linen closet and grabbed an older towel. I looked at the photo again for a few seconds. I wished Barb's mom didn't have the shades on. I wanted to see her eyes. I closed the door, set the towel within reach on the toilet cover. I brushed my teeth and tongue thoroughly. I finally stepped into the tub and drew the shower curtain closed. I looked around for the bar of soap. There were only bottles on the plastic holder rack hanging from the shower nozzle.

"Fuckin' chicks," I muttered again. I looked at the bottles. Two of shampoos, one conditioner, finally one that read "body wash." I poured some of that in my palm, then realized I should have shampooed first. No, actually I should have taken vitamin pills, two ibuprofen, and drank a couple glasses of water first. Her surprising interior decorating work had gotten me all fouled up, so did that damn photo.

I used the dollop of body wash on my groin first, lathered up my pubic hair. My dick was sore, maybe friction burned. I then grabbed some green bottle marked shampoo. As soon as I poured some, I thought of Lana. It was that herbal scent of her hair. Great. I was going to smell like a chick all day! I'd just take another shower with my bar of Dial and my non-scented shampoo as soon as Lana got up and out of my bedroom. My gut clenched tighter again. I'd have to figure out what the hell to say and do before then.

I finished the shower and reached for the towel. I dried off in the tub so I didn't get the throw rug wet. Even that thing looked clean. I realized I hadn't grabbed any clothes on my way out of the bedroom. "Fuck." I toweled my feet last, then stepped out of the tub. I wrapped the damp towel around my waist and noticed I had forgotten to turn on the exhaust fan. It felt humid and the mirror was covered with condensation. I flipped the switch on, then got pissed at myself for worrying about shit like that. I left the door open to get the moisture out of the room as I headed down the hall. The fan wasn't too loud, I didn't think it could be heard in the master bedroom.

In the kitchen I put cubes in a tall glass and filled it at the tap. I drank it all then refilled it. I got two big multi-vitamins and two ibuprofen and drank more water to get them down. I opened the fridge, grabbed the carton of orange juice and shook it. Dammit. There was only about a glass worth's in it. I raised it to my mouth, then just before it touched my lips, I swore under my breath again and put it back in the refrigerator. I needed a smoke. I got a fresh pack of cigs from the cabinet, looked around for matches because my lighter was probably in my jeans. I couldn't find any. I opened the pack and lit one on the stove burner, then sat at the kitchen table.

I took a drag. I had to figure out what to do about last night, and what to say to Lana today. All I could think about though, was how goddamn clean her bathroom was and that hidden picture in the linen closet. Why couldn't she clean any other part of the house like that? That fucking giftwrap paper from Barb's graduation gift to her was still on the living room floor. It had been what? Two weeks since she ripped that off the box?

Had Barb lied to me about her parents? I was now absolutely sure she hadn't told me the entire story. I blinked. Was it she who had disowned them? What would make her do that? What would make her parents disown her? Lana was at least two if not three in that photo. That woman in the pic didn't look like she was about to toss her kid and grandkid out on the street. Who was taking the photo? Was it Barb's high school boyfriend, the guy who knocked her up? She never talked to me at all about him, like the guy who fathered Lana was dead. Was it some different boyfriend, or was it Grampa behind the lens? Does Lana even know who her father is? Does she even remember her grandparents? Why don't I know any of this shit?

I could recall a few things from when I was three years old, maybe even younger, stupid seemingly mundane moments. I didn't know enough about kids to be able to judge her age in that pic. She was standing, not just being held up by Barb's arms, at least it looked like that. And her face was starting to look like her, so she couldn't be extremely young. She had to be two or three, and... Barb might have been older than eighteen. She looks younger than her age too, like Lana does now. Well, before she went to prison at least.

My gut tightened again with the image of Barb crying that day in the prison visiting room. Me being cruel to her, and Lana being a lying little bitch. How the hell did the beautiful young woman and that cute baby in the photo end up to be the people who were at the prison that day? Pictures may speak a thousand words but they don't tell the entire story, nor the truth.

The story. The story Barb told me about her parents disowning her. Truth or bullshit? What does Lana know about it? Did Barb tell her the same story she told me? I blinked. Why was I thinking about that? I crushed the cigarette out in the half full plastic ashtray. I should have emptied it before I lit the cig.

Damn. I had truly fucked up royally last night. It would kill Barb if she found out. How will I be able to face her tomorrow? Jeezuz. Will she be able to tell just by looking at me? Why can't I lie better than I do? How could I have been so goddamn stupid? I was fucking horny and drunk, that's how. That's how I've fucked up over and over again since I was in high school, drunk and horny since I was fifteen. Or, maybe Dad's been right all these years - What the hell is wrong with you? Do you have your brains up your goddamn ass?! Yeah, maybe fuckhead Dad was right.

I brought myself back to the present. I decided to clean up the evidence of last night. Why have any reminders of it? I started on the kitchen counter. There was more bourbon in the Comfort bottle than I thought there'd be. I put that in the cabinet. There was a can of tea next to the sink. I shook it. It was nearly empty. Lana drank that crap sometimes. I spilled the remnants in the sink and from the mud room door I tossed the can in the recyclable box in the garage. I emptied the kitchen ashtray making sure nothing was still smoldering, then wiped down the sticky countertops and the table; every moment trying to think of what to say to Lana and how to handle the situation. I kept drawing a blank.

There was a putrid odor coming from the sink full of dirty dishes. I felt angry for a moment, knowing at least half were dishes and glasses Lana had used. As I grabbed the dish sponge and put some liquid soap on it, I glanced at the digital clock on the stove. 7:18AM. I wondered how long Lana would sleep. I started on the dishes. I thought about how spic 'n' span her bathroom was, and my jaw tightened briefly.

It took me nearly twenty minutes to do the dishes, a good part of that was getting the big and small skillets cleaned of burnt shit stuck on the 'no stick' surfaces. I did a quickie scrubbing of the sink after that, then realized I hadn't checked the living room for glasses. I went in there and saw the end table shoved away from the side of the couch. A vision of the previous night flooded my mind. I had forgotten about laying Lana over the armrest, tonguing her cunt and asshole, then really pounding my cock into her. I vaguely recalled she had an orgasm there. Maybe I was wrong about that.

I pulled the end table back to its proper place, then tossed the throw pillows to each end of the couch. There were four glasses and two dishes around the room. Once more my jaw tightened when I saw the giftwrap paper on the floor. I took the dishes to the sink, just put them in to wash later. I opened the fridge and was about to drink the OJ, but again thought I should leave it for Lana. I cursed under my breath, closed the door and grabbed the dish sponge and soap once more and washed what I had brought in from the living room. I just could not get my thoughts organized.
I placed a doubled paper towel on the countertop to put the newly washed glasses on, there wasn't any room in the high pile of dishes draining in the other sink. I bit the bullet and separated the previous washed glasses from the big pile, put those on the paper towel, then stuck in the newly washed dishes in the drainer. I looked at the clock. 7:58AM. I figured I needed to get some fuckin' clothes on.

I quietly walked to the master bedroom and peeked inside. Lana had rolled over to face the opposite wall. I silently walked in, picked up my jeans, underwear, and T shirt, then went to the living room, pulled the damp towel off, and got dressed. There were a few small semen stains in my briefs. There had been semen leaks in all my fuckin' underwear the entire previous week from either watching Lana's tease shows or thinking about Lana's tease shows. I picked up the towel and tossed it on top of the washer in the mud room.

I put more ice in my water glass and refilled it. I thought about making coffee but my stomach wasn't feeling very well and I was too thirsty to drink coffee. I lit another smoke. I wondered how long Lana was going to sleep. I had to get my shit together. What the hell was I going to say to her? I sat at the kitchen table.

Well, I couldn't fuck her again. It was wrong for a hundred reasons, a few vying for the top of the list. I didn't want Barb to know for good, and for some selfish reasons. It would devastate her, emotionally it would kill her. She hadn't done very well those first couple months drying out. Those visitations had been afternoons from hell. Would she off herself if she found out? My gut tightened yet again. I knew that answer was "yes," at least a good possibility. How could I have fucked up so badly? Did I want to leave Barb? Did I want to divorce her? To have her divorce me? Can prisoners divorce their spouses? Locked up in prison, she'd be in utter despair if she found out I had fucked Lana, especially if she knew I had freakin' paid Lana.

Jeezuz. Barb might reach some crazy conclusion that cutting off Lana's allowance was my way of getting Lana to fuck me for money! Oh shit. Would she think that? I hadn't done that! Yeah, I've been thinking about fucking her, especially the last week or so, but yesterday I was fuckin' praying she would be out before I got home last night! I didn't plan any of it, she did! She had the whole fuckin' thing planned out!

It suddenly felt like the wind got knocked out of me. Last Sunday, going to that goddamn truckstop con whorehouse... that's when she started planning it all. We talked about that one whore last night. Shit! Why the fuck did I stop there?! Did I subconsciously go there on purpose for her? So she'd see those prosties? Did I hope she'd get the idea?

I stared out the window over the sink and considered it. NO! I didn't think anything like that! Did I? NO! I had a taste for that fuckin' chicken and I didn't want to go to some fast food joint she might have liked. That's why I stopped there. How could I have ever thought seeing a few whores would make her jump to the conclusion that she should offer me sex for money?! I may stretch possibilities sometimes, but that would have been a fuckin' colossal intellectual leap of fantasy, even if it was subconscious. Fuck subconscious! What the fuck does subconscious have to do with any fucking thing! If it was subconscious, I wouldn't fucking know it, and I sure as hell didn't think it consciously!

Why should I feel any of this is my fuckin' fault?! What the fuck does Barb expect me to do for three to five fuckin' years?! Become a priest?! The knot in my gut tightened yet again when I recalled thinking something like that last night. I pushed the thought from my mind.

Lana is the one who fuckin' propositioned me. She's fucking eighteen, that's legal age in this fuckin' state, in EVERY fuckin' state. She fuckin' teased me for three, four days! Like any whore on a street corner, hell, MORE than street walkers! She had the whole thing planned! She preyed on me, not the other fuckin' way round! She knew I was horny and she made me even hornier, insane fuckin' horny! She knew I was drunk, she knows I fuckin' get half smashed nearly every evening some weeks, and she fucking goddamn well knows I don't give a shit about anything sometimes when I'm half in the bag. She must have noticed that in all my fuckin' arguments with Barb! She played me like she was a fuckin' whore! Just like a fuckin' whore!

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I crushed the butt in the ashtray, then swept the ash that had fallen on the table top off the edge. If it was her fault, why the hell was I so fucking full of guilt about it? Because I was a weak fucking asshole, a drunk, and now a cheating fucking prick of a husband? I had vowed to myself that I would never... NEVER do that to Barb, even though I guess I thought she might do it to me. I had promised myself I'd divorce her before I ever cheated on her. If I couldn't do that, then the broad wasn't worth fucking.

Shit. Fucking shit.

I buried my throbbing head in my hands then rubbed my face and skull. Why couldn't I just stop fucking drinking? Some days I didn't drink at all, other days I'd plan to have one or two beers but then I'd drink an eighteen pack. Why couldn't I just fucking quit?

It was my safety valve, that's why. It was a way to release the pressure. And I didn't do crazy shit every time I got wasted. Barb liked me drunk, she always said I was so funny, and so hot after I had a few drinks. We had fun at the bars, we had hot times in the bedroom too. Yeah, I'd wish I could recall every minute the next morning, but sometimes it was fun with Barb the following day filling in each other's memory gaps of the night before, like hearing about some movie where you were the main character. When I was loaded, I didn't worry about anything, I didn't feel like some fucking shithead failure, the edges were taken off everything, for the most part.

Not always though. Sometimes it made me plain crazy or turned me into a mean son-of-a-bitch. That's usually when I got into the fights. The next day it would scare the hell out of me sometimes recalling how I had done some crazy shit like driving the truck at 95mph, or how I made a fool of myself in some bar, or how I had really wanted to kill some asshole who had said some shit to me, or who I just thought was a fuckin' prick. Half the fights I had been in had been me picking them. Maybe more than half.

After I met Barb, I had cooled it a little, but sometimes even Barb screaming at me to leave some bar instead of fighting, or physically trying to restrain me from duking it out with some fucking asshole in the parking lot, didn't stop me. Once I shoved her away so hard in some bar, she fell over someone else's table, which had the bouncer on me in a microsecond, holding me while the asshole I was about to fight, delivered a few fists to my face and gut as the bouncer dragged me to the door and pushed me outside. Barb came out and screamed at me for at least five minutes, the bouncer standing at the door watching. Then in the car, she sobbed between shouting tirades at me all the way home, telling me that if I ever shoved her like that again, she'd kick me out of the house and never have anything to do with me again.

I never planned to get drunk. No, that's a lie. Of course I did. The thing was, I never planned to be an asshole. Yet if I was honest with myself, which sometimes I can't manage, I probably knew or at least could feel the nights I was going to end up in a shouting match with some prick in a bar, or worse. It was usually after a lousy day, a day when I'd lose my "sober" temper during the day. Sometimes my fuckin' goddamn anger just exploded. Half the time I didn't even know why.

Sometimes on the days I felt it brewing, I could keep it under control, other days, it really did just explode. It would truly surprise me, like some terrorist bomb had just detonated. There was never any conscious decision to go off on some prick. Like at that truckstop with Lana. At first I really was about to throw a punch at the guy, who undoubtedly would have mopped the floor with me. I pulled back from it though. Sometimes I could pull it back, think with my brain not my gut.

Thinking with my brain. I certainly wasn't doing that last night. I was thinking with my fuckin' dick. Along with the ball of guilt inside, I added self-loathing. What the fuck was wrong with me? There were some days I could just have a couple beers, or no alcohol at all. Why were there other days, when I would start out thinking just a couple, and end up opening the Comfort and drinking myself into blackouts? Why don't I know when I'm going to do that?

I thought of AA. I hated AA. I had never gotten a sponsor, never gone to the smaller touchy-feely meetings, just the large general ones. I never stayed to the end of those. I'd been going to the general meetings on and off for five years. I would get so fuckin' depressed listening to the fuckin' testimonies or stories or whatever you call them. I hated it because I saw my own bullshit and lack of control in every one of those assholes. I didn't want to admit that I was like them, that I'd end up like any of those sick looking older guys. All I had to do was somehow figure out why there were those days I could not stop drinking, then when I figured that out, all I had to do is just not drink on those days. It was one of those days that Barb drove home, me passed out, the night she killed that kid on the bike. It was like one in the fuckin' morning, why the fuck wasn't that kid home in bed?!

Oh jeezuz. She is in prison because of me. My eyes teared for a moment.

'If' and 'What if' and 'Why can't I' were the fucking chapter headings of my fucking life.

I fucked Barb's daughter last night. I cheated on Barb with her own daughter. What's lower than scum? I looked out the window again. I had to get my head together. What the hell was I going to say to Lana? I blinked. What the hell was she going to say to me? I thought for a minute. I had to find out if she was going to tell Barb. I had to find out if she was going to tell anyone. I was sure she said a few times last night that she wouldn't say a word to anyone. I thought she said that. She had to have said that, right? Shit. I'll have to ask her again.

A fresh, gut wrenching thought entered my head. Oh fuck. What if she's now thinking about selling her body, selling it to fuckin' high school boys? Oh jeezuz. I had to make sure she didn't do that. How the hell was I going to do that? She doesn't listen to me about any fuckin' thing. Don't become a whore, Lana. Don't ever sell your body like that again. Sex is for people in love. It should be making love, not fucking. Yeah, like she's going to listen to me! Especially now. I wouldn't even believe that bullshit. She'd just laugh at me. I was her first trick, now I'm going to be giving her advice as her counselor? As her priest? Yeah, right.

I gave it more thought. Was her plan to fuck me once for money, then use it as leverage to get her allowance back? Threaten to tell Barb? But, wouldn't Barb also be insanely angry at Lana then too? Wait. She could tell Barb I raped her. Oh shit. I had already mentioned that to Barb, and that would make Barb think that I was trying to make her believe Lana would lie before I had actually raped her daughter. Yeah... yeah, she might think that. Oh shit. Oh jeezuz. How could I have been so goddamn fucking stupid?!

Barb would tell the cops. Wait. Maybe Lana will threaten to tell the cops, extort money out of me with the threat. Blackmail. But, unless she goes in for a rape exam today, maybe even tomorrow, how could she prove it? Her word against mine? Would the cops believe me when I would say she had propped me for sex? Yeah, right.

My hands rubbed my face again. I was spinning my wheels. I had to find out what she was going to do and say. She had me over the proverbial barrel, and she goddamn knew it. Fuck. Maybe I should just give her the fucking allowance and not discuss last night at all, or... maybe tell her it was a mistake, that it would kill Barb if she found out, and that it would destroy her mother if she started hooking for high school guys or... jeezuz, just hooking for any guy. I blinked again. She could use the house during the day for fucking her johns. How the hell would I know or stop her?

I leaned back in the chair. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. I was still spinning my wheels. I had to talk to her. I wouldn't know what to say or do until I talked to her. What if she didn't say anything to me, didn't answer any question, just left me guessing about all of it? What could I do then? I could do... ... nothing. She's not going to listen to anything I have to say anyway. She never has, why would that change this morning? The only thing I could do is try to talk to her, try to get answers. That's all I could do.

I can't show fear though. I do that and she'll have even more 'hand' over me. I can't show fear. I guess my fuckin' father was right all those years growing up. I do have my fuckin' brains up my fuckin' butt. What the hell is wrong with you? You got your goddamn brains up your ass?" Yeah, and fuck you too, Dad.

My fucking dad. He was a drunk too. A periodic drunk, like me, but my periods are shorter. I guess I inherited the right fucked up gene from him. He gave me the fucking anger too.

I thought about the 'strappings.' I didn't think about those very often. Other kids got spanked, maybe not with a belt, but spanking was still part of parenting when I was young I guess. He never did it to my older sister, just me. From the time I was four.

A sardonic smile curved my mouth.

I never knew what I had done so wrong that deserved a whipping. What could a four year old do that would deserve a lashing? I didn't burn the garage down, didn't do finger paintings on my bedroom walls, didn't break or ruin shit in the house on purpose. And if a four year old did any of those things would it validate a whipping?

Sometimes I was just slow to follow his 'orders.' I don't wanna stop playin' yet. Can I play more? On his bad days, that fell under 'backtalk,' or giving him 'lip,' and I'd hear, "I'm not taking any shit from you like that!" or, "I'll teach you to show me some goddamn respect!" I was supposed to 'jump' when he told me to do something, and when I didn't that was more than enough at four, five, six, seven, and eight to have him grab my arm and drag me to my parents' bedroom, order me to lay on the bed. He'd remove his belt, then he'd whip my ass with it until he got his fill of my screaming and sobbing.

Other days, he would tell me he and I were best friends. "You and me, we're buddies, right? C'mon, get your glove, let's play some catch." Those buddy days were usually a day or two after a whipping.

I love-hated him.

When I was seven, I figured out what his rush was about it the strappings. He wanted, needed, maybe even craved to hear me scream and cry in pain. Finally my own hate and anger gave me some backbone. One evening when I gave him 'lip' or somehow didn't give him enough 'respect,' he gave me one of the usual lines, "I'll teach you respect!"

He grabbed my arm and pushed me to his bedroom, shoved me onto the bed, took off his belt and started lashing away, craving to hear me crying and screaming that I was sorry and I'd be good. I clenched my jaw and kept my mouth shut. I didn't utter a sound. My eyes welled up and tears flowed but he couldn't see it because my face was pressing into the bedspread. He whipped my little ass harder. With each lash, my anger and hate grew, which reinforced my resolve not to make the smallest whimper. I think about halfway through he muttered something like, "You think you're tough, huh? I'll show you." He whipped harder. A minute or so later, I heard my mom at the doorway. He kept that belt coming down adamantly while she spoke.

"Anton... that's enough... Anton, stop. That's enough. Anton! That's enough!"

The son-of-a-bitch gave me at least four more. He then pulled the belt away and started putting it back on his pants. He was actually a little breathless, huffing air, when he said, "That'll teach you to respect me." He left the room.

The fucking, ignorant prick didn't realize he and his belt just made lose respect, made my disrespect grow, and taught me to hate him even more. As I slid off the bed, Mom came up and put her arm around my shoulders. I shoved it off, told her to leave me alone. I went to my room, closed the door and lay on the bed. My ass was burning as I buried my face into the pillow trying to muffle the sound as I cried and choked with sobs. A couple minutes later Mom came in, sat on the edge of the bed, stroked my back gently, and said something like, "Just try to be good. Just do what he says right away. Okay, honey?" I didn't answer. I hated her at that moment too.

I never cried after that or tried anything like I had when I was five, stuffing a book in the back of my pants. I think I had seen that in some really ancient cartoon very early some Saturday morning, some animal character about to be spanked, putting a book in his pants. Dad didn't always push me to the bedroom, sometimes he'd shout at me to go there, make me wait for the strap, probably trying some psychological terror on me. It was one of those times that I stopped in my room first and got the book. It was a thin but fairly large hardcover book on butterflies. Looking back now it's funny. Of course he saw it as soon as he walked into his bedroom, not too many kids had flat rectangular butts. He didn't laugh. He rained that belt down on the back of my thighs that time. Probably gave me a few extra for being so fucking stupid, shoving a book in my pants.

I didn't get whipped every day, not even every week. It was periodic, like his drinking. Maybe they both coincided. I was too young to differentiate when he was drunk and when he was sober. I never cried again during the punishments, even though the strappings got move severe. When I was eight, I won. Dad lost.

He didn't lose to me, he lost to Mom. I think she finally realized I wasn't even getting teary eyed anymore. I think she could see that my hate and anger grew after each strapping, just by looking at my face, just by seeing my clenched jaw and the intensity of my eyes. I also think she may have thought Dad would really injure me some day, being drunk, being even more pissed off that he couldn't elicit a scream, or a tear, or a pleading sob from me begging him to stop.

Even at that age, I had decided I'd fuckin' die first before I'd give that fuckin' prick the satisfaction of hearing me cry ever again. I never heard Mom speak to him, but I was sure she told him to stop the strappings. I'm glad she finally did. I bet I'd be an even meaner son-of-a-bitch now if she hadn't. Funny, but I never did and still don't respect my fuckin' ol' man. I also know, he could have beat me a lot harder and more often than he did. I never once had to pull my pants down. Later I learned there were other kids who had it a hell of a lot worse than me, although I didn't know that then. I guess it really wasn't that big of a deal, although it was during those four years or so when I was little.

I was staring out the window blindly. My jaw was clenched. I relaxed it and took a slow breath. How had I gotten on that shit? Why the fuck was I thinking about the fuckin' ol' man now? I had bigger fuckin' problems, real problems I had to deal with.
I looked at the clock. 8:26AM. I felt my anxiety rise, maybe it was plain fear down to my very core. It was time to start facing reality. I got up, got the bottles of ibuprofen and vitamins. I took two pills out of each bottle and put them on a saucer. I got a clean glass off the paper towel, put ice in it and filled it at the faucet. I'd leave it all on the bedside table if Lana was still asleep.

My heart was beating faster than normal and my gut was knotted as I approached my bedroom. I peered inside. Lana had moved again, but was still facing away from the door. The sheet was up to her shoulder. As I quietly stepped inside I thought I saw her leg move a little. I set the ice water and small plate of pills on the bedside table. As I picked up the glasses left from last night, I noticed her shoulder. She was wearing the mens tank shirt. I was sure she didn't have it on earlier. I stood straight and gazed at her.

I whispered, "Lana? You awake?" She twitched slightly. I waited for a response. After ten seconds I started to turn.

"I'm... not feeling too good."

I spoke softly, "Hangover?"

"I... I guess. Do... do you want me out of here?"

What I wanted was to erase the past twenty-four hours. "I... no... stay, but... I brought you some ice water, and some vitamin pills and a couple ibuprofen. Why don't you take 'em now." She didn't move. I still hadn't seen her face.

"I... I don' wanna."

I exhaled softly. "I think you'll feel better if you do."

"I... I'll take 'em later."

"Do you want to sleep more."

"Um... yeah."

"Ahh... do you want some... orange juice now?"

"Um... no... um... later."

"Okay. I'll... ah... let you sleep."

I waited a moment to see if she'd say anything more, possibly 'thanks,' but she stayed mute. I walked out to the hall, took a couple steps away from the door, stopped and leaned against the wall. I listened for crying, a cough, a muttered swear word, I don't know why I was listening. I heard the glass clink against the rim of the plate. A few seconds later the plate slid on the table. Another period of silence then the glass setting down again. I frowned. She couldn't even tell me the truth about whether she was thirsty or not, was she going to tell the truth about anything? I remembered what I had said to Barb a few weeks ago: I don't trust her.

I felt exhausted. I wished I would have slept longer. I folded my arms across my chest, holding the empty glasses with my fingers stuck inside, bowed my head and closed my eyes. I silently began chastising myself all over again.

"Oh!"

I flinched, nearly jumped. I opened my eyes, turned my head and pushed off the wall. Lana was standing in the hall less than two feet from me. Her puffy, sleepy eyes were wide and her mouth was agape. Her hands went to the hem of the tank shirt. She pulled it down a little, then one hand held the hem as her other rose to her shoulder, her arm covering most of her little tits.

"I... uh... thought you were going to sleep longer." She looked fourteen to me again, a thoroughly embarrassed fourteen. My guilt rose yet again.

"I... I-I needed to... um... go to the bathroom."

"There's the master bath." I figured the john was filthy as hell. I knew she was lying.

"I... I meant I... I was... couldn't sleep, so... so I was going to take a shower."

"Feeling better then?"

"Um... no, not really."

"Did you take the pills?"

"Uh-huh." She pulled her shirt down a bit more, then looked down to check the neckline at her tits.

"Oh... I guess I should mention, I didn't want to wake you this morning, so I showered in the hall bath."

She looked at my face. "You... you used my bathroom?"

I almost laughed at her 'my.' "Yeah."

"Oh... um... ah... okay." She looked really scared again. "Are... you going into your room?"

"No."

"Where... where are you going?"

I genuinely smiled for the first time since waking, not a big smile, as I told her the truth, "I don't know where I'm going." It seemed like my smile made her even more nervous or scared. I glanced at her hand at the hem of her shirt. She was holding it out knowing it would make it less see through.

"Would you go somewh.... um... don't you... don't you wanna go into your bedroom?"

For a moment I wondered who the hell was wearing Lana's tank shirt. Where the hell was the tough little bitch I had known. "What are you doing after your shower?"

"Huh?"

"Are you going somewhere... you know, out after your shower?"

"I... I-I-I don't know... um... I... I don't think so."

"Well... obviously, we... ahh... need to talk about... about last night." I got angry at myself for the verbal hesitance.

"I... I thought you'd say that." Her breathing turned shallow and quick.

"So... take your shower, then we'll talk. Okay?"

"I... I guess so."

I gave her a limp smile. "Good."

"I... I'm gonna take my shower." She really seemed very nervous.

I nodded. "Okay."

She bit her lower lip and stepped around me. As she passed, her hand lowered from her shoulder. Both hands gripped the hem of the tank shirt, holding it down a little but also pulling it back so it didn't lay on her apple ass. My gut knotted with fear again. I wondered if she was hurt, bleeding. I tried to remember if I had fucked her ass. I remembered thumbing her asshole, but not sticking my dick in it. Dammit! I turned and went into my room. I checked the top sheet for blood stains. None. I yanked it off the bed and looked at the bottom sheet. Only cum stains. I relaxed a little.

I stripped the bed. I stepped over to the corner of the room by Barb's dresser. There was a gap between the end of it and the corner of the room. That's where I tossed my dirty clothes. I glanced at the dresser top. I saw the fifty dollar bill. I couldn't believe she forgot her money. I picked out the white things from the corner pile, added it to the sheet pile, grabbed the two glasses and headed to the mud room, figuring I might as well do a load. Shit. I'd have to wait until Lana got out of the shower. It might screw up her hot water, the water heater was old, the replenish time on it sucked.

I put the glasses in the sink, then went into the mud room, put liquid detergent in the washer and loaded it. I opened the fridge and looked inside. I really wanted that orange juice. I grabbed a soda, sat at the table and took a sip. I lit a smoke, then tried to relax and figure out how to start the conversation with Lana. Even if I had been totally blitzed last night, which I hated to admit I wasn't, at least not at the start; how in hell could I possibly have thought fucking Lana would be okay to do? Jeezuz.

Maybe... maybe we could talk about it like adults.

It was an hour and a half before I saw Lana slowly walking towards the kitchen. The girl was still surprising me. It was a warm June day, not really hot, but she was wearing a long sleeve off-white cotton jersey shirt, and those kind of running pants that had replaced most everyone's sweat pants, the ones with the single stripe on the outside of the legs. They were pink with a white stripe. I had never seen her wear them. Her hair looked damp and she had it in a pony tail. I couldn't recall if it had ever been in a pony tail. Something wasn't right. Something happened last night that I can't remember. She was scared. Maybe scared to be with me now? That's the only reason I could come up with for the way she acted when wearing her tank shirt earlier, and now she's fully covered up, well, she was barefoot. She flaunted her hot, little bod for a week, and now she was trying to cover it up? What the hell was going on?

I looked at her hand. She had a tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush. I realized they were mine. "Oh... ah... thanks for bringing that."

"You... you left it in my bathroom." Lana put the things on the table near me then sat at the far end of the table. She pulled her legs up to the seat, pretzeling them.

I guess it really was her bathroom. "I... I didn't know you did all that work, the decorating in there. It looks good."

"Some of that stuff I um... picked up during the last town junk pick up week. The... the wire shelf thing, and... the pictures, and... that wicker stuff."

I really wanted to ask her about that hidden photo in the linen closet. "Looks good."

"Um... um... thanks."

I took a slow breath. "Ahh... I guess we should talk about last night."

"Um... yeah." She bit her lower lip.

"Firstly, I... I hope I wasn't too rough with you, or... or hurt you in any way. I... I was pretty drunk."

"I'm... I'm a little sore, but... I... no, you... I guess you weren't too rough."

I saw her eyes tear a little. It made my gut knot tighter. "Lana... ahh... obviously, last night... ahh... shouldn't have happened. I think we both know it was a mistake." I held my breath.

She responded immediately. "I knew you'd say that." Her arms folded over her chest. I realized she was wearing a bra by the depressions on her shoulders. It seemed her eyes teared more.

I hadn't expected that response from her. "Ahh... maybe... ahh... Do you want to talk first?"

"No, not really."

It was the shit attitude again. I suddenly didn't feel like taking all the blame. I told myself to keep my cool. "Why are you angry?"

"Am I angry?"

I again told myself to keep it level. "I don't know if you are, but I'm getting the impression you are. I hope you remember, it was actually your idea last night." I instantly knew I shouldn't have said that. I quickly added, "But... that doesn't mean I have no responsibility about it." I took a breath. "So, are you angry about something?"

"I don't know. I guess not. I..." She exhaled. "You.... you..." She pursed her lips and her eyes teared a little more.

"What? Tell me, or-or ask me if it's a question. What is it?"

"Do... do you... do you remember what... what we talked about in bed before... before we went to sleep?"

My brow pinched. "What we talked about?"

"Yeah. What we talked about."

My forehead was still tight. "I was pretty drunk, and really tired by then, Lana. Why... why don't you refresh my memory."

Lana turned her head, pretending to look out the kitchen window over the sink. "I knew you'd say you were too drunk to remember." Her jaw clenched for a moment.

I felt anger start to simmer and I told myself to relax again. "Well, it happens to be the truth, and I find it a little amazing that you seem to remember it all so clearly, since we were both drinking pretty heavily, in fact I seem to recall we were matching drink for drink." She had to have been drunker than me with that little body. I saw her bite half of her lower lip.

She didn't look at me. "I... I guess I had a... a little less than you."

"Wha' d' ya mean?"

"One of my drinks was... wasn't whiskey, it was iced tea."

I couldn't stop the grin but kept it down to a small smile. She really had been acting like a freakin' whore last night!

There was an angry edge to her voice, "Are you laughing at me?"

"No, just wishing I would have joined you on that ice tea. I... I'd probably not feel so lousy today."

"You drink t..." She bit her lip again for a moment then looked at the sink window once more.

"I drink too much? Yeah, I do." She didn't say anything to that. "So... you wanna tell me what we talked about before I fell asleep."

"I don't know."

"You don't know if you want to talk about it? Or, you can't remember now what we talked about?"

"Yeah."

I got angry for a moment, then I just found it funny. In my past I had answered double questions with that same response. I said hell with it, and let a brief chuckle escape my mouth. "That was pretty funny."

"I'm so glad you liked it." The edge was still there.

I decided not to get pissed off. I pushed my chair back. "Do you want that orange juice now?"

"I don't know. Yeah... yeah, I guess." She started to get up.

"I got it." I made up a glass of ice and poured the last of the OJ in it. I set it in front of her.

"Aren't you having any?"

"Isn't any more. I was saving that for you. I'll have a soda."

"Do you want this?"

I got a Coke from the fridge. "No, you drink it." I sat down and popped the can, took a sip, then lit a cigarette. We stayed silent for a couple minutes. Lana broke it.

"You... you like really don't remember what we talked about at... at the end?"

"I really don't. Sorry. You wanna tell me what it was?"

"I... I don't think it matters now. You... you already said it was a mistake."

"Don't you think it was a mistake?" I saw her eyes tear up again. My brow pinched. What the fuck was going on? What the hell was I missing here?

"I... I guess I should."

"What was the... Tell me what we talked about at the end."

"I... I don't know. Maybe... maybe I can't remember now."

I wondered how in hell I had hoped a short while ago that she and I might be able to be at least somewhat adult about it all. I told myself not to lose my cool. I drew in a slow breath and exhaled it just as slowly. "I'd like to ask you something which is a little off the subject at hand. Is that all right?"

"I don't know, is it?"

My teeth clenched for a moment, then I realized, that's what she now wanted. She wanted to piss me off. I waited to cool down before I spoke softly, "You know for... hell, nearly three years now, if you count the time I was dating Barb, I have been wondering why the hell you and I can't at least be civil with one another if not friends. That answer you just gave me, that tone you just gave me? I didn't deserve that. At times you seem to want to be treated like an adult, then you do shit like that answer. I'm trying to talk to you seriously here, because... because we... we both did something serious last night, serious... on a lot of levels. So, do you want me to treat you like some ornery little girl, or do you want to be treated as a young woman. It's your choice." I could see that had her a little stumped.

"Why... why do we have to talk about any of it?"

"I just told you why. Last night serious things happened. And obviously, we need to clarify everything. You're giving me the impression we talked about something important and serious last night at the end, which I do not remember. I... I want us both on the same page here. I don't want either of us assuming that the other remembers saying this or that or agreeing to this or that, when that person may not recall any of it. So... that's why." I took a sip of soda, amazed how well it seemed I was speaking. "So... what was it we talked about at the end?"

"You... you just wanna know if I'm going to tell anyone, that's all you really wanna know."

"No, it's not, but since you brought it up, are you going to keep it all confidential, between just you and me?" I held my breath.

She spit her words out, "I know what confidential means."

My ire rose again. "Yeah, I assumed you did, but you know, things can be confidential between more than two people."

Her jaw clenched and her eyes glared. She stayed silent for ten seconds, then said, "I won't tell anyone. Happy now? I must have told you that a hundred times last night."

I wasn't happy but I was a little relieved. I also knew she'd have it hanging over me for the rest of my fucking life. "No, I wouldn't call it happy. I'm glad I can trust you about it. I won't tell anyone either."

"I didn't think you would."

"I know you're angry at me, and maybe what I'm about to say will make you even more pissed, but I have to say it and I want you to listen. Okay?"

"What?"

"Last night was wrong for a l... for a few reasons. I want you to know that... ah..." I took a breath. I didn't want to say it but I had to.

"What?"

"I... I hope you know that... that making money that way is wrong, and I hope to god you never do it again. I..."

Lana broke in with a shout, "Keep your stupid money!" Her face scrinched for a moment, then she quickly wiped her eyes and calmed her face, looking down at the edge of the table.

"You're... you're too beautiful and... and you have your entire future ahead of you, so... so I... I had to say that about... about selling yourself."

"Yeah, I'm SO beautiful, with... with such a great future ahead of me."

I exhaled. "Lana, it... it can be, but... but not if your attitude doesn't change. I think... I think I'm a good example of how you can screw up your future. From what I know, you... you haven't made the kind of mistakes that... that I made by the time I was your age. You've got that going for you. I was angry like you too, and... and I still have a hard time dealing with my anger. Do... do well in college this fall. That's when things get... start to get important and serious."

"That's not really college. It's a community college."

For some reason I asked, "Did you try for grants or student loans for other schools? Universities?" Maybe I was hoping she'd somehow be able to go off to college somewhere far away. If she went away, it would somewhat solve one of my problems.

"Not... not really."

"Why?"

"Because... because I... I didn't know if I wanted to go."

"Did you apply for admission at any college or university?"

"Maybe."

"Where? Which ones?"

She thought for a few seconds, probably about whether or not to answer me. "Champagne and DeKalb."

I was surprised to say the least. "Did you get accepted at either?" I quickly added, "At both?"

"Yeah."

"Which?"

"Both."

I was dumbfounded. "Why didn't you say anything about it?"

"What difference would it have made after her accident? And.... and you told me there wasn't any money, and... and I figured there wasn't any anyway. At least not... not enough for either of those schools. Not that kind of money."

"Why in hell didn't you tell us, tell me?"

She looked at the window. "It doesn't matter."

The conversation was not going at all the way I had anticipated. Why the hell didn't she at least tell Barb about it?! "Did you write the admissions offices at both those schools and ask for a... at least a year extention on enrollment?" I had done that for grad school. I had been dumped by a girl a couple months before I was supposed to start and was getting drunk a lot. I didn't have my shit together enough to begin a masters program. I got the extension, started a year later, then dropped out right before finals week that first semester.

"No. I don't know. What... what is that?"

"It means you might be able to keep your enrollment status for a year. You can start next year, as... as a sophomore, or a second semester freshman, depending on what courses they accept from your community college work. You should write them as soon as possible, tell them... tell them money or something is a big problem right now. Maybe... maybe we can work something out, maybe... you can get some grant or loans. We'll look into it. You... you should have told Barb about this, and... and me too." For a moment I wondered if I really cared or if I was just afraid she'd tell Barb everything about last night. But, why the hell hadn't she told Barb about this college shit?

"I knew there wasn't enough money. What difference would it have made?"

"You should have told me and... and like I said, maybe we can work something out. Write those letters as soon as possible. Tomorrow."

"Maybe... maybe I will. Maybe I won't. I don't know."

I couldn't remember what the rest of what I was going to say about last night was. Why the hell didn't she tell me about any of this? Why the hell didn't I ask her? Barb always told me she was the only parent, that's why. No, that's not why. I'm just in my own fucking little world, that's why I didn't ask, but... would Lana have told me? No, I didn't think she would have even if I had asked. I would never have guessed she had even applied. Hell, I was surprised she got her high school diploma!
I couldn't remember if I got her to say she wouldn't be crazy and try hooking out in public. I thought I had asked already. I couldn't muster the guts to bring it up again. "Now, you want to tell me what we talked about at the end of last night?"

"There's no point. You've already said in a few ways that last night was a huge mistake. So... talking about anything last night... doesn't matter anymore."

Something was obviously upsetting her about the end if not the entire evening. I tried to think. It was at the last, the part I just could not remember. "I don't agree it doesn't matter."

"Well, I don't agree with you not agreeing."

I sighed. "Okay, let's stop thinking and talking about last night for a moment. Now... would you please tell me why you hate me so much?" I figured I might as well ask.

"I... I don't hate you." Her eyes welled up again.

"Okay, you don't hate me. Could you then tell me why you have the attitude towards me?" I emphasized the word for emphasis, not to be an asshole.

"Maybe it's... it's you who has the attitude, not me."

I was either still in an alcoholic haze or she was living on another planet. I lit another cigarette, then sipped my soda. I tried to remember the other things I had planned to say about last night. I kept drawing a blank.

Lana finally looked at my face. "So... is this... this talk finished?"

"What do you want to say or tell me about last night?"

"Nothing. So... are we done with this talk?"

I crushed my cigarette in the ashtray and pushed my chair back. "In a second. I'll be right back."

Lana exhaled sharply as she stared at the center of the table.

I went to my bedroom and wasn't sure if what I was going to do was good and right, or extremely stupid and wrong. I picked it up and returned to the kitchen. I walked up to her. She didn't look at me, just kept staring at the center of the table. "This... this isn't payment for last night, it's... I don't know what to call it. But... you should have it. I offered her the fifty dollar bill. She looked at it.

"I don't want that!"

"All right. I'll leave it on the dresser in my room, it'll be there if you want it. Don't think of it as payment for last..."

She broke in, "I DON'T WANT IT!" She shoved her chair back, got off it opposite me, and started walking quickly to her room.

I had clearly made the wrong choice. I knew she needed spending money. That's why I was giving it to her. Or... was it a blackmail payment? Maybe it was a loose end of last night I just wanted to get rid of. Hell... I don't know. I bet though, that if I hadn't offered it to her, she'd have shouted a demand for her money. Why did she play me all week with the teases, then prop me last night, to just refuse the cash today? None of this shit made sense to me! I figured I should apologize to her, even though I would find that irritating as hell. I heard her bedroom door slam. Shit.

I held the bill and slowly walked down to her room. My other hand formed a fist and I raised it to knock. I froze. I heard her crying. My gut knotted once again plus that sensation that I was something lower than scum. What the hell was going on? She was the one who said 'let's fuck,' not me!

I spoke softly, "Lana? Are you okay?" I knew it was a stupid question. "Open the door, let's..."

"GO AWAY!"

I tried to think of something else to say. I had no idea what was going on with her. I was still dealing with a hangover and obviously I couldn't handle it and her at the same time. She was upset, I had no idea of how to help her. I looked at the fifty in my hand. I turned and went to my bedroom. I put it on the dresser, then was going to lie on the bed and saw it was stripped. I went to the mud room and started the washer, then returned to the bedroom. I closed the door and lay on the mattress pad, using a bare pillow. I switched on the radio to NPR, soft volume, voices to fall asleep to. I dozed off about ten minutes later.

I awoke from a fitful sleep, sweaty, my T shirt sticking to my chest. Someone was pounding on my door. "What is it?!" I swung my legs over the edge of the mattress. For some reason I had a vision of a cop hammering on the door. A wave of fear coursed through me.

"I want my money!"

I rubbed my eyes. "It's on the dresser. Come in and get it."

The door flew open and banged against the doorstop. I looked up. Lana was in her short black skirt, but with white sneakers not the shitkickers, and a black T sans the rips. She grabbed the fifty off the dresser, then headed out the door.

"Where ya goin'?"

She didn't turn around nor slow down. "Out!"

For some reason, I got really pissed and almost ran after her, but didn't move from the bed. I muttered, "Fuck the little bitch." My gut tightened thinking about the drive and visitation tomorrow. I lay back and fell asleep again.

* * *

CHAPTER 7

We were not quite half way to the prison. The day was hot. I had my window rolled down all the way. The AC had stopped working a few years ago. I glanced at Lana again. She hadn't said anything since getting into the truck. Her arms were folded over her chest. She had been staring out her rolled down window since I had pulled out of the driveway. Her fairly long brunette hair was flying around her head in the wind.

She had gotten home around midnight last night. I had been watching TV. If I hadn't said "Hi" she probably wouldn't have said anything to me as she walked passed the couch on her way to her bedroom. She didn't slow nor look at me, but did say, "I'm back."

This morning she wandered out of her room about nine o'clock. I was in the kitchen having a double espresso, maybe it was a latte because I had milk and sugar in it. She didn't say anything to me, just walked to the fridge and said, "We need more orange juice." She was wearing the long sleeve top and the running pants. She had a drink of water, then started back to her room.

I had said, "We'll leave same time today, in about an hour."

"I don't think I'm going."

My gut had tensed. "Lana... you have to go."

She turned around. Her eyes glaring. "Why?"

"We both promised Barb to visit her every week. And she's your mother."

"Maybe... maybe I don't wanna go anymore."

I'm sure my eyes glared back at her. "It's not about whether you want to or not. It's about Barb, your mother." I had nearly growled my next line. "Be ready at ten."

I knew I might be cutting my own throat telling her to come with, or possibly saving my ass if she came along otherwise Barb might keep asking why Lana hadn't come, and knowing me, I'd fold and tell her the truth. I always had a hell of time lying. I blamed that on my Catholic schooling, the goddamn nuns, ethics, morals, all that shit just caused me to walk around full of guilt and feeling like a sinful prick, not able to enjoy a fuckin' thing.

She just glowered at me for a few seconds, then turned around and went back to her room.

She had been ready at ten.

I glanced at her again. She was wearing another surprising outfit. A loose, medium blue T shirt, pleated, beige shorts that went down to her knees, white anklet socks, and her sneakers. I had never seen her in shorts like that.

I broke the silence. "Are you going to tell Barb about being accepted at those two schools?"

Lana waited ten seconds to answer. "No. I told you. It doesn't matter."

I sighed. It was going to be another visitation from hell today. I almost wanted to thank Lana for being a little bitch again. It was taking my mind off my guilt, shame, and regret about cheating on Barb. Maybe she wouldn't be able to see it in my eyes today. I started worrying about it again, and that goddamn ball of guilt inside started expanding.

Once in a while, I'd buy a takeout lunch and bring it, or some treat for Barb, fruit or candy. Last Easter I brought her one of those candy filled baskets, the ones with color cellophane over them. I didn't do that kind of thing very often because I had to ask permission in writing 21 days prior to the visit. Then if I got the permission, we had to arrive early so the guards could check it, then after that, it usually took forever standing in line to get the food miked at the single microwave in the snack area. I also didn't do it very often because the Saturday before I'd most likely be dealing with a hangover and not have the energy to go to the grocery store. Maybe the hangover made me not give a shit too. As we turned into the prison parking lot, I wished I would have gotten some sort of treat for a diversion during the visit if nothing else, but that would have entailed changing the rules of the state penal system.

We went in through the visitor's entrance. We signed in and put our metal stuff, other than coins, in a box which was locked up and we were given a numbered tag. One time I almost asked, 'Does that mean my handgun and switchblade?' Luckily I hadn't had a couple beers before check-in. You don't say that kind of shit in a prison. One time some little boy had a small jackknife. The fuckin' guard went ballistic on the woman with the kid.

The lines for check-in wasn't bad today. One line for men and boys, the other for females. I knew the guy with the wand today, well, knew his name. "Hey, Antwan, how's it goin'?"

"Copacetic, man. Wazzup with you?" He moved the wand up and down my spread inseams.

"Same ol', you know?"

"Gotcha on that, cuz. Turn around."

To be honest, once in a while, after a few beers, I'd actually get jealous, thinking Barb might be screwing one of the 'screws', the guards, here. You always hear about that kind of shit happening in prisons. Or... maybe it's on fictional TV shows. It's gotta happen. I mean, women in prison, male guards, quid pro quo and all that, and there had to be quite a few really hot lookin' chicks here. Barb being one.

So far, Barb hadn't been lesbian raped. She was more concerned about the gangs and the drug trade, but so far she had gotten by. The prison was segregated by race-- black, white, and Latino by blocks or floors or whatever they called the groups of cells. It was also overcrowded. For her first three months here, Barb had lived with 200 other inmates in the gymnasium. For some time, I've wanted to ask Barb what happened to black Hispanic women, what gang they'd be in. I never have though because I try not to ask questions that remind her of her situation. I let her bring that stuff up. I mean, I'll ask about prison life, but before I open my mouth, I always try to make a judgment on what would or wouldn't bum her out even more.

From the very start of Barb's sentence, Lana and I had made a rule for ourselves, that whoever got through the check-in procedure first, would just go into the cafeteria and wait for Barb, or meet Barb if she got there before us. I usually got through the line first. I did today. I tried to spot Lana in the line to just give her a wave or nod, but she was probably standing behind of one of the fat women in line. I went into the cafeteria. I looked at our usual table. Barb was there. She waved. That was a good sign. I made my way to her.

The cafeteria was divided by race too, I mean even on visiting days. At first I thought it was somewhat odd that everyone, at least the regular visitors, would sit at the same table every time, I mean within each racial group, but then I realized it was just human nature, you know, what's known is most comfortable, that sort of thing. I guess most people don't like change, even in small things.

Barb stood up. We hugged and kissed. Nothing overly romantic. Definitely no tongue. That was enough for her to get visitation privileges taken away. I tried my damnedest not to think about cheating on her two days ago with her very own daughter. I whispered our code into her ear. "Your week go all right?"

"Yeah. It was okay."

That didn't mean she had an okay week. That meant she hadn't been raped, threatened, physically harmed, or forced to do some shit by some other prisoner or a gang. Sometimes Lana and I walked up to her at the same time. The code was so I'd know whether to immediately tell Lana to give Barb and me a few minutes alone. Even before Barb was incarcerated, I wondered if there'd be anything I could do if she had been threatened or assaulted. I'm sure the guards or administration would say she had to report it, and as far as I knew, at least from movies, you don't snitch in prison. Some of the women inmates I'd seen during the visitations were very frightening. In a room alone with them, I would have been scared. Muscles bigger than mine.

We sat down. I held her hand on the table. "So, how was your week, really?"

Barb gave me a sad smile. "It was all right." She glanced towards the door. "Is Lana with you?"

My gut tensed. "Yeah, longer check-in line for women." Most of the visitors were women.

Barb blinked. "You know, that... that makes me feel so much older."

My brow pinched. "What?"

"I guess Lana is a woman now."

I tried to give her one of my warm smiles. "Barb, you are anything but an old lady. Jeezuz, c'mon."

Her eyes teared a little. "Thanks for saying that."

I thought about that photo in Lana's linen closet. I really wanted to ask Barb about her parents, get her to expand the story of the 'disowning,' but I didn't want to get her sad. Barb's other hand came onto the table. It also held my hand. I saw her eyes tear up. I spoke softly, "What... what is it, Barb?"

"Nothing. I'm... I'm just glad you and Lana come and visit every week."

I again felt like the biggest asshole extant. I leaned towards her, held her shoulder with my free hand and kissed her cheek. I moved my face in front of her but her head was still bowed looking at our hands. I spoke softly again, "Are you really okay, baby?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm... just being silly." Her hand on top of mine rose and her fingers wiped her eyes. It returned to my hand. She cleared her throat softly. "How... how are you doing with... the sober thing?"

I sighed and leaned back in the chair. Years of shame and regret surfaced again. "I'm..." I exhaled. "I'm a weak, lousy, stupid, undisciplined man, Barb. So... not doing so well with the sobriety thing. I... I keep trying."

She looked at me. "You're not stupid, or weak, and... and I know how hard it is to stay dry."

"How are you doing with it?"

"I... I guess the group is helping. I... I'm still getting very depressed, but... I guess I don't think about having a drink all that much anymore when I get sad or... or frustrated." She rolled her eyes and an embarrassed smile appeared on her mouth. "Like it would matter in here. Although... I think it's possible to... to get alcohol in inside."

I quickly spoke, "Don't."

"I wasn't planning to."

"So the group therapy stuff is helping?"

"I... I guess. It's sad, but... better than those AA meetings I've gone to. I guess... we talk about more than drinking. I mean... maybe it's helping me to know other women have had... bigger problems than me. Sometimes though... well... all the time really, you... you have to watch what you say too, so... so no one has something on you."

"Yeah. I figured." I saw her eyes well to the brim.

"I... I've been thinking about... about..." She let go of my hand again and grabbed a few napkins to wipe her eyes and muffle any sobs.

My heart sank. I knew what she was going to say. I knew what she was thinking about, about who actually. Barb was racked with guilt. She was thinking about the sixteen year old boy she had killed with the car.

"I... I tried to write another... another... l-letter to h-his parents, b-but... it's... always... the s-same. I... kno-know there's n-nothing I c-can say th-tha..." She started crying harder.

At her sentencing, Barb had turned to the angry, grieving parents. She had started sobbing, saying she was so sorry, that she'd do anything to change that night, telling them she knew whatever she said meant nothing to them, but that she'd be sorry and full of regret for the rest of her life. I had been glad she hadn't said she wished she was dead instead of their son, for a couple reasons. One being that would mean Lana would be parentless, and two, the kid had only been a few hundredths of a point below the legal alcohol limit himself. It had been 1AM or thereabouts, past curfew. Where the fuck were the kid's parents then? Barb's lawyer had told her not to contact the parents in any manner. I think that had to do with the civil lawsuit they had against her.

I shifted my chair closer to her and put my arm around her shoulders. Her face turned towards my neck. I saw one of the female guards staring at me as I kissed Barb's head. She quietly sobbed a few times. After about a half minute, the guard started shaking her head. I kissed Barb's hair again, then gave her an extra squeeze with my arm. "Honey? Sorry, but I'm getting the eye about the hug." Inmates could hold children as long as they wanted, adults or teenaged kids were different.

Barb nodded. "'kay." She got it together, sniffled and then pulled away.

I shifted my chair slightly away from her. The guard gave me a nod then looked at another table. Barb reach for a fresh napkin and blew her nose.

Lana walked up, pulled out a chair and sat down. She stared at Barb's bowed head as her mother wiped her nose a few times. "Hi." Lana folded her arms over her chest.

My gut knotted once more. Shame, guilt, regret, all that crap rose within me. I was angry at Lana for not at least giving Barb a brief hug. I glared at her but she didn't meet my eyes.

Barb gave Lana what I had started calling a 'frown-smile,' then rose from her chair, walked around the table and leaned down to hug Lana from behind.

"Hi, honey." Barb kissed Lana's temple. I watched Lana's head lean away from the caress.

"I said hi already."

"I know." Barb frowned, then gave Lana's head a kiss before returning to her chair.

I stood up. "How about I get us all sodas? Diets for you two?"

Barb nodded. "Uh-huh."

Lana exhaled, her eyes stared at the high windows. "I don't..." She took a breath. "Yeah, diet."

I headed to the bank of vending machines, my gut in turmoil, wondering what Lana was saying, if anything, and if she was staying mute, how Barb might interpret that. I had planned to get it out of the way early. If it was going to explode, why get more anxious waiting for it to happen? There were a few people at the soda machine waiting. I went to one of the candy machines. I got three different candy bars, then returned to the soda line. I looked at the table. Lana was still gazing at the windows but I saw her mouth moving. Barb at least didn't look shocked nor was she crying. I took that as a hopeful sign.

When I returned to the table with the sodas and candy, neither were speaking. I handed the cans out and put the bars in the center of the table. "I'll eat the one that's left over."

Barb looked at her daughter. "Lana? Which one do you want?"

"I don't care."

From zero my ire shot up to nearly the explosive point. It happened like that sometimes. "Which one do you want, Barb?"

She looked at me instantly. Her eyes slightly larger than normal. I must have had more edge to my voice than I thought. Barb said, "You pick first."

I had an almost undeniable urge to take my arm and sweep all the damn bars onto the floor. What the hell was the title of that really old movie... Jack Nicholson, something about playing the piano and an asshole father? Whenever it was I saw that movie, it seemed really dated but I recalled relating to his character a lot. He had used his arm to sweep all the dishes off a restaurant table because the waitress was giving him a hard time. I told myself to cool down. I looked directly into Barb's very pretty blue eyes. She really was beautiful. "All right, but... you pick a number from one to three."
Her brow pinched for a moment. "Um... three."

Without looking at the pile I reached for it. I picked a bar. "That means I get this one." I saw her ever so slightly smile. I looked at what I picked. "Ahh... shit. It's the Milky Way. I wanted the Snickers." I saw Barb smile for real, then she softly giggled for a moment. For the thousandth time, I wished to god that she had never hit that goddamn kid.

Barb was still smiling but her eyes had teared. "Give me that. Take the Snickers."

Lana finally spoke. "I want the Snickers." She grabbed it.

For some reason, maybe it was the tension of the situation, I burst out laughing. Barb started giggling, and Lana turned her face away but as she pulled the paper off the bar, I saw her mouth curve into a tiny smile. I suddenly wondered how everything had gotten so fucked up. Barb in prison, Lana accepted at two good universities but wasn't going, me screwing her a couple days ago. I knew it didn't have to be this fucked up, but I didn't have clue how to make it into what it should be, whatever that was. Or if it was even possible.

I grabbed the last candy bar. "Well... I really wanted the Payday all along."

Barb smiled again as she chewed her first bite.

Barb and I made small talk for a while. I spoke at length, more like babbled about how the house I was working on was coming along, making some valid and some idiotic comments about the design, just to fill in the dead air.

Barb mostly asked questions during the visits. I don't think she wanted to talk about prison life much. She looked at Lana. Her daughter was again staring at the high windows. "Honey? What have you been doing this past week?"

"Not much."

My gut knotted yet again.

"Are you still trying to find at least a part-time job?"

"I told you, no place is hiring, at least not hiring someone like me."

Barb glanced at me. I held her eyes. She raised her eyebrows slightly. Barb and I were married only for a year and a half before the accident, and we knew each other only four months prior to the wedding, plus she'd been in prison for the past eight, nine months, but I had been with her long enough to know that slight eyebrow rise was asking me to rethink giving Lana an allowance, and that Barb thought she should have an allowance, even if Lana was lying about applying for jobs and the job situation.

Since Saturday morning I had been wishing I had never made a big deal about the goddamn allowance because then Friday night never would have happened. A week ago I would have been pissed right now. Actually I had been. I think we talked about all this then too. Yeah, we did.

I looked at Lana. "Did you go to the places you've applied a second and third time yet?"

"No. Why would I do that? They said they didn't need anyone."

"Because it would show them you really are interested in a job and possibly someone quit between your application and your second or third visit." I knew she hadn't filled out any applications anywhere. It was all bullshit from her.

"They'd just call someone who had already applied to fill it."

I spoke calmly, "No, that's not how it works all the time. Showing your face and telling the manager your name two more times would help in either situation."

"That's your opinion."

I started to get pissed. Barb reached for my forearm on the table, gave it a squeeze, and then held it. I don't know why but as she started to speak, I almost started fucking crying. Her hand on my arm, the touch telling me not to get angry, was a little act a wife would do. She was my wife! I had fucking cheated on her with her teasing, goddamn daughter! What the fuck was wrong with me?!

"Lana, he's right. You should do that. Did you... did you use those tokens and take the bus to the mall?"

Oh dammit. I had forgotten to get the fucking tokens for her! I cleared my throat and tried to get my shit together.

The edge was in Lana's voice, "No. I didn't get any tokens."

I took a quick breath. "My fault. I forgot all about it. Sorry, Barb." I turned my face to her daughter, the girl I paid for sex. "Sorry, Lana. I'll give you money for the tokens when we get back to the house."

"It's not going to make any difference." She took a drink of diet soda.

Barb frowned slightly. "You still need to try, honey. Get the tokens and try the mall."

"I... I did, sort of. I went to three stores and filled out applications."

I stopped breathing for a few moments. For the first time, I actually believed she had applied for jobs. Something... something in the tone of her voice made me believe her. Had she really applied at all those other places like she had said?

Barb said, "Well, go again and... and try some other stores while you're there."

Lana didn't respond, just took another sip of soda. She set the can down, then announced, "I'm going to the bathroom." She rose and walked away.

I looked at Barb. She gave me the ten thousand word 'allowance' expression again. I sighed. I figured I had to stick to my guns, just to be normal if nothing else. "Look... I don't want to give her an allowance, especially since she never did anything for it, but..." I exhaled. "I know she needs pocket money. I'll... I'll maybe... make a list of chores that she can do every week and... and list the amount she'll make doing them. Something like that."

Barb frowned. "She's not a child anymore. That's like... like something you'd do with a little girl."

I knew damn well she wasn't a little girl anymore. "I'm not going to give her free money to just blow. She'll have to do something for the money she gets." I wished I had used a different word than 'blow' and for 'something' too. I saw Lana in my mind, in the tank shirt, telling me she gave 'good beejays.' I then hated myself even more when my dick twitched and grew a little.

Barb sighed. "All right."

The rest of the visitation was the usual boring and somewhat tension filled time. It had been exactly what I had hoped it would be -- normal. When it was time to leave, Lana at lease gave Barb a curt and limp hug. I kissed her and hugged her tightly, saying a version of what I usually did, "Don't worry about anything, Barb."

On the drive home, about a half hour from the prison, I twisted in my seat, then gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands. "I guess I should tell you that Barb is still pushing me to give you an allowance." I waited a minute for her to say something. "Did you hear me?" I glanced at her profile, then looked ahead again.

"Yeah. I heard you. So?"

I took a slow breath. "I'm... I'm considering it." She again said nothing. "I... I haven't... I don't have it all thought out, but... I'm thinking something like... getting paid for doing a chore, different pay for different chores over a week."

Her voice was dripping with anger and sarcasm, "Like what? One price for fucking you, and a different price for sucking you?"

Once again, she nearly made me lose it. I'm sure my hands almost broke the steering wheel. I told myself to cool down, but it was difficult. She was the one who had brought up fucking and sucking, not me! She propped me, not the other way round! I told myself she was just a fucked up, immature teenager. I told myself to be an adult. I finally spoke, "No, I thought the chores should be something you'd be g..." I stopped speaking. I almost said it should something she would be good at. Jeezuz. I was being as immature as she was!

"Something I'd be good at? That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?" Her arms folded over her chest. She looked to the side out her window.

I had screwed up once again. "No, I was going to say, something that you might actually not think was a big pain in the ass, like... well, I don't know what yet." I shouldn't have made the fuckin' slip. Shit. I took a quick breath. "Do you have thirty bucks?" I still hadn't cashed my paycheck.

"Why?"

"I need change for a fifty."

"What?"

"I think that ten pack of bus tokens is twenty bucks. I only have a fifty dollar bill and some singles. I give you the fifty, you give me thirty back."

She stayed silent for a minute or so. "I have it at home."

I really didn't give a shit if she bought the fuckin' tokens or not with the money.

* * *

CHAPTER 8

I didn't get around to cashing my paycheck until Wednesday after work. After that I headed to the grocery store, but a couple blocks from it, I made a U-ey, and drove to Sully's. I sat at the bar, had two drafts, then switched to bourbon rocks. It was the first booze I had since the previous Friday night.

I had been thinking about Lana nearly non-stop since Monday morning. I just couldn't get her out of my head. I had been remembering more and more from Friday night. I had really gotten off on everything we had done, everything I had done to her. And I was missing her nightly frustrating, hot, erotic tease shows on the living room floor. She had the most perfect little cunt I had ever stuck my tongue or prick into. She had given world class head too. I liked how petite and slender she was, maybe it made me feel bigger and taller and she was like a feather to lift and move around. Barb also fell under that category I guess, on the taller side of it, but she wasn't nearly as petite as Lana. I tried not to remember how she'd sometimes look younger than her age and how I found that hot too, although I seemed to recall I didn't like it near the end.

Yeah, that sweet pussy of hers had been a fuckin' little piece of heaven. I was sure she had gotten into it too. I had been able to recall her having at least two orgasms. I had only been able to accomplish that a few times, well, maybe more than a few times, let's say with a few chicks. I've done it at least twenty times with Barb, but a lot of that was just her too. I liked the way Barb orgazed too. My gut tensed. Shit. I had fucked Barb's daughter and I had loved every moment of it. Jeezuz. I really was scum, but I couldn't help it. Lana really was a fuckin' little piece of heaven that night.

And what was that shit she wouldn't tell me that she said we talked about at the end? Why was that upsetting her, hell, not upsetting, why was that really pissing her off? I tried and tried to remember what it was, and I could barely remember us in bed going to sleep. The only thing I could recall was that I think she asked if she could stay there, in bed with me, sleep with me. I didn't think I was asshole to her then. I remembered just saying yeah, sleep in the bed.

What the fuck was it we spoke about?! We hadn't talked about anything while we fucked. I was sure, well, mostly sure about that, and then I remember shooting my load and feeling lousy because I didn't do any of the post orgasm touchy-feely shit with her but I was fuckin' exhausted. I remember drinking water then just going to sleep. There wasn't any discussion that I could remember. Was she fuckin' making it up? If she was making it up, why would she make it up? What's the point in that? She could be pissed at me without it. Was she just trying to make me go fuckin' nuts trying to remember something that didn't happen?

I upended my glass to get the last drops then looked at the bartender and caught his eye. I wiggled the empty glass. "Greg, hi' me again."

Greg stepped closer. "Nah, man. You told me to cut you off after three. That was your third. Why don't ya just go home. It's a work night, dude."

"C'mon, I was kiddin' 'bout cuttin' me off. Jus' one more." I pushed the glass towards him on the bar.

"Nah. Come on, don't make me cut you off from my side. Cut yourself off. You got work tomorrow, don't ya?"

"C'mon. Jus' one more."

"Don't you have that kid at home? Barb's kid?"

"Yeah. So?"

"It's after 11:00. You wanna be hungover on the job tomorrow?"

I clenched my jaw. My gut tensed. "Don't fuckin' worry 'bout my fuckin' job, jus' get me another fuckin' bourbon rocks!"

Greg was bigger than me, but I knew I could beat the fuckin' shit out'a him. He moved closer to me and leaned his face towards mine.

He spoke softly, "Listen, I like you most times you stop in, but... I've told you about raising that voice of yours in here. I'm cutting you off since you don't know you should be cut off. You want me to call you a cab?"

I clenched my jaw and glared at the asshole. I had been banned from a couple nearby bars. I liked Sully's usually. Greg wasn't a bad guy except on the days he was a motherfucking prick, like tonight. I pulled out my wallet and left one single on the bar. "There's your fuckin' tip for all the hosh-pitality."

I shoved the stool back and headed for the door. I thought about turning around and smashing my fist into the fuckin' smug face of the motherfucker, flatten the prick's fuckin' nose. Instead, I pushed the door open and stepped outside. I needed Sully's.

Halfway back to the house, sitting at a red traffic light, I realized Greg was right, except he should have cut me off sooner. I figured I should apologize to him next time. I muttered, "Shit." I hated that apology crap, but I knew sober, I'd do it.

I accelerated when the light turned green, checking my speedometer about every five seconds so I wasn't speeding, and looking side to side at the road ahead watching for anything that could jump in front of me. Since Barb's accident, I had been doing that whenever I was driving after having a few.

A vision of Lana's little naked body popped into my mind again. Jeezuz... I had loved fucking that little chick. During the fifteen minute slow drive to the house, I kept replaying parts of last Friday night. I pulled into the driveway before 11:30PM. I went into the house and got a beer, had a few gulps, then headed to my bedroom, intending to brush my teeth and get into bed. I did brush my teeth, then decided to take a shower when I took my T off. My arms were still filthy from work. I jumped in the shower, visions of Lana's little naked body still dancing in my head. My cock was hard and throbbing.

I finished the shower, toweled off, then headed towards the bed. I stopped and muttered, "Fuckin' shit." I moved to the chest of drawers, opened the bottom one and searched around and got my gray jogging shorts out. I pulled them on and headed down the hallway until I was standing right in front of Lana's closed door. My hands held the side casings as I leaned my face towards the door.

I whispered, but I'm sure it was a lot louder than that, "Barb? I mean-I mean, Lana? You 'wake? Lana? Are ya sleepin'. Hey, La..."

Her voice came from the other side of the door. It sounded like she was on her bed, that far away. "Barb's not here. She's in prison."

"I know-I know... sorry... sorry. Listen... listen... I need ta talk t' ya. I know you're fuckin' pissed at me, 'bout... 'bout not rememberin' what the fuck we talked about before goin' to schleep last Friday. I've been... tryin' and tryin' and tryin' t' remember what the hell we talked about, but... I don't remember any talkin', we... we... we jus' went to sleep. I... I wanna know what we talked about... what we said. I-I wanna know why the hell you're so fuckin' pissed at me, an'... an' why the fuck you been pissed at me from the very start, you know, years ago. An'... but... las' Friday, I wanna know that first.

"Why the fuck can't you jus' fuckin' tell me what the fuck it was we talked... sorry... sorry, I di'n't mean to say 'fuck' there, but... Lana? Why can't you jus' fuckin' tell me what we fuckin' talked about? I mean... why not? An'... an'... tell me why you hate me... I... I wannid us to be friends at leas', at the beginning, but... but you act like I'm jus' some fuckin'... sorry-sorry... I di'n't mean to say fuckin' there."

I took deep breath. "Lana? Please... please jus' tell me what the fu... what we talked about tha'... that I can't remember. Please... please jus' do that. I jus'... I can't remember."

"Why... why should I? I told you it doesn't matter anymore."

My head flinched. Her voice was right on the other side of the door. "If it doesn't matter, why're you so fuckin' pissed that I can't remember? I... I wanna know what we talked about. I wanna know what we said." I waited. "C'mon... tell me." I waited a few moments for a response.

"I don't know if... if I should."

Her voice was lower on the door. I sat down then twisted around to lean my back against it. "Lana... please, jus' tell me. Did... did I say something to really make you angry? I'm sorry 'bout whatever I said. I... I was drunk. I-I'm sorry."

"You... you didn't say much of anything."

"Well... what did I say of not much tha'... that made you so angry."

"I'm... I... I thought you were listening."

"Lana... I am listenin'."

"I mean... I thought you were listening to me on Friday night."

"I... I prolly was. I... I jus' can't remember what you said." My brow pinched as I tried yet again to recall it. "Tell me... tell me why you're so angry."

"I'm... I'm... I'm angry because... because..." She stopped speaking.

My brow tensed more as I turned my profile to the closed door. "Lana, tell me... tell me why you're so angry."

"I'm angry because... because it... because I told you something really... really important and... and you weren't listening and... and if you were, you... you forgot."

"Tell me now, again, tell me again and I promise not... not t' tell anyone else, even Barb, an'... an' I promise not to forget what it is."

"I... I told you, it doesn't matter now."

"Goddammit, Lana! Stop fuckin' saying that! Tell me! I have to know!" I took a few breaths. I swore at myself silently. I told myself to get it together. My own shouting seemed to wake me up, maybe it sobered me up a little too. "Sorry... sorry... I din't mean to shout. Sorry. Please, Lana. I promise I'll remember. I promise you can trust me with it. I... I don't want you to be angry. I... I want us to be friends at least. I... I can't stop thinking about you since Friday, an'... an' I thought about you so much before too. I... I need to know what it was you said I forgot."

"You're saying all that because you're drunk again. And then... and then tomorrow you'll say you forgot because you were drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"Yes, you are."

"Okay-okay, I'm li'l drunk, but not that drunk. I won't forget tomorrow."

"You said that other stuff... because you're just horny."

My gut clenched. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. I had to know what the hell she was talking about or she'd nail me on this too. "What stuff?"

"That... that you thought of me a lot since Friday, and... and before that."

"That wasn't stuff... I mean, that wasn't bullsh... I mean... that was the truth. I have been thinking about you all the time, and did think a lot about you before Friday too."

"What stuff did you think?"

"I... I thought how beautiful an' hot you are, an' how... how I know you, but I don't know anything about who you are, an'... an' that has more to do with you, than it does with me. You... I know there's a lot more to you than... than you show me, than... than you show Barb. I... I tried to be your friend, but... you either hate me or... or think I'm jus' a fuckin' asshole. I... I've thought about you a lot before Friday. An' I have been thinkin' about you nonschtop since Friday. An'... an' thinking an' thinking about what the hell it was we said... that... that you said to me an'... an' I can't remember it at all. I'm sorry... I jus' can't remember. Tell me, Lana, please jus' tell me."
I knew I was half smashed, but I had gotten a little more sober since starting to talk, so I realized I had just shot my entire verbal wad. If she didn't respond now, she'd never do it. I'd never screw her again, and living together would just be hell for me, maybe for her too. If she stayed silent, her hate, animosity, anger towards me would just grow. It was like I was my dad and she was me, that kind of thing, yet, I hadn't treated her like my dad had done to me.

I just didn't get any of this. I knew she could be, maybe should be angry at me about fucking her, but she had been the one who initiated that. I had recalled since then that I had even gotten angry and told her to go and put more clothes on right before she hooked me. I took a slow breath. I decided I'd wait at her door until it was time to go to the job if need be. I'd slept on floors before. Finally I heard something.

"I... I think... I have thought a lot... about you too."

I started holding my breath without knowing it. I waited for more but nothing came. I exhaled and started breathing again. "You have?"

"Yeah. For... for a long time."

"What... what did you think?"

"I don't know if... I don't think I should tell you now. I... I thought I should last Friday, so... so I did, but..."

I interrupted, "Lana, please, jus' tell me." I had to wait another minute.

"At first... you know, when you first started going out with Barb, I... was surprised about you. I... I thought you were cute, and... and not an... an ass like all the other losers she'd gone out with."

If I hadn't been half in the bag and horny as hell I might have laughed at that line. She had inadvertently called me a loser too, maybe it wasn't inadvertent. I actually agreed with her.

"And... and you talked to me, like really talked to me, and you didn't treat me like some little pain in the ass, or some little girl even if I did look like one, or like I was some... some sort of negative about Barb. And... and so I liked you for that."

She took a long audible breath. "And then, you guys got married, and... and I... and I started liking you more, and... and then I knew I liked you too much, and... and when it got to that point, it was about then that... that you stopped talking to me as often, and... I don't know, I... I started not... not liking Mom very much. I mean, I started seeing all the things in her that I hated before, except it was worse than before. And... and then I did some really dumb things, that... that I now know I did because...."

She exhaled sharply. "I did some dumb things because... because I was... jealous, I guess, that... that she was with you all the time and... and I wasn't. I... I wanted you to notice me more and... and I wanted to piss off Barb too. I don't why I did some of those things, like... like that internet page. It... I wanted her to find it, and... and I wanted you to... to see it."

I heard her start crying, not loud, but definitely crying. I spoke softly, "Lana... open the door."

"No... no, I can't." She took a few quick breaths. "I... I know now it was so stupid to... to get so emotional about you, to... to think that it was... was more than like. I... I wanted you to... to look at me as if... as if I was a... a woman, but I... I was acting like a-a-a teenager, which... which is what I am. And... I don't know, I... then started really hating... both of you... you and... and M-Mom." She started crying again.

I was overwhelmed. My dick shrunk to totally limp over the course of her monologue. "Ahh... Lana... Lana."

She sniffled. "What?"

"I did pay attention to you, but you pushed me away, or... or I was drunk, or trying to deal with... with all my fuckin' problems, or with Barb, I mean we just got married, you know? But... mainly, just dealin' with myself. I wanted to be your friend, I still wanna be your friend. I... I remember talking to you those times, early on. I enjoyed those times. I'd... I'd think about you, you know, about what we had talked about. I remember thinking you were smart, an'... an' pretty, an'... I don't know, I liked you. I... I never thought you were some... negative thing.

"Then... I don't know, it all started changing. You and Barb fighting all the time, an'... and it seemed both of you were hating me half the time. You... you weren't even civil to me sometimes, an'... an' don't get mad at me, but... sometimes you acted like a little bitch, and before you say it, yeah, I know, I can be a real asshole, a real bastard. I'm no fuckin' angel or piece of cake or whatever that fuckin' sayin' is. I know that, but... I tried, Lana. I really tried to be your friend. At least I tried as best I could." I heard her crying softly again. "Lana? Don't cry, honey. What's... what's wrong?"

"I don't know. I... I was remembering how... how you protected me from... from that asshole guy at the truckstop. How... how it seemed you were ready to fight for me. No... no guy ever... ever did that... f-for m-me."

"Lana, I'd always do that for you. I'd never let anyone hurt you." I guess I forgot about my night of lust with her.

"I... I teased you all... all last week. I-I shouldn't have done that."

"I know. Lana? Why... why did you do that?" I was wondering if it was for her allowance, or the fifty bucks, to just drive me nuts, or what.

"I... it's complicated."

"I'm not goin' anywhere. So... tell me the complicated story."

She sniffled. "I hafta get some tissues."

"Okay." A few seconds passed. I heard her sit on the other side of the door again and pull out some tissues from the box. "Do you want to open the door?"

"No. I... I couldn't talk that way."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So? The complicated story?"

"I was... I was really angry about the allowance, about it being cut off, and... and on that Tuesday, I just thought I'd tease you to get back at you about it, and... and I knew you had to be horny because... you know, Barb's in prison. So I did that on Tuesday, then... then on Wednesday, I... I thought about the truckstop and... and that woman outside, and... and I needed money, and... and... don't laugh at me."

"What?"

"I... I wanted to... to-to hook up with you, see... see what it was like with you, and... and see if... see if you'd like me as... as much as you l-like Barb in bed." She cried for a few seconds, then pulled out more tissues. "Maybe... maybe that was t-the main reason."

I really started to sober up. I knew I shouldn't say she was better than Barb, and obviously not say she was worse. "Lana?"

"What?" She blew her nose.

"You're beautiful, hot and... and a fantastic lover."

"You're just saying that. It... it took you forever to cum."

I chuckled.

"Don't laugh at me!"

I heard her starting to stand. "Lana! Sit down. I wasn't laughing at you. Wanna know why it took me so long?" It took her five seconds to sit down again.

"Okay. Why?"

"Guys who are drunk sometimes take longer to reach orgasm, sometimes... the alcohol makes it hard to... ahh... difficult to stay hard too, but... sometimes, it just delays orgasms. That's... that's why, and... and... I... I don't know if I should tell you something else."

"Go ahead and say it."

I could tell she expected it to be some negative comment about her. "I was really glad it took me a long time. I... I wanted to be inside you as long as I could. You... you have a beautiful, wonderful body. You were a great lover." I had to wait twenty seconds for a response.

"Is that the truth about.... about alcohol and orgasms, and... and the other things you said?"

"It is for me. That's the truth. And yes, it was the truth about you too." There was about a half minute of silence. Lana spoke again.

"I wish... I wish I wouldn't have taken that money, but... I got so mad at you." She started crying softly again.

"Don't you dare think that was me paying you for Friday night. That money wasn't for that."

She sniffled a couple times. "Yes it was."

"It wasn't. You said you didn't want that money. So I gave you other money. That's the way I'm looking at it."

"That's stupid."

Like at the prison, maybe from the tension, I chuckled. "I don't care if it is stupid."

There was another silence for ten or so seconds, which seemed like minutes.

She spoke softly, "I've... been thinking about Friday night a lot."

"I have too. Didn't I say that already?"

"I... I can't remember."

I smiled. "Isn't that my line?"

"It has been."

"Lana, I've been thinking about Friday night a lot, all the time since Saturday morning."

"What... what are you thinking?"

"That I hoped you enjoyed it as much as I did. That I hoped I didn't hurt you in any way... like even... you know, you remembering it in the future. I... I've been thinking a lot about... about what it felt like to be inside you, how... how perfect that felt, and... and the last thing I remember from that night was... was thinking how perfect we fit together spooning."

"You... you thought I was talking about a... a real spoon."

My brow pinched for a few seconds, I blinked, then chuckled again. "You're right. I... I thought you were eating ice cream or cereal or something."

"I... I guess I knew you were pretty drunk."

"Why... why did you trick me with drinking tea?"

"I didn't want to get any drunker than I was."

There was about a minute of silence. I broke it.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I... I don't know. What... what are you thinking about?"

"I was wondering if it was ever going to happen again. Us being together like that." My cock started growing again. I then thought of Barb. The growth slowed.

"I... that's what I was wondering."

"I... I want it to happen again, but... I-I also don't want it to happen again, because... because of Barb." I surprised myself by telling her the truth.

"I..." Lana stopped talking.

"What?"

"I don't know."

"Lana?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Do you think it will at least be possible for us to be friends."

"I... don't know. I guess, I... I think so. I... um..."

"What?"

"Don't get worried, okay?"

"What?" I suddenly wondered if she was on the pill. I thought she had said she was that night.

"It might be hard being friends, because... I... it... I think I... I still like you more, than as a friend. I've tried not to, which... which is one of the reasons why I... I've been really bitchy to you, I guess, but... it... it doesn't seem like that's worked."

"I think it'll be difficult for me to only think of you in a platonic way now too."

"I know what platonic means."

"Lana? Why do you say shit like that? I figured you knew what it meant."

"I... I don't know. I... Sometimes I think, you think, I'm stupid."

I smiled. "You know what I really think?"

"What?"

"I think sometimes I'm really stupid, and yeah, sometimes you're really stupid too."

"Do... do you mean last Friday?"

"Actually... I wasn't thinking of that. I meant, in general."

"Oh." She waited a few seconds. "Do you think it was stupid? Friday night? I guess you do since you said it was a big mistake."

I thought for a moment. "What you and I did, the way it made me feel, and hopefully you feel during it, that... that wasn't stupid, but... but because of the situation, maybe it was a mistake. I mean... we've both been pretty upset since then, you know? Among... other reasons."

"You mean Barb, right?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Could I ask you something, like... personal?"

"Yeah, but.. maybe I won't answer. Ask."

"What does she expect you to do? I mean, you know, about sex? Did she say you shouldn't hookup with anyone, even like... like a casual thing?"

"This will sound really stupid to you because it sounds extremely stupid to me right now, but... Barb and I have never discussed it. So, I assume she thinks I should stay loyal to her, which... which I should do."

"I... I thought you might start cheating on her, but... you haven't, have you? I... I don't mean last Friday, I mean... before last Friday."

"No, I haven't messed around."

"You... you really... love her, don't you?"

I felt like scum once more, when I heard Lana cry for a few seconds again. She blew her nose as softly as she could. "I guess I do... most of the time, but... I guess I don't love her enough, Lana, because last Friday, I wanted you more than I wanted to follow my marriage vows. That... that makes me one hell of a self-centered, fuckin' asshole."

"I bet... I bet if you were in prison, that... that she..."

I interrupted, "It doesn't matter what she would do. It doesn't work that way. The only thing that matters is what I do. And who really knows what she'd do? I thought I'd be able to handle it when she went in. Obviously, I was wrong."

"I... I shouldn't have teased you. I mean, I knew you had to be horny. I knew even I might be able to... you know, get you more horny to even hook up with me."

"Lana, I wanted to be with you before last week, except for the... the bitchy part." I took a quick breath. "No, I guess even with the bitchy part." There was another pregnant pause. I heard Lana shift on the other side of the door.

She drew in a deep breath, then exhaled. "What are we... I mean... um... what are you going to d... I mean... oh... I don't know what I mean."

"What are we going to do about wanting to be together like last Friday?"

"Yeah... I guess... I guess that's what I meant to say."

"I don't know. It feels very complicated now... more complicated now. I... I don't want to hurt Barb, I don't want to hurt you, I know I'm going to think about us together, us... making love, from now on though."

"You mean... us... fucking?"

I actually smiled. "I prefer making love mixed with a healthy dose of fucking."

"No kidding."

I chuckled and heard Lana giggle softly. "Lana, did you have good time with me? Did I hurt you at all? I hope to god I didn't hurt you."

"I was sore, and... and at the start, I mean... you know, with... with your dick, it... it hurt a little but not that much, and then it felt so good, and all that.. that oral stuff you did, just... drove me crazy. I... I guess near the end it... it half hurt and half felt good, but... I didn't want to stop. I... I liked it all."

I smiled. "So, you really did enjoy it?"

"Yes." She took a breath. "Did... did you like it with me?"

"Yeah, you're a great lover, very feminine... you felt perfect and... and you give good beejay." I chuckled softly, then instantly regretted that ending bit of humor. I began to open my mouth not sure how to correct it when Lana spoke first.

"Do... I guess you don't remember what I told you about... about doing oral and... and hooking up, do you?"

"Ahhh... when was that?"

"At the end."

"Sorry, but... like I said... ah... no, I don't remember. What did you say?"

"I... I've only been with two other guys, like one time each, and... and I like made it seem that I did a lot of, you know, oral on guys, but I... I haven't."

"You're ki..." I figured I shouldn't say what I was about to say.

"Kidding? No. That's the truth. I... I know Barb is... is probably a lot hotter in bed than me, and... um... I was hoping to be... you know, okay."

"You're a fantastic lover, Lana."

"As... as good as her? Nevermind... I know I'm not. Dumb question."

"She has more experience but I don't think that necessarily makes her better. You each are unique. You're both great lovers. I mean that, you really are, Lana. Eroticism is more than just knowing the moves, it's... it's deeper than that, it's... it's... well, someone once said the biggest sexual organ, or... maybe it was the biggest erogenous zone, was the brain. I guess it was 'organ.'"

Lana giggled softly. "I like that. I'll have to remember that." There was a few moments of silence. "Could... could I ask you something that... like is not really related to what we're talking about?"

"Yeah, like before, that doesn't mean I'll answer. Shoot."

"Why do you drink so much? Why... why does Mom drink so much?"

"I want to give you an answer, but I don't know if I can. I drink like I do, because... well, the simple answer is I'm an alcoholic."

"So, it's really an addiction. Do you think you'll ever stop, that... that Barb will ever stop?"

"It's an addiction, but... it seems more than that for me, Lana. I... I have this feeling, and I guess I've had it before too, that... that I think Barb can quit. I... I think I may not be good for her. And me? I don't know if I'll ever be able to quit."

"You and her have quit for... for weeks though. And... and neither of you get drunk every single day."

"You don't have to drink every day to be an alcoholic. I can't seem to get past three weeks dry. I can't get to that fourth week. Does... that answer your question?" I really didn't want to talk about my drinking.

"Um... I guess."

I could tell that wasn't enough. "What else do you want to know about it?"

"You said it felt like more than an addiction. What did you mean by that?"

"That's just my view of it. I know other addicts feel the same about their drug of choice, or feel similar maybe, but... drinking is where I can hide when things get too hard for me to handle. I run away to the bottle, drown my fears, my anxieties, my worries, my anger, my frustration. It feels warm and good there. Mainly, getting drunk lets me escape."

"Escape from what? Your... um... worries?"

"Yeah, like I just said, but it's mostly it's an escape from... from..." Something inside was stopping me from telling her.

"Escape from what?"

I took a slow breath. "An escape from... from myself."

"Yourself? What... um... okay."

"Can you keep a secret, Lana?"

"I... yes."

My eyes started welling up. "I... I hate myself, and when I get wasted, I'm not with that guy anymore, so... so there's no one to hate. I escape from myself."

"You... you shouldn't hate yourself."

I wiped my eyes and smiled. "Easier said than done, honey."

"Does... does Barb hate herself?"

"I don't know, Lana. I hope she doesn't." I took a quick breath. "Could I ask you something?"

"I guess. But... I may not answer the question."

I chuckled. "That was funny."

"I wanted to make you smile."

"You did."

"What's the question?"

"Do you really hate your mother?" I had to wait ten seconds.

"I... maybe I've hated her at times. Maybe... sometimes I still do."

"Growing up, did she spank you... punish you physically?"

"No, she usually just yelled at me, said... said I didn't appreciate her enough, stuff like that. Once... once when I was about ten, she... she got drunk and mad, and... and hit me across the face really hard. But... that was the only time. When... when I was about eleven, she... she stopped yelling so much at me, usually when she was drunk she... she mostly cried a lot in her bedroom and... and moped around. She... I know it's been my fault, at least some of it, but she started shouting at me again, when... um... when you came on the scene. Um... why did you ask that?"

"I hoped she hadn't done that, and... and I wanted to know if you hated her."

"I... I like don't hate her, I guess."

I smiled. "That sounded funny."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I like don't hate her."

"Oh... yeah, I guess that was a queer way to say it."

"'Like' has become the new 'uh' or 'ah'."

"Yeah, I think I've heard that before... sometime like recently."
I chuckled again. "You're funny. I thought you might be." Had I really? I guess I wasn't sure if I had or not.

"You're funny too."

"Lana? I don't want things to be so screwed up. And I don't want to screw up your life, and... I don't wanna screw up Barb's life more than I have already."

"I don't want things to be screwed up either. I can take care of myself, so don't worry about screwing up my life."

I wondered if that last part was true. "Lana? We can't hurt Barb. I... I don't know if she'd be able to deal with it if she found out about last Friday."

"I... I know. I guess... I don't want to hurt her either."

"My problem is that I don't want to hurt her, but I want to make love with you too."

"I have the same problem."

There was another long patch of silence. Lana broke it. "You know what else I think?"

I wondered what she was going to say. "What?"

"I think you should go to bed because it's getting really late and you have to get up early for work."

I knew there was nothing more to say at the moment and realized Lana knew that before me. "I guess you're right. You should get some sleep too." I heard her rise from the floor, so I did too.

Lana spoke softly again, "Are you still there?"

"Yeah. What is it?"

"Thanks for... coming to my door tonight."

"I'm really glad we talked."

"Me too. I... I really want to kiss you goodnight, but I think if I do that, I'll... not want to let you go."

"Lana? This is the truth... I was thinking the exact same thing." I really had been.

"I'm glad you said that. Tomorrow are... are you going to remember us talking tonight?"

I nodded to the door. "Yeah. I'm gonna remember.

"Good."

"Goodnight, Lana."

"Goodnight. Sweet dreams."

I returned to my bedroom, took a couple ibuprofen with a swig of warm beer, pulled off my shorts, got into bed, and incredibly fell asleep within minutes.

* * *

CHAPTER 9

The next morning I was jolted awake. Someone was shaking my shoulder.

"Wake up! You're going to be late! It's 6:20 already!"

I jerked up to a sitting position. "Huh! What happened?!" I rubbed my face. Lana was standing next to the bed. She was wearing a very oversized red T shirt. It went down to her knees.

"Nothing happened except for you oversleeping. You usually leave by 6:45, don't you?"

I looked at the digital. "Oh... shit." Without thinking I tossed the covers open. I was naked. I jumped out of bed right in front of Lana and quickly walked into the master bath.

"Mmm. Nice ass."

I heard Lana giggle then realized I was nude as I stuck the toothbrush in my mouth.

"Do you want a cappuccino?"

I pulled the brush out. "Ahhh... yeah, in that metal travel mug. Do you know how to make that?"

"Yes. I'm not stupid."

I almost said, You could have fooled me! as a joke, but held back.

She poked her head around the door jamb. "You make your lunch, don't you? Two sandwiches?"

"Yeah, but... I'll have to get a burger or something today. No time to make 'em." I put the brush back in my mouth.

Lana started for the hallway. "After I start your cap, I'll hurry to make them."

"Uh... yeah, ahh... thanks." I rinsed my mouth, then sat on the john. I didn't want to be late. Fuckin' Jim the prick was counting my late arrivals, but he never seemed to count the days I stayed later doing shit on site after everyone had taken off. My brow pinched. What the hell was Lana doing up this early? Did she say 'Nice ass'?

I knew I had taken a shower last night, but I took a very quick one, barely any soap, just to wake up. I must have taken some ibuprofen last night because my head wasn't pounding from the drinks at Sully's. By the time I was dried off, took a couple more ibuprofen, dressed and entered the kitchen, it was 6:35AM. I couldn't believe I had gotten ready so fast. Lana was putting a baggy on a sandwich. I grabbed three Cokes out of the fridge and headed to the mud room.

"I did that already. Three Cokes, right?"

I turned around. "How did you know that?"

"I... I must have seen you do it once. I didn't make up your cap. I mean, put in your sugar and milk."

I put the sodas back and moved around her at the counter. I was starting to wonder about her abrupt metamorphosis, but felt too rushed to give it much thought. "Jeez... you frothed the milk too?"

"Don't you?"

"Usually not. I hate cleaning the rubber thing and air tube. I like the milk steamed like this though. Ahh... thanks." I made up the cap.

"I put an apple in the cooler too."

"Perfect." I remembered not going to the grocery store last night. It was probably the last of the ham and apples.

"Do the sandwiches go in there too?"

"No, in a bag." I pulled out a paper bag where I stored them on top of the refrigerator and handed it to her.

"Thanks."

I sipped my coffee. It was good. "No. Thank you." I glanced at the clock. "I almost have enough time for a smoke."

"You should leave now, get there a little early to relax there, and quit smoking."

I laughed briefly. "Yes, dear." I actually thought it was a good plan. "You know, I think I'll do that, except for the quitting smoking part." It was amazing to see a warm, genuine smile on Lana's face. A very rare event.

Her smile grew as she offered the bag to me. "Have a good day, dear."

I chuckled. "You too." I took the bag, then grabbed the soft cooler from the mud room, put the strap over my shoulder, walked into the garage and out the side door to my truck in the driveway. I leaned in to put the cooler and bag on the seat, and the mug in the holder I had on the hump. I was about to get in, then froze. I realized I felt alive for the first time since Barb's accident. Maybe longer than that. I looked at the house for a moment. I left the truck door open as I jogged back into the kitchen.

"Lana?! Where are you?!"

She ran in from the living room. "Did you forget something?"

"Yeah." I walked up to her, held her face with my palms, waited a moment, then kissed her lips warmly. It lasted about five seconds. She kissed me back. I pulled my face away. "Thanks for making my lunch." I drew my hands from her sleepy, pretty face, and rushed outside again. In the garage, I heard Lana shout from the kitchen.

"Drive safe!"

I thought about Lana the entire workday. I knew I was playing with emotional dynamite. It wasn't just sex anymore. It wasn't just me, it was Lana, and Barb too. I felt like the guy with the matches, and keeping with fire metaphor, I also felt like the moth in the old adage and Lana was the candle flame. I convinced myself by the time I was driving home, after what had actually been an enjoyable day on the job although nothing out of the ordinary happened, that I hadn't really made any decision regarding Lana or anything else. I told myself everything was still the status quo -- I was Barb's husband, Lana was her daughter. That's all there was.

When I got to the house I was surprised yet again when I walked inside. The kitchen was cleaned up, I mean including the floor. I couldn't remember the last time I had mopped it. I didn't walk in. I took my work boots off in the mud room before entering.

"Lana?! Are you home?!"

"In the living room!"

I walked into the room. Lana was sitting on the floor. The old drag along vacuum was near her. The handle unit was turned over. She had a screwdriver in her hand. The bottom cover plate over the brush bar was off. I saw some sort of fabric wrapped around the bar.

Lana exhaled sharply. "It took me forever to get this stupid bottom thing open, the stupid instructions and drawing on the back of the metal part made it look so easy, and now I can't unravel this stupid pair of panties from around the roller. They're ripped and all twisted up. It... it broke that stretchy rubber ring that makes it turn and part of that is stuck behind the roller too."

She was wearing a pair of jean cutoffs and a loose T shirt. Her hair was behind one ear. She looked both like a very cute girl and a harried housewife. I almost laughed. The last time I changed the drive belt on the damn thing I had a hell of a time too. She was also right about those instructions. My hands went to my waist, my elbows cocked outward. I grinned then couldn't restrain a chuckle.

She looked up. Her eyes slightly glaring. "This isn't funny. I... I wanted to get this room done before you got home. Quit laughing at me."

I stepped over to her and crouched down. "I'm not laughing at you. I was laughing at what a bitch it is to change the damn belt." I tried to pull the panties off and they seemed to be glued on. I kept trying. "You know, Lana, this thing wasn't designed for vacuuming up panties." I grinned.

Her pretty blue eyes grew. "Really? Gosh... thanks for telling me. And... if you're wondering, they aren't my panties. They were under the couch. I didn't even see them."

My grin waned. They were probably Barb's. A few times when Lana would be on some sleepover, or we knew she'd be out all day, we sometimes got hot and heavy in the living room. That couch armrest had been used before the Friday night with Lana. I tried not to think about Barb. "Listen... ahh... do you want to go out to dinner? I didn't get groceries last night. There's probably not much in the fridge."

"There isn't. I... I hope you don't mind, I finished the last of that hickory ham you had in there."

"It's there to eat." I stopped fooling around with the stuck panties. I looked at her. She seemed nervous. "So... dinner someplace? Like... some place in town we can sit down, not fast food? Or... do you have plans?"

"Um... no... no plans. Um... yeah, okay. I need to take a shower first. I'm... kind of dirty."

"The kitchen looks great."

"Um... I th... um... thanks."

I looked at the vacuum cleaner. "After dinner we can drive up to the mall and go to Sears for a replacement drive belt for this. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I need a shower too." I stood up. My smile was growing again. "So..." I turned and started jogging to the hall. "I'm gonna get the hot water first!"

As I turned into the hall, out the corner of my eye, I saw Lana jump up from the floor.

She shouted, "You ass! I'm gonna get it first!"

I ran to the master bath, she ran to the hall bathroom. Actually it really was 'Lana's bathroom.'

Five minutes later the hot water started cooling off in my shower. I just barely heard Lana shout, "You ass! My water's getting cold!" I laughed as I hurried the bar of soap around my body.

We drove down to the business district of town. From what I had been told by neighbors and people at Sully's, it had started changing about ten years ago, getting more upscale, more "yuppie" if that term was still used. I called it "che-che renovating." New restaurants, the stores looked more like boutiques now with restored or new "old" facades stuck on, a lot of sandblasted brick, the banks had moved out to the busier roads, there was even a new micro brewery with an attached restaurant. I was tempted to try that place, Barb and I had talked about going there sometime, but at the moment it looked really expensive. Since Barb went away, I was getting more and more concerned about money. Gas was expensive for all those weekly visits, and I was still sending money to the damn lawyer.

I asked Lana where she wanted to eat. She said it really didn't matter to her. I suggested the pizza restaurant, a local chain with decent stuffed pizza, but said I would probably order the antipasto salad which was good and huge, so she could have some of it if she wanted. I added that if she wanted pizza that was fine because we could doggy bag the leftovers. She asked if we could just split the antipasto.

I said, "Great. Let's do that."

We ordered soft drinks and I ordered the salad, asking the waiter for two extra plates because we were going to split it. He asked what dressings we wanted. Lana said Italian, I was going to ask for the creamy garlic, then at the last moment, said, "Italian too." My gut tightened as the guy walked away. I knew why I changed it, or more accurately, why my dick changed it from garlic. I told myself and my dick, nothing like last Friday night was ever going to happen again.

The salad was good. Lana liked it too. We were making small talk for the most part, but then I just had to mention it.

I sipped my Coke, set the glass down then looked at Lana. "I don't wanna jinx it or anything, but... I've been wondering why you... ahh... did all that cleaning today?"

"Well, you... you gave me that money for... for the bus tokens, and... and you had said maybe I'd get paid for chores, so... so I did it because of... you know, the bus tokens. Um.... sort of."

"When I walked in, I almost thought I was in the wrong house." I smiled. "Thanks for doing it."

"You're welcome."

After dinner we drove up to the big mall. When we parked I told Lana she didn't have to come with me to Sears, that she could window shop or whatever while I got the replacement belt. She said she'd go with me. I had the old empty plastic bag from the previous belt with me for the model number. I had left it in the end table drawer knowing I'd have to get more in the future. Barb always seemed to vacuum some crap up that would bind that bar and snap the belt. Once it was the long pull cord to the window blinds in our bedroom. It had yanked the blinds off the window too. She usually liked to houseclean after having a few cocktails on a Saturday or Sunday.

We got the belt, then Lana asked if we could just walk around the mall, and if I didn't mind, she might stop in a few stores, real quick, that I could sit on a bench. She promised not to be in any store longer than a few minutes.

"Okay... sure."

She was wearing pleated cotton shorts again, an off-white color. She had a pink top on, not a T shirt, but it did have very short sleeves with a slightly scooped neckline, so the ridges of her collar bones were exposed. She was wearing her sneakers again with the ankle socks. Not much makeup on, barely any. She looked very nice, very pretty. She looked eighteen or close to it this evening. For the hell of it, I had put on my gray Dockers and a red cotton golf shirt. I guess I also looked fairly nice and also looked my age, pushin' thirty. I smiled at the thought.

"What's the grin for?"

I looked at her. "Nothing funny. I was just thinking how very nice, and... and very pretty you look this evening." I think she blushed.

"You... um... look very nice and pretty too." She grinned.

I laughed.

"Um... Here's a store I want to go into. I'll just be a minute."

"I'll come in too."

She turned to me. "No. I mean... um... I just want to see someone in the store for a moment. You... you sit on that bench. Okay?" She pointed to couple benches in the center of the walkway.

I figured she wanted to talk to a friend working in the store and might be embarrassed to be seen with me. "All right."

I went to the bench and sat down. I watched Lana go into the shop. She went to the counter and spoke with a girl around her own age. The girl called someone else over. A twenty-something chick. Lana smiled at her and said something. The chick nodded said something then walked around to the other side of the counter. She leaned down and came up with a folder. She opened it and fiddled around then pulled a paper out. She nodded at Lana again, said something else. Lana nodded, smiled and spoke, then said something to the girl her age. She turned towards the door, her smile disappeared as she started walking out. I got up and met her coming out of the shop.

"Mind if I ask what that was about?" I thought I knew. She was doing what I had suggested at the prison.

"I wanted to..." She took a quick breath. "That's one of the shops where I applied for a job. They're... they still don't need anyone."

I felt proud of her and then felt like a jerk for feeling anything like that about her. I didn't know what to say, then a questioned popped into my mind. "Did... did she look at your application again?"

"Uh-huh. She had to find it in a folder."

"So it wasn't on top?"

"No."

"You might not have been watching, but... when she put it back in the folder, did she put it on top or put it in alphabetical order or something?"

Lana's brow pinched. "I guess... I guess she put it on top."

I smiled.

Lana looked at me. "That doesn't mean anything, but..." She exhaled. "Okay, maybe it was good to go back again."

It probably didn't mean anything, but you never know. "I think it's good you went back. Where are these other shops?"

"One's closer to Penny's and the other is on the second floor."

"Okay."

When we returned to the car, Lana asked if we were going to the grocery store. I sighed, frowned and said we better. It ended up being somewhat enjoyable to have someone with me in the foodstore, maybe it was more being with the 'new' Lana, who seemed take over regarding what to buy and what to skip. I didn't mind at all. I said it looked like she knew she was doing.

"I did um... before you and... Barb got married, I... I did most of the grocery shopping and... and the housecleaning."

All of a sudden, her bathroom decor made much more sense to me.

By the time we got home and got the groceries onto the kitchen counter, it was 10:10PM.

I looked at Lana. "Listen, do you mind putting this stuff away, and I'll fix the vacuum." I held my breath waiting for her response.

"Mmm... sure. All right." She opened a bag and started putting things in the refrigerator.

I went to the garage and got a couple tools, one being my razor knife. I used it to cut the twisted panties off. While I worked on the vacuum I turned on the TV to get the local news, my interest being the local weather for tomorrow. There had been a foul up with the roofing order, the wrong color shingles or something. They finally came in late this past afternoon. Jim, Bob, and I would be starting that tomorrow while the rest of the crew worked inside. I wondered how hot it was going to be. Just as I was finishing up on the vacuum repair, Lana came into the room and sat on the couch. We both heard it was going to be in the high 80s tomorrow. That made me frown for a moment.

Lana looked at me. "The groceries are all put away."

"Thanks."

"I... I guess I should do more around here than I have been for... for a while now."

I snapped the bottom plate back on the vacuum. "I guess... I should be doing more around here than I've been doing too." I looked at Lana and smiled. I was glad to see her smile back. Were we actually starting to be friends? I was at least relieved I didn't feel she was conning me. I wasn't yet counting on her to actually start pulling some weight around the house though. It was true that I had only been doing the minimum required to keep it a step above pig sty. Both our smiles waned and it seemed we both got a little uncomfortable, probably each of us wondering the same thing about being friends. During the commercial, I tried the vacuum cleaner. The brushing bar worked. I shut it off.

Lana looked at me. "You were doing that really well. Don't stop now, you should keep going, practice more." She giggled softly.

I chuckled. "Ahhh... women's work."

"You ass. It isn't women's work. It's just work."

I sat down on the couch, not next to her but at the corner. "Yeah, I know. I've lived alone." I looked on the floor. "I'm really glad you picked up that wrapping paper."

"You... you noticed it? I didn't think you did."

"Yeah. And it really p..." I didn't want to break the mood.
"I... I wanted it to piss you off. I'm... um... sorry."

I looked at her. I wasn't sure how to respond. "Wait here. I'll be right back." I rose and walked quickly to my bedroom grabbed something off the closet shelf then returned to the couch. "This is... a graduation gift I... ah... forgot to give you. It's from me. You'll probably think it's dumb, but... well... here." I handed Lana the giftwrapped books. I smiled. "But... you better toss the gift wrapping out."

"I... I thought the other gift was really from you and Barb."

I saw her eyes well up. "That was from your mom mostly, I guess. This one's from me mostly."

Lana pulled the wrapping off. "Books?"

"Yeah, I know... dumb. Barb said it would be a stupid present, but... well, I thought you might do some reading before school this fall, to... well, just do some reading. They're... not really classics... well, maybe modern classics. There's one that I think you should try to read sometime. It... it made me think when I was in my early college days."

"Which one?" Lana looked at the three books.

"Steppenwolfe. Herman Hesse is the author." I took it out of her hands. "German guy, can't recall exactly when he lived, mid 20th century I think. There's a segment in this where... well, it's sort of an interesting... sort of a basic and simplistic explanation of life, involving a chess game. It... it's simple yet when I first read it, it seemed really deep, at least I thought that when I was a freshman or sophomore in college. It... it just made me think. I... well, I hoped it might make you think too."

"I'll read it."

"The other two are supposed to... you know, be modern literature, not just fiction. I've read 'em, they're good novels."

"Um... thank you."

"You're welcome." My gut tensed slightly. "Oh, in that larger one, I left the receipt if you want to retu..."

Lana broke in, "I won't be returning them."

I wanted to ask her about returning the dress but I didn't want to rock the boat of whatever had started today. Friendship? Neutral coexistence? Tentative steps down the path leading to hot, passionate, erotic love? She was still staring at the books. Her hand rose and her fingers wiped her eyes quickly.

"You okay, Lana?"

She wiped her eyes quickly again. She kept staring at the book. "I... I should have been here when... when she called."

I didn't know what to say for a couple moments. "Yeah, you should have, but I bet in the future for something similar, you will be there to take the call." I saw her nod then wipe her eyes once more.

Lana stood. "I'm um... pretty tired. I think I'll go to bed." She looked at me. "Thanks again for the present, and for... dinner tonight. It... was fun."

"It was fun. We'll... do that more often."

"Um... goodnight."

"Goodnight." I smiled and added. "Sweet dreams." It was what she had said to me a couple times, nicely last night, and another time like a bitch.

"You too." She glanced at the vacuum. "I'll... finish with that tomorrow."

"Okay."

"Night."

Night, Lana."

If she had waited another moment, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from kissing her. I was glad she hadn't dallied. I watched her walk from the room holding the books against her chest, her head bowed slightly. I wondered where the girl I was now looking at had been three years ago. I knew the problems she had with Barb weren't pretend. There was history there. Me coming onto the scene may have just stirred it up more. For maybe the millionth time since I was fifteen, I wondered why life had to be so goddamn fucked up.

My gut tensed. All day I had been thinking so much about how Lana had acted this morning, that I had hardly given any thought to what she had said last night from behind her door. Jeezuz... did I remember everything? I promised her I would. Had she said she felt more than 'like' for me? She had said that. Was she trying to say she had a crush on me? She couldn't have meant she felt 'love' for me, could she? Wait. She had also said she hated me too, didn't she? Hated me and Barb because... because I didn't pay attention to her? It was something like that. She had also said she still felt 'more than like' towards me. I was right this morning, everything had suddenly taken on an emotional dimension. What did I feel towards her?

My palms rubbed my face. I knew one thing I felt towards her. My cock had been half mast all evening. Was it more than sex for me? I knew it had been today. At the job today I did think about screwing her, but I also thought about taking her out to dinner tonight. I liked her this morning. I liked her last night too. I had been hoping that last Friday might somehow be a foundation, albeit an odd one, for us to build a friendship on. I wasn't sure how that would follow, but she had been at least friendly this morning. And then doing all the cleaning, that surprised me so much, then dinner, the mall, the grocery store, I hadn't really had time to think about what she had said last night and all the implications. I took a deep breath and sighed. Now I was too damn tired to think about it.

I turned off the TV and lamps, checked the doors were locked, then headed to my bedroom. I brushed my teeth, washed my face, took my clothes off and got into bed. I tried not to think about screwing Lana less than a week ago. I kept seeing her and what we had done in my mind. My cock was throbbing hard after ten minutes. I wanted to beat off but not to a mental porn vid of her and I fucking. I tried to think of Barb, tried to remember some really hot time with her, but Lana kept getting in the way. I tried not to think about anything. At 11:00PM I switched on the radio, volume low, tuned to NPR, listening to BBC Overnight, hoping Brit voices, speaking English I sometimes I couldn't decipher, would lull and dull me to sleep. It didn't work.

A few minutes before midnight, I tossed the sheet off me, turned off the radio, put on my gray jogging shorts and went to the kitchen. I was considering having a short bourbon water, medicinal, to help me sleep, but I had been sober since Saturday morning and didn't want to break the streak. I opened the fridge and grabbed a can of Coke, popped it open, and sat at the kitchen table. I took a long drink, then set the can down. I put my elbows on the table and leaned forward so my palms could cup and hold the top of my head. I didn't want to think about Lana. Sometimes when I held my head like that, I'd have this brief vision, maybe it was just a wish, that I could pop my head like it was a huge zit and never have to think again.

"Are you okay?"

I jerked in my chair to sitting upright. "Jeezuz... you scared the hell out'a me." Lana was standing at the kitchen entryway.

"Sorry. Are... you okay?"

"Ahh... yeah, couldn't sleep. What are you doing up?"

"I can't sleep either."

We stared at each other in the darkened house for some very long moments.

"Lana?"

"Uh-huh?"

"I can't stop thinking about making love with you."

"I... I can't either."

Even though my dick was throbbing hard, it wasn't what made me push the chair back and stand up, nor walk over to Lana and take her in my arms, nor press my lips to hers. For some reason, I did it though. As her mouth opened wider and my tongue greeted hers, I didn't need any voice of conscience in my mind screaming at me that I was making another huge mistake. I knew I was. I couldn't stop myself. Maybe I didn't want to stop myself. I wanted her. Maybe I needed her.

She was wearing the same long, large red T shirt she had this morning. She wasn't teasing me to get me to do anything. It was all my own free will as my hands slid down her back to her perfect, seductive, apple ass. I cupped those cheeks gently, then more firmly. As she had that Friday night, she released a huff of air into my mouth when I squeezed harder but her tongue never interrupted its thrilling dance with mine, nor stop her from squirming her little body against me.

I broke the kiss. We were both already breathing heavily. I kissed the side of her neck and then pushed my face into her fragrant hair. My arms moved again, surrounding her. "Ahhh... Lana."

She whispered breathlessly, "Please... don't feel guilty about this. We'll... maybe we should just take one day at a time. Not... not think about tomorrow."

I was giving her neck kisses again. "Yeah... yes. Not worry about tomorrow." I wanted her so much I didn't remember that there were always tomorrows to worry about, and that for every action there were consequences. At the moment though, all I could do was think about Lana in my arms, about how much I wanted her, to make her feel so good and have her do the same for me. At the moment, I could only live in the 'now.'

"I wanted us to do i... to make love when... when you hadn't been drinking."

"Me too, Lana."

We kissed again. Our tongues even more passionate than a minute ago. It was passion not lust, at least I think there's a difference, it at least felt different to me. One of my hands roamed down her back to her luscious bottom, firmly but gently tracing her curves, barely dipping my fingertips into her deep valley. She wasn't wearing panties. I slowed then broke the kiss. I planted a few warm, moist caresses on her neck which she arched for me. I kissed her cheek, her temple, then my lips were at her ear.

"I want you in my bed, Lana."

She whispered, "I want to be there too."

My arm went around her and she leaned into me as we walked to my room. At the bed I tossed the comforter and top sheet towards the footboard. I raised her shirt over her head and off, then took my shorts off. I told her to lie down in the center of the bed. I pulled a pillow over and asked her to raise her hips. I slid the pillow under her bottom and crawled onto the bed, my torso between her legs, my legs extended over the end of the mattress. My hands slid under her bottom. I raised her slightly as my face descended to her muff. I planted kisses in her trimmed bush then stroked my face gently over her already dewy flower. I kissed her slit, then drew my tongue up between her petals to her pink pearl. I swirled my tongue over and around it.

Lana murmured, "Mmmmhhh." Her legs folded slightly so her knees rose, her feet flat on the mattress. Her legs flexed as she pushed her pussy to my mouth.

I slid my tongue lower and wiggled it into the her moist channel. Again she pushed towards my mouth and her hips slowly swayed. My hands moved from under her and slid up her sides then onto her small pliant mounds, my thumbs stroked over her already pouting nipples. My tongue became more ardent as did Lana's churning hips. I pushed it and pulled it back another dozen times then slid it to her turgid pearl, rubbing it firmly.

Lana murmured, "Oh... mmmh... oh gawd." Her breathing grew more ragged. "I... I want you inside me."

I raised my face slightly and stated kissing around her muff. "Not yet." My tongue wiggled into her slippery, warm cunnie as deep as I could push it, then swirled it around over and over again.

"Mmmh-h-h-h," Lana's murmur quavered.

As my tongue worked, my thumbs and index fingers held her raspberry nubs, tugged and twisted them slightly, then my hands fondled her diminutive breasts. I slid my tongue to her clit again and rubbed it frantically.

"Oh... oh... yeah.. ye... ye... yeah... mmmhhh." Lana's little body started trembling. "Now... now please... I... I want you inside."

I wanted to be inside her too but I wanted her to reach orgasm first. She pushed up more, then her hands held my head. I stroked my tongue harder and faster on her pearl, pushing it side to side sometimes, rubbing it hard, lapping at it. Her trembling grew into shaking. My tongue strokes increased speed again.

"Oh... oh.. oooooohhhhh!"

Lana stated twitching. I licked her clit a few more seconds then pushed my tongue as far as I could into her, swirling it around within her warm, buttery, tight channel. She started shaking harder, the twitches were more frequent. I rubbed her clit again. My hands left her breasts and quickly moved under her firm buns. I raised her, then slid my tongue down to her hot little hole, giving it a few swirls, then returned to her clit.

"Ohhhhh... oh oh gawd... yeah."

Her body shuddered intensely. I hoped that was an orgasm because my tongue was exhausted. I smeared my face around her little muff. I was breathing heavily but her gasps were louder than my own.

I slid my hands up her sides again, as I worked my body up over hers. I held my weight off her with my elbows as I started a trail of kisses up her torso, lingering at her breasts, kissing her mounds and nipples, sucking them, rubbing each with my tongue. Her hands went to my shoulders as I kissed along both ridges of her collar bones, then around her neck, then her face. I raised my head and looked into her beautiful blue eyes. I asked, "Was that okay?"

She smiled, then giggled softly. I moved a little higher and felt the head of my throbbing cock touch her warm, wet slit. I slid the length of my rod through her parted, glistening labs and over her pearl. She twitched then pushed up against me again. I reversed course down her slit, then slowly up again. "Does this feel good?"

Lana nodded, "Uh-huh."

I slowly stroked my cock against her wet pussy another half dozen times, then said, "Do you want me inside you?"

She nodded again. "Yes."

"Guide me in." I pushed my torso up and raised my hips a little. My fingertips combed her hair away from her pretty face while she reached between us, held my cock and moved the head to the entrance of her channel. I nudged inside. Lana's eyes closed and her breathing tempo increased. I pushed in a fraction more. She was as tight, warm, and slippery as I recalled. Push in, pull back, push in, pull back, I worked my cock into her slightly deeper each time. Her hips started swaying again.

She whispered, "Oh god."

"Feel good?"

"Yes. To you too?"

"You feel wonderful around me, Lana."

It took a few more moments before I pulled back and slowly slid all the way into her. Her channel gripped around me tightly. My hips swayed so did hers.

"Oh god... you're so big."

"Quit saying that."

"Huh?"

"Lana, I'm just average."

"No you aren't. You're big."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah, you are." She pushed harder against me.

"No, I'm not." I also pushed and swayed with more intensity.

"Yes, you are."

I smiled. "Shut up."

She giggled. "You shut up."

At the moment I heard her soft laugh, I knew we were making love, not just fucking. I lowered my face and we kissed. Our tongues entwining like long time dance partners. I pulled back and slid into her slowly, then again and again, picking up the speed and strength with each drive of my rod. Lana did the same in a perfect counterpoint rhythm. A few minutes later I was thrusting into hard enough to hear the-- smat - smat - smat... of our groins meeting. Lana's legs folded more but her feet stayed flat on the mattress.

She spoke between gasps of breath, "Does... this... feel... good... to... you?"

"Yeah... you?"

"Uh-huh."

"I'm not going to last very long... you... you feel too good."

"I wanna feel you cum. I wa... do it... do it anytime." She took a few quicker breaths and then squirmed and thrust to meet me more intensely. "Now... do it now."

I pushed deep and churned against her. "I wanna last longer. Does... does it feel bad... are you tender or something?"

"No... I mean... it feels good... I... wanna feel you cum, and... I wanna make you feel good."

I smiled then gave her breasts a few sucking kisses. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You are making me feel good."

My arms slid behind her knees, folding her legs up as my torso rose and I folded my legs under me. I sat on my heels. I put her pretty little feet on my chest then rocked my cock in and back within her wet, hugging pussy. "This okay?" She nodded. I twisted my arm and hand around her thigh so I could get my thumb onto her clit. "This better?" Her eyes closed, her neck arched and pushed the back of her head into the pillow. I smiled. "Feels good to me too."

She whispered, "Oh god."

I moved us into a few more positions, keeping my cock within her the entire time, sometimes we laughed as she tried to follow my directions of where to move her leg or put her foot so I didn't have to withdraw from her amazing, tight cunt. Finally we were sitting up, my back against the headboard, her back against my chest, her feet flat on my thighs close to my knees. One of my hands was stroking and playing with her taut nipples and firm, pliant feminine mounds, while two fingers of my other hand rubbed and caressed her clit. She pushed down with her feet using her legs to rise and lower while squirming wildly on my rod as I shoved up in short strokes.

Her breathing was fast and ragged as she spoke, "Oh... oh god... I'm s-so... close... cum... ohgod... cum-in-me... now... now... NOW!"

Lana started shaking almost violently, squirming her hips crazily, while driving her pussy and ass against me with force. I couldn't hold back any longer.

"Ahh... oh jeezuz... Lana... I'm... oh... fu-uuuuck!" I jerked forward, my arm held her chest and I had to concentrate on keeping my fingers moving on her clit as my body tensed and the first shot of seed boiled up from my balls and spewed deep in her quivering channel.

"I... I feel it! Oh... ohgod!"

I grunted again, "ARRRH!" As the second, third, fourth, fifth, and sixth spasms traveled up my cock and spewed more of my thick spunk deep in contracting pussy. Lana's neck arched back and she pushed her face into my neck and profile. I could hear her loud gasping breaths. She kept pushing down on me as she shook and twitched. It took us both a couple minutes to settle down.

I chuckled softly, "Jeezuz, Lana."

"What?"

"That felt... incredible." I kissed her neck then her cheek then her ear.

"I..." She swallowed and took a deep breath. "I thought so too."

I gave her shoulder a kiss. I was glad I wasn't shrinking really fast. "I really like being inside you. You... feel... perfect. Perfect and delicious." I smiled and gave her shoulder another kiss.

"Did... did I really taste okay?"

"Yeah, wonderful, clean, fresh, hot."

"I... I can't believe I had two orgasms again."

I wondered if she as lying. I figured one or the other had to be faked. "Really?"

"Uh-huh."

I didn't push it. If she was lying it was for my benefit. I smiled. "Well, I had five."

She giggled. "Shut up. You had one. Do... do you want me to suck you now?"

"That might have been nice, but you asked."

"Huh?"

"I don't like to be asked. I figure if the girl wants to, she'll either do it, or tell me she wants to."

"I meant it like that.. okay, it was a question, but I meant it that way. I want to."

"It sounded like quid pro quo to me."

"I bet you think I don't know what that means."

I chuckled. "I don't care if you know or not."

"I know what it means."

"Dammit."

"What?"

"You made me laugh and it made my cock shrink faster. I'm going to slip out any second."

Her brow pinched. "Does laughing make it shrink?"

I could tell it was a serious question. "I don't know." I chuckled.

She exhaled sharply.

"You want something to drink? Water? Soda?" I didn't want us to touch any booze tonight. We both flinched when I slipped out. "I'll get us something to drink. What do you want?"

"No, I'll go. What do you want?"

"A Coke. I think I left one on the kitchen table."

I watched her slide off the bed, then gawked at her seductive ass as she headed to the door. Her hand cupped her pussy.
"Gawd... you had a lot of stuff."

I smiled and slid down to a lying position. I tried my very best not to think that I had just screwed Barb's daughter again. I tried to convince myself that Lana and I just needed each other, that we both were well aware of the fact that I was married to Barb. My gut tensed telling me I was rationalizing. I told myself to stop thinking about tomorrow.

I got up to take a piss. I turned on the bathroom light and decided I really should clean it soon, especially the toilet. I peed and then gave my cock a quick wash at the sink and dried it. I hoped it would be in Lana's mouth soon.

I returned to the bed to wait. I propped pillows up against the headboard for both of us to sit up. I heard Lana go into her bathroom. She came into my room a few minutes later, handed me the soda. She had a glass of ice water. "Thanks."

She sat next to me. I was lost for words and I think Lana was smarter and realized there wasn't much to say. I put my arm around her and she leaned into me. We didn't stay completely quiet, like when I stroked her arm with my fingers, she said it felt nice. I gave her temple a couple kisses, she touched my cock a few times, giving it little strokes with her fingertip. I thought it seemed like she was looking at a penis for the first time, at least a first extended look. When my soda was almost finished, she had my cock to something past a half mast.

She asked if I was finished with my soda. I drank the last of it and said, "Yeah."

She took the can from me, then put it on the bedside table with her glass. She slid off the bed, stood and turned to me. "Do you want to... make love again?"

I smiled softly. "Yeah, do you?"

She nodded. "Can we... go to my bed, then... then come back here and sleep together?" Her teeth clamped half her lower lip.

My smile stayed in place. I wondered what the significance of doing it in her bed was. "I think that sounds like a great plan." I'm pretty sure she blushed. I slid towards her, got off the bed and took her hand. We started for her room.

Lana gave my hand a squeeze. "And... I want to have your cock in my mouth first."

I chuckled softly. "Well... if you insist."

"I do insist."

I let Lana go through the door first. I glanced at her ass. My cock grew more as I thought of pushing it into her hot little asshole, but I knew that wasn't going to happen today, if ever.

We stepped into the hall and walked the short distance to her room. A small lamp was lit on her single bedside table. We stepped inside. Her bed wasn't in the center of the room, but more towards the corner. There was only a narrow gap on the side near the wall. The last time I had been in the room, she had the bed set up like a couch, the side of the bed all the way against the wall using it as the couch back, pillows angled against it. That was the day I saw her not quite nude internet pics on her monitor.

I pulled her to a stop a few feet from the bed. She turned towards me and I took her in my arms. We kissed. Her mouth opened wider almost immediately. It was almost a replay of our passionate kiss in the kitchen. My right arm slid down her back, my hand cupped and gently squeezed one then the other cheek of her bottom. Lana pressed her little body into mine and squirmed slightly. My cock was sandwiched between us and grew fully erect as her flat abdomen stroked side to side against it.

I abruptly broke the kiss, gasping breaths as I quickly shifted to the side leaned down a little, put my arm behind her knees and swept her up, cradling her in my arms.

"Woo! What are you doing?!" Lana laughed.

"Getting you into bed." I took the couple steps to her single bed even though I was thinking about taking her back to my room and the queen size mattress.

"No. You're supposed to sit on the edge, and... and I'm going to... ahh!"

I half tossed half dropped her in the center of the twin size mattress. She was feather light. I moved between her legs and on top of her. She was giggling. I held most of my weight off her with my elbows. My hands slid under her shoulders and cupped her face. My face lowered and my mouth was on hers once more. Our tongues danced passionately again. My hips started moving, sliding my cock up and down the center of her still slippery slit. On the third stroke she pushed up to meet my sliding rod. On the sixth, she was the one abruptly breaking the kiss.

She gasped a few breaths. "I want you in my mouth."

"Let's... just make love again, Lana." I took a couple breaths. "Different positions, you don't ha..."

"No, I want... yes, but I want you in my mouth first. Come on."

I was a kid in a candy store again. I gave her breasts a few kisses then rolled off her, almost slipping off the mattress. I hoped she didn't tell me to sit up or move to some chair. She didn't waste any time. She slid down the bed, shifted so her torso was perpendicular to mine, her legs had to fold to stay on the small bed. She lay her head on my lower abdomen, gripped my throbbing cock and then engulfed the head in her mouth. She started sucking gently. I let out a groan, "Urrrrh."

I felt her tongue swirling around the head, her lips tight on my rod just past the edge of the helmet. Her hand started stroking. Her head started bobbing. It felt damn good, maybe not as good as I seemed to remember from the crazy night when I was sitting in the recliner and she was kneeling, using two hands to stroke around my rod while her wonderful mouth sucked and her tongue laved.

"Urrrrhhhh," I growled as my hips rose. Her hand increased speed slightly but her bobbing slowed as she tried to take more of my muscle into her mouth. I lowered my ass, then it rose again. My hand went to her back and began stroking up and down as far as I could reach. My butt lowered again, and I shifted my torso a little so I could reached her seductive ass. Jeezuz, she had a perfect bubble butt. I could feel the head of my dick at the entrance of her throat for a moment, then her "O" slid up towards the head. It slid down again slower, the tip of the head got to her throat. She gagged and quickly jerked her head back, my cock slipping out.

Lana cleared her throat. "Sorry."

"Lana... that's enough. I wanna be inside you again."

"No... not yet." She engulfed the head again.

I sat up. "Come on, honey." She kept bobbing. I slid my hand around her hip and between her legs. My finger found her slit. I started diddling around it and found her pearl a moment later. Her thighs squeezed together. She pulled her head up. There was a 'pop' when my cock exited her mouth.

"Don't do that... I... I can't concentrate when you do that."

I pulled my hand out and then pulled her torso up the bed. "Come on, Lana. I want to be inside you again."

"But I wanted to..." My mouth covered hers as I kept moving her into position on the small bed. She moaned, "Mmmm."

I moved over her again, keeping my weight off her with one elbow. With my other hand I found her right one and directed it to my throbbing cock. She gripped it. I pulled my mouth from hers and started giving her neck and breasts long lingering kisses. "Guide me in." I raised my head.

She moved the head of my rod to her opening. I nudged inside. Her hands held my shoulders. I gazed at her pretty face as I worked my cock into her with swaying strokes. Her breathing increased tempo. On the fourth push, I sunk all the way into her warm confines.

Lana closed her eyes. "Mmmh."

I held my weight off her with my elbows, my hands under her shoulders. My eyes gazed into hers as I grinded my rod into tight pussy. Her hands rose and held my shoulders. I pulled back slowly, then shoved into her a little faster, grinding once again. My head dipped and my mouth planted a few, moist kisses around her neck. Lana pushed her pubis to me, her hips swayed. My mouth covered hers again, our tongues dancing. I pulled back and pushed in again, on the last couple inches I thrust. Her body jerked slightly.

"Mmmh," Lana moaned into my mouth.

I pulled back and pushed in another half dozen times, adding that extra short thrust at the end. After the second time, Lana shoved towards me, mirroring the additional intensity at the end of the stroke.

I broke the kiss. We were both huffing our breaths. My back hunched upward so I could get my mouth on her small, firm tits. The speed of my cock increased, but still had that little extra at the end of the stroke. I smeared my face over her small mounds, her nipples taut gumdrops. I sucked her left one. Her hands moved to the back of my head. I rubbed my tongue firmly on it and sucked harder, taking more of her pliant flesh into my mouth. Her hands moved, one going to the back of my head, the other stroked my upper back. The strokes of my cock increased tempo again, and the additional thrust was now the last half of my cock. Lana mirrored me again. My mouth slid to her other breast. I sucked and tongued that nipple.

"Mmmmh... oh... ohgod," Lana murmured.

My mouth moved from her breast, trailing up over her collar bone, alongside her neck to her ear. Her body was still lurching slightly with each of my thrusts. I kissed her ear. I spoke with huffing breaths, "This... too intense?"

"No... no... feels so... good."

"I wanna do it fast... harder... okay?" I felt her head nod.

"Yeah... yeah."

I raised my head and looked into her eyes. From beneath her upper back, my palms cupped around her shoulders and held her firmly. On my next stroke I plunged into her tight cunt beginning a dozen piston-like thrusts. Her little body jerked towards the headboard but my hands kept her in place.

"Uh!" Her eyes closed, her jaw clenched. After the third plunge, her neck arched presenting her throat to me. I gave it kisses and drew lines on it with my tongue. Her hips were thrusting up towards my invading rod in a perfect counterpoint rhythm. She felt perfect around me, even though she was really slippery, I could still feel how damn tight her channel was around me. I was glad I had already had an orgasm, otherwise I would have shot my wad on the third faster, harder stroke. I thrust in once more, then grinded. I needed a break. I sucked each of her nipples. Lana's hips were grinding as intensely as mine. I slowed my movements, she didn't.

I took a few deeper gulps of air. "Let's change the..." I took another breath. "...position, okay?"

Lana took a couple deeper breaths too. She nodded. "'kay."

I gave her a brief French kiss. It had to be brief, we were gasping breaths. My torso rose and my legs slid up the bed, folding until I was sitting up, my ass back on my heels, my inner thighs against her hips. I guided her left leg, folding it to get it in front of me. I leaned to that side. "Turn onto your tummy. Don't let me slip out."

Lana twisted her shoulders first, then her upper body followed. I raised my right knee and shifted my leg over her prone limb, then moved that way, keeping my cock buried in her snug channel. I leaned forward slightly, my hand on her leg slid behind her knee, holding up folded and off the mattress. I pulled back on my cock and shoved into her again, grinding again.

"Oooh!"

"Dammit... did that hurt?"

"No... it... it feels like it's touching me in new places." Lana panted a few breaths. "I like it."

I started a rhythm, pushing in, pulling back, growing in intensity with each stroke. Lana couldn't really shove towards me very well in the position but she churched her hips, arched her back now and then to take the stroke slightly differently within her. After a minute I was thrusting pretty hard, my pubic bone smacking against her firm rounded bun. A few times I felt her the backside of her pelvis, her 'butt bone.' Lana would flinch when that happened. It didn't hurt her pelvis but I think my rod just went a fraction deeper into her channel then. My tempo grew close to pistoning and my groin slapped her bun... smat-smat-smat... I plunged deep and grinded. I watched my free hand roam her back, folded leg, and her ass.

"You okay?"

Lana was panting. "Uh-huh... feels... oh... so good."

"I wanna move again, into... a... a doggy position... okay?"

She closed her eyes and smiled then panted more breaths. She looked at me. "Okay... with you still inside? Can we do it th..."

I interrupted, "Yeah, don't let me out." I kept pushing into her. I took a few deeper breaths. "We'll... slide closer to the center of the bed, then... then I'll guide you around."

"Okay."

We started moving, my hands helping Lana's hips move. She used her arms to push her upper torso and accidentally shoved a pillow off the bed.

"Oh... can you pick that up?"

I stopped moving. "Listen." I took another breath. "Mind if we go back to my bed?" I smiled and sucked more air.

"I... I guess that would be better, but... I don't want you to pull out."

"I wasn't planning to."

Her brow pinched. "Huh?"

I guided her leg over again, her hips twisted so I was again between her thighs. I leaned forward, planted my hands on the mattress, and told her to wrap her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She did. "Hold on now." Her slender arms and legs tightened on me. I crawled the short distance to the edge of the mattress. Lana giggled.

"I... I feel like a little monkey holding onto her mama."

I grinned and planted a foot on the floor, then stood up, my hands gripping her luscious buns.

"Woo!" Lana giggled again.

As I headed to my bedroom, Lana bounced slightly with each step I took.

"Mmmm... we're... we're still doing it." She swayed her hips, then suddenly her pussy tightened around my throbbing rod, then it loosened.

"Urrrh... jeezuz... did you do that on purpose?"

"I... I think so. Stop for a second." Lana pulled her head back and looked into my eyes for a few seconds before she shut her own. Her teeth clamped her lower lip. I felt her cunnie tightened again for a few seconds. Her lip escaped her teeth. Her eyes opened. A little smile came to her mouth. "Did you feel that?"

I grinned. "Yeah."

She hugged me tightly again. "Good."

"Yeah, I'll say." I continued to my bedroom.

I crawled onto my larger bed, Lana giggled once again. We changed into a doggy position slowly so my cock didn't slip out of her. I told her to lower her head and shoulder to the pillow. I pulled a pillow under her just in case we needed it in a few minutes. My right hand slid under her, the middle fingertip started diddling her large turgid pearl.

"Mmmm."

I started pushing in and pulling back again. "Feel good?"

Lana was panting again. "Uh-huh. But... I want you looking at me... facing me when we cum. 'kay?"

"Yeah... yeah."

My free hand roamed her back and thigh, sometimes I pushed it under her chest and felt her little breasts, her nipples wonderful firm raspberries. My fingers sometimes scissored them, tugging slightly. My rhythm increased tempo. After a couple minutes I was thrusting hard into her, Lana with equal force was shoving back to meet every plunge of my throbbing cock. I varied the speed, direction, and firmness of my diddling finger on her clit. I watched the shock waves being absorbed by her glorious buns... smat-smat-smat-smat-smat-smat... I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

Lana started shaking. "Oh... oh god... I'm... I'm so close.... oh."

"Do... do you want to change position? Face... facing." I didn't want to change anything. I was getting very close and I loved watching her hot ass.

smat-smat-smat-smat-smat...

"Ye... uh... oooh... uhhhh... ye... no... no... oh... I... I don'... know... mmmhh."

My thrusting slowed slightly but I rammed into her harder. Her body jerked towards the headboard. Her arms moved and her palms planted against it.

Lana was twitching and shaking. "Oh... oh god! I'm... I... I'm cu... cu... oh.... oooh!"

I plunged into and grinded intensely as I pushed her ass downward. Her knees slid towards the foot of the bed, my legs started straightening out. When were both lying flat I thrust another half dozen times -- smat-smat-smat-smat-smat-smat.

"Urrrrrh," I groaned as I grinding into her again, her firm buns still churning beneath me. I shifted my torso to the side. My face at her shoulder on the mattress. Her face looked in pain, her eyes closed. I could feel her channel repeatedly contracting around my cock. "Lana... Lana look at me."

Her eyes opened and met mine. She was panting her breaths as was I.

I'm... cumming... cumming in you... because of you." My eyes shut as I shoved into one last time. I kept pushing and grinding. My cock surged. I knew I wasn't going to shoot as much spunk into her this time, but it felt like I was, a half dozen spasms traveled up from my balls, expanding my throbbing cock for a moment, and spitting my hot seed into deep Lana.

"Oh... I fee... oh... ohgod." Lana moved her face to mine, pushing between my cheek and the pillow until my last surge, then backed away a few inches. Our eyes met for a few seconds, I gave her lips a brief kiss, then moved my head so I wasn't exhaling into her face. It took us a couple minutes to calm down and start breathing more normally.

I heard Lana giggle very softly. I took a deep breath before I asked, "What?"

"I'm really glad we... we faced each other when... when we orgasmed. I... I wanted to see your face, but..." She giggled again.

"What?" I smiled. I figured she was going to say I looked like some dork during it or something.

"When I started my orgasm, I... I really kind of forgot about wanting to do it, I mean, I wanted to, but I forgot until... until you told me to look at you and then... then it was really important to me again."

I kissed her head. We both flinched when my cock slipped out of her. "Lay on top of me." We shifted on the bed. Lana slid her slender body onto mine. She pushed higher and set her elbows on the pillow and against the tops of my shoulders. Her fingertips combed through my hair lightly.

I smiled. "Hi."

Her eyes teared slightly. "Hi."

My arms moved around her back. I raised my head off the pillow and kissed her lips. Our tongues touched and played but it was a post-coital French kiss, more of a 'that was pretty good' kiss, saying we'd be going to sleep soon. I let my head down, my lips left hers. She smiled at me. She moved down my body a few inches then turned her profile, laying it on my upper chest and shoulder.

She spoke softly, "I think I'm going to be leaking on you."

I smiled. "Don't worry about it."

"I think I should go to the bathroom and clean up a little, but... I don't want to move."

My arms tightened around her. "Don't move." I felt her take a deep breath, her little breasts and hard nipples pressed into my chest.

She whispered, "Are... are you okay?"

My brow pinched. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Us... us taking one day at a time."

The guilt swelled up again. I wish she hadn't asked. I kissed her head again. "Yeah, I'm doin' okay. How about you?"

"Mm-hmm. I'm fine." Lana's head rose a few inches. She kissed my shoulder, then lay her profile down again.

My right hand slid down to her ass, coursing over her sensual curves. I remembered how it looked, the little shock waves traveling through her firm buns each time I rammed my cock into her. One day at a time. I told myself not to think about it.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

***************

End of Part 2

Part 3, the conclusion of the story, will be submitted for posting soon.

(Your comments/critiques/feedbacks are invited.)

____________________________________

A Prison Break Ch. 03

The conclusion of the story.

copyright ©2009 by A_Satori. All rights reserved.

[Author's note: This story is Part 3, the conclusion of A Prison Break I recommend both previous "chapters" be read prior to reading the story below.]

[Acknowledgments: My thanks to Andrea4328 for her editorial input. Her work on this story is greatly appreciated. Any mistakes remaining in the text are mine alone.]

****************

A PRISON BREAK, PART 3 - FINALLY FREE

CHAPTER 10

Lana and I continued to take one day at a time. I tried my best to ignore that 'one day at a time' was a delusion. It was already out of control, emotions were involved, some good, some not so good for me. Maybe I was just hoping there was some good in it. I wasn't sure, but I think Lana was only seeing the good, or what she perceived to be good.

After the sober night with her, the next visiting day at the prison was very difficult for me, filled with anxiety that Barb would somehow be able to see the truth about all of it in my eyes. She didn't. I think Lana helped with that. She wasn't as surly and obnoxious as she had been, in fact she probably talked more than she ever had, yet there were still remnants of the 'bitchy Lana' towards Barb, towards me too I guess, at least during the time in the cafeteria.

The next visitation was easier for me, and Lana was even less bitchy. That was the pattern over the next few weekly visits. I finally realized that Lana was easing into her new, or maybe it was her previous to my entering the picture, personality. I could visibly see the change in Barb due to Lana's warmer attitude. One visitation, they both had fun ganging up on me, making little jokes, talking about me wearing "holy" jeans to work, how I worried about keeping the interior of my truck clean but never washed the exterior, stuff like that.

Even though the anxiety and guilt never left me for a moment, I found it easier to hide it, easier to lie by omission to my wife. I brought a deck of cards one Sunday as a way to fill in the conversational gaps and not have to meet Barb's eyes. We played rummy. Barb seemed to enjoy it, so did Lana, even though near the end of the game and visit, Barb teared up before she asked, "Remember you and I playing cards when you were little, Lana?"

Lana's eyes got a touch sparkly too. She nodded. "Yeah, those times were fun."

I asked Lana about it later. She didn't want to talk about it, but I pushed her a little and she told me. She said they'd play cards or some board games sometimes, but only when Barb was in a sober period and there wasn't any guy in her life. Lana said the games were fun, but the main thing for her was having her mother's attention, no boyfriend, and the sobriety. The bad thing was that it always made her really hopeful that Barb would just stay like that. Nice, fun, no stupid boyfriends around, just them together, have things nice and calm, and not have anymore crazy days and nights.

Lana said when she got older, around twelve or so, she stopped believing Barb about getting sober, stopped thinking there was hope, and stopped playing cards or any games with Barb during her mother's sober periods because she didn't want to be tempted to be hopeful. Lana said playing cards at the prison had made her feel sad and anxious, because it reminded her of how many times Barb had disappointed her in the past.

Lana and I usually didn't sleep together on Sunday nights. That was due to me. I told her that I couldn't handle it on the same day I saw Barb, that the guilt grew too much. The Sunday of that first card game, Lana asked if she could sleep with me, saying she just wanted to be next to me. I turned off the lamp and we spooned. A few minutes later, Lana started crying softly. I gave her head a few kisses. She talked every now and then over the next half hour, in essence telling me how much she had hoped Barb would stop drinking, how much she had hoped Barb would be like a regular mom, how much she had hoped they'd be happy and have fun together, how much she had always hoped she'd never be afraid to have a friend come over to the house.

The last thing she said was, "I didn't want to start hating her, b-but I did... I... hated her so much sometimes. I didn't want to hate her... I... I was so mad though... I'd get so mad sometimes, and other times I'd get so... s-scared about her, about... something bad happening to her... or-or something bad happening to me and... and she wouldn't be there for me."

I just held her a little closer after that. I had no idea what to say to her. She was right to feel all that. But I knew that Barb had probably tried with all her strength to give Lana what she wanted and needed, not only for Lana, but for herself too. She just couldn't manage it. I knew I was at least as bad if not worse at handling life than Barb. Thank god a kid never had to count on me.

We only played cards a couple times after that. Even though it appeared we were all enjoying the game, I think Barb somehow picked up on Lana's hidden feelings about it. Barb could be very perceptive and intelligent when she was sober. She was the one who lost interest in playing. When I pulled out the cards that day, Barb said, "Mmm... not today, okay?" I only brought it up one other time and that Sunday Barb said, "Let's just talk, all right?" I never came with cards again.

In between the visitations, Lana and I did other things together--

* * *

I felt my cock coming back to life. I slid my arm from around Lana, turned on my side and moved lower. I put my hand on her far side, leaned towards her more, then stroked my face over her small, feminine mounds. I gave her breasts a dozen slow, moist kisses, then started caressing her taut nipples with my lips and tongue. I felt her hands move onto my head, her fingers slowly combing through my hair.

She spoke softly, "I... I want to tell you something but... you have to promise not to get mad."

My gut tensed. I pulled my face up. "What is it?"

"Promise you won't get mad first."

"Okay, I promise. What?" I hated it when chicks did that 'promise me first' routine.

Lana took a slow deep breath. She stared at her hands in my hair. "You know, sometimes when you and... and Barb would do it, you'd... you'd sometimes forget to close the bedroom door.

I blinked. "We... we did?" I couldn't recall ever forgetting the door, but it was more than likely we had at least a few times.

"Yeah. Sometimes... sometimes I could hear you down in my room. When you left the door open, I could hear everything bett... I mean, louder. A... a couple times I... I sneaked down the hall and..." She took a breath. "...and watched you guys."

"You... you watched?"

"Uh-huh. Not like for a long time, you know, like a minute... a-a few minutes maybe."

I didn't know what to think or say. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She took another breath. "One time was... was her giving you a beejay. That's... I mean... um... I saw her running her hand on... your chest and... and you seemed to like that. That's... that's why I've done that sometimes."

Again I didn't know what to say. I almost told her I had been wondering about her doing the same thing as Barb. "I... I guess I do like that."

"Another time..." Once more she took a deep breath. "Another time I... I'm not sure, but I think I saw you guys... um... doing... um... doing anal."

My gut knotted tighter. I didn't say anything.

"You were... I mean, she was moaning a lot and you were... going slow and like, you know, in a doggy style position, but her head and shoulders were on the bed, and... and you were stroking her back up and down, and..." She bit her lower lip.

"And what?" I held my breath.

"I don't know... like... like on one hand I thought it... it was... I don't know, kind of gross, I mean if it was anal, and then... then it seemed kind of really hot to me, but... but mostly... um..." She took a slow breath.

"What?"

"I-I guess I watched a couple other times too, just... not very long. You two just doing it, you know, regular sex, and... I mean, the anal time, at least what I thought was anal, um... I... I thought it seemed... um...." She took another slow deep breath.

"What, Lana?"

"That time, it seemed like... I mean even if it was anal, it... it seemed you guys were... were making love, not... not just fucking."

My mind was racing trying to come up with something to say. "It... it can be making love, just... just like regular sex can be... ahh... you know, fucking or making love." I waited for her to say something else. She had yet to look directly at my eyes, just kept watching her hands in my hair.

"I just thought I... I should tell you I had been a little sneak and that... oh... I don't know. I just thought I should tell you."

"Lana?"

"What?"

"Look me in the eyes."

She did. "What?"

"You're a very beautiful young woman and a wonderful lover." I saw her eyes well up. I moved higher. I slid my forearm under her shoulder. I cupped her pretty face with my palm. I kissed her lips warmly. A few seconds later her mouth opened more and my tongue touched hers. They began a slow sensual dance.

* * *

Lana gazed around the small, storefront restaurant, other than us, there were only Asian-Americans, most likely Korean-Americans sitting at the small tables. She looked at me, her eyes met mine. "How do you even know about these little places?"

We were at a Korean joint, not much on decor but I liked the food once in a while. "I lived in the city for about a year."

"Really? I didn't know that. Around here?"

"No, about twenty-five blocks south of here. Around Humbolt Park." I knew she had no idea where that was.

"Oh. Did you work in the city?"

"Yeah, for this guy I knew from college. He had a little company, built the sets for trade fairs and expositions, you know, for companies and corporations, displays, counters, that sort of thing for their convention booths."

"That sounds cool. Why did you quit doing that?"

"Better money at another job." I had gotten drunk and into it one day with Ron. I quit that afternoon. I guess I just lied, but I actually had gotten a better paying job after that. With Ron's crew it was either working 14 hour days or no work at all. It had been fun for the most part though, we always had beers at lunch.

I saw our waitress coming with our order. I smiled at her. There used to be a really gorgeous Korean chick who worked here. It made the meals more enjoyable. Our chunky waitress had a really big head and flat face. "Ahhh... looks great."

She set the entree dishes down, then the tray of two sets of sides.

"I get hot soup now. You sure you want hot soup?"

I smiled at her. "Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you."

"Okay, I get hot soup."

Even though I had just ordered it, I couldn't recall the name of it. I knew I was taking a gastronomic gamble eating it. It was a chicken with bones, vegetable soup that was basically a reddish brown habanero sauce. Sometimes I got really bad diarrhea from it, but I really liked the soup, best on cold winter days. It actually looked somewhat like diarrhea, including hot pepper seeds floating in it.

"What's that smell?"

I looked at Lana. "What smell?"

"It's coming from this tray of... of stuff." She leaned towards the center of the table. She poked one of the rectangular dishes with her fork. "I think it's this stuff. What is this?"

"Oh that? That's kimchi."

She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "What's that?"

I smiled. "I think it's spicy, fermented, putrefied cabbage."

"Oh gawd. I'm not eating any of that."

I picked up my fork and got some of it. "You really should try it. It's really good. It doesn't taste like it smells at all." I put it in my mouth. I had never been a big fan of kimchi, mainly because it tasted like spicy, fermented, putrefied cabbage. I swallowed. I got more on my fork. "Mmmmh. Really, you should try it." I put more in my mouth and chewed.

Lana exhaled. She got a little bit on the very end of her fork, looked at it, smelled it, made a face, then put it in her mouth. Two seconds later her eyes grew and face contorted. She grabbed her paper napkin from her lap, covered her mouth and spit it out. "Ulllk... you jerk, it tastes exactly like it smells. Gawd, you like that?"

I chuckled, got more of the foul smelling cabbage on my fork. "Actually, I think it's awful, but I like the cultural experience of it." I put it in my mouth and looked at her plate. "Don't worry, you'll like the Korean barbecue beef, it's really good." I saw the waitress coming with a bowl. "But... you'll have to try my soup too."

"It better not taste like kimchi."

I grinned. "Oh, don't worry, it doesn't." She smiled at me and I decided to skip her taste of the soup. I wanted her to enjoy the meal. Goofing around too much would ruin it and maybe ruin the entire evening too. I watched the waitress set the bowl on the table. My grin grew. Although maybe I'd try a 'Tom Sawyer' on her with the soup.

I nodded to the waitress. "Thanks." I picked up my spoon and stuck it in the bowl, slowly swirling it around. "Actually, Lana, this is really spicy, maybe you better not try it." I brought a spoonful to my mouth. It was exactly as I remembered. My mouth was instantly burning. My eyes began to tear. "Mmmm." I swallowed and felt my esophagus being chemically scorched. "Mannn... this is really good." I took another spoonful.

Lana looked up from cutting her beef. "Okay, let me try it."

* * *

Lana was still breathing heavily when she slid away from me to the edge of the mattress, turned onto her tummy, reached for her glass of soda and took a gulp. She swished it around her mouth, then swallowed. She took another drink, then set the glass down. She opened the bedside table drawer and put her hand into it. "You... you said these are all cleaned right?"

"Ahh..." I took a few more breaths while I reached for my Coke. I took a sip. "Yeah, washed twice, then washed with alcohol. Listen, Lana. If you don't wanna ever use those that's fine. I just mentioned it in case you really want to try ana..."

She interrupted, "I do want to try it. I... um... was just wondering about these things, if you'd think of... of anyone else if you use them on... um... with me."

"No, I don't think I would, but... the real question is, would you?" I sipped more soda then placed the can my bedside table.

"I... I don't know."

"Lana, we don't have to do it. Jeez... I just came so hard a couple minutes ago. I think I'm pretty happy with what we've been doing." I was, but I really did want to sink my cock into her hot ass. "If we... ever want to use those things... I'll buy a new set."

She turned her head towards me. "That time you were... had a few beers, you... you said you really wanted to do it with me."

She was right. "Did I?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You weren't that drunk that night. You remember it."

Yeah, I hadn't been that drunk and I did remember it. The corner of my mouth curled slightly. "Why didn't we do it that night then?"

"Because you... like real suddenly, you put your head between my legs and... and started licking."

I smiled. "Oh... yeah. That's right." I reached out for her leg and palmed the back of her calve, then stroked it. "Hey. Put that thing back in the drawer and come over here. I want you to kiss me with that pretty pussy of yours, you know, holding onto the headboard."

"I... I don't know if I wanna do that again. It... it felt a little slutty."

I chuckled. "I like you a little slutty sometimes."

"You'd like me slutty all the time."

I didn't laugh, I just smiled, a smaller version of my earlier one. "No, I wouldn't. Just sometimes." I thought her eyes got a little teary. "You didn't feel slutty after your pretty pussy started kissing me, did you?"

"I..." She took a slow breath. "I... no, I didn't after... after a minute."

"It really is just a very special kiss, Lana. An intimate kiss."

"You said the same thing that night."

"I know. I'm just reminding you. So... come over here and kiss me with your sweet little pussy."

A little devilish smiled formed on her lips. "Say... say pretty please."

I chuckled. "Don't push it, baby."

"Come on. Say it."

She had just given me a world class beejay, and I really did like licking that hot little twat of hers. "Pretty please, let me kiss that sweet little pussy of yours."

Lana smiled and blushed. "Well, since you put it that way... okay."

She started moving as I slid a little lower on the bed. She placed her small feet on the mattress above my shoulders. She leaned forward and held the headboard, then lowered her bottom. My hands cupped her bubble buns as her open pink petals descended to my mouth. When her dewy flower was near my lips I mumbled, "God... you're so slutty."

"Shut up!" She started to stand up but my hands gripped her bottom and pulled her pussy to my mouth, my tongue began laving around her slippery slit and rubbing her clit. I had to keep holding her down for ten or so seconds, but she was only trying to rise halfheartedly, she obviously could have if she really wanted to. As soon as my tongue had touched her twat my cock started slowly re-inflating.

Lana squirmed her hips slightly, stopped trying to pull up, and her breathing quickened. "This... this is the last time I... I do this for you."

I almost laughed into her glistening folds, but kept it to a smile. I knew that was a lie. My tongue rubbed her big pearl ravenously.

"Mmmhh... oh... oh gawwwd," she moaned then pressed her slippery labs to my mouth.

* * *

The music was good but was so fuckin' loud I couldn't think straight. I hated these clubs. I had never been a 'dancer.' I was too freakin' self-conscious. I would only dance at home alone to some song I liked when I was in some sort of manic mood, and I couldn't recall the last time I had done that. Actually there were a few occasions, when I was nearly totally smashed that Barb had made me dance, but those times were really hazy in my memory.

For a week Lana had whined about wanting to come here. I finally caved, knowing she really wanted to, and that we could never act like a couple around town. I knew it was a little risky doing it in the city too, especially in a place like this where one of her stupid friends might also have decided they really-really needed to see this band. I had been concerned that I'd not be able to drink, thinking if Lana at eighteen could get in, there probably wouldn't be any access to booze. Surprisingly there was. I was working on my third bourbon rocks. I had known I'd need more than beer to get through this evening. I hated drinking whiskey out of plastic cups.

Lana put her mouth near my ear, made easier because of her high heeled pumps, "C'mon... just one dance! The next song I like! C'mon, just one dance! Pleeeease!"

I looked around the laser scribed, strobed, and pulsing color spotlighted club. I was surprised only a small group was dancing, the rest of the herd was standing around like zombies watching the band. I wished again I had brought my earplugs. I felt Lana grip my arm and her chin on my shoulder.

She shouted over the noise again, "C'mon! Just one dance!"

We were standing at a high, tiny, round table. There were no stools. I lowered my head. "We'll lose our table!"

She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "Who cares?! We don't need it!"
I was glad she had taken off that damn dangling chain from her eyebrow ring when I asked her to do it. I looked at the small group of dancers. It was so crowded in the club, it seemed more like they were just moving up and down, a bubbling area of bodies in the sea of zombies. I figured I could bounce up and down. I exhaled, finished my drink, set the cup on the table, and said, "Fine! One dance!"

Lana grinned and instantly started pulling me towards the undulating circle. We pushed into the group passed a few couples. Lana started dancing, got into it right away, including the theatrical facial expression. On the other hand, even after three drinks, one being a double, I stood there swaying a little, feeling incredibly self-conscious. I just moved my hips and shoulders a bit, hoping there wouldn't be a burst of laughter from the mob.

I looked around. I hadn't seen college age people dance in a while. I noticed a couple to our left, the guy was basically dry humping the girl's ass. I looked to the right. Another couple was doing the same thing. I saw another guy crouch down and his date moved between his spread thighs and virtually shoved her cunt right into his face. I stopped looking when Lana backed her seductive apple ass into my crotch. Her head twisted around.

"Put your hands on my waist!"

I did. Her hands covered mine and held them. She started dry humping my now full erection. I basically just stood there. Tens seconds later she bumped her ass against my throbbing prick a few times.

"C'mon! Move too!"

I obeyed and started dry humping her butt. A half minute later she turned around, put my hands on her shoulders, her hands went to my waist, and as best she could in her miniskirt, she started rhythmically humping my thigh, then moved between my legs, then to my other thigh, the 'into the music' expression still painted on her face.

Dancing had really changed since my college days, although I had never paid that much attention to it back then either. Maybe I should have. I was always at the other end of the bar drinking. I smiled when Lana turned around again and her firm bottom pressed against my cock. My hands on her waist pulled her tighter to me. I began envisioning a night of wild lust when we got home. I couldn't take my eyes off her butt.

We danced, or more accurately, humped through three more songs. We were both sweating when I leaned down and pressed my lips to her ear. "Let's go home. You've made me so fuckin' horny, honey."

Lana giggled. "Not yet. C'mon. A few more dances."

I pulled my head back to look into her eyes. She had her eyebrows raised and the rest of that goddamn cute Oh c'mon pleeeeease for me pleeeease face on. She was learning all my buttons pretty fast. Another song started as my lips went to her ear again. "I need another drink first!"

"No you don't! Let's just dance!"

I gripped her hand and shook my head. "Drink first!"

She exhaled. "All right!"

We waded through the crowd to the bar, it was slow going, then another couple minutes before a barmaid come over.

The young woman smiled. "What would you like?!"

I noticed her big tits again. "A double bourbon rocks and a...!" I looked at Lana. Her face was now wearing her I saw you checking her tits out expression. I smiled. "Wha'd'ya want?!"

"Ginger ale!"

I looked at the barmaid again. She nodded then stepped away and started building the drinks. I reached for my wallet. Lana tugged my arm. I dipped my head to her.

"You wish I had bigger boobs, don't you?!" Her eyes were intense.

I gazed into her blues. I smiled and shook my head. "No! You're incredibly perfect!"

She exhaled and rolled her eyes.

Our drinks arrived and I paid the young woman. "Keep it!"

We moved towards the wall where there was a better chance of getting a tiny table to stand at and actually have some elbow room. We found an open one. I was dying for a smoke but a city ordinance banning smoking in bars had passed a few months ago. I watched Lana sip her soda. Her body was swaying and turning to the beat of the music. I took a swig of my drink and set the plastic cup down. My hand went to her lower back as I kept watching her little body move and the profile of her pretty face.

She looked at me. "What?!"

I half smiled. "You look so damn hot!"

She nodded then flapped her hand in front of her face fanning herself. "I know! I wished they'd open windows or something!"

I chuckled. She wasn't kidding. I leaned down to get my lips at her ear. My hand on her lower back drifted down to her ass. The wall was behind us. "I meant you have a very hot body, baby. I wouldn't change a thing about you." I gave her bun a firm squeeze, she tensed for a moment. "Why don't I finish this drink and then we'll just go home." I kissed her neck. She tilted her head offering better access. I planted three more kisses on her warm, moist skin.

"We have to dance some more first! But... I'll speed us up!" She set her soda down and grabbed my drink. She downed nearly all of it, just leaving a tiny sip.

My jaw clenched for a second. "Goddammit! Why did you do that?!"

She grabbed her soda and took a big gulp to wash the taste of whiskey from her mouth. She looked me squarely in the eyes. "You're drunk enough! I... I wanna be with you, not totally drunk you!"

My jaw loosened. Her simple statement diffused my anger. I was getting pretty loaded. And I was driving. I smiled, my lips went to her ear again. "Fine. I'm actually glad you drank that because I like being with the little bit drunk you better." I laughed.

"Shut up!" She slapped my arm pretty hard.

"That was a joke! You bitchy little booze thief!" I took her soda and had a large sip.

"Watch it or you may not get any tonight! And give me that!"

I laughed as she took her plastic cup from my hand. She finished it then grabbed my hand and pulled me to the bubbling pool of rhythmic dry humpers.

After three more dances I told Lana if we didn't leave now, I'd cum in my pants, and I didn't want to waste it on Fruit of the Looms. Maybe because of the dancing the liquor seemed to have hit her bloodstream really fast. She looked at me with slightly inebriated eyes, then wrapped her hand around the back of my neck and pulled my head down so her lips were at my ear.

"I want you inside me so badly right now. Let's go."

We got to the truck as quickly as we could. After a few deep tongue exercising kisses that were about to lead to something more, Lana broke away, breathing heavily and said, "Let's get going. Just be careful driving. Don't speed, just... just hurry up."

I laughed and headed towards the expressway. After we got past the busier city traffic and were nearing the first suburb, I put my right hand on Lana's thigh, stroking it, moving her miniskirt higher and higher, until my palm cupped the cotton panel covering her pussy. It felt warm and slightly damp. She squirmed in her seat, moving closer to me without removing her seat belt.

"Take your panties off, Lana." I thought she'd give me some smart remark, but she quickly raised her ass and pulled the little garment down and off her legs. She had taken her pumps off. I looked at her feet. "Put the heels on again."

She giggled and mumbled, "You perv." She slipped them on.

My hand went back to her pussy. I worked slit and clit with a couple fingers. She really got slippery. Ten minutes from our exit, she had an orgasm.

At the house we virtually ripped each other's clothes off. I got the comforter from my bed and spread it out on the living room floor, then got all four pillows from my bed and a small, black plastic bag from the closet shelf. Lana was already lying on the comforter, her little, naked body making my stiff cock throb with increased lust. I put the pillows down then sat and handed her the bag.

"What's this?" She sat up.

"Little present."

She pulled out the anal plug 'training set,' a string of condom packets, and a new tube of lubricating gel. She held up the plugs. "These... these are new?"

"Yeah. They're yours now. I washed them already." I watched her get all three plugs out of the plastic box. "Do... do you still wanna try it?" I saw her smile.

She looked at me. "Yeah. Do... do you?"

I chuckled and she rolled her eyes.

"Do... do I put these in?"

I smiled. "No, I will, but first..." I took everything from her hands and set it to the side. "I need to kiss every square of you."

I nudged her down to the comforter again. I started with her lips and worked my way down, dallying at her breasts, then much longer at her pussy, my hands holding her luscious bottom, raising her up, and tonguing her to another orgasm. I continued my oral journey all the way down to her toes. I told her to turn over. I began the reverse side trip, up from her heels, both legs, over the curves of her always pouting bubble butt, up her back to her shoulders, down both arms, then returning to her neck, dallying there then down her spine kissing but mostly just drawing a line with the tip of my tongue to her tailbone.

I pulled a couple pillows over. "Raise up." Her bottom rose and I pushed the two pillows under her hips. "Okay." She lowered onto them. Her ass looked glorious. I held her hips and smeared my face across her smooth, firm buns. I was breathing faster and deeper than normal. "Ahhh... Lana."

I gripped her fleshy swells and opened her deep valley. She stiffened for a moment then relaxed. My tongue laved on and around her hot little hole. She tensed again for a few seconds.

"Oh.... ohhhhhgahhhhhd," she murmured.

My tongue worked as my palms massaged her glutes. I could hear her breathing quickening again, just as it had when my mouth was on her pussy.

She whispered, "I want you inside me there... oh god... mmmhh." Her hips churned.

I pulled my face away and moved to get the tube and the small and medium plugs. I slid another pillow next to Lana's shoulder, and told her to raise up into a half doggy position. She knew what I meant. She pulled the pillow under her head and her butt rose as her legs moved into a kneeling position. I lubed the smallest plug and set it down, then my fingertip applied some lube to her hot little hole. She giggled and tensed at the coolness of the gel. As I brought the tip of my middle finger to the apex of her anus, my other hand went under her and cupped her little pussy. My finger found her clit still turgid, still slippery from my earlier oral ministrations. Her hips squirmed for a moment. I wiggled and gently pressed the tip of my finger at the center of her squinting little hole.

I spoke softly, "Anytime you don't like something, tell me and we'll stop. Okay?"

"Uh-huh. I want to do this."

"Relax and push out a little."

I knew that sounded contradictory but I didn't know how else to say it. I felt her anus relax. My finger started slowly undulating into her ass.

"Oh god." Lana's breathing quickened.

I worked her clit a little faster. "Do you like this?"

"Uh-huh."

Within a minute the entire length of my middle finger was repeatedly slowly sliding forward and retracting within her ass. She started pushing back to meet my probing digit. She reached under herself and grabbed my hand playing with her pussy.

"Don't... I'll cum if you keep doing that. I... I don't want to yet."

I pulled my hand away and stroked her inner thigh, then her small breasts. I finger fucked her ass for another minute, then brought the smallest plug to her slightly open little hole. I touched the smooth tip to the tiny 'o'.

"Push out a little like before."

She was panting. "Okay."

My other hand cupped her pussy again. I slowly worked the plug into her. The first half slid in easily, then she tensed. "Relax, baby." I felt her hole loosen. I pushed it all the way in. As the widest part passed her anus, she tensed for a moment until it popped inside. I fingered the base of the plug, pushing forward and side to side. "You okay""

"Uh-huh. It... it felt big for a second."

I pulled it out a minute later and repeated the process with the gelled medium size toy. Her breathing turned ragged when it popped inside.

"Uh. That's... feels... um... bigger." She moaned when I started diddling her clit again. "Mmmhhhh." I wiggled the base for a minute or so, then pulled the plug partially out, just passed the widest part, and then pushed it back in. She tensed for a moment.

"Ohgod," she whispered.

I did it again, then three more times. Her little hole expanding and contracting-- o-O-o. "Do you like it?"

"Uh-huh... yessss." She panted a few breaths. "I want your cock in me there."

I did too. I pulled the plug out dropped it on the comforter and reached for a condom packet.

"Do you have to use that?"

"I... I think it's best for... for disease or something."

"Do you have some STD?"

"No. I think it's for hepatitis."

"Do you have that?"

"No."

"Then... don't use it. I... I want to feel you cum in my bottom."

I wasn't going to argue with her because I wanted the same thing. I lubed my aching, throbbing cock and reached over her for the pillows. "We'll start with you on your side, I think that's the easiest way to... to begin with. Let me pull these pillows out of the way. It'll be like spooning."

"Okay."

I moved the pillows out from under her as she rolled onto her side.

"Can you reach back and hold your top bun open?"

"Uh-huh." She did it.

I saw her anus was dilated, the hole about the size of the neck of the medium plug, about the diameter of a nickel. I didn't use the largest plug, I thought she'd balk at trying my cock even if she could have taken the largest toy. The widest part of it was slightly smaller than my girth. "Jeezuz, Lana... every inch of you is beautiful." My hand guided the head of my cock to her hot, now open, hole. I nudged the lubed tip in.

"Ohgod."

"If you want to stop, just tell me. I'll stop."

"Okay."

I firmly and gently started pushing in. "You can push back when you feel like it."

"Oh god... you feel so big."

I didn't argue about that this time. Half the head of my prick was being hugged by her hot ring. I felt my balls tighten. "Urrh... jeezuz... I'm not going to last long, Lana, this... this is too damn hot."

"Don't... I... I want you all the way inside."

I'm not sure how long it took, but with starts and stops, and mostly letting Lana push back when she wanted, my cock finally sunk all the way into her hot ass. Her torrid anus was gripping the base of my prick as if it was holding on for dear life. I was taking ragged breaths, so was she. "Lana... this feels so damn good, so... so incredibly hot. Are... are you okay, baby?"

"Uh-huh... god... but you're so... big."

I pulled the pillows over. "Let's try to turn onto your stomach, so you're on the pillows again. Tell me to stop if it hurts."

"Okay."

We slowly rolled into the position, my cock still deep in her ass. "You okay?"

"Uh-huh."

I held my weight off her back with my left elbow as my right hand slid under her. My middle fingertip started diddling her still turgid clit.

"Mmmhhh."

"Lana, I want to start moving my cock. Okay?"

"Uh-huh. I... I feel so full of you."

Even though I was a hair away from shooting my wad, I almost laughed, thinking being full of me was about the same as being full of shit.

"I like this... it... it feels hot and... and so weird." She shivered when I kissed her shoulder. "Your finger... ohgod... I'm getting close."

I slowly retracted my cock, enjoying each inch creep passed her hugging sphincter.

"Mmmmm... oh... oh yeah."

I pushed into her again. She tensed. I stopped.

She exhaled. "Keep going."

I obeyed, slowly my cock sunk into her luscious ass. I squirmed my hips. I almost shot my load when I felt her ass push into my groin and squirm too. Jeezuz... she did like it. If I wasn't so close to cumming I would have grinned. I pulled back and pushed in again, grinding again when I was fully planted in her. She responded again.

"Oh yeah... do it... do it a little faster." Her breathing grew more ragged.

I pulled back and pushed in with a bit more speed. She moaned when I grinded for a few seconds. I kept pulling back and pushing in, and my finger continued playing with her pink pearl. A minute or so later, we got into a good rhythm. I was fucking Lana anally. I was fucking Lana's perfect, hot, apple ass. Just the thought again almost made me shoot. "Honey... I can't wai..."

She interrupted. "Oh god! Harder... I'm-I'm-I'm gonna.... ooooh."

I pulled back and did more of a thrust than a push. She shoved her ass up and back, her hot hole gulping my muscle into her bottom. It was a miracle I lasted three more thrusts. After the second one I nearly shouted, "I'm gonna cum!"

"Yes! Now! NOW!" Lana began convulsing, her hand made it to mine at her pussy and she pulled it away.

I thrust into her ass the hardest yet, my groin smacking her bottom - smat! - and that was it. "ARRRRH!" My hips went crazy as if they were trying to get more of my fully engulfed cock up her ass. My body went rigid. I pushed my face into the pillow at her head. "Ahh! Fu-UK!" My rod started pumping in her rectum. It felt like each spasm spewed a lot of jiz. I kept pushing down and she kept pushing up and swaying her hips. Jeezuz... it felt so damn good. Finally I was spent.

I started gasping breaths. Lana already was. I had to take a dozen breaths and swallow a couple times before I could speak. "Honey..." I swallowed and gasped yet again. "... are you okay?" Her head turned towards mine on the pillow. We exhaled and inhaled each other's breaths.

Lana smiled. "Uh-huh." She huffed a few more gulps of air. "That was so... so hot and so... god.... I felt so full of you, so... so close to you, like... like the regular way."

I raised more of my weight off her back. I kissed her lips and smiled. "This is... a little naughty though, isn't it?"

She released a soft giggle. "You make me naughty." She took another breath. "Are... there other positions?"

I chuckled. "Yeah, just like the regular way, there's other positions."

She took a few deeper breaths. "Which do you like best?"

I glanced at the couch, then gazed into her pretty blue eyes. "Like... you on the couch or on the bed, you know how sometimes I fold your legs up and back?"

"Uh-huh."

"I could enter your sweet bottom that way, facing you. I'd... I'd really like to look at your face when we do it, I want to look into your eyes." I swear she blushed.

"Can we do it that way tonight?"

"Aren't you sore... tender?"

"I... I don't know. No. I'm not tender."

Incredibly, my softening cock in her ass started growing again.

* * *

Lana blinked then stared into space. "The... the only memory I have of her, is... I was really little, well I would have to have been little. I must have been three, I guess. I was sitting in an armchair, it was... it was a dark blue with a velvety upholstery. It felt nice, I liked the feel of it against my skin, my hands. I... I was sitting, and she was like... kneeling or, you know, sitting back on her legs but leaning towards me. I... I had a doll, a big doll almost as big as me, next to me on the seat, or... maybe it was in my lap. We were both smiling, maybe laughing, and... and I was giving kisses to the doll's face, and when I did that, she... she'd lean down and, kiss my face or... or my head or ear or neck, wherever I kissed the doll. It... I think we'd both laugh after every kiss. I'd kiss the doll and she'd kiss me, then we'd laugh, and then we'd do it all again. I... that's all I remember, I mean... that's the only time I can remember. I don't remember the time that photo was taken, you know, at the beach. I really don't remember my grandfather at all."
"Did Barb ever tell you about... ahh... why she's no longer in contact with them?"

"She told me they had a fight, and they... they really didn't love her or me at all, and... and I guess she and I were living with them then. They got really angry at Barb about something, they told her to take me and leave and never come back. They said if they ever saw her again, they'd... they'd get the police to take me away from her and... and put me in a foster home. Something like that. I've only asked Barb about it a few times, and... the stories were the same, but... but some details were different."

"Do you know anything about them?"

"No, not really, she never wanted to tell me anything really. I... once I thought about looking them up on the internet, but... I don't know their names, you know, their first names, and... well, Sullivan is... so common, there's a lot of Sullivans in the white pages. I'm not even sure what state they live in."

I gazed at the far wall. I remembered the linen closet photo vividly. Barb's mother wouldn't have put Lana in the foster care system. Something Lana just said had my wheels turning. I started to believe they had either threatened or told Barb they were going to take Lana away from her sans the foster care system, because of a different story I was remembering about her parents Barb had told me once when we were both half smashed at some bar. She said it was a couple months after she had finally gotten her high school diploma when her parents left her in the house alone for a week.

They had been invited to some friends' cottage up in Wisconsin. She said they had surprised her coming home two days early. It had been really rainy at the cottage. She said her parents had walked in on her and her boyfriend of the time, asleep, drunk, naked in the living room. She said they had gotten really angry, she had never seen her father so angry, same for her mother.

When she had told that story, she never mentioned Lana. I hadn't even thought of Lana when she had told it. Maybe because she was talking about just graduating and even though I knew she had Lana before that, being half smashed at the time, I just didn't put Lana into my mental picture, especially since Barb didn't mention her. Where was Lana? I doubted Gramma and Grampa had taken her to the cottage. She must have been with Barb.

Jeezuz... Barb might have forgotten all about Lana, maybe forgetting to feed her half the time, change her diaper, all that stuff. Her parents would have not only gone ballistic, they would have been scared as hell that something could have happened to Lana. They would have threatened, no, not threatened. They might have told her right then, they were going to take Lana away from her.

That had to be it! Barb would have gotten angry, then pleaded they not do it, made all sorts of promises to never screw up like that again. And, then... and then the next day or so, she would have taken Lana and run away.

Jeezuz... that had to be it. At least something like that. They would never have disowned their innocent granddaughter. They might have said they were going to take Lana away from her, even legally, and maybe said they were going to sign commitment papers forcing Barb into rehab. Her parents disowning her and Lana didn't make sense at all, especially Lana. That woman in the photo would never have done that.

I knew I was inventing a story, but it made sense, especially tying together both the getting caught and the disowning stories. My imagined scenario wasn't farfetched, it was very possible, especially the time frame. Jeezuz... why didn't I ask Barb about Lana when she told that story?

Lana looked at me. "What... what are you thinking about?"

I blinked. "Huh? Ahhh... nothing, sorry. I... I just zoned out for a second."

I looked at Lana. Jeezuz... she had lived all her life thinking her grandparents threw her and Barb out, not caring about nor loving her, believing they would have shoved her into foster care if they had the chance. Jeezuz.

I wondered if I should tell her what I now believed. Was it my place to tell her? Would she believe me? And she's right, it would be really difficult to find them. I remembered that Barb had told me she grew up in Ohio one time, another time she had said Iowa. I never gave it much thought. I now had a feeling it was somewhere in Illinois... or maybe around Milwaukee or St. Louis? It probably wasn't Wisconsin, but it had to be close enough to Wisconsin to drive there. She had said 'up there' too. We had talked about our childhoods, but she never mentioned the name of the town. Had I ever mentioned the name of the town I lived in when I was a kid? I must have, did she?

Lana raised her eyebrows. "What?"

"Huh? Sorry. Still zoning out."

"Well... stop doing that." She smiled.

She looked incredible at that moment, like who the little girl in the photo was meant to be. I cupped her face with my palm and gazed into her pretty blue eyes. "You're really beautiful. Did you know that?"

Lana lightly blushed. "You don't have to say that."

I smiled. "Yeah, I think I do." I kissed her lips softly.

* * *

I was standing by the sink holding my throbbing cock with my left hand as my right tilted the can vertical to get the last drops of beer. Out the corner of my eye, I saw Lana walk into the kitchen wearing her tighter, white, extra long tank top that went down to nearly mid thigh, and the plain, black, 3 1/2 inch high heeled pumps I had gotten her at the cheap shoe store in the mall before we had gone to that club. She stopped a few feet from me and frowned. I set the can down. "What?"

"I... I'm starting to hate it..." She released a huff of air. "Why do you have to drink so much before we screw?"

I sighed. "I don't drink before every time. And I'm not drunk. That was only my third beer tonight." She kept frowning. "That was my last beer of the night."

"Promise?"

I was feeling good. I wasn't going to let her piss me off. I was too horny for her to let myself get pissed off. "Depends."

"On what?"

I moved towards her and loosely wrapped my arms around her, then rubbed my throbbing muscle against her lower abdomen. "On whether you put out well tonight." I smiled.

She exhaled again and made a halfhearted attempt to push me away. I held her closer and kissed the side of her neck.

Lana mumbled, "You're such a jerk."

I smiled when she pressed her little body against me a fraction more. I kissed her ear and played the tip of my tongue around it. She squirmed.

Her voice softened, "Where... what room do you wanna go to?"

I kissed her neck a few times, long, moist caresses. I whispered in her ear, "Right here."

"The kitchen?"

"Yeah, see the throw pillow on the table?" I felt her head turn.

"Now I do. You... you want to sit on the table?"

I chuckled softly. "No." I straightened up and took her hand, then led her to the table. I moved behind her and wrapped my arms around her. I kissed her neck again. "You'll lean down, your head... head and shoulders on the table. The pillow's there for your comfort."

"I wish we would have just stayed on the couch. That... that was nice."

I had interrupted things when I thought of the pumps. "You'll like this. If you don't, we'll go somewhere else."

"I'm too good to you, you know that?"

I grinned, kissed her neck again, then said, "Sure it's not me being too good to you? Or do you fake all the orgasms?"

"All of them are fa..." She giggled softly then squirmed when I once more tongued her ear. "Shut up and quit that, it tickles."

My arms moved, one hand went to her small, covered breasts, the other went down to her thigh, pulling up the front of her tank shirt. I caressed her pliant mounds as the middle fingertip on my other hand traced the centerline of her slit up and down a few times. She was still slippery wet just as she had been on the couch. I gently rubbed her clit. She inhaled abruptly, then squirmed her bottom back towards me.

She released a soft, brief moan, "Mmh."

I pushed my face through her brunette hair. I loved her subtle herbal fragrance, then my lips were at her ear once more. "Does this feel good, baby?"

Her head nodded slightly, "Mm-hmm."

"You look very hot with the heels on. Did you put those on for me?" I knew she had, I told her to.

Her voice was soft, "Yes, you perv."

I kept my voice soft too, "Lana, could I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Do you like it when I lick your sweet little pussy?" I felt her shake with another brief giggle but no sound.

"I... I guess so."

I smiled. "Guess so?"

"You know I love it."

"Did you know I love kissing you there?"

"Yes."

"Especially when you squirm and kiss me back with your pretty pussy."

I could barely hear her when she said, "I know."

"I like to lick your other hot, little hole too. Do you like that too?" I felt her nod slightly.

"Yes."

"It's naughty but nice, isn't it?"

Another nod. "Yes."

"In a few moments I'm going to lick you for a while, then I'm going to push my cock into your sweet, wet pussy. Do you want me to be... intense, or slow and sensual with my cock, baby?" I felt her silently giggle once more.

"Mmm... yes." She shuddered for a few seconds. Her hand gripped my wrist near her muff. "If... if you keep doing that... I'm going to have an orgasm."

I grinned. "Oh jeez... that'd be awful."

"Shut up. You know what I mean."

I chuckled. "Actually, I don't know why you wouldn't want one."

She exhaled sharply and then her breathing definitely quickened. "I want you inside when I cum."

"So you don't want me to kiss your sweet pussy first?"

"No... yes... I don't know. You're... getting me all mixed up."

I kept grinning as my finger kept varying speed, firmness, and direction on her slippery, pink pearl. "Having trouble thinking straight?"

"Yes, and that's your fault."

I smiled again. "Lean down, put your pretty head on the pillow." I pulled my hand from her breasts but kept diddling her clit with my other while her torso lowered. "Comfy?"

"I guess."

I looked down at her still covered luscious ass. It was swaying slightly, probably a reaction to my fingering. I moved both my hands to her hips and raised the tank shirt up to her waist, then held her hips again as I moved closer, nudging the length of my cock into the valley between her firm buns. "Lana? You have one very hot ass." She pushed back a little and her hips sway a bit more.

"It's hot when you spank it."

My cock twitched. I looked at her profile on the table. Her eyes were closed. "Are you asking for a spanking?"

"No. I want you inside me." She started lowering and raising bottom, sliding her deep valley up and down my rod.

"I was going to lick your sweet pussy first."

She exhaled. "Oh... if you have to... okay." She kept her eyes closed and grinned.

"I spoil you too much."

"And I spoil you too, so... it's even."

I guess she did, and it was even. I lowered to my knees then sat back on my heels. I held her hips and stroked my face across her curvy, pouting bottom a few times. She was so smooth, firm, warm. She pushed back and churned her perfect ass a little, slowly and seductively.

She murmured, "Mmm... I like that."

Even with her in heels, it was still a little awkward getting my mouth on her pussy. I was scrunched down with my head tilted back. I wasn't going to last long in this position. I drew my broadened tongue from her pearl, through her slippery labs all the way to her squinting, pink, hot, little anus.

Lana gripped the pillow and mumbled, "Oh... ohgod."

I kept my tongue on her torrid little hole and slid my right hand from her hip down her bun and under my chin. My thumb found her turgid pearl and started stroking it.

"Mmmmhhh." She started to tremble as her hips churned harder.

I dipped my thumb into her juicy channel and swirled it around her hugging slick interior as I stiffened my tongue and tried my best to push my tongue into her tight anal pore.

Lana's trembling turned into shaking. "Ohgod-ohgod... ohgod."

I pulled my thumb out and rubbed her clit firmly and quickly side to side. My throat muscles started to ache from trying to get the tip of my tongue into her ass. It wasn't going to work so I stopped trying, flattened it out, then lapped and washed it crazily on and around her hot little asshole. Her hips rose and I wanted to look down and see her on tip toes in those hot high heeled pumps but I didn't want to pull my tongue off her torrid, squeaky clean little hole.

"Yu... yu... you're... gonna... gonna m-make... me... c-cu... cu... oh... oh... OHGOD!"

I shoved my thumb into her quivering channel and swirled it around for a few seconds, then pulled it out and went back to her firm pearl. Her little body started shaking.

"Ohhhhhhh... ooooooooh... g-gah... mmmmh." Lana jerked back a couple times. I don't think she did it on purpose. I started giving her enticing cheeks a few nipping bites. A few seconds later I heard her giggle as her hand reached down and grabbed mine from her pussy.

"Stop... you're driving me c-crazy."

I held her hips and smeared my face across her luscious ass a few times. "You're the one driving me nuts."

"Are... are you going to get inside me now? My legs feel like rubber, you better do it now or I might not be able to stand." She huffed a few breaths. "I want you inside me. Now... c'mon. Now."

I smeared my face one more time across her luscious, warm, pouting buns. "Needy today, baby?" I started to stand.

"It's all... your fault I'm like this."

"Yeah-yeah... always blame me." I smiled. I put one hand on her slender waist, and grabbed my cock with the other. I brought the tip to her slit. I felt her fingertips on my knuckles.

"Don't you want me to guide you?"

I grinned. "No. I want to this time."

"Okay." Lana pulled her hand away and grabbed the corner of the throw pillow under her profile.

I wagged the tip back and forth over her turgid clit. It made Lana shiver and squirm her hips. I smiled then it grew into a grin.

Her breathing quickened. "Inside. C'mon, inside."

The grin stayed on my face as my hand moved the tip up to her opening, then more to the bottom of her slit. I pushed gently.

"No... not there.... lower... I mean higher."

I almost laughed but didn't. "Which lower or higher?"

"Dow... towards my clit more." Lana raised up on tip toes but I kept the head of my cock pressing at the same spot.

"Oh... yeah, lower." I moved it just a fraction lower and nudged again. "There?" Again I had to restrain a laugh. She raised up more on her toes. I glanced at her slender legs, one side then the other. Jeezuz... the heel of her pretty left foot had popped out of the back of the pump. For some reason, it looked so fucking erotic to me, it almost made me pump my wad, just the sight of it.

"Lower... lower, c'mon."

I kept gazing at her foot as my hand moved the tip of my rod down, passed her opening to her clit again. Lana shivered when I swayed the head slightly and pushed against her pearl. My eyes were still on her half in, half out little foot. "There?"

"No... lower... I mean higher."

She was getting confused with up and down because of her pose and hopefully her horniness. I moved the head down her slit again, past the end to what I call the 'needer' spot, the area that's neither her slippery pussy nor her hot little asshole. I pushed gently. "Wow... you're really tight." I grinned.

Lana shook her hips. "You idiot! That's not my pussy!" She quickly reached under herself. Her fingertips tapped my hand, then moved to my balls. "Let me do it. Are you..."

My smile disappeared as I interrupted, "Lana?" I didn't want to ruin this moment. I took a slow breath. "I'm not drunk. I've been teasing you." I could feel her fingers stop tickling my balls. She turned her head more to look back. Her eyes met mine.

"I'm... I didn't say that."

"You were going to."

"Okay, yeah, I was, but... I stopped because I know you're not."

I wasn't sure if she had just lied, but this wasn't the time to discuss it. I moved the tip to her opening and nudged into her wet channel. "Do you still want me inside?"

"Yes. Do... do you still want to be inside me?"

I rammed my cock into her. Her little body moved a few inches, her torso slid that length on the table top.

"UH!"

I guess I lost my temper for a microsecond, then instantly felt like a jerk. "Sorry... did I hurt you?"

"No... no, you surprised me."

"Do... do you want me to keep surprising you like that over and over again right now or... do you want me to do it slower." She looked at me. I smiled. Maybe it was her aborted comment, but I now wanted to fuck her really hard. I kept the smile on my face though.

She giggled softly. "I... I really like surprises." I pulled back and rammed in. "Oh!"

I held her waist and pistoned my prick a dozen times. She started sliding on the table top. My voice was nearly a growl, "Reach across and hold the other edge." I drove deep and stayed there, grinding my pubis hard into her firm buns. I saw her delicate hands grip the far edge of the table top. I stepped back and guided her back with me, my cock never moving from her depths. "This okay?" Her arms stretched out.

"Yes." She was panting. "Very... okay."

I slid my right hand under her and my middle fingertip started playing with her pearl as I retracted my rod and started a firm and fairly fast rate of thrusting.

"Oh yeah... ohgod." Lana pushed her face into the throw pillow.

I knew I could fuck her really hard in this position, it never bothered her, maybe her pouting buns stopped the last fraction of my cock from going into her so the head didn't punch the end of her channel very often. God, it felt so good to just grind my muscle into her tight, slippery, warm confines. "Jeezuz... Lana, you feel so perfect around me."

Lana was panting harder than me. "You... feel... mmmmhh... so good... so good."

I pulled back and rammed deep again, stayed planted once more, churning my hips, Lana mirroring my movement with her ass. I watched her luscious buns. God... she was fucking perfect.

"Your... your... ohgod.. your finger... d... don't... if... if you don't stop.... I'm... I'm... oh... oh.... oh... OH... OH... AHHH!"

Jeezuz. I couldn't believe it. She was cumming again! I felt her spasms in her tight channel. Her mouth was open in a silent scream, at least it looked like that. Yeah, she was convulsing inside and out. I almost shot my load right then. I wanted to fuck her longer. Longer and harder. Her shaking and twitching began to subside. Then her legs seemed to give out. I kept my finger on her clit but slid my other forearm under her waist to hold her up.

"Fu... fuck me... c'mon... f-fuck me more. I... I wanna... feel you cum." It looked like she used all the strength she had left to move her right arm under her and grab my wrist then tugged my hand away from her pussy. She breathlessly giggled. "You... you're... gonna... drive me... crazy with that finger." She panted a few deeper breaths. "C'mon... fuck me... now... now."

I moved my hands, cupping under her where her thighs met her torso, and pulled her up a little. I reared back and started pistoning into her again, intensely, almost viscously, my jaw was clenched. My groin was spanking her bottom-- smat-smat-smat-smat...

Lana nearly screamed, "Oh! Oh yeah... yeah!"

I pistoned another dozen times then slowed the tempo but still kept each plunge of my throbbing cock intense. I was gasping breaths. I noticed Lana's feet were no long on the floor. One pump had fallen off and the other was barely hanging on her foot. I'm not a foot fetish guy or anything, but... jeezuz, it looked so... wanton, hot, erotic. I rammed into her again and grinded my cock inside her and my groin against her hot ass. I took a deeper breath. "Do you want me to cum in you, baby?"
"Uh-huh... yesssss." She panted a few deeper breaths too.

"Say it... tell me."

"I want you to cum... cum in me... I wanna feel it... I wanna feel your cock pum... urh!" Lana's little body jerked as I started ramming into her again.

All I had needed was to hear her asking. On the fourth plunge I stayed deep, grinding once more. "ARRRRH! FU-UCK!" My body leaned forward a little and stiffened as I felt my nuts tighten and the first dollop of hot jiz shoot up my rod and explode into her depths. Five more thick spurts followed immediately. Lana was squirming wildly again.

"Oh... ohgod I... I feel it!" She raised her feet and pushed her legs back and up then wrapped them around my thighs. I kept holding her hips.

My torso lowered to her back. I was gasping breaths. The anger that seemed to be brewing a few minutes ago had vanished. "Oh... jeezuz... baby."

I stayed motionless for twenty seconds, still huffing my breaths as I kissed the back of her neck, then her temple, then her ear. I swallowed before speaking. "I think I'm addicted to you, Lana."

She breathlessly giggled. "Feeling is... mutual."

I smiled, kissed her neck, then my entire body froze. Even though I was still struggling for air, I stopped breathing. I had said the exact same thing to Barb, in this very position, at this same spot on the table about eight months into our marriage.

"Is... is something wrong?"

I exhaled. "No... nothing, honey."

Lana turned her head as much as she could to look at me. "Then kiss me."

I smiled and did.

* * *

"Hey, c'mon man, just a couple beers."

"I don't know, Chuck. I... I have to be somewhere, like... ahh... plans. I'm... meeting someone... ahh... dinner with a friend." Lana and I had planned to go to this barbecue joint I knew a couple suburbs over that was pretty good, then rent a couple movies to watch at home. We had gotten microwave popcorn specifically for it.

"What time is that for?"

"Huh? Oh... I don't know, I guess around 7:00." I put my tool box in the bed of the truck. My brow pinched. I looked at Chuck. "You're usually the first one out'a here on Fridays. Why aren't you racing home?"

"Ahhh... I had a little fight with the wife last night. I... I don't want to go home right away. I want her to see she's not my fuckin' boss. You know, that sort of thing. C'mon, a beer or two, that's all. I'll even buy the first round. You'll still make it home for that date. I know this sports bar, Mallory's. Know it? There's got to be some sort of game on. Hot lookin' broads go there too."

I felt really thirsty but I was determined to get though this week without a drink. I had more or less promised Lana. But... it was almost a week. Maybe I meant the work week? One beer wouldn't hurt. Yeah, I'm sure I meant the work week, not the full week. "Yeah, okay, but just one beer, then I gotta go."

"You got time for two."

"Just one... okay, just two, that's it, then I'm out'a there. I got that... that dinner with the friend."

"Great. Just follow me. It's on Roosevelt near Sanderson Rd. Not that far from here."

"Okay, yeah. I'll follow you."

We did get to the bar pretty fast. Chuck bought the first round. He left about an hour later, about 6:00PM. I meandered to my truck about 10:45PM. When I walked into the kitchen from the mudroom, I thought I was having a flashback. Lana was standing near the sink, her arms folded over her chest as she started shouting at me.

"Where have you been?! I've been so worried about you! Did you stop at a bar?! Are you drunk?! You PROMISED me you'd not drink this week! How could you lie to me like that?! I was so worried! I almost started calling hospitals! Why didn't you call?! Why wasn't your cell phone on?!"

"I was with a friend, a-a guy I work with. He... he was down, had... had a problem he ahhh... needed t' talk 'bout it. Time... time jus' got away from me. I... only had a coupl'a beers. I..."

"You're just like her! You lied to me! You said you'd really try this time! You promised!"

I took a step towards her and reached out for her arm. She shoved my hand away.

"Don't touch me!" She stepped closer then shoved my chest with both hands. "I hate you!" She turned and hurried to her bedroom. She slammed the door. I knew she had pushed the lock button on the knob without even hearing it.

"Ahhhh... fuck her," I mumbled as I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.

* * *

I had Lana lying on her back, her wrists and ankles in my chrome studded leather cuffs, her little body configured in an "X" on the mattress. I used some cotton clothesline tied from the head and foot boards of the bed to the clips on the cuffs to keep her in place. I had a pillow under her ass. I was sitting on the bed near her waist, my back to her face, my right thigh on the mattress, most of my calve and foot cantilevered off the bed. My other leg was off the bed, my foot planted on the floor. We were both naked.

The tip of my middle finger of my right hand was swirling around her slippery engorged clit. I was again amazed at the size of it, about as thick as a pea and much longer than a pea, similar to Barb's but as always, I pushed any thought of Barb from my mind. Her pearl truly was beautiful as was every element of her little pussy. Her hips were squirming but she couldn't really move anywhere. I ran my fingertip down between her parted, glistening, delicate, pink petals. She was so invitingly warm and buttery. My mouth was salivating a little. I had to swallow. She pushed up towards my digit as best she could. I smiled.

Lana was breathing raggedly and fast. "Mmmh... okay-okay... mmm... c'mon... get... get on the bed... take... the ankles... off... the-the cuffs." Her little body shuddered when my fingertip returned to her magnificent clit. "Ohhhh... mmmmhhh... stop... stop now... get... get on the bed."

My smile grew for a few moments, then lessened to almost neutral. I looked over my shoulder, first at the her rapidly rising and falling chest. Her nipples really did look like firm pink raspberries. I then gazed at her face. Her mouth was open. Her expression was almost that of pain, but I knew it was the opposite of that. "Does this hurt? Am I hurting you?" The corner of my mouth curled slightly.

"No, it doesn't hurt, you idiot." She gasped a few quick breaths, then her brow pinched, her voice sounded pleading, "C'mon... c'mon... don't you wanna be inside me now?"

She shut her eyes tightly and her face tensed as her hips rose as far as they could, pressing her pubis towards my diddling fingertip. I raised my hand too so I wouldn't increase the pressure of my fingertip much more than it was. Her hips started squirming almost violently. "Mmmhhhh.... oh... mmmmhh!" Her seductive bottom dropped to the pillow beneath her again. "C'mon... get on the bed... take the ankle cuffs off... at least. C'mon... c'mon."

I kept my finger working. "I thought you said this felt good?" I kept my smile small.

"It... it does, but... c'mon... get... get on the bed."

"I like doing this."

"Why are you... being so mean?!"

I pulled my hand up a few inches. "Oh, sorry. I thought this felt good to you."

"It does!" Lana tried to raise her pussy to my hand, her hips squirmed. She shouted, "C'mon! Don't tease me!"

"So, you still want me to play with your clit?" I raised my eyebrows.

"No!.... Yes! But... but I want you inside me. C'mon... get on the bed."

I started diddling her clit again. "I will... in a while."

"Now! C'mon... c'mon, don't te..." Her eyes closed and her hips churned. "Mmmhh... oh... ohgod."

I slid my finger into her soaking pussy and my thumb rubbed her clit, firmly and fast.

"Oh... oh... OHHH!"

I watched Lana's little body begin writhing and felt her channel hug my digit, spasms in the walls making it contract repeatedly. I kept my thumb working her clit. She twisted and squirmed, the restraining ropes sometimes tightening between the cuffs and wooden spindles. Jeezuz.... seeing her like that was so erotic, so damn hot. I had to quickly shut my eyes because my throbbing cock was a hair away from surging just from the sight of her orgasm.

I had to taste her, tongue her to another orgasm, and then I was going to really screw the hell out her sweet little pussy. Slow, then harder and rougher. Maybe I'd leave the ankle cuffs on for a little while too. I moved onto the bed between her spread legs. My hands slid under her ass and cupped her buns, then my face descended to her sweet buttery slit.

* * *

I heard the toilet flush as I rinsed the shampoo from my head. I grabbed the bar of soap and started with my face. As I washed the lather off in the spray, Lana pulled the shower curtain open and stepped into the bathtub.

"You know, you should clean this tub again." She nudged me to the side to get her hair wet.

"When we shower together why don't we just use your bathroom." I worked the bar around my neck and shoulders.

"I don't want you messing up my bathroom." She reached for her bottle of shampoo.

"Hey, the residue scum in here is what keeps a roof over our heads. It's work dirt."

"I know-I know." She started to lather her hair.

I inhaled the herbal scent. My dick was like Palov's dog, it started rising automatically. I soaped up my chest then my groin. I helped my dick wake up. I did my back and butt, my eyes on Lana's ass. When she shampooed, her spine always arched a little which accentuated her always pouting bottom even more. I soaped my legs and by the time I finished my toes, my cock was fully erect and throbbing. I kept thinking how nice it would be to push my prick into her hot little asshole. I was all lathered up, Lana was standing in the spray, it rained on her chest. I moved closer pressing my chest against her back and my sudsy cock wedged into the top portion of her deep crack as my arms moved around her. My right hand slowly coursed the bar of soap around her small breasts. Her nipples started growing hard. Her hands stopped working her hair.

"What are you doing?"

I liked her arms up like that. Hell, I liked nearly every pose of her petite body. "You've seduced me into wanting to... to bathe your tits."

"Don't call them tits."

I chuckled as I soaped her other breast. "What do you want me to call 'em? Harriet and Louise?"

"They're... they my boobs. Call them boobs. And... and what's that thing against my lower back? Is that a hot dog? You know, you shouldn't be eating in the shower."

I grinned and kissed the side of her neck. "I'd prefer if you called it a salami, at least a Polish sausage which would actually be apropos, a kielbassa, honey."

"In your dreams maybe."

I chuckled, gave her neck another kiss then coursed the soap down to her trimmed furry muff. "Hey... you're the one who keeps saying how big I am." I laughed again.

"You are big." She squirmed. "Quit playing with the soap down there. I... I can't concentrate on shampooing. And... I thought you wanted to make me breakfast this morning."

"I do, I will." I put the bar on the plastic rack, but returned my hand to her pussy, my palm massaged her trimmed peach. I pulled my other arm back, gripped my hard rod and pushed the head into the deep valley between her luscious buns. She flinched like she had been goosed, which I guess was what I had done. Then her hips started squirming. I smiled.

"C'mon, quit it. I want to finish my hair."

"It's Saturday, I was just thinking... why don't we go back to bed for a while?"

Lana exhaled. "We just did it twice last night. I'm... I'm still recovering from... from your kielbassa." She giggled.

My hands stopped moving. "I didn't hurt you last night, did I? Was I too rough?"

"No, you idiot. I just want to finish my hair. Gawd." She twisted back and forth as she giggled. "Leave me alone. Go and make breakfast, maybe... maybe after that we... we can take a nap."

"Well... get your fat ass out of the way so I can rinse off." We shifted places.

"And shut up about my fat ass."

I laughed briefly as my hands moved around my body. "Are we staying in tonight for homemade burritos or do you want to go out?"

"In. I thought we were going to rent some DVDs this afternoon?"

"Just checking."

I finished rinsing off and stepped out of the tub, dried off and headed straight to the kitchen. I remembered my idea for a side with the burritos, a cucumber-onion salad. I should have done that last night but forgot. It needed to marinate. I figured I'd do that and then dress.

I peeled two cucumbers and picked out a medium onion. I grabbed the large kitchen knife and the honing rod from its flat, oak holder on the countertop by the fridge. As I repeatedly drew each side of the blade edge on the rod, I again considered finding a place for the set in one of the drawers, then decided as I always did, that it was convenient to have it on the countertop.

The knife set was all that I kept from my kitchen crap when I moved in. The knives were better than anything Barb had. I rarely used any of the other four in the set, actually I used the paring knife too. I always sharpened the big one before using it.

I put the honing rod back in its slot, then rinsed the knife off, always thinking there was microscopic bits of steel left on the blade from sharpening. I decided to get the espresso maker ready first. I did that then began cutting the peeled cucumbers.

For some reason, I really enjoyed slicing vegies. I was fairly practiced it at it. Of course I didn't do it as fast as those chefs on TV, but I used my knuckles to guide the blade and tried my best to make each thin slice exactly the same thickness as the previous one, and my speed wasn't bad for an amateur. I guess I found the simple task therapeutic. It was relaxing for me. As I started on the second cucumber, Lana walked in. Her hair was still wet. She had on a fresh men's white tank shirt. I had told her I really liked her in those. I think she already knew it though.

"You're still naked."

I chuckled. "Good eye."

She stepped up to me. "I still have to dry my hair." She picked up a slice of cucumber and put it in her mouth. "Are we having cucumbers and onions for breakfast?" She reached for another slice.

"Hey! Get that hand away. This knife is sharp." I watched her take another piece of cuke. "If you eat more of those, we won't have a cucumber salad with the burritos."

"Ooh... yeah. I like that. You haven't made that in a while."

"Well, stick around, you'll learn how to prepare it. It's simple. Why don't you get the sugar tin?"

"Oh... um... I have to dry my hair." She grinned and started backstepping away.

"You know, Lana, you could start cooking mo..."

She turned around and started trotting to her bathroom. "I can't hear you!" She giggled as she reached the hallway.

I smiled as I kept the knife working. She did help with meals most of the time, and nearly every work morning made my sandwiches and caps. And I did enjoy slicing stuff up.

* * *

The door was open to my truck. I stretched my arms out, my hands gripped the edge of the roof tightly. I shifted my legs back. Anyone seeing me would have probably thought I was about vomit into the cab, or maybe do some leaning push-ups. No one was around. No one could see me or the house. There was only one neighbor in the new subdivision, and there were thick groupings of natural, scrubby trees between the large lots, hedgerows, giving each house quite a bit of privacy. I bowed my head and took a slow breath.

I was pissed off. I was trying to figure out why exactly, but my mind seemed to be reeling, maybe more like jerking from thought to thought. Jim and a couple guys on the crew had gotten under my skin today, little fuckin' jokes about how my eyes weren't as bloodshot as usual, how I was getting to the job on time. Shit like that. Jim was mocking me, the other guys might have been joking around, less sarcastic, but I had wanted to tell them all to get fucked. I had kept my mouth shut and put a fake smile on my face. If it had just been the guys and not Jim, I would have exchanged barbs with them, maybe even enjoyed it. We all had done that kind of shit more than a few times. It was just that fuckin' prick Jim.

I took another slow breath. My gut was knotted tightly. I just couldn't relax. I guess it was just anger in general, yeah, a lot to do with prickhead Jim, but maybe a lot of it was just my fuckin' life.

It was Thursday. My eighth sober day... again. I had promised Lana... again. I really wanted a few bourbon rocks to take the edge off. I guess I didn't want to disappoint Lana, but more than that, I didn't want to fail again. Maybe that's what was really pissing me off. No, that wasn't it. What was pissing me off was that in the end, failing or not, it was all the fuckin' same.

Thinking, convoluted thinking at that, wasn't helping. I took one more slow breath. Drinking might loosen the knot, but I had a feeling it wasn't going to do the trick, and would probably be one of those nights I'd run into some motherfucker, and then... who the fuck knew what would happen. I had to loosen that knot somehow before I saw her.

I pushed off the truck and looked around. I headed to the scrap pile. I found a three foot 2 x 4 cutoff. I walked to the big oak tree at the back of the lot. I held the 2-by like a baseball bat. I felt the knot tightening, it turned into rage. I swung the piece of wood hard at the thick trunk. BONK! I swung it again and again and again. BONK! BONK! BONK! The harder I swung it, the harder the 2-by recoiled back. I guess that surprised me but not enough to think about it. BONK! BONK! BONK! My breathing grew ragged. BONK! BONK! BONK! I turned and swung it left handed. BONK! BONK! BONK! Back to right handed. BONK! BONK! BONK! I stopped for a few seconds and took a half dozen deep breaths, then raised the board again. BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! I dropped the 2-by and leaned forward gripping my knees. My jaw was tired from clenching it as I had beaten the tree.

My breathing started to slow. The knot was still there in my gut, but it had loosened some. I stood straight and stepped closer to the tree. Incredibly, there was only one little chip of bark off. I picked up the 2 x 4. That was dented along the leading edge but not nearly as much as I thought it would be. I was a little surprised there wasn't more damage on both. I thought the 2-by would have cracked. That recoil was unbelievable though, like it had been spring loaded, or maybe I'm just not as strong as I thought.

I headed towards the scrap pile. From fifteen feet away I flung the board at it. It hit the side and slid down. I angled towards the truck and took stock of my gut once again. Yeah, it was looser. I'd be able to make it home without stopping for a drink or four. I got in and switched the engine on. I wondered how the evening would go with Lana. I really wanted to fuck her. Fuck her good and hard.

I was gasping breaths. I was getting really close. I had her in a half-doggy position, her ass up, her head and shoulders down. I was ramming my prick into her as hard as I could. SMAT-SMAT-SMAT-SMAT-SMAT... I was surprised she wasn't wetter. One of my hands was gripping the back of her neck, holding her in place as her ass jerked forward with each plunge of my rod. My other hand was playing with tits and nipples, gripping and twisting. Yeah, I was getting off on all of it. Just a little more... just a little more and I'd fill that tight, little cunt of hers. SMAT-SMAT-SMAT... She tried to turn her head but I held her neck tighter, keeping her face in the pillow.
"You're... that's... too rough... Don't..."

I growled, "You like it rough, Lana... you... told me." I watched her ass jerk again as I rammed my prick into her. I felt her hand try to grab my hand from her little tits. I grabbed her other little breast.

"Ow! Don't. Sto... Slow... slow down... not... not so rough... come... c'mon."

I shut my eyes. I was too fuckin' close to listen to her.

"Ow! My neck... stop that!"

My eyes shut tighter. I rammed deep again, stayed deep and grinded my cock into her and groin against her ass as hard as I could. "Arrrhh... arrrhh... AH! Fu-UCK!" My body stiffened, but my hips still grinded slightly. My cock started pumping, dollops of thick jiz spewed into her hot, tight, little cunt. I was hoping the fuck would unknot my gut. I guess it did for the most part. I started gasping breaths. I let go of Lana's tits and the back of her neck. I held her hips.

Lana's torso rose. She held the top of the head board and jerked her hips forward. My half hard cock popped out of her cunt.

"What the hell did you do that for?" I felt the anger start simmering again.

She didn't answer me. She slid off the bed and started picking up her clothes around the room. I had nearly ripped them off her. She started towards the door.

I asked, "Where're you going?" She didn't answer and disappeared about the jamb into the hall. I exhaled sharply, then muttered, "Now what the fuck?" I lay down on my half of the bed. I mumbled to myself, "Fuck her if she thinks I'm going to run after her. What's her fuckin' problem anyway?"

A few minutes later I heard the shower in her bathroom.

I got up and peed, then did a quick wash to get the jiz and cunt juice off my cock. I considered a shower but had just taken one a couple hours ago when I got home from the job. I brushed my teeth and went back to the bed and lay down. I muttered again, "What the fuck is wrong with her? So it was a little rough, so fuckin' what?"

A few minutes later she came back wearing her longest nightshirt T, the one that nearly went to her knees. She only came into the bedroom a couple steps. Her arms folded over her chest. "I... I didn't like the way you were tonight. You... you were too rough with me. You weren't paying attention to me."

My face tensed. I glared at her. "So... you're changing your mind about liking it when I get intense, when things get a little rough? You told me a dozen times... hell, two dozen times you like it like that. Now you're changin' your fuckin' tune about it?"

"Okay, yeah, I do like it like that sometimes, but that's when you're with me."

My brow pinched. "What the fuck are you talking about? I was with you. Where the fuck were you?"

"You weren't with me! You were just fucking. You didn't care who was in bed with you. It could have been any girl. It didn't matter to you. I didn't matter to you."

"That's bullshit. I was with you." I knew she might be right. I didn't want to think about it.

"No you weren't. You didn't care about me. I-I told you it was too rough. I told you to stop. You didn't care. You just kept fucking me, that's... th-that's all you cared about... fucking."

I lied again. "Did you? If you did, I... I didn't hear you or... or didn't understand it exactly like that."

"That's a lie. You heard me." She swallowed. Her eyes started welling. "Why... w-why did you d-do that to me?"

Ahhhh... shit. I didn't need this fuckin' bullshit tonight. I took a slow breath, then exhaled it just as slowly. "Okay... fine. I'm a jerk. Sorry."

"You're not sorry. You're not s-sorry at all." One of her folded arms over her chest moved. Her fingers quickly wiped her eyes then her arm returned to her chest.

My jaw clenched again. "How the fuck do you want me to say I'm sorry?"

Her face scrinched. "I... I-I want you t-to mean it." She coughed or sobbed, I'm not sure which, then quickly wiped her eyes again. "N-nevermind. I... I guess it... I guess it doesn't m-matter to you." She turned and started towards the door.

Ahhh FUCK! I jumped out of bed and took two long strides to catch her before the doorway. I wrapped my arms around her. "Wait, Lana."

"Why? Why should I?" She halfheartedly twisted in my arms.

"Look... I'm... I'm sorry. I really am. I just..."

"I told you to stop and... and you didn't."

My brow pinched again. She might have but I honestly didn't remember that. I had heard her say something about being too rough, but I really couldn't recall her saying 'stop.' I exhaled. Maybe she had. "If... when you did, I didn't hear you. That's the truth."

"You've... you've said you never wanted to hurt me. Y-you did tonight."

I actually got a little scared. I had pounded her cunt pretty good. "Are... are you bleeding or something?"

"Not that ki... I'm not bleeding, but yes, that hurt, but... but that's not what I meant. You... you hurt me... y-you weren't with me."

I exhaled again. I made sure my voice was soft, figuring that would make it sound more like the truth, "Okay, I was being selfish, but... but I was with you." I inhaled. "I'm sorry, Lana. I... I really didn't mean to hurt you in any way." Intellectually, I guess I was sorry, but in my gut, I wasn't. In fact, I was even getting pissed off again.

"Do... do you really mean that?"

"Yeah, I really am sorry, and... and I was with you the whole time. I'll... I'll listen closer next time. I... I really didn't hear you say stop." I thought about the times she had fucked me like a sex maniac, and had asked me to fuck her the same way. Why the fuck were those times okay, but when... I took another breath. I knew she was right and that tightened my gut a little more. "Will you sleep with me tonight?"

Lana stayed silent for ten seconds. "Are... are you going to be nice?"

I almost laughed. What answer could I give but the one she expected? I grinned then blinked. Something had just happened inside me. The knot was nearly untied and I had no idea why. My sardonic grin softened to a real smile. I kissed her head. "Yeah, I'm gonna be nice. But..."

"What?"

"You have to be nice too."

"Don't be an ass. I... I was serious about everything I said."

My smile vanished. The joke hadn't worked. "I know you were. Do you want to sleep with me?"

She took a slow breath. She waited ten seconds and two more kisses on her head before she spoke. "Yes."

* * *

"For me?" Lana, sitting on the couch, looked at the two shopping bags as I set them on the coffee table.

"Yeah, surprise presents. I… I didn't wrap them and I did keep the receipts."

"What… what are they?"

I half smiled. "They're for this coming Saturday if you like them. Take a look." I sat at the end of the couch.

Lana stood, and pulled out the box from the larger bag. She returned to the couch, put the box on her lap and opened it. Her eyes grew slightly. "A… a top?" She pulled out the light blue garment. She smiled. "A tank dress!"

I watched her move the box to the cushion, stand up and hold the stretchy dress against her petite body, which was kind of dumb considering it was a stretchy dress, well, not the length I guess. It was similar to that black dress she wore to her graduation ceremony.

"This is nice!" She was grinning when she looked at me. "Why did you buy this? I can't... can't believe you even went into a girls clothes store!" She looked at the tag. "How did you know my size?!"

"I hope you won't get pissed, but I looked in your closet at that... that black dress that's like this one." I guess she forgot about that graduation gift sun dress I bought.

She kept grinning. "It's cute. I… I like it. I like it a lot." Lana giggled as she put the little dress back in the box then nearly jumped to get her arms around my neck. She hugged me tightly. "Thank you!"

My palms on her upper back held her. I couldn't stop my own grin. "You know, there's a box in the other bag too."

"I forgot that one!"

"Well... open it."

She gave me an extra squeeze then looked in the other bag. She pulled out the box. "Shoes?"

"Maybe. Take a look." It seemed a little like Christmas to me. I didn't question her excitement because it appeared to be genuine.

She sat down again and raised the lid. "Sandals?" She was still smiling.

"Yeah. I… I thought they'd go well with the dress." They were thin strapped, medium brown sandals. I got them at a decent store.

She took them out of the box. "These are nice too!" She slipped the sandal on her bare foot. "It fits!" She looked at me still grinning. "Check my shoe size too?" She put the other one on.

I chuckled and nodded.

She rose and gave me a brief hug before she walked a few steps away from the couch, then returned. "I like them. I like both the dress and these, but… what's the connection to Saturday?"

"I… well, I thought we'd drive into the city around lunchtime. I want to take you to that upscale Thai restaurant for lunch, the one I was going to take you to for graduation, then… I don't know, I thought we'd go down to the lakefront, and… take a walk, just hang for a while." My gut tensed. It sounded so freakin' cliché and I was suddenly afraid she'd burst out laughing at me.

Instead she bit her lower lip for a moment and I saw her eyes tear a little. "My… my graduation day. I… I should have gone with you that day."

I was glad she wasn't laughing. "So… would you like to have lunch with me this Saturday?"

She sat down and gave me another squeezing hug. "Yes… yes, very much." She kissed my cheek. "And I love the gifts. Thank you."

"If you don't like them, you can return 'em."

She pulled her head back and raised her eyebrows. "I just said I love the presents. Can I go and try on the dress on now? See if it fits." She smiled. "Model it for you with the sandals?"

I smiled. It seemed she really did like the things. "Yeah, but… could I make one small request for the fashion show?"

She gave me an enticing smile. "Okay. What?"

"Would you please take that eyebrow ring out for it?"

She clicked her tongue and exhaled. "Oh… all right." Another smile bloomed on her mouth.

I watched her pick up the dress and gazed at her apple ass as she headed to the hallway. "And… don't forget to pick up the boxes and bags later."

"Shut up."

I rose from the couch and followed her seductive bubble bottom. Maybe I'd help her change.

* * *

I held her closer under the sheet. I knew she was crying softly. "Lana... I... I do care about you, I feel a... a lot more than 'like' for you, I... feel connected to you, but... I... I don't think either of us should... should use the word 'love.' I..." I didn't know what to say. "I... we both know I'm still married to Barb, and... and I'm not going to leave her. I... I can't for... for more than one reason. Plus..." I exhaled. "I'm not calling you immature at all, but... you're young. You'll be going to college this fall. Things... things might change for you. I'm... I'm... I'm too old for you anyway. And..."

Lana broke in, "You... you don't love me. I don't know why I-I th..."

I interrupted, "I said, we shouldn't use that word. I wasn't talking about what I feel or don't feel." I swore silently at myself. I hadn't been prepared for this conversation and I should have been.

"You... you just want somebody to fuck." She halfheartedly tried to push my arms away. I held her tighter.

"That's a lie and you know it. We don't just fuck, we... we make love." I had just used the word again I said we shouldn't. I resumed speaking as quickly as I could. "And we... we do things, we... we share things, thoughts and... and important stuff. If I just wanted to fuck, I wouldn't be doing it with my wife's daughter." I cringed. I shouldn't have said that last part. "Lana, I... I just can't say... I can't use words like that, that's... that's all I'm saying, and... and we have to... we can't forget that... that I'm married to Barb. We can't forget about our situation or... or your future." I felt her push at my arms harder than before.

"Let... let me go. I... I want to sleep in my own bed tonight. Alone."

I kissed her head. "Lana, c'mon, don't do this. We... we both know this would be complicated. I'm... I'm showing you respect by being honest. I... I do care about you and you can't deny that. It's... its not just sex for me. You know that."

She pushed harder at my arms. "Let me go. I wanna sleep alone tonight. You... you do every Sunday after you see her. Let go!"

I exhaled softly, then pulled my arms from around her. I watched her get up and leave the bedroom. She wiped her eyes with her fingers as she entered the hallway. I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I draped my arm over my forehead. I had fucked up again. I hurt her. I just couldn't tell her, couldn't use that word. It would make a screwed up and complicated situation even worse.

The thing was, I probably did love her, at least most of the time I was sober. None of this was fair to her, and it definitely wasn't fair to Barb. I was a total asshole. I was cheating on Barb, but was I just using Lana to get my rocks off? No, it wasn't just that, but was I using her for more than that? Yes and no. I did care about her. I really didn't want to hurt her, hell I didn't want to hurt Barb at all either, yet bottom line, wasn't I just mainly thinking about what I wanted? What I needed? Why the fuck didn't I think ahead about Lana bringing up this love shit?!

I wondered if she had just dumped me. That would probably be the best thing for her. My gut tightened. I didn't want her to do that. My abdomen tightened more because I got a vision of me half in the bag, begging her to come back, spilling my guts that I really did love her, whether or not that was true all the time. I rubbed my face. I was a total asshole, that was the only thing I was positive about.

I got out of bed. I needed a few fingers of Comfort. I had been sober five days. I sat at the kitchen table. On my second drink, Lana walked in, wearing a long T shirt. I was instantly ashamed of myself, not just for drinking, but for ever touching her. She looked so young and so beautiful. All I was doing was fucking up her life.

"You're... you're drinking." Her eyes teared a little.

"Yeah."

"I... I wish you wouldn't. You... you said you were really going to try this time."

"Yeah, I know. But... best laid plans and all that."

She bit her lower lip and stared at me for a few moments. "I'm... I'm sorry about what I said. I... I guess you're right. We... we shouldn't use that word."

"Lana, listen..." Again, I wasn't sure what to say.

"Don't... you don't have to say anything."

"I don't want you... or anyone hurt."

"I know. I... I don't either."

"Do... do you want to go back to bed with me?"

She bit her lower lip for a moment. "I... yes, but... but I think I better not tonight. Um... so... so goodnight."

"May I kiss you goodnight?"

Again she bit her lower lip. She nodded. I rose and went to her. I hugged her close and kissed her lips warmly. I wanted to push my tongue into her mouth and tempt her back to my bed, but either out of respect for her or maybe because of my heavy guilt, I didn't. When the kiss ended I hugged her close. "Lana, words... words don't matter, I... I hope you know how much I... I care about you, how connected I am to you." I felt her nod slightly. I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear from me.

"I'm... going to bed."

I let her go. She didn't meet my eyes as she turned and headed to her room. When she disappeared down the hall, I picked up my half finished drink and toss it in the sink. Yeah, I was a total asshole. I cursed softly, "Damn me to hell."

* * *

I turned off the busy four lane highway onto the two lane county road headed towards the house. It had been an 'even' day at the job. I had gotten pissed off, maybe 'irritated' was a better description, a couple times but nothing major. Jim gave me a little shit, but again nothing major. I was glad it was Friday. I wanted to take Lana out this evening but I was too damn tired to drive into the city. I still thought we had to watch it in town, not being with her, but holding hands or any of that kind of stuff. No one would know me except her stupid friends, but other people might know her and possibly know of me. We only did that touchy feely thing in the city. We didn't screw last night. Man... I wanted, no, I needed to be inside her tonight... no, this evening, then tonight too.

The county road was residential. I saw a few cars parked on the right of way ahead. A homemade sign read "GARAGE SALE." I usually never stop. People selling crap to other people who eventually end up selling it at their own garage sales. I thought I might find some wicker thing for Lana's bathroom. I slowed and pulled onto the shoulder.

I looked through the tables. It was all junk, then I looked at the furniture for the hell of it. There was one large dining room chair. Upholstered seat, looked in good condition. I checked it out. It had an 'H' configuration of support rungs on the legs. The corner of my mouth curled and my cock came to life. I picked it up walked to the asphalt driveway. I set the chair down and sat, then shifted side to side. It was heavy and sturdy. It was stained so I wasn't sure of the wood, possibly solid walnut. I stood and looked at the price tag. $7.

I grabbed it and walked over to the fortyish woman at the table with the cashbox. She was giving change to some middle-aged woman holding a lamp. She looked at me and smiled. I did the same. "Do you have anymore of these? Three more maybe?" I figured she didn't.

She frowned. "Mmm... no. That's the only good one. It's the one that was more a coat rack than a chair." She smiled.

"Ahhh... darn. Well... how about four bucks for it. Maybe I'll find three others close to it some other time."

She looked into my eyes for a few moments. "Make it five."

I grinned. "C'mon, this is an orphan chair and I'll give it a good adoptive home."

She smiled. "Well, that chair has a lot of wonderful memories in it." Her hand rose and her fingertips pushed her hair behind her ear.

Was she hitting on me? I kept grinning. "How could it have seen or heard anything? It had coats piled on it. It certainly won't be ignored like that at my place."

Her smile grew. She tilted her head. "Four... seventy-five."

She was kind of cute in a slightly padded, approaching over-the-hill kind of way. "Will it hold two persons?"

Her brow pinched. "Pardon me?"

I figured it wasn't the time to flirt, although it would have been nice to try to get her on my lap, just for fun, I knew the chair would be sturdy enough. "Okay, tell you what, I'll pay you... four and quarter."

She tilted her head the other way and rolled her eyes. She let out a brief, soft giggle. "Mmm... Okay, sold."

I grinned again as I pulled my wallet out. I realized the woman had just gotten me into a good mood, whether or not she was flirting. I pulled out a five. "Here. Keep the change. Good luck with the sale." I picked up the chair with one arm and headed to my truck. When I was at the end of the front yard, someone grabbed my free wrist.
"Here, take a dollar in change. It's not worth more than four." She kept holding my wrist as she pressed the single into my palm.

I chuckled. "Nah. You keep it. Bargaining with you was at least a dollar's worth of fun."

She closed my fingers over the bill and finally let go of my wrist. She started slowly backstepping away. "No. That chair's not worth more than four. My... my son's coming home later this evening. He'll be putting things out tomorrow if... if you want to come back. I think he might have... you know, stereos, music CDs, that sort of thing." She pushed her hair behind her ear again.

"Okay, well... maybe I'll come back."

She smiled. "Good. Do that." She turned around and walked back to the table area.

For some reason I stood there gazing at her ass. It was slightly plump, but looked firm, fairly big tits too. She had that slightly hourglassy, fortyish figure. I've often wondered about chicks like that, wondered what it would be like having sex with a woman just like her. She looked over her shoulder and I got caught gawking. She grinned and gave me a little wave. I nodded and decided I should stop daydreaming and get my ass home.

I put the chair in the bed of the truck, got in and continued to the house, thinking about the chair all the way, my cock growing harder with each passing minute. As I pulled into the driveway, I considered leaving the chair in the truck and teasing Lana that I had bought her a new sex toy. I decided to skip the tease. I parked, got my soft cooler and the chair and entered the house through the garage and mud room.

"Hey, Lana?! You home?!" I grinned expecting to hear her shout telling me not to shout in the house. She had done that a couple times. I saw a piece of PC paper folded and tented on the kitchen table. There was printing on it. My grin faded away. I set the chair down and picked up the note. It read:

Dear Dopey,

Cindy called around noon. She wanted me to go to dinner and see a movie. I told her I'd get back to her. I tried for 2 hours to call you! EIGHT TIMES! Your cell was turned off AGAIN! So I'm out with Cindy tonight, you jerk. Don't you dare get mad at me. You said I should be as normal as possible with friends, so shut up. I really wanted you and me to do something tonight!!! I'll probably be home around midnight.

XXXXOOO

Lana

My jaw was clenched. I crumpled the paper up into a ball and threw it as hard as I could against the kitchen window. "Fucking SHIT!" I grabbed my cell out of its holster case. I flipped it open. It was off. I pressed the button to turn it on. Nothing. I pushed it again. Shit. I let the charge run out again. "Fucking shit." I told myself to relax. I was a hair away from tossing the phone as hard as I had the paper. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I muttered, "Shit." I turned to the chair and mumbled yet again, "Dammit."

I moved to the cabinet and pulled out the bottle of Comfort. My gut tensed. I put it back then opened the fridge and grabbed a cold beer. I took a few gulps, set the can on the counter, then sat on my new chair to take my boots off. This time I whispered, "Fuckin' shit."

I took out the leftover taco meat from the fridge, constructed a burrito sans the refried beans and miked it. I ate, then took a shower. The whole time thinking about Lana, realizing again I was addicted to her or worse. I didn't want to consider the 'L' word. As I soaped my stiff cock, for a few seconds I considered beating off, but really didn't want to. I wanted to shoot in Lana's mouth, or cunt, or ass, not onto the bathtub wall.

I then thought of the garage sale lady and I actually smiled. Maybe I should give her a call. I shook my head and chuckled. I turned off the water, dried off, and got dressed. I had done laundry yesterday evening. I put on my jogging shorts, got another beer and turned on the tube. During a commercial, when I was getting another beer, I brought the dining chair into the living room. For the next hour I watched it more then I did the TV. After about four beers, I dozed off, sometime before the ten o'clock news.

I felt something on my lips, my face. I flinched, then jerked my head to the side. I squinted.

Lana smiled. "Hi."

I cleared my throat. "Hi." I blinked a couple times.

"Have you been..." She bit her lower lip for a moment. "...sleeping?"

My gut tightened. I knew what she had been about to say. She could undoubtedly smell the beer on my breath and the empties were on the kitchen counter. "No. I haven't slept a wink." I felt a little buzz but I wasn't drunk at all. I let the anger go. She looked very cute, very pretty, except for... "Lana? Would you mind taking that fucking chain off your face?" I saw anger flash in her eyes for a second, then it disappeared.

"Oh... all right." She sat up and removed the ring and chain. "Happy now?" She leaned over my head to put the damn chain and ring on the end table. I wrapped my arms around her and started smearing my face over her small, pliant mounds.

"Ahhh! What are you doing?" She giggled.

"Mmmm... nice tits, baby."

"Don't call them tits. They're my boobs, my boobies."

I kept nuzzling and stroking my face against them. I really liked them. Small but very firm. "You're not wearing a bra."

"So?" Her fingers stroked through my hair.

"Were there guys with you tonight?"

"Yeah, a couple. We met some people at the theater." She felt my face stop moving. She exhaled sharply. "No guy rubbed his ugly face on my boobies if you're wondering."

I hated being jealous. I really hated it, but I couldn't help it. I tried to let it go. I wanted to try and save the rest of the evening. I arched my neck back so I could see her face. "What about the girls? Did they rub their ugly faces on your tits?"

Lana giggled. "Yes. All of them! And don't call them tits!"

"Your friends are twits not tits." I chuckled.

"Shut up! You don't even know them." She tried to push away. I held her tighter.

"Jeezuz... relax." I would have been more jealous if she had been wearing a tank top. She had a loose T on, but was wearing her black miniskirt. The shirt hem reached her hips. I told myself to get a grip again. "How was the movie?"

"It was kind of stupid. Romantic comedy that wasn't romantic or funny. Why wasn't your phone on again?"

"It was on, but the charge went dead."

"Dope."

"You know, you could have waited until I got home."

Her eyes flashed with anger once more. "Remember? I did that, when we did have plans. Remember? I waited to almost 11PM for you to show up. You blew me off to drink. And then there was the time y..."

I didn't want her to list all the times I had fucked up or disappointed her, or just got wasted, or screwed her a little too roughly. I cut in, "That time was a friend who had a prob..." I exhaled. Maybe I wouldn't salvage the evening. "Okay. Yeah, I'm a jerk."

"Yes, you are... sometimes." She slowly smiled softly. "And sometimes you're the opposite."

For a moment I wondered what the exact opposite of a jerk was.

She turned her face to my purchase. "So what's this chair doing in here? Did you just get it?"

"It a present for you."

"A present for me?" Her brow pinched as she faced me again.

"Actually, maybe it's more a present for me."

Her eyes grew larger. "Did you get a dining table and chairs? Is it all in the garage?"

"No. It's just that chair, and it's... it's not really a chair."

She glanced at it again. "Not a chair, huh? What is it?"

"It's a sex toy."

Lana smiled. "A sex toy?" She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "How does it work?" She softly laughed.

"Well, take my shorts off and then stand up and slowly take your clothes off and I'll show you."

"Is this one of your stupid jokes?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No. No joke." I was already imagining her undressing and my cock in her.

"I think you're just trying to get me to pull your shorts off and get me naked."

"Well... if you don't want to, then don't. Of course, then you won't know how the sex toy works."

She bit her lower lip for a moment. I figured she was trying to think of some smart ass comment or maybe she didn't want to play tonight. If it was the latter, I was going to be very disappointed. She finally let her lip slip out from under her teeth. She rolled her eyes and exhaled sharply.

"Okay." She stood up and looked at my shorts. "Do you have a hard-on?"

I smiled. "I don't know. See for yourself." I raised my ass off the cushion. Her torso leaned forward and she yanked my shorts below my hips.

"How can you have a hard-on?!"

"I was stroking my face over your ti... boobies. Didn't your girlfriends get wet when they did it earlier this evening?"

"Shut up." She roughly pulled my shorts to my ankles then off. She tossed them towards the hallway. "I can't believe you have a hard-on."

"It'll get harder when I watch you seductively strip for me."

"I didn't say I was going to do it like that."

"Oh... okay." I grabbed my cock and held it vertically. I began slowly stroking it. I smiled when she watched. I remembered the night she seduced me, licking her upper lip like an actress in some cheap porn flick. I closed my eyes. "Mmm... I'm thinking about your girlfriends rubbing their ugly faces on your boobies. God that's hot."

"Shut up."

I looked at her. "Well, you undressing?"

She exhaled sharply. "Okay, but I'm not doing a silly strip show for you."

"Oh... jeezuz." I sat up still stroking my cock. "You're no fun, but... okay. Take it off, baby."

She slipped out of her sandals. "Do you have to watch?"

I chuckled. "Yeah." It was something she said periodically, same for my simple response.

She shoved her tight, stretchy miniskirt down and before her long T shirt fell, I saw the left side of her cotton panties get pulled down to her hip by her skirt. I chuckled.

"Shut up." She stepped out of the little skirt and tossed it on the recliner. She pulled her panties down from under the shirt so I didn't get a glimpse of her pussy. It was fast but not a bad strip show. She tossed the panties to the chair but they fell short. I didn't laugh. She waited a moment, then crossed her arms, grabbed the sides of her T and raised it up and over her head. She threw that to the chair.

"Okay, so... what about the chair?"

I was staring at her trimmed cunt. The delicate labs were closed. I looked up at her small, firm breasts. Her nipples were standing up but I had seen them stiffer. I finally met her eyes. "Are you wet?"

She bit her lower lip and giggled briefly. "Um... no."

I sighed. "Are you horny?"

"I don't know. Maybe." She smiled.

I really wasn't in the mood for much foreplay if any. I would have if she had been home earlier. "Come closer."

I moved my ass to the front edge of the cushion and spread my thighs. Lana stepped between my knees. I held her waist, leaned forward and planted kisses on her breasts. She put her hands on my shoulders. I whispered, "Spread your legs a little more."

When she complied, I slid my right hand down between her legs. My middle fingertip gently stroked the center of her slit. I felt her labs instantly blossom. Her inner lips were slippery. I pulled my head back. I looked at her eyes. "You're wet."

"Well... I'm not... um... that wet." This time there was a little devilishness laced into her smile.

I slid my middle finger into her tight channel easily.

Lana closed her eyes. "Mmmh."

"I'd say you're wet, honey." Her hips swayed a little as my finger curled and undulated within her.

Her eyes opened. "Well... you were playing with yourself. I liked watching that." She giggled.

"You little pervert."

"Me? You."

I pulled my finger from her channel. "Sit on my lap and I'll explain the chair."

"You mean on your cock?"

I thought about it for a second. "No, my lap." I shifted back on the cushion.

"Oh. Okay."

I gawked at her ass as she turned, then sighed when she settled onto my thighs. For a few moments I forgot about the chair as my cock grew even stiffer with the new porn vid in my mind, my cock sinking into her tight, torrid, little asshole. She squirmed her bottom until my rod was wedged between her firm, fleshy buns. I had that 'kid in a candy store' sensation. My hands slid under her thighs to the backs of her knees. I raised her legs and opened them, setting her little feet on the outside of my knees. One hand went to her firm diminutive breasts as my other slid between her legs. I started playing with her taut nipples and her clit. Her bottom squirmed.

"Mmmhh." She took a couple quick deep breaths. "Okay, so... the chair's a sex toy? How does it work?"

I had forgotten all about the chair. I kissed her neck, then looked at my new purchase.

Jeezuz, her pussy was really getting wet. "Uh..." I kissed her neck again. She tilted her head to give me more to caress. I did, then stroked my face into her herbal hair. I felt her tremble and her ass squirmed yet again.

Her words were getting breathless, "So... so the chair?"

I kissed her shoulder, then gave the nape of her neck a little nip. "Lana? I need to be inside you, but I want you to screw me tonight. That's what the chair's for. Do you want to? Do you want to fuck me tonight?" I pushed my face through her soft, brunette hair. I felt her nod.

"Uh-huh."

My mouth moved to her delicate ear. My voice was soft and low, "Say it, honey." My thumb and index finger tugged and twisted her right nipple firmly but not harshly while my fingertip on her clit rubbed faster. "Say it dirty for me."

"Oh... mmmh... yesss... I want to... to fuck you tonight. I... I want to fuck your cock with my... my cunt."

I smiled. She wanted to be naughty tonight. She didn't like me or herself saying 'cunt.'

"You're a naughty girl, aren't you, baby?"

"S-Sometimes."

"Let's move to the chair." I pulled my hands off her and she slid off my lap. She turned towards me as I stood.

Her eyebrows rose slightly. "Kiss me first."

I took her in my arms and she pressed her little body against mine. As soon as our lips met, our mouths opened wide in a passionate, nearly animalistic, fencing match of our tongues. My hands slid down to her pouting ass. I gripped her smooth cheeks firmly. She responded as she always did by huffing air into my mouth. I squeezed harder and she moaned. We broke the kiss simultaneously, each of us gasping breaths.

"C'mon." I took her hand we moved to the chair. I released her hand and sat down. "See the side rungs?"

"Uh-huh."

I grabbed my rod at the base. "Put your feet on the rungs, and hold my shoulders then... come down on this." My hand wagged my rigid cock.

Her eyes were on my prick as she moved closer. She started to separate her feet wider. "Um... how... um..."

I chuckled. I hadn't taken into account how petite she was. "Come over to the side, hold my shoulder, step on the rung, then raise your leg over my thighs to get your foot on the other rung."

"Oh... like a horse."

I almost made some crack about my cock being a stallion but I didn't want to break the mood. I wanted her feeling a little naughty. She mounted the chair. She was so petite, with her legs spread to the rungs, her sweet pink slit wasn't very far from the tip of my cock.

"Wait... I have to turn my left foot outward." Her hands pressed down on my shoulders harder as she moved her foot. "Okay... so I... I just lower down now?"

I was staring at her little pussy. "Just a little bit, just touch the tip." I watched her slit descend a couple inches. The tip dipped between her soft, slippery, delicate petals. I murmured, "Jeezuz... Lana."

"What?"

"Your... your pussy is... is gorgeous." My hand directed the head to her pink pearl. I could feel it was firm. I circled around it, rubbed over it slowly, sensually. Lana shivered.

"Ohgod."

"Do you like that?"

"Yes."

I diddled my dick against her pearl with a little faster. She twitched.

I slid the tip down her slit again, zigzagging a little. I could almost imagine it was her labia moving, not my cock. I had wanted to have crazy animal sex with her earlier, now suddenly I thought I could watch my prick head stroking her buttery slit for the rest of the night. And it felt great. Lana started trembling.

"My... my legs are feeling weak, with... with you doing that."

I didn't look at her face, kept my eyes on her twat. "Too bad."

"C'mon, you jerk. I... I thought I was going to... to fuck you with my... my..." She exhaled. "Fuck you with my... cunt."

My libido switched gears again. I looked into her eyes. "Is that what you want, baby?"

"Yes." Her breathing quickened.

I moved the head of my cock to her opening. "Maybe you should go sl..."

Lana slammed downward. "Oh!" The full length of my cock instantly disappeared into wet, extremely tight sheath. She started squirming like a crazy girl.

"Jeezuz... Lana!"

"Mmmmhhh... mhhhh."

I didn't want her to stop what she was doing but I had to know if it worked on her the way he had on other chicks, including Barb. "This feels really good, but... I'd like it if you'd... raise up, use your legs, push up so just the head of my cock is inside you, then slide down again... slowly. Okay?" She felt so wet, I wondered if that would lessen the effect.

She was breathing hard. Her hips slowed. "Okay... I wanna do that too." Her hands gripped my shoulders tighter. She used her legs to push up.

I closed my eyes and actually moaned. "Urrrrhhhhh." Her always tight cunt was like a squeezing tube around my entire length and girth. "Urrh jeezuz."

"You... you seem bigger than big now."

I almost laughed again. "You're squeezing me. It feels fantastic." I looked at her face as her pussy creeped up my cock. Her eyes finally met mine. She had a blank expression for a moment, then she started grinning.

"The chair... my legs... it's... it makes me squeeze you."

I grinned. "Yeah."

"You're the naughty one, not me." She stopped when only the top third of my cock was in her vaginal clutches. Her jaw clenched, then her eyes closed, her hips swayed a fraction side to side.

I closed my eyes too. "Oh, mannnnn." She was really squeezing it. I looked at Lana. Her eyes were open and intense.

"It almost feels like... like I cold yank it off." She giggled.

I made my eyes go wide. "Well, don't do that. I wouldn't like that at all." I chuckled.

She looked down and rose up a fraction, so just the head was lodged inside her wet warmth. She kept watching as she slowly lowered a couple inches, then rose again, down and up, only the top two inches. Down then up. "Mmmm... I am squeezing you."

"Yeah."

She looked at me, while she kept moving slowly up and down only those two inches. She stopped at the top for a moment, then slowly slid down all the way to my pubic bush. I automatically pushed up and squirmed.

She kept her eyes locked with mine. "Can I ask you something?"

I held her waist. "Yeah, what?" I nudged her when she stopped squirming. She started swaying again.

"I think sometimes we... we make... um... love, and sometimes we... like you said last week we make lust together, most times we mix those two, and... and I think sometimes when we're doing it, we... we then add fun to it." A nervous expression covered her face. "Do... do you ever feel that? I mean, the fun part? Sort of like just a minute ago?"

My brow pinched. "Yeah, of course I do. Why? Don't... don't you like that?"
"Yeah, I... I like it a lot. I... I just never... I don't know, I mean, I just never thought that... that would be part of it. Is it... has it always been part of it for you?"

I realized this beautiful petite girl had me on an emotional roller since I stopped at that damn garage sale. From smiling to pissed off to lustful and now I was feeling... well, jeezuz her eyes, that look in them, my damn heart started swelling. I spoke softly, "No, sweetheart, not with every... not with every girl. It's... it's..." I took a slow breath.

"What?"

"It's a... a special part of making love, I guess. It means..." I stopped speaking. I certainly wasn't going to tell her the truth.

"It means what?"

I pulled her close and pushed my face into her hair. "It means there's a lot more going on than... than just two bodies screwing." I kissed the side of her head and hoped that would suffice. I felt her nod against me. I hoped she didn't start crying. I ran my hands up and down her back, sometimes one would trace the curves of her seductive ass. She swayed but not much at all. We stayed like that for at least two minutes before she leaned back. She smiled softly. Her eyes were teary but not sad. Her face moved forward and she kissed my lips, her tongue wiggled into my mouth. She knew I preferred it the other way round, my tongue in her mouth. I tried to push hers back. She started giggling. She started squirming harder. My hand slid between her buns, two fingertips caressed her torrid, squinting hole. Her tongue retreated and mine chased it into her mouth. I wiggled the tip of my middle finger into her ass, just to the very first knuckle.

"Mmmmmh," Lana moaned into my mouth.

Her ass started rising, her cunt tightened around the base of my cock and kept gripping as it slid up the staff. Our kiss broke. Her pussy reached the head of my prick, then she shoved down hard, grinded, then rose again. She kept that up as a fraction more of my finger screwed into her hot bottom. I scrunched down a little more in the chair. My other hand left her waist. I turned it around and placed my palm on her lower abdomen so I could use my thumb on her turgid clit.

"No... no... my waist... on my waist... I'm close... close."

Instead of moving it to her waist, I reached around and gripped a cheek of her ass. Her up and down and squirming grew more intense. Without giving it much thought I released her bun, raised my hand away and brought it down sharply-- smat!

"Oh! Yeah... yeah."

I gave her three more taps -- smat... smat... SMAT! She got even more crazy. I was on the brink. I moved my hand back to her abdomen. My thumb couldn't have rubbed her clit more then four times, when she shoved down hard and started convulsing on my lap. Her fingernails dug into my shoulder muscles. I moved my hand to her ass.

She screamed, "Oh god! Oh GOD!" She arched her back and leaned forward. I think she was rubbing her firm, big clit on my pubic bone.

I wasn't paying attention to that though, I was concentrating on the magic her tight cunt was doing around my throbbing cock. "Lana... ah, jeezuz... ah... ah fu-UUUK!" I yanked my finger out of her butt and both my hands gripped her luscious buns. It was now me holding on for dear life as I strained upward with my cock and pumped gob after gob of hot spunk deep into her perfect pussy.

I wanted to stay inside Lana forever.

* * *

We were both on the single, cushioned, redwood chaise I had bought at Home Depot that morning. It was something I had always wanted. Lana tried to talk me out of buying it, saying the old, fold out aluminum ones we had were still okay. I ignored her. I wanted two but only had money for one. Credit cards were for emergencies. Now in the back yard, Lana on my lap, her back pressed against my chest, her head on my shoulder, I was glad I had only gotten one. We were looking up at the stars. I wished we were on some farm, no light pollution, we'd see a million more sparkling points. I lived in a farmhouse with few friends for a couple years during undergrad days. A million stars. The night was warm and humid, but there was a little breeze which cooled us. Lana squirmed the back of her head against my shoulder.

She spoke softly, "Remember when I said there was a time Barb slapped me hard across the face?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"There was another time that... that scared me even more than that."

"What? When?"

"I was about the same age, around ten, maybe eleven. It was during that year or so she was dancing."

"Huh? Dancing? What do you mean?"

"Yeah, you know. The exoti..." She exhaled. "The nude dancing at that bar."

My brow pinched. "She... she was an exotic dancer? A... a stripper?"

Lana's forehead tensed for a moment too, then her eyes grew a little larger. "Didn't... didn't you know that?"

I started to feel angry, then I wasn't sure if I had any right to be. I guess I didn't tell Barb everything about myself either, although at that moment I couldn't think of a thing I held back from her. "No... no, I didn't know."

"I-I think she... I bet she wants to forget that time. It... I don't think it was a very good period for her, and... and I know it wasn't for me."

I waited for her to continue. She just looked at her hand holding and caressing mine. I spoke softly, "If you don't want to tell me what happened, that's okay."

"I... I've never told anyone." She took a slow breath. "I think... I think she worked at the bar for a year, maybe like a year and a half. She... After a few months, she... she started bringing guys home after work, you know, once in a while. I... I think it was guys she liked who she met at the bar.

"She and the guy would usually be... drunk when they got to the house, and... and they were usually loud so... so I'd wake up. Sometimes just their talking and laughing woke me up, sometimes... we were living in an apartment then, and her bedroom was next to mine, so... so I'd hear her, you know, doing it with the guy in her room.

"Then this one time she brought a guy home after work, it was really late, like... four in the morning. They were in her room almost right after they got to the apartment. The guy... I think the guy started ripping Barb's clothes off. She started screaming at him about it, telling him to stop, that she'd take them off. I don't think the guy stopped. I heard something hit the wall hard. I... I think it was Barb. She yelled at him telling him not to be so rough. He swore at her and said something like, she was going to give him what he needed, something... something like that. There was a thump on the wall again. Mom... just let out a scream, then he shouted that... um, that she should give him a beejay, but, you know, didn't say it like that. Barb shouted again that he was hurting her.

"Then he just called her names for a few minutes. Then I think they got on the bed because the... the headboard started banging against the wall. Barb... Barb started shouting that he was hurting her, that she liked him, that she'd give him what he wanted but... but just not be so rough. Then I heard either slaps or maybe punches, and Barb started screaming and... and she was crying too.

"I got so scared. I didn't know what to do. I thought... I thought the guy might really be hurting Mom, might... might even kill her. I got up and... and went to her doorway. They were... were naked. He was grabbing her hair, her head was back, his other hand was around her throat. They... they were screwing, in like missionary position. Barb... Barb was crying and telling him to stop. He took his hand from her throat and... and started slapping her face and breasts, then... then he punched her breast. Barb screamed, and-and..."

Lana started crying, shaking but not making a sound. Her breathing quickened, then she wiped her eyes with her fingertips and calmed down. She cleared her throat. "Then I... I ran into the room. Neither of them had seen me at the door. I... I started hitting the guy, his... his arm, his back, slapping and punching him, shouting at him to leave Mom alone. He let go of Barb's hair, then... then shoved me away. I fell down.

"Barb started screaming at me to leave, that... that everything was all right, that the guy was a friend, that I should just go to my room. The... the guy started shouting at her, calling her names, saying she had lied to him, not telling him she had a kid. Then... then he got up and started getting dressed. Mom got up and tried to stop him, you know, pulling his pants down, telling him she'd do what he wanted. He pushed her away, calling her names again, but... but Barb would get up and kept telling him to stay while she kept pulling his pants down and trying to take off his shirt, or trying to hug him and... and that's when he really started hitting her, punching her in the face.

"I got so scared. I... I knew I couldn't stop him, so... so I ran to the kitchen and called 911. I... I was crying and screaming into the phone that a guy was trying to kill Mom. The woman asked for the address and if I was in danger, and that I should leave... I think she said that, and... and I think she said police officers were already on the way. Then... then there was loud pounding at the door. The woman on the phone told me it was the police. I was about to go to the door, Mom was still screaming and shouting, both telling the guy not to go and to stop hitting her, and then before I could put the phone down, the door swung open and two cops came in with their guns out. One grabbed me and took me out to the hallway. The... the what'd'ya call it, the-the building manager was out there. He took me down the hallway away from the door. I heard more shouting and screaming, the cops were shouting too.

"I... I broke away from the manager guy, and... and I ran down to the apartment, then to Mom's room. She... she was lying on the floor. Both cops were holding the guy down, putting handcuffs on him. I went over to Mom. Her mouth and nose were bleeding. There was blood all over her face and chest. She had bruises on her breasts and arms. She was crying. She looked at me and got angry, telling me I was stupid for calling the police, that I had ruined everything.

"Then one of the cops picked me up, I mean, pulled me up to a standing position. I... I looked at the guy on the floor. His... his pants were still around his ankles. The.. the cop led me out of the apartment into the hallway again. He... he was really angry at the manager for letting me go. The cop used his radio, I don't know what he said, maybe said to send an ambulance. He told the manager to be sure to keep me in the hallway. The cop went back into our apartment. The manager crouched down and tried to calm me down, I guess, but he looked really angry too.

"I heard the guy... the guy shouting that it was all Barb's fault, the cops told him to shut up. I heard Mom saying, sort of shouting that they shouldn't take the guy away, something like that. Then the... the medics... paramedics came up the stairs and went inside. Then two more cops showed up. One was a woman, she took me down to the police car. She put a blanket around me and sat with me in the back of the car. I saw two cops come out with the guy. He had his pants on but not his shirt. Both cops were holding his arms. They put him in the other car, then one cop came over and the woman cop got out and talked to him. The paramedics had Barb on a stretcher when they brought her out, then they put the wheel legs down and pulled her to the ambulance. I got so scared when I saw that. The woman cop opened the door and told me Mom was going to the hospital but I shouldn't worry. She took me upstairs to the apartment so I could put on jeans and a T shirt, get dressed, put shoes on.

"Then she and the guy cop slowly drove me to the hospital. She asked me a lot of questions about what happened, but she was really nice about it, kept telling me Mom would be alright, not to worry.

"At the hospital I had to wait to see Barb. The woman cop stayed with me for a while, then some other woman at the hospital sat with me. It was morning, I mean, daylight when I finally saw Barb. The nurse told me they had given her something to sleep. Her... her face was swollen, and both her eyes were, you know, starting to be black eyes. Then the nurse took me to the other woman again, and... and there was this minister with her. She said I was going to stay with him and his wife that day, maybe for two days, depending on when Barb got out of the hospital.

"I don't know why, but... but that scared me even more. I... I left with the minister and at his house, his wife was there. She asked me if I was hungry or wanted to go to bed and sleep. I told her I wanted to sleep, because... I... I just wanted to be alone. I didn't want to talk to them. She took me to a bedroom, gave me pajamas and a bathrobe, told me they were freshly washed, then brought in a glass of water, a glass of milk, and little plate of cookies for me. She left me alone, closed the door. I didn't want to wear the pajamas but I put them on and got into bed. I drank some water but didn't touch the cookies or milk. I... I eventually did fall asleep.

"Around noon, the woman knocked on the door. She told me she was making lunch and had some good news. She asked if she could come in. I said yes. She came in and walked over to the bed. She told me Mom was going to be released from the hospital, and after lunch she and her husband would drive me there, pick up Mom and take us to the apartment.

"And... well, that's what happened. Barb's eyes were really black. When the minister and his wife left us, Barb... Barb sat down with me, started crying and kept apologizing to me, saying she was going to quit her job at the bar, saying she was going to stop drinking, saying she'd never let an awful guy like that into the apartment ever again."

Lana took a deep breath. She wiped her eyes. "I think she kept working at the bar, you know, dancing for... like another six months. She... she never stopped drinking, and... and that's when she started, you know, getting really sad and... and crying in her room when she drank. And..." Lana turned her head and looked into my eyes. Hers were brimming with tears. She wiped them again. "Sorry, I... I don't know w-why I told you that. It's... it's really a boring, dumb story, isn't it?"

My arms were wrapped around her. I held her closer and kissed the side of her head. "Not dumb at all. You're... you're a very brave person, Lana." I felt her head shake.

Her voice was strained and high pitched, I knew she was on the verge of tears, "No... no I'm not... not at all." Her petite body trembled as she started crying softly.

I held her a little tighter.

* * *

I was in a funk... actually I was fuckin' angry when I pulled into the driveway. It had been a shit day. I got into it again with Jim. I had been busting my ass on the job for the past couple weeks, making it there on time every morning, and was the last one to leave at the end of the day. He was rushing us all because Steve, the contractor, the big boss, had gotten two more general contracts for homes. So today, of all the fuckin' guys on our crew, he picks me to start doing the fuckin' clean up shit.

It was a fuckin' job the high school summer gofer kid usually did, except this year there was no high school kid. Steve was watching expenses. While I did clean up, the rest of the guys were finishing up the last bits of framing. The drywalling crew was scheduled to come in on Friday. After they were finished, we'd be working two sites. It just fuckin' pissed me off and I told Jim the fuckin' prick what I thought. He said I didn't want to make money, I could go home. I was a fuckin' card carrying union journeyman, doing carpenter's helper shit!

Actually the cleanup didn't piss me off. It was a job that needed to be done, it's just that fuckin' Jim the fuckin' prick always gave me the fuckin' shit jobs. I hadn't been late and stayed longer than anyone else for at least two fuckin' weeks and he gives the shit job to me! If anyone should have been doin' the fuckin' cleanup, it should have been fuckin' Matt. That prick had only been on the crew for a fuckin' year. I had two more years seniority over that fuckin' prick!

There were two other crews working for Steve. Bill, who I didn't know very well was the foreman of one, Jack was the foreman of the other. I had worked with Jack's crew a few times and I thought he was a decent guy. I had talked with him a half dozen times trying to get switched to his crew, but he had always hemmed and hawed about it. Maybe he was a fuckin' prick too, just like fuckin' Jim.

When I walked into the mud room, Lana was in the kitchen washing a couple glasses. She turned towards me anticipating a kiss. I walked past her to the cabinet and pulled out the Comfort. I had stopped at the first bar I saw on the drive home and had a double bourbon rocks. I needed another to take the fuckin' edge off. I opened the bottle and grabbed a glass from the drainer, moved around her and got some ice, then around her again to the bottle. I poured a few fingers. I took a gulp.

I heard Lana exhale, then ask, "What's wrong?"

I stared out the kitchen window over the sink and took another gulp. "Nothin'."

"Then why are you... if nothing happened..." She exhaled sharply and folded her arms over her chest.

I really wasn't in the mood to take any shit from her. It took two more gulps to finish the drink. I sat at the kitchen table and took off my boots. I picked them up and stood. I took one step towards the mud room, stopped, then without even thinking, I pitched them as hard as I could into the little room. They thudded against the door to the garage, putting two small dents in the steel thermal door before the boots tumbled to the tile floor.

Lana shouted, "What are you doing, you idiot?!

I nudged her to the side to pour myself another drink, a small one, a jigger's worth. I downed that and headed to my bedroom. As I started taking my clothes off to shower, I realized the stupid little bitch had followed me and was standing in the doorway. When I tossed my dirty clothes into the corner of the room out the side of my eye I saw her arms were still folded across her little titted chest.

Her voice sounded whiney, "Why won't you talk to me?"

"I have nothing to say at this moment."

"What happened?"

I ignored her and walked into the master bath. I turned on the shower, then grabbed my toothbrush and paste. I brushed while waiting for the water to warm up. I don't know why the fuck I was brushing my teeth, maybe because she had moved to the bathroom door, brushing I wouldn't have to talk. I rinsed my mouth and stepped into the tub and closed the curtain. I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and started lathering my head. When I heard her speak, I knew she had stepped closer to the tub.

"Why do you always do this? You come home angry and you never want to tell me what it's about. I hate that. You know I hate that. I ask you what's wrong and you just push me away. I... I want to help you and... and you never let me."

My jaw was clenched. I rinsed the shampoo off. "You wanna help me, Lana? Is that it?"

"Yes."

I growled, "You wanna help? Then take your fuckin' clothes off, get in here, keel down and suck my fuckin' cock."

Even though my prick started growing, I figured that would get her the fuck away from me. I grabbed the bar of soap and started lathering my prick first, giving it a few squeezing strokes, then washed my face, ears and neck. As I was finishing up my back, butt, and chest I watched the dirty, sudsy water swirl around the drain. As I turned to rinse out my ass crack, I flinched when the shower curtain opened. Lana, naked, stepped into the tub. I couldn't believe the dumb bitch was going to do it. My cock believed it though, and quickly grew to a full erection.
She didn't look happy but to be honest, I didn't really give a shit. She stood at the rear of the tub staring at me. I finished washing my legs and feet, then turned around to rinse off. I faced her again. "So? You just gonna stand there, or are you going to get on your knees and start sucking?"

She looked me in the eyes. I'm not sure but hers may have been tearing a little. She knelt down and wrapped her little hand around the base of my prick. She engulfed the head, her tongue laving it, then she started bobbing.

I gripped a handful of her now damp hair. I started pushing and pulling my cock into her sucking mouth. My voice was a growl, "That's it, baby, fuck it with your mouth."

She really was a great little cocksucker. I tried to decide if I would fuck her mouth a little harder and deeper, then make her swallow it, or fuck her mouth harder and deeper, not shoot, then take her to the bed and fuck her good and hard.

My other hand gripped some hair. I pulled her head towards me as I pushed forward with my throbbing prick. "Yeah, that's it, fuck it with your mouth." I heard her gag a little. I really didn't give a shit.

* * *

I waited to speak until the waitress had finished refilling my coffee cup and walked away. I looked at Lana. "I know this community college you'll be attending, isn't... probably isn't as intense as a four year school, but I think you should try to do well, actually... actually do the homework assignments, not just blow it off like you did in high school. I... I think it's important you keep those universities in mind, you know, transferring next year or... or maybe the following year."

Her brow tensed. "What? I did homework in high school."

"You did? I never saw you doing homework, hell, I rarely saw you with any text books." My brow pinched. How could I make that claim? I really wasn't around when she left for school, although was around sometimes when she returned home, for a month or so after the wedding. I had been laid off. Had I even looked for her carrying some bag or backpack? Probably not.

"What do you think I was doing in my room those nights I wasn't in the living room or out? A lot of the homework was online."

I realized things had really changed in a dozen or so years since I had been in high school. "Oh... I guess I never thought about it." My brow pinched again. I had never seen a report card she had gotten, not even after Barb had gone to prison. I either didn't think about it or didn't care. I hadn't thought about it. "What... what were your grades like?"

"Mostly A's and B's, a few C's."

I was shocked. I wondered why Barb never mentioned Lana's grades. Did she even know? "Oh... uh... okay."

"I know how to study."

"Yeah, I guess you do." I tried to recall my high school grades. All I could remember was that I didn't get many As, got a handful of Ds and a big F in Algebra II. I looked into Lana's pretty eyes and made up my mind. A smile started forming on my mouth. "So... I was thinking of getting you a pencil case and book satchel, or... would you rather have a... a laptop? I hear college kids use those." It was going to take all the money I had been able to sock away after all the bills, but I figured what the hell.

Lana's face lit up. "Are you kidding? Really?"

She grinned and I loved seeing her smile. It was worth the money. "Yeah, really. Maybe not the top of the line model though, okay?"

Her grin grew. "Yes."

* * *

We were on the bed. I was lying on my back. Lana was sitting up, straddling me. Her delicate, hands were flat on my upper chest. Mine were on the outside of her smooth thighs, moving up and down with her hips. Her head was tilted down, her hair forming a veil around most of her pretty face. She was watching my hard cock appear and disappear again and again into her slippery, tight channel. I was pushing up to meet her descending wet warmth.

I wished I had a few beers in me because I'd probably be ramming upward into her perfect little pussy with more intensity, and wouldn't be feeling so much emotion at the moment. I felt so close to her and craved to feel this, yet it also made me feel so damn guilty and unworthy, about her and about Barb too. She should be with some guy her own age, and I should keep my marriage vows. But, jeezuz... I wanted her so damn much.

Lana shoved down to meet my rising rod the hardest yet. She stayed down and grinded her hips ardently. Her face rose then she flicked her head to get her hair away from her face. Her lips were parted and she was panting. Her dazzling blue eyes met mine. She blinked. Her churning slowed.

She whispered, "What?"

I was breathing heavily too. I shook my head slightly. "Nothing. Just... you look so beautiful right now." Her hip movements slowed even more. My hands slid to her waist. "Would you mind coming down here for a kiss?"

Her lips pursed for a moment, her eyes teared a little, then her hands slid up to my shoulders as her torso lowered. Her arms encircled my head on the pillow. When her face was close to mine, she gazed into my eyes for a couple seconds, then her lips met mine. Her mouth opened, our tongues danced sensually. My arms encompassed her. My groin pushed upward, she mirrored it pushing down with her hips that kept churning slowly. Jeezuz, it felt wonderful to me. The kiss became more passionate. My guilt started to wane just leaving the other emotions I knew I shouldn't be feeling.

Lana moaned into my mouth. I think she was rubbing her clit against my pubic bone. The thought of that brought me closer to orgasm. My right hand slid down to her perfect ass, cupping and firmly squeezing each of her delectable cheeks. She moaned again. The kiss grew more passionate. Two of my fingertips touched her tailbone, then coursed down into the warm, deep valley of her bottom. I touched her torrid little hole, then firmly massaged circles over and around the squinting orifice. I pushed up a little higher with my hips, she mirrored it again, pushing down as her hips kept churning slowly. I felt her shiver, then twitch.

Lana abruptly broke the kiss and pressed her face into the side of my neck. Little twitches and shakes were added to her trembling. She whispered, "Oh... ohgod... I'm... I'm gonna... oh..."

My hips also started churning. "Do it, sweetheart. Cum... I want to feel you cum."

"I... I want you to."

"I will." I started thrusting, short strokes. God... she felt so perfect around me. I shut my eyes tightly. I was close too, not just from the physical sensations, it was more than that. The very tip of my middle finger wiggled and dipped into her ass. Lana tensed and twitched hard.

"Oh... ohgod... I luh... I lov... uhhhhh... h-h-hold me... t-t-tight." Her shaking grew more pronounced.

I felt spasms in her channel. My ass lowered and then it jerked up again as I shoved my cock hard into her depths. My hips didn't lower. My body tensed and the first spurt of hot seed shot up my throbbing rod and spewed into her. I pulled my fingertip from her little hole and gripped her bun while my other arm around her back held her tighter.

"Oh.... oh... mmmmmmh," Lana moaned as my cock pumped a half dozen dollops of my hot seed into her.

When my body loosened, I still kept my ass off the mattress for a few seconds, then slowly lowered to the sheet. I moved my hand from her ass and that arm went around her back too. We were both gasping for air. Lana's breath felt hot and moist against my neck. I was glad my cock wasn't shrinking fast. It felt perfect inside her. It was like being home. I tried not to remember I had the same sensation with Barb on quite a few occasions. I shook my head to make the thought disappear. Yeah, Lana felt like home too. I reminded myself not to say anything to her that would make a complicated situation even more so. I felt Lana tremble and knew it wasn't orgasmic. She was crying softly, without a sound, but it made her breathing even more erratic.

I turned my head and gave her hairline a kiss. I whispered, "You're so beautiful, Lana. I know I don't deserve you."

She sniffled. "Hold me... just hold me tighter."

I did.

* * *

CHAPTER 11

I had been able to hide everything from Barb for over three months, and the visitations, for the most part, had gone well but I anticipated the next few visits were going to be depressing if not full of tension. Barb was coming up to the end of her first year in prison. That anniversary was in less than two weeks. It didn't seem at all like a year to me, but I figured it felt like ten to her.

The visit began as usual. I got to Barb first, we murmured our code without any problem. Lana got through the check-in line and came to the table, hugged Barb tightly and sat down. We did our usual game of guessing what the Sunday lunch had been for the prisoners, the fragrance, or more correctly, the odor, usually hung in the dining hall during the first part of every visit. I guessed meatloaf, Lana said fish sticks. Barb said it had been chicken strips that tasted like a cross between meatloaf and fish, mishloaf. She had been making cute, dumb jokes like that for a couple months.

Barb voiced her usual questions. She asked Lana to tell her everything about her past week at college, what she was studying in each course that week, did she still like her teachers, had she met any new nice people. She then asked me about work and anything else I had been doing. Lana told her she was still trying to get a part-time job, still returning to the mall stores just to show her face. We both told Barb how good she was looking, which happened to be true. She really did look healthier and even younger.

When the questioning segment was over, I stood up and asked who wanted a soda. I went to the machine and got three, looking back at the table as I waited in the short line, glad to see Barb and Lana talking. When I returned with the sodas, as usual, things got a little quieter. Probably all of us trying to think of something new to say.

I figured Barb not only didn't want to talk about what happened in her daily life because it would make her sad, but also stayed quiet about it because she didn't want to scare or worry Lana or me, nor have us pity her. And not even counting the new relationship Lana and I had, both she and I were always concerned if we said anything too interesting or exciting, it would make Barb just hate being in prison even more, just talking about a new movie one or both of us had seen. I guess we were all worried our conversations could be emotional mine fields.

During a silent moment I smiled softly at Barb and she suddenly looked nervous as she sipped her soda. She still seemed that way to me as she set the can down and her eyes moved to Lana. Barb spoke softly, "Honey, would you mind giving us a few minutes alone to talk?"

Lana's face expressed concern, then her eyes glanced back and forth between her mother and me. "Um... sure. I'll... um... how long?"

"A few minutes, honey. Maybe five."

Lana looked at me for longer than I thought she should have. She pushed her chair back. "I'll... maybe get one of the...um... forms for... um, bringing food, I guess. Or... maybe get us candy bars."

Barb smiled. "Thanks, sweetheart."

Barb and I watched her walk away. I had no idea what Barb wanted to talk about, maybe my gut did though. It twisted tight. I felt Barb's hand slide over mine on the table top. I looked at her. She was gazing at our hands. I felt her thumb slowly stroking. She seemed more nervous, maybe scared.

Barb had answered our little code right at the beginning of the visit. I wasn't sure what could be on her mind. The dead kid? I don't know why I said, "Is... Is this about Lana's community college work? I believe she's really appl..."

Barb interrupted, "No, not Lana." She took a quick breath. "I... I believe her too. I'm so glad she seems to really be applying herself."

I didn't want to mention she had in high school too which neither of us had noticed. "Is... something wrong, sweetheart? What... do you wanna talk about? You're not having any trouble with the gangs are you? Or... or something?" Had she been afraid to tell me earlier?

Barb looked very nervous and her eyes teared slightly. "No... it's not about the gangs." She took a slow breath. "Um... I... I want to talk about..." She took a sip of her soda.

My guilt swelled even more. I actually felt short of breath for a few moments. Had she figured it out? I knew if I was in her shoes, all I'd think about during the week would be these goddamn visits, replaying every word, every expression, wondering why Lana had changed, why... why a lot of things seemed to have changed. I'd be thinking of every possibility, every scenario. Then my anxiety shot up even higher when I thought she might have started some damn sexual liaison with one of the fuckin' male guards. "It's… it's not about a guard is it?" I quickly looked around searching for the male guards watching the inmates and visitors. None of them were looking at us.

"What? A... a guard? No, it's not about a guard. It's... it's about us."

Again, I couldn't breathe.

Barb began a softly and slowly spoken monologue. She said Lana and I were the only things, the only people she cared about, the only people she loved. She now really thought that when she got out, she and Lana might be able to start over, to get closer, to have a good relationship as mother and daughter, or maybe just as good friends. Maybe both. She said it would take a lot of work on her own part, she knew she had years of bad mothering to make up for, and knew she'd never be able to take another drink when she was released. She said that everyday she felt stronger about staying sober, especially now that it seemed that she and Lana had a chance to start over.

She stopped talking, just stared at our hands. My self-loathing and self-hatred kept growing. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, so my other hand caressed hers for a few moments.

Barb looked up at me. Her eyes were more teary. She gave me that sad smile that might mean she was about to cry. She looked back at our hands and then continued speaking softly and slowly.

She said she knew how unfair her being in prison was to me. She said she had always believed that I did love her, but she wasn't sure how much until recently. She said I was the only guy she had ever really loved. She said she had believed when she was incarcerated, that I'd stop visiting her every week after a couple months, that the time between visits would just get longer until I stopped coming at all. She said she was sure, and scared to death she was right, that I'd find some other woman, and maybe leave her, divorce her. She didn't believe I could possibly love her so much that I wouldn't do that, that I would wait for her. She said she had been very concerned about Lana and the possibility she might be put into foster care, which was the main reason she wanted me to sign the guardian papers, but part of the reason was that she thought it might also make me stay with her too.

She cried a little then. Her free hand took a napkin and wiped her eyes. She swallowed a couple times and took another sip of soda before continuing.

She said that if our roles were reversed, she wasn't sure if she could have stuck with me. She was ashamed to admit that, but she might not have been strong enough. Maybe that was one of the reasons she kept thinking I'd just stop coming to visit and take up with another woman. She said again that she really, really did love me though, and loved me so much more now. She had been so scared of me leaving her, even before she went to prison and more so after October, that she couldn't talk to me about any of it.

She said she then realized the only thing she could do that she thought showed her love for me, was not talk to me about it, not to make me feel obligated or put some sort of guilt trip on me, to just let me make up my mind if I'd keep visiting and keep true to our marriage or not. She promised herself to wait a year before mentioning anything about it, and to talk about something else too. It hadn't really been a test for me, maybe it was more of a test for her.

After six months or so she had started getting hopeful, yet the more she got hopeful that she and I would continue to love each other, continue to be husband and wife even in this terrible situation, the more she got nervous and scared that she was just setting herself up to be crushed when it didn't turn out that way.

She took a slow breath then continued. She said the other thing she didn't mention, was that she applied for conjugal visit privileges in July when it seemed things were actually getting better among the three of us, but she had still been so scared I'd leave her, that she didn't mention the application to me, that she didn't want to have anything stopping me from making my mind up about staying with her or leaving her. She had promised herself to wait a year for both herself and me, and she didn't want to break that promise.

She took a quick breath, kept staring at our hands, and said, "My application was approved, and we've been put on the schedule for next Sunday." She raised her face and looked into my eyes. Her face tensed, more tears filled her eyes. I could see she was more than nervous, she was scared. The pitch of her voice was higher when she asked, "Do... do you still love me?" Single tears ran down her face from each eye.

I felt like a total asshole, total scum, as I gripped her hand tighter, then leaned towards her, placed my other palm on her upper back, then kissed her cheek. I whispered, "Of course I do, Barb." I knew I had to look into her eyes so I moved my head, my face a few inches from hers. I gazed into her eyes and prayed she'd not see what a piece of shit I was.

She swallowed. "Say it."

"I love you, Barb." I leaned towards her and gave her lips a quick, warm kiss.

The fear was still in her eyes. "Do... do you still want to make love with me?"

I tried to smile. "Yes, of course I do."

Barb closed her eyes and her body relaxed for a few moments. She opened her eyes and softly smiled at me. "We'll… we'll have to tell Lana. I… I don't think she should just wait around for us. I mean, there may be delays. We'll have an hour in the… oh god, I hate calling it the Conjugal Visitation Building, but I don't want to call it what the inmates call it either." She let out a nervous giggle.

I didn't want to know what the inmates called it. "So… only an hour?"

"Uh-huh. I… I know that's not much time, but… well, that's all the time allowed. From what I heard, things are… sometimes things get way behind schedule, I mean in general, so… so we might end up waiting to… to get our… um… period in…" She closed her eyes and exhaled. "In our room. It's… um… nothing fancy. I… I didn't expect it to be. I mean… I haven't seen any of the rooms, there's ten I guess, but I heard about it from some of the other women here. Anyway, I… I was concerned Lana might be waiting longer than an hour, well, she would be, even if everything was on time. You…" She took a slow breath. "You'll… you'll have to have a... a cavity search done."

My asshole clenched. I hadn't even considered that. Hell, I thought the damn visits weren't possible, at least I had forgotten all about it. I didn't want any fuckin' guard shoving his finger up my goddamn ass, especially one of the mean looking pricks. Did I have a choice? Of course not. "Yeah, I figured there'd be something like that. Is… is it a doctor who'll do it?" I saw Lana almost burst out laughing. She kept it to a smile.
"No, honey, it'll be a guard, but… really, I don't think you'll have to worry about it. I mean… you're not a prisoner. They know you could make a complaint on them."

I'm sure she knew that would cause her hell if I did complain. I imagined some rough, gay fuckin' guard would point that out to me too. "Yeah… ahhh… sure… I mean, it's no problem." My mind was reeling and I was so nervous about all of it, including Lana, I didn't even wonder about Barb getting cavity searches, and if there were lesbian guards doing the fingering so I didn't think about her saying -- You're not a prisoner, and the implications of that regarding her. "So... ahh... next Sunday."

"Uh-huh. That's… all right with you, isn't it?" Barb looked scared again. "You... you still really... do want to make love with me, don't you?"

I took a breath. "Yeah, of cour..." I forced a small smile to my mouth. "Yes, I want to make love with you next Sunday. I want to make love with you... every day." I can't describe what my gut felt like at that moment, even though I guess it was the truth. I guess I would want to make love to her everyday. I'd also want to make love with Lana everyday. I forced my smile to grow.

She started to smile as her face scrinched and more tears ran down her face. She giggled and softly sobbed simultaneously. Her voice was strained. "I love you so much." She giggled-sobbed again, then added, "You're so cute sometimes."

I felt the fucking complications of my life double. I felt the weight of my guilt and self-hatred skyrocket. My mind was in overdrive, thinking about Lana, Barb, how I had fucked up everything so badly, how weak, stupid, and foolish I was. I don't know how, but my small smile stayed in place and I said, "And you're beautiful all the time." As soon as that passed my lips, it was the lowest I had ever felt in my entire life.

"I guess we should tell Lana now. She'll..." Barb smiled and wiped her eyes with the napkin. "She'll probably be happy she won't have to come next week. She can have a Sunday with her friends."

"Yeah... yeah, I guess we should... ahh... tell her."

Barb squeezed my hand as she looked towards the vending machines. I didn't want to think about Lana's reaction to the news. I watched Barb smile, really more of a grin, as she waved to her daughter. Again I found it difficult to breathe for a few moments. My gut couldn't have been more knotted. Barb pulled her hand from mine so she could blow her nose. Before Lana reached the table, her hand was clutching mine again.

Lana sat down. She put three candy bars in the center of the table.

Barb did the talking. She told Lana she had been granted the privilege of having some "private time" with me next Sunday, so even though she really wanted to see Lana too, it wouldn't be much fun for her waiting around for over an hour all by herself. Barb told her she should make some plans with friends, then said she'd miss her very much, and hoped with all her heart she'd keep coming every week after that. She said she'd not be able to have private time with me all that often, months in between. Barb said that only bad thing about it, would be not seeing her.

At first Lana's brow pinched, then her face went slack when she understood what "private time" meant. Her jaw clenched for a moment, then she just said, "Okay." She sipped her soda as she looked at the barred high windows in the cafeteria/visiting room. She didn't say much for the remaining twenty minutes of the visitation. No one ate the candy bars.

I tried my best to fill in the conversational gaps even though my mind was still reeling and my gut so tight it actually ached. I didn't want Barb to notice the change in Lana. I felt like a bigger and bigger shithead as the minutes passed. When it was finally time to leave, I was glad to see that when Lana hugged Barb, she at least put her arms loosely around her mother, but not like the squeezing hugs over the past few months.

When I kissed and hugged Barb, she whispered, "I'm really looking forward to next weekend, sweetie."

She hadn't called me 'sweetie' in a very long time. "Yeah... yeah, me too, Barb."

Lana and I were both mute as we headed out of the prison. In the parking lot I unlocked and opened her door first, then closed it for her when she climbed in. I walked around the truck. She didn't lean over to open my door as she had started to do a few months ago. I unlocked it and got in. Her arms were folded over her chest, her jaw was tight. She was blankly staring out the windshield.

"So... you're going to FUCK her next week! You knew about it! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't know about it."

"That's a lie! You knew! You'd have to know!"

"I didn't know!" I told myself to cool down. "Barb… Barb never mentioned it and… I never asked.

"No, you didn't ask because…. because you were getting your fun with me! You… you were using me! You… you don't care about me at all! And… and now you're going to be back fucking HER!"

"I do care about you. You have to know I care about you. Jeezuz, Lana, I-I told you I wasn't going to leave Barb, what… what the hell can I do about the visits, these conjugal visits? She wants them. I am her husband. I told you that. I told you I wasn't going to divorce her. You knew th…"

She interrupted, "Yeah, but... but you didn't tell me you'd be fucking her! You didn't mention that very often when... when you were fucking... FUCKING ME! I never would have let you fuck me if I knew you were going to go back to fucking HER!"

My jaw clenched. She seemed to have forgotten it had been her making the first move, her teasing me, her propositioning me like a cheap whore, so she could fuck me. I told myself again to keep my head. "Lana…" I wasn't sure what to say. I took a slow breath and kept my voice soft, "I care about you. I don't want to hurt you, but I did tell you that I wasn't going to divorce Barb. I didn't know about this conjugal visit thing until today, until after Barb asked to talk to me alone. That's the truth." I looked at her. Her arms seemed tighter across her chest. She was staring out the side window.

"Maybe… maybe I should fuck someone else too next Sunday. How would you like that, huh?!"

I was surprised that hadn't crossed my mind. "I… I wouldn't like it."

"Well… I don't like you fucking her! So…. So tell her you can't do it!"

I exhaled slowly. My voice was soft and low, "Lana… I can't do that. You know I can't."

"Then... then-then you're never going to fuck me again! I-I-I'm not ever going to let you touch me again! Never!"

"Lana… come on. Let's… let's not… not get pissed at each other. I… I don't want this to hurt you, and I…"

"I'm not hurt! I'm not hurt at all! And… and there isn't anything to talk about. You're going to fuck her. So… so SHUT UP and-and-and leave me alone! I-I don't wanna talk to you anymore!"

I leaned towards her and cupped her upper arm. "Lana, listen..."

She jerked her arm away from my grasp and verbally cut me off, "I don't wanna listen! I jus'... Just take me home! I wanna go HOME!"

I sat straight and gazed at the prison as I started the engine. I guess I knew everything was going blow up in my face all along. I guess I just didn't expect it to be so soon. I twisted to look out the rear window as I slowly pulled out of the parking slot.

The rest of the week seemed like some time warp, a jump back to the past had happened. Lana didn't talk much. She no longer got up to have breakfast with me and help make my lunch. On the mornings she had an early class, she didn't come out to the kitchen. If I happened to see her in the hall, she didn't even return my "Good morning." She went out every evening, never warning me, just walked out of her room, dressed in her black jeans if it was cool, or her black miniskirt if it was warmer. She must have been in contact by cell phone with one of her girlfriends calling right before they arrived, because she'd walk out of her bedroom, sometimes announce without looking at me, "I'm going out," then continue out the front door. Most eveings she didn't say a word, just walked out. A moment later I would hear a car pull into the driveway and she'd get in.

I got pretty drunk on Wednesday, waited up for her to return from wherever to speak with her. When she came in I asked her repeatedly to talk and followed her down to her room. She slammed her bedroom door in my face and locked it. I pleaded with her for about five minutes.

All she said was, "Leave me alone! You're fucking her now, so talk to her!"

I almost broke her door down when she shouted that. I didn't though, just turned and started towards my bedroom. Half way there I muttered, "Well... fuck you too, bitch."

* * *

CHAPTER 12

My mind was still reeling, my gut and heart weren't much better, a storm of fear, guilt, regret, and self-loathing was swirling within me as I entered the building and stood in line for check-in.

I tried to get it together. As I shuffled ahead in the line, I thought about the months I had cheated on Barb and felt every ounce of guilt about it. I also gave thought to how I was now about to cheat on Lana too, which increased my sense of guilt. I kept asking myself how I could have possibly thought things would work out, that no one would get hurt, that it really had been a good way to handle it for the time being, that Barb actually seemed better because Lana was better, and I was even better during the visitations. I hadn't quit drinking but after Lana and I started sleeping together, I had tried harder to quit, at least keep it more under control, and I had been dryer overall, more days without any booze. That was good, wasn't it?

I knew I was bullshitting myself. I had rationalized all of it to at least feel "okay" about being a total asshole, not just to Barb, but to Lana too. I told myself I loved both of them, but did I really only love myself? No, that couldn't be right. I was the one I hated. Maybe what I only loved was my dick. What the hell was I doing screwing Lana even if I wasn't married to Barb? Jeezuz... she was only eighteen! She should be going out with guys her own age, not be in some goddamn fucked up relationship with me!

Was it a relationship? Yeah, of course it was. I never liked to think about that though. I didn't want to believe she was that emotionally involved in it, but I knew she was. Hell, so was I. Why did I think not saying I love you to her, and telling her not to say it to me, and also telling her that we couldn't fall in love, made it all okay and would somehow protect Lana and keep her from getting too emotionally involved with me? I was smart enough to know that emotions were involved and it's impossible to control those kind of deep emotions. I was smart enough to know I was just rationalizing, leaving myself a way out, covering my ass, giving myself an excuse for later use. The thing was I ignored everything I knew to be the truth.

For few minutes I wondered if I loved anyone, if I was even capable of love, real and true love. There were moments when I thought I did love. Moments I felt it so much I could almost physically touch it, with Barb, and... yeah, with Lana too. Was that just fooling myself even more?

I looked ahead in the line. It wasn't Antwan today. I wondered if that was a misspelling of 'Anton,' which happened to be my ol' man's name. I'd noticed that with African-American names. I was never sure if names like that were misspelled, spelled phonetically, or some totally different name, some Swahili name or something that was close to some 'normal name.' Was that a racist thought? No, it was a spelling thought. I recalled some black comedian's shtick about girl's names in the hood, sisters christened with names of household products. One had been 'Ipana,' the old toothpaste. My brow pinched, wondering if that toothpaste was still made. I closed my eyes and took a slow breath. Why was I thinking about stupid shit like that now?

"Next. You awake?"

I opened my eyes. It was a fat white guy. "Yeah."

"Metal objects in the box."

I got through check-in and entered the cafeteria area. I saw Barb already sitting at the table. She smiled and stood as I approached. We embraced, kissed, I hugged her and we did our code question and response. I could see she was nervous. I tried not to seem like I was.

"I found out that check-in at the… the other building takes a while, so… so we only have a half hour or so here, then… then you need to talk to one of the guards at the visitors entrance to be escorted to the other building."

"That's where… ahh… they'll do the cavity search?"

Barb nodded. She took a slow breath. "I'm… I'm so sorry about that, honey."

"Don't worry about it, Barb." I put a smile on my face.

We chatted nervously for twenty minutes. I got a soda and we split it. I think both our mouths were dry. When a half hour had elapsed, Barb got up and went to a guard at the prisoner exit of the cafeteria. She spoke to the woman for a couple minutes. The woman spoke into a radio, then nodded at Barb.

Barb returned and sat down. "We… we could start over there now. There's a small waiting room there I guess, one for visitors, one for the inmates, then… then we're both called when a room is open, but I think we'll just have longer to wait there. I guess they're a little behind already. Do… do you want to stay here or… or wait there?"

"We won't be together waiting?"

"No." Barb's eyes welled.

I took her hand in mine. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

"I… I know this is all so awful. I-I wish it was all… all better. I'm… I'm so sorry it's not. I so sorry to put you thro…"

I interrupted, "Barbara, stop it. I'm not thinking anything like that. I want to be here with you, and… and make love with you today." I forced a smile to my mouth. "You know, I'd stand in line for days to have a chance with you, so… quit saying that kind of thing. Okay, it's not going to be Waldorf, so what?"

She grabbed a napkin and wiped her eyes. She held my hand tighter. "I love you so much, did you know that?"

"Yeah, and… I love you too, Barbara."

It was lucky we didn't leave earlier. It was another twenty minutes before a guard came over and told Barb and I it was time to go over to the conjugal building. Barb went with the guard out the exit on the other side of the room, I went back towards visitor check-in and was escorted out of the building then into a small single story concrete block structure. Inside I was strip searched, then a bored looking, middle aged guard did the cavity search. I expected it to be awful but it was quick, perfunctory, and hurt a little. The guard didn't say anything except, "Bend over," and then, "There's tissues on the counter. Get dressed and take a seat in the waiting room. Your name'll be called."

There were molded plastic chairs in the small waiting room. There were two other guys there, one white, one black. We didn't talk. There were some tattered Sports Illustrated, Time, Newsweek, and Family Circle magazines on a small table. They looked to be months old. I wondered who would read Family Circle. Were there lesbian conjugal visits? Ten minutes later the black guy was called and a guard opened the steel door to let him into a wide hallway. I didn't see the hall very well, just a brief glimpse. The white guy was called a five minutes later. I sat alone for ten minutes, then my name was called. The steel door opened and I was escorted down the hall.

The painted concrete block walls reminded me of the residence hall I lived in my freshman year in college. It made me feel like I had been here before. There were five rooms on both sides of the hallway. The guard stopped at a door about midway down the hall. He looked into a spy hole, like the ones people have at their front door, but this one looked into the room.

The guard gave me a smirky smile. "Just checkin' this is the open room." He unlocked the painted steel door and told me to go in and have a seat.

I knew the prick had looked in the spy hole to just let me know he could watch if he wanted. When I entered and I heard the lock bolt slide into the jamb behind me, I suddenly had a tiny taste of the sensation Barb must have had when she first arrived, maybe still did. I was locked in. There was a guy with a key outside of the room who ruled my life now. I didn't want to sit down, imagining all sorts of low life scum had sat naked, dripping cum on the plastic molded chairs and the plastic covered full size mattress. The room smelled of some sort of lemony disinfectant. I knew there probably wasn't any more jiz stains in this room than any cheap motel room, maybe all motel rooms. It just felt like there was. I heard the key in the lock again.

I watched the door open. I saw Barb holding the linen stacked on her forearms cantilevered in front of herself. I took a step towards her and the female guard shouted at me, while she grabbed the back of the collar of Barb's orange jumpsuit, yanking her back so hard, Barb's head jerked.

"You! Step back! Sit in that chair like you were told!"

I was looking at Barb at the time. Her eyes went wide, as if she thought I was going to give the bitch some shit. I backstepped and sat down. The guard let go of Barb, said, "Start your timer. Fifty minutes." She slammed the door and quickly locked it.

I stood up, took the linen from Barb's arms and dropped it on the mattress. Her eyes were brimming with tears. I hugged her tightly to me.

She started crying softly, "I-I-I'm so sorry… I… I know how awful this all…"

I interrupted, "Ssshh… We here, we're together, that's all that matters." I wanted to punch out the male guard. The prick didn't tell me to be seated when Barb came into the room. I pulled my head back and kissed her lips. My nervousness was now turning into an anxiety attack. I knew my dick was limp, probably the size of a cocktail wienie, if it could have, it probably would have crawled up into my groin. I broke the kiss and hugged her again. I felt her swallow a couple times.

"I… I guess it's fifty minutes and ten minutes for cleanup. I have to wash everything down afterwards, with a spray bottle and paper towels."

"Should we do that now, just in case the last couple didn't?" Among all the other shit going through my head, I couldn't stop thinking about other guys' cum smears around the goddamn room.

"No. The guard watches so it's done right. Will… will you help me make the bed?"

"Yeah. Sure."

We made the bed which included a mattress pad. I put the pillow cases on the plastic covered foam pillows while Barb tucked in the top sheet. We stood staring at each other after we finished.

Her eyes filled with tears again. "It's been so… so long."

I stepped up to her and took her in my arms. I kissed her cheek and held her close. "Like we're newlyweds again, huh?"

She giggled nervously. "I don't think we acted much like newlyweds our first night as husband and wife."
My anxiety was growing with every heartbeat. "Barb? Are you nervous?"

She held me tighter and snuggled her body against mine. "I don't know, maybe a little. Should we… should we take our clothes off?"

I forced a chuckle out. "Yeah, I guess that'd be a good start." We released each other. She wanted to get the show on the road, incredibly my anxiety grew even more intense.

I think she was blushing. "Don't laugh at my underwear."

I smiled, still in an anxiety mode. "If you don't laugh at mine." I watched her start on her zipper. "Wait. Let me do that."

Barb definitely blushed. "All right."

I unzipped the front of her jumpsuit, then nudged it off her shoulders. She was right, her bra looked institutional. I was surprised a bra could be that unappealing. Same with her "full cut" granny underpants. I told her to sit on the edge of the bed and I took off her shoes, socks, then pulled the jumpsuit down and off. She removed her bra, then I slowly pulled the panties down her still slender and toned legs. Barb giggled like a nervous school girl. I smiled looking calm but I was a thousand times more nervous than her. I put her clothes on one of the molded plastic chairs.

"Okay, now I'll undress you."

I watched Barb as she reciprocated. She was gorgeous, stunning really, considering everything. Her breasts were slightly smaller than before, but still looked very firm, not large, but much larger than Lana's. She looked years younger than the day she was incarcerated. She was thinner, more toned now. No one would guess she was thirty-four, no one would say older than twenty-five. Her giggly mood started to wane when she was kneeling on the floor and I was sitting on the edge of the mattress. She saw I didn't have an erection.

"Okay, now these." She pulled the waistband and I raised my ass from the sheet. Her waning smile disappeared as she pulled my shorts passed my feet. She rose, turned her back to me, stepped to the chair, and for some reason slowly folded my briefs and set them on top of my other clothes on the chair next to the one with her clothes.

By the time I stood up, moved behind her and wrapped my arms around her, she was crying softly. I kissed her neck and shoulder then her head. I held her tightly to me. My limp dick pressed against her right bun.

"Y-You don't… think I'm… a-attractive… anymore."

"Barb, that's not true." I felt her tremble as she tried to cry silently. "Barb, stop that. You're beautiful, hot… sexy. Prettier than the night I first saw you."

"Then… why… w-why… why aren't you excited?"

I could easily tell her all the reasons why, the least of which was being locked up in a jiz smeared concrete room within a prison. "Let's lie on the bed, okay?"

She sniffled. "Do you have any… tissues?"

"Yeah, I've got something. Go ahead and lie down." I glanced at the roll of cheap toilet paper next to the metal toilet as I picked up my jeans and got the handkerchief from the back pocket. It was clean and large. I made sure I had two clean, large ones on every visitation day, even though most of the time Barb used napkins. When I turned around I was somewhat surprised Barb had crawled under the top sheet. I handed her the handkerchief and slid under the sheet. She held onto it when I moved closer and put my arm around her shoulders. She put her head on my shoulder.

I sense her about to start crying. I wasn't wrong.

"Is… is there some other woman?"

"No. There's no other woman, there's… just you, Barbara." I rarely called her by her full name. I usually saved that for when I was trying to be romantic. "I love you. I… I think you know I love you. Jeezuz… I'm here every week. I only missed once in the past year and that was to go to Lana's graduation. You're my wife. I love you." I was trying my best to believe everything I said was actually true. At that moment, I wished it all was true.

There was a couple minutes of silence. I was about to tell her I was going to lick her to orgasm when she spoke. I knew she was on the verge of crying yet again.

"Aren't you attracted to me anymore? I… Don't you like the way I loo…"

I broke in, "I just said a few minutes ago that you're beautiful." I took a slow breath. "Barb, I'm so damn sorry and embarrassed. But... come on, cut me a little slack. It's... it's been a year. I'm sober. There's a time clock running on this. I'm nervous as hell about it, about it being good for you, for... both of us. It's like... like it's my first time all over again. Aren't you nervous?"

"I... I was nervous about... about you being nervous and about... about you not liking me... that way... anymore."

I hugged her to me. "Jeezuz, Barb. You were beautiful and hot before, and you still are. Of course I like you... want you that way. God... you've lost weight and toned up more, hell... you look healthier than ever, and younger... jeezuz, you look like a teenager." My gut knotted. She didn't quite look like a teenager, but as I thought when she first was naked, no one would have guessed older than twenty-five. For some reason I vividly recalled the small framed photo of her in Lana's linen closet. Barb, Lana, and Gramma.

Barb started crying again. Her voice was high pitched and whiny, just like Lana when she cried, "I... I wanted this to be... be special, because... I waited, because... because I thought you might... that you'd find someone else, and... an' I... I didn't want to... to stop you because... because it's... it's so l-long t-to wait for m-me. But... but I don't wanna l-lose you either. I wan'... w-wan' you stay with m-me... stay for me... me and Lana. I don'... don't know wha'... wha' I'd do w-without y-you. B-but I... don' wanna m-make your l-life... aw-awf-ful either. Y-you're... it's... l-like... I'm putting y-you in p-prison t-too. I'm... s-s-so s-sorry. I'm s-so sorry." Barb began crying harder, then some sobbing.

I held her closer. When she settled down some, I spoke softly, "Barb we went over all that last Sunday. I love you, there is no other woman, I don't… I'm doing this… I mean, I come here every week because I love you, because you're my wife, because I can't wait for you to be released. But, this today… I… I-I just feel really pressured. I'm the one who should be sorry. I am sorry. This… my lack of an erection, has nothing to do with you, how you look, or how much I love you and know you love me. I… I feel like a goddamn failure most of the time and now I can't even get a goddamn hard-on with the woman I love. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry, sweetheart."

I felt like scum, no, lower than that. I was lying to her constantly now, yet, I did love her, I knew I loved her. Maybe my love had never been good enough or strong enough. Maybe it had always been missing some essential element and I've never been able to figure out what that element is. How could I love Barb, and be fucking her daughter at the same time? How could I love Lana, yet still love Barb? I knew if I wasn't so goddamn nervous, no, not nervous. I know if I wasn't feeling so fucking guilty and anxious about cheating on Barb, and fucking up Lana's life, and cheating on Lana now too, I wouldn't have any problem, even being sober and locked up in a cinder block room, getting a goddamn erection right now.

Why the hell do either of these chicks want to have anything to do with me?! What the fuck do they see in me? I'm nothing but selfish prick, a drunk, a self-centered asshole. If Barb had met some other guy instead of me, I bet she could have kicked the booze, could have gotten sober. Whenever we've quit together, I was always the one pulling her down again-- C'mon, just one drink, baby. I don' wanna drink alone, jus' a li'l one-- either that or coming home pissed off and wasted, then Barb saying hell with it too. She would never have killed that kid if she hadn't met me. She'd never have been in this prison. She never would have been in this goddamn 'fucking room.' All of this shit was my fault. ALL OF IT!

I held Barb closer. She was still crying a little, and sniffling a lot. "I've got another handkerchief in my jeans. Want it?"

"Yes, please. And... an' then... will you just keep holding me?"

That's what I did. I was going to say I wanted to lick her pussy, but I knew that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted me hard, she wanted to make love or at least screw a guy with a full, hard, erection. That was the only thing on her list. Holding her was all I was capable of doing in that small, awful room.

Near the end of our 50 minute conjugal period, before the timer went off, we got dressed. I helped Barb strip the bed. We even folded the sheets. Before I could help her with spraying the cleaner/disinfectant and wiping everything down, two guards opened the door. The female bitch watched Barb clean, and the same fuckin' prick who had escorted me in, walked me down the hall. Another guard escorted me back to the main building. I went through another check-in and waited for Barb in the cafeteria.

When Barb finally arrived, we had a little over a half hour left to visitation. I think Barb interpreted my quietness and not meeting her eyes very often as embarrassment, not guilt, remorse, and feeling worse than scum. Whenever I did look into her pretty blue eyes I saw both love and something like fear in them. I didn't look into them very long. I knew if I did, I'd either spill my guts about me and Lana, or just start bawling like a fuckin' little kid.

About every five minutes when the conversation would dry up I'd say, "Barb, I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry."

She'd say something like, "Honey, don't worry about it. I... I know you... we both were under a lot of pressure." She had taken my invented excuse as fact and adopted it too.

She didn't know that most if not all of my repeated apology was for fucking her daughter, shitting on my marriage vows, cheating on her, and not because I couldn't get it up. I was scared to death I'd not be able to get hard for the next conjugal visit.

"Barb, I'll... I'll do better next time. When will that be? You said the wait is a couple months?"

"Uh-huh. Two to three months."

"Will you put us on the list?"

She smiled sadly and nodded. "Uh-huh."

I looked into her eyes a little too long. I started to lose it. Mine welled up and my throat tightened. My voice cracked as I said, "Barbara, I... I love you. I really d-do. You truly are beautiful and a g-good woman. I'm glad you're m-my wife. I'm so damn lucky that… that you married me. I love you, sweetheart. Please believe that. And… and I'm so damn sorry about the room today." Among all the other crap I was feeling, I added 'wimp' to the list.

She smiled with trembling lips as her face scrinched and her eyes welled even more than mine, so much so that tears ran down each cheek of her pretty face.

I put my arm around her shoulders and kissed her head.

Her voice was squeaky, "I... I love you so much."

When the visitation period was over, I warmly kissed Barb and hugged her close. She held me very tightly. Before I had a chance to say my normal line at the end, she said a variation of it to me, "Don't worry, honey, I really have a feeling everything's going to get better for you, me, Lana, all of us very soon. I really feel that."

Of course, I couldn't see how that was possible. I gave her head a quick kiss. "I think so too, sweetheart."

"Tell Lana I love her, and that I missed her very much today."

My guilt expanded again. "Yeah. Yeah, I will."

"I better go now."

"Yeah, okay. I'll see ya next week, Barbara."

I pulled my arms from around her and smiled. She was teary eyed again but put a brave smile on her face. She started towards the door where she'd be searched, halfway there she turned her head around and saw me watching her. It made her smile, a real smile. She gave me a cupped hand little wave, which was very cute and reminded me of the few times Lana had done the same thing. She turned and I watched her until she disappear into the other room.

I wanted to run after her, grab her and kiss her passionately, tell her again I really did love her, tell her I'd be the best damn husband ever, tell her I'd never even look at another woman again. I really wanted all of that to be true, wanted it with all my heart and soul. I also hoped with all my heart that Lana wouldn't have anything to do with me again. And if she wanted to start it again. I'd refuse. I loved Barb. I wanted to be a good husband to her. I wanted to be with my wife, with Barbara.

I stood there staring at the now closed steel door. I was on the verge crying again. I was the last free person to leave the cafeteria.

As I started driving home, I couldn't have felt like a bigger fucking asshole or a worse excuse for a man, nor could I have hated and despised myself more. As I drove through the now beige and brown harvested cornfields, I wondered how two pretty women, well, at least one woman and one teenage girl, how in hell could they both love me? I was a cheating husband to one, and a cheating boyfriend to the other. I was a drunk, and a mean son-of-a-bitch sometimes. I was a guy who was always a few words away from losing his goddamn job. Not only could I not keep my marriage vows, I couldn't even get my ass to work on time consistently, no matter how many times I promised Jim I would.

Did I truly love Barb? My eyes welled up so much at posing that question to myself again, I had to wipe them to see. Yeah, most of the time I did think I loved her. Then again, did I even know what the hell love was? If I really loved her would I have fucked her daughter? If I really loved her wouldn't I have been able to quit drinking? Before I met her, for years before I met her, I really thought when I found the right chick, really loved her, got married, I would be able to quit. What the hell happened to that? Yes, I loved her. I loved her as much as an asshole like me could love someone. What the hell did that mean though?

I loved her but it was all right to cheat on her? I loved her but it was all right to lie to her every time I saw her? Not only lie but put on the whole charade, the street theater of me and Lana just being friends now? That we were just getting along better now, nothing more than that? Barb wasn't stupid, sooner or later she was going to see there was something more there. I was trying to save more money to help Lana go away to college, but the bills were still eating up most of my paycheck, a good chunk of that was still paying the goddamn lawyer and the fucking community college bills.

Was I hoping that was the answer to all this shit I had gotten myself into? That Lana would go away to school and find some other guy? Did I love her too? Did she dump me this past week but neglected to actually say the words to me? She did say she didn't want to fuck me, but was that just in anger? Why did I feel even more like I was cheating when I was with Barb in the fuck room today, than when I was with Lana screwing her at home? How ass backwards was that?

What the hell did I feel for Lana? How could I love two women at the same time? How is that even possible? It had always been nearly impossible to find one to love, in fact, until Barb, I probably never loved any chick, at least not until they dumped me, then I loved them or thought I did. They'd finally get fed up with my drinking, with me being an asshole, then when it was too late, I'd vow to clean up my act and would beg them to give me another chance. It had always been too late then.

I had always thought that it was bullshit stereotyping that chicks would constantly change their minds. Maybe they took longer to make up their minds about something, but once they did, that decision was set in concrete. It was guys who changed their minds more. Or, maybe it was just me who couldn't stick to any decision, not even my marriage vows.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I needed a drink, more than one drink.

I kept mulling it over, spinning my mental wheels as the miles slipped by under the truck. Finally I slowed to angle onto the exit ramp that led to home or to Sully's. At the end of the ramp I stopped for the red traffic light. When it switched to green I turned right not left. I guess the ramp led to Sully's. Five minutes later I pulled into the parking lot, got out of truck and went inside.

There was some football game on the big TV, most everyone was at the tables watching it. The bar was nearly empty, just a couple of real drunks, like me. Greg wasn't working. I couldn't recall the name of the guy who was. I said hello and ordered a draft, finished that off pretty quickly, then order another. Took a sip, said hell with it to myself, and called the guy over again and ordered a double bourbon rocks. I figured I'd drink both slowly. It was my usual lie to myself. I surprised myself though, I actually started out drinking that bourbon pretty slow, little sips.

I thought about the situation again. I guess it was less the situation and more about Barb and Lana. Actually it was probably both. Even though it wasn't the same, I had a similar sensation inside me like all the times before Barb was in the slam, when both Barb and Lana were pissed off at me. I had hurt both of them this week. Why couldn't I make anyone happy? Yet, why did they both say they loved me? Well, Lana hadn't actually said it, but I thought she felt it. She would have said it if I had let her.

Why did they love me? Were they both just scared of being alone? Don't they realize, even Barb when she gets out and if she can stay sober, that both her and Lana can get almost any guy they wanted, a guy not like me, not a drunk, not a self-centered prick?

And how in hell can I feel and believe I love them both, yet I'm cheating on Barb and if I can get it up, I'll soon be cheating on Lana. How can I love them both? Is it that I don't know what the hell love really is? What the hell is love anyway? Does anyone really know what it is? You love a person if you'd give up your life for them? Soldiers do that for guys they don't even know. Would I give up my life for Barb? For Lana? I shook my head. It was a silly assed question. Okay, yeah... if I saw a bus coming at either one of them, I'd push them out of the way knowing I'd get smacked and killed. But... was that because I loved them, or because I knew if I didn't, I'd never be able to live with the guilt of not doing it?

For a moment I wondered if anyone else ever had thoughts like I was having.

An image of Lana appeared in my mind. I wondered if it was over with her. She was really angry about me seeing Barb today. I wondered if I should tell her I didn't screw Barb, then she'd probably ask why, and what would I tell her? The truth? That I couldn't get it up mainly because I felt guilty about fucking her, fucking Lana? That I was feeling guilty about every goddamn thing? What if Lana comes back to me, and then in a couple months or whenever Barb can get another conjugal visit, will Lana and I go through this whole fucking thing again? What if we go through it all a second time, and I still can't get it up with Barb? What the hell was the title of that play by Sartre? No Exit? Was that it? Our lives would become a repetitive hell?

I had to figure out what to say and do. I kept thinking and mulling and ordering double bourbons. Barb and Lana. Lana and Barb. I loved both of them as well as I could love. Was that the real truth? Was it also true that Lana had dumped me? That it was over between us because I had gone to fuck my wife and even if I couldn't get it up it was still over between Lana and me? Was I spinning mental wheels for no reason? Maybe she had made my decision about what to do plain and simple, because her decision was already set in concrete.
But, I didn't want it to end with Lana, did I? She hadn't really dumped me, had she? Saying she would never let me touch her again was just anger speaking, wasn't it? But, didn't I more or less promise myself as I drove away from the prison, that I was going to cut it off with Lana no matter what and really become a good husband, maybe even a good man? What if I actually loved Lana more than Barb? What if Lana and I are the 'true love' in all of this?

I suddenly felt I had to pick one of them, then a moment later asked myself why I had to do that. I couldn't give myself a good answer. Maybe the first thing to do was to find out if Lana had really dumped me. Maybe I should have gone straight home and asked her that before stopping here. Yeah, that would have been the smart thing to do, but I probably would have needed a bit of liquid courage to do that anyway.

I looked at the old fashion electric bar clock on the bottle shelf behind the bar. It had a red neon tube around its circumference. I couldn't believe it was 9:20PM. I had been sitting at the fuckin' bar for hours. I figured it was time to face the fuckin' music. I finished off the remnants of my beer, then the last drops of my fourth or was it my fifth, bourbon rocks. I glanced at bartender as I placed a few bucks on the bar but he didn't see me. I put my empty glass on the bills. I took a slow deep breath then slid off the stool. I felt dizzy for a moment. I wasn't looking forward to facing Lana. I walked outside and got into the truck.

Thoughts of Barb, how much I loved her, how I was her husband and had made vows to her the day we married, all of those thoughts were waning. Lana started filling my mind more and more. I had gotten angry when she had gotten mad about me going to Barb today. What did she expect would happen if conjugal visits were possible? Should I have mentioned the possibility to her? Hell, it shocked me almost as much as it had her when Barb mentioned it last week. Maybe Lana hadn't known it was possible? Hell, I wasn't even sure it was possible.

I wanted to be with Lana. I didn't want to give that up, give her up. I wanted us to continue making love, and continue fucking too. I wanted us to go back to sleeping together. I wasn't able to sleep much without her this past week. I did feel I loved her. And I felt I loved Barb too. But... how can you love two women at the same time? If that isn't impossible, it should be. Am I lying to one of them? If I am, which one is it? Or am I really lying to myself? Today, Barb crying, me holding her, I truly loved her. I knew I loved her because I felt so awful, so fuckin' guilty. I couldn't have hated myself more while I held her. My life had been a chain of fuckups. Fuckups that not only screwed me, but hurt people who I supposedly cared about, who I supposedly loved.

I did love Lana. I did want to be with her. What the hell was I going to do with Barb in prison for at least a couple more years? Was it really that bad to want to sleep with and screw Lana, even if she was Barb's daughter? Had Lana dumped me? Are things going to be like they were before that night she hooked me, like the way things have been this past week? I didn't want it to be like that.

I hurt Barb today because I couldn't get it up, but next time I would. Jeezuz, I must have been really fuckin' mental today, she looked incredibly hot. What was wrong with loving two women? What was wrong with screwing two women if you loved them both? Why was everything always my responsibility? What was wrong with fucking both of them if they both wanted to fuck me? Did Lana still want to screw me? Want to sleep with me? I wanted her. I wanted her a lot.

I came to a stoplight at the grocery store strip mall. Without much thought, I made the right turn into the lot and parked. I would buy Lana some flowers not just as a peace offering, but because I love her, and then I'd try to talk to her, even if I had to sit on the floor in the hallway and talk to her through the door like that other time. I needed her. I wanted her back. I wanted her with me, in my bed, in my arms. Maybe I really did love her, maybe I really loved both of them. Maybe it really was possible to truly love two women at the same time and have no one get hurt.

I walked into the store and then into its little flower shop. There wasn't much of a selection late on a Sunday night. I decided to get a bunch of miniature roses for her because they looked the freshest. I liked the miniature aspect, but not the flowers. I paid for them and quickly walked outside to the truck. I really hated roses, they smelled like all the fuckin' wakes my parents dragged me to as a kid. Since then roses have always smelled like fuckin' death to me. What is that called? A memento mori? Can an odor be that?

I got in the truck and continued driving to the house, never breaching the speed limit and glancing side to side ahead looking for fuckin' drunk motherfucking sixteen year old shitheads riding bikes. As I turned into the driveway, I saw an unknown car almost too late. I had to brake hard or I would have rammed the back of it. It was black, one of those sporty looking, newer, cheap, compact cars that supposedly got good mileage. It was undoubtedly one of Lana's stupid girlfriends. Maybe Lana was breaking her promise and spilling the whole fucking story to her. I pulled back then over to the side of it, parking half on the grass so the stupid bitch could drive out later.

I headed to the front door, holding the flowers, trying to decide if giving them to Lana in front of a friend or two would be really stupid. I had hurt her. I didn't want her pissed at me. I had hurt Barb too. I had to talk to Lana about everything again. I'd figure everything out when we talked. Just like that other time. I did love her. I really did.

I shook my head as I reached for the handle of the front door. I couldn't believe I failed to get it up with Barb. She actually looked the best she ever had. She had lost weight, toned up, her face had even looked younger, at least it had until she had started crying. She had virtually looked like that eighteen year old girl in the photo in Lana's linen closet. Both Barb and Lana were beautiful. As I pushed the door open, I found myself thinking there must be a 'younger looking' gene, because both Barb and Lana had it.

I stepped inside the little foyer and quietly closed the entry door behind me. I was surprised I didn't hear music or the TV on. I thought that was odd as I took my jacket off and hung it on knob of the entry closet door. For some reason, I just stood there and listened. I did hear something. Noises. Human noises.

I moved to the hallway and looked towards Lana's room. That's where the sounds were coming from. I could see some soft light spilling into the darkened hall from her open doorway. My jaw was already clenched as my gut did likewise. Yeah, human sounds but it wasn't talking. My hand tightened around the stems of the roses, my other balled into a fist.

I quietly walked down the hall. I stepped to her open door and looked inside her room. I saw them on the bed. A dark haired guy was on top of Lana, more like over Lana, her hands were holding the back of his neck. I saw the glint of a couple face piercings on him. The guy was taller than me, thin but obviously somewhat muscular and in shape. He was almost in a pushup exercise position over her, not exercising, but thrusting his fucking prick into her cunt. Lana's thighs were spread, her legs partly folded so her knees were up and the soles of her little feet were flat on the sheet. Her hips pushed up to meet each of the motherfucker's thrusts.

I didn't get angry, it was something beyond that. Something primeval snapped within me and I wanted to beat him bloody, beat him to death, kill the filthy son-of-a-bitch who was fucking MY WOMAN. My hand released the roses and they fell to the hallway floor. I rushed headlong into the room going straight for the son-of-a-bitch on the bed. I guess he saw me enter, because he yanked his fuckin' dick out of Lana's cunt and looked me in the eyes, his own were probably larger than normal. His mouth was open, maybe to breathe faster and deeper, breathless from fucking the little bitch on the bed.

Lana started screaming something at me as my right fist hit him in the mouth. I cut my knuckles and got pissed at myself for forgetting not to punch teeth. Even in my enraged state, I knew I should be tossing my fists at the motherfucker's nose, jaw, eyes, and especially the throat. I threw two more punches as he rolled trying to protect himself, and get up at least to his knees. One connected with his cheekbone, the next hit his shoulder when he turned. I tried to grab his long hair but he quickly jerked his head back. He was able to get into a crouch.

Lana shouted, "Get out! Leave us alone! GET OUT!" She pulled her legs up and moved towards the headboard. "GET OUT OF HERE!"

I had to lean over the bed as I tried to grab the fucker's throat with my left hand while my right arm cocked back to throw another punch. I gripped his neck. He used both his arms to bat and push my arm with the hand choking him away. I landed a punch above his left eye. His head snapped back and his shoulders traveled the short distance over the gap between the bed and the wall. I put my knee on the mattress to reach him. He thrust his foot at me which rammed into my abdomen, just below my solar plexus. It took the wind out of me as my fist missed him completely.

He bounded off the bed and grabbed his leather jacket, jeans, and boots. I sucked breaths as I lunged at him. I grabbed him, shoved him hard against the wall, then swung at him as he pushed himself off the wall. My knuckles smacked his head just above and to the back of his ear. It made his head jerk to his far shoulder. He stumbled, then turned towards me as I was rearing back with my arm. He shoved me back towards the bed, then leaped for the doorway, still holding the clothes he had picked up. I kicked his shin. He stumbled and fell to the floor, his knee taking all his weight. I thought I heard something pop but I wasn't sure. He dropped his clothes and grab his knee. I was about to jump on him, knowing I could kick him in the balls and then stomp him, kick the living fucking shit out of him, but Lana must have stood up on the bed, because it seemed when she jumped on me, she was coming from above. Her slender arms wrapped around my throat, her legs around my waist.

She screamed, "You fucking asshole! Stop it! It's all YOUR fault he's here! You went and fucked her! Why shou..."

She continued shouting but I wasn't listening. She was really choking me with her arms. I tried to pull them off but couldn't. If I had any clarity of thought before that moment, it vanished. I became insane, crazed, a rabid animal. I think I rasped out, "You fuckin' goddamn bitch." I saw the motherfucker crawl into the hallway.

I kept trying to pull Lana's arms off and failing. I turned and twisted and made my way to an open area of wall. I turned my back to it, then lunged backwards, smashing Lana's back and head against the wall. I kept pushing back as I tried to yank her arms off my neck.

Lana was now sobbing and screaming, "You're hurting me! Stop it! Stop it! I don' care about him! I hate you! You fucked her today! OW! You're hurting me! STOP IT!"

I took one step farther away from the wall, then virtually jumped backwards as hard as I could, ramming her little body against the wall. I heard a loud thud, then some picture frame crashed to the floor, sounds of broken glass. Lana's arms loosened. I peeled them off and stepped away from the wall. I heard her head hit the wall again as she fell backwards. I frantically turned and twisted and finally started getting her legs loosened from around my waist. One of her hands grabbed my shirt at my shoulder, the other started slapping the back of my head. She was still shouting words. I pulled my arm away, then my elbow punched backwards as hard as I could.

"URGH!" Lana yelped, her legs dropped from around my waist. She fell to the floor. I jumped towards the door and ran down the hall. I saw the pierced face prick, now in his black jeans, pulling on a black engineer boot in the kitchen. He was wearing both of them now. He was leaning against the table. Maybe his knee was injured. His chest was still naked. His nose and mouth were bleeding, maybe from that dumb first punch.

He shouted at me. "Fuck it, dude! I don't give a shit about her! She called me! She wanted to fuck! It was all her fuckin' idea! Jus' let me fuckin' leave!"

I heard him but didn't listen to a word. He backed up against the kitchen counter. I charged at him. He moved quickly, my fist landed on his shoulder. I wasn't really thinking at all. My only goal in life was to beat him to death. That's all that mattered to me. It was my meaning for existence.

He tried to kick me in the balls but hit my thigh. I landed a punch to his solar plexus that almost doubled him over, then another to his ear which jerked his head to the side, but when I tried to grab his trachea and close my hand like a vise to rip his throat open, he brought a knee up and did at least partially connect with my testicles. I let go of him. We were both bent over then, each of us trying to suck air in. He shuffled away from me, sliding his fucking ass along the edge of the countertop, he stopped shy of the refrigerator. He straightened up, almost fully, his hands went behind him flat on the countertop, propping him up, as he kept trying to get his wind back.

I swallowed a couple times. I started to straighten up too, still trying to suck air deep to get the pain out of my groin. I spoke between gasps of air. "I gonna fuckin'... rip your fuckin' head off... you motherfuckin'... prick. I'm gonna... fuckin' kill you!" In my peripheral vision, I saw movement. Lana must have caught her breath and run in from her bedroom. She was still naked.

She stood at the entryway of the kitchen. She started shouting, "Stop it! Both of you STOP IT! Don't fight! STOP IT!" She looked at the son-of-a-bitch. "Richie! Just leave! Just get out of here!"

I gulped more air. I was blocking his exit by way of the mud room, and the front door was too far for him to get to fast unless he was faking the injured knee. I'd be able to grab him no matter which exit he picked. I think he knew that. I growled at him, "I'm fuckin' gonna kill you, motherfucker."

Once more I charged the son-of-a-bitch, my left hand an open claw for his throat, my right in a fist cocked back. I saw his right arm start to move from behind his back. I knew he'd not be able to get a fist very high before I connected with one of my hands. My abs tensed to receive a stomach punch.

I'm pretty sure Lana released an extremely high pitched scream before it felt like my lower left chest had been rammed with the top end of a baseball bat. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Again the wind was knocked out of me. Maybe he pushed me back a little with it. It hurt like hell, excruciating pain really, maybe he broke one of my fuckin' ribs. I looked down and saw it, the large kitchen knife, the one with the nine inch blade, the one I used for virtually everything. I always kept it sharpened.

The side of the blade was angled about 45 degrees, only a couple inches of steel showing, the rest buried inside me. The fucker's hand was still on the wooden handle. For a moment I wondered if he was going to pull it out so we could keep fighting, then all my strength seemed to evaporate. The room became pin drop quiet for two seconds, then Lana shrieked even louder and higher pitched. The noise was grating, irritating to me.

Everything began moving in slow motion. I saw the son-of-a-bitch's hand let go of the knife, then his knee coming up again. I think I tried to lean back, maybe I was already falling back, maybe I had started crumpling straight down. I'm not sure which. His knee connected, missed my balls but hit my pubic bone with force. I then was definitely falling backwards, still in slow motion. I didn't have the strength or the wits to throw my arms out to the sides or twist a little to break the fall. My back then my head hit the tile floor hard. I think my head bounced. It disoriented my alcohol clouded brain for a few seconds.

I then heard Lana screaming words again. "You stupid FUCKING ASSHOLE! Why did you DO that?! You stupid ass!"

I think she started slapping the motherfucker. I heard smacking sounds.

"Fuck you, bitch! He was gonna kill me! I'm gettin' the fuck out'a here! You crazy fuckin' bitch!"

I didn't want the bastard to leave. I did want to kill him. Then I thought I was going to vomit, but it was a cough. My mouth filled with blood. I turned my head to the side and coughed again, expelling it onto the floor. I thought I was drowning for a moment. I started taking faster breaths. I don't know why or how, maybe my adrenaline switched gears or something, but I suddenly felt nearly sober. My mind started racing, trying to figure out what had just happened, why it had happened, whipping through more and more thoughts and memories, like I was going through a filing cabinet searching for something extremely important. Lana's shitkickers on the truck dash? I heard an odd gurgling sound in the background.

A moment later, Lana dropped to her knees beside me, naked, her face contorted, tears streaming down her cheeks. Her hands were hovering over my chest. They were shaking. So was her body. Her mouth was open like she was screaming but I only heard a whimpering sound. Her lower lip curved inward over her teeth, like you see little kids do when they're getting ready to start bawling really loud and hard. I wanted to say something to calm her down but I couldn't think of a thing to say. I tried to raise my hand to hold one of her trembling hands, but I didn't have the strength.

For some reason, I thought of that Saturday, just a couple months ago, maybe early August, when I had finally taken Lana to that Thai restaurant in the city, for lunch, not dinner. A few days before, I had given her a dress, similar to the one she wore to her high school graduation, except it was pastel blue, and along with that, I gave her a pair of thin strapped, medium brown, leather sandals. I asked her to wear the things on our date. She did. At the time I had been sober for twelve days.

She looked so beautiful that day. She even took out the ring from her eyebrow piercing. The lunch was very nice, pleasant, we talked nearly non-stop. That dry period was when I started truly understanding she knew things, like current events, cultural history, that sort of thing. She was intelligent and bright. I fell in love with her that day, or something like love, maybe it was only that day, maybe only until I had my next drink a few days later. But that day, beginning at the restaurant, then when we walked hand in hand along the lakefront, I was madly in love with her, yet... the day had eventually been stained with sadness and guilt for me.

On that walk, I remembered another Saturday, during another dry period for both me and Barb, six or so months into our marriage. It was our nineteenth sober day. I had recalled saying to Barb, "We're going to make it this time."

Barb had gripped my hand tighter and said, "I hope you're right. I really want you to be right."

Barbara had been incredibly beautiful that day too, and on our slow stroll along the lakefront it really did seem to me that everything was possible. I realized that day that I truly did love her. The booze just always got in the way, although I knew it was more than the drinking. Sometimes it was just me getting in the way of that love. Holding her hand I turned off the concrete sidewalk onto the grass and headed into the trees where we sat on a shaded bench. I told her what I had realized, I mean the part about truly loving her. She said she truly loved me too. We talked about what we really wanted in our lives, in our life together, in our marriage, what we felt were the most important things. Neither of us mentioned stuff like 'a lot of money' or 'fancy cars.'
Somewhere in that conversation, Barb's eyes, so beautiful, blue, clear, bright, and so full of life, love, and even happiness that day; looked into mine for a few moments as if she was trying to see into my heart, see into my soul, before she said, "What I'd really like to do, is give Lana a little brother."

Yeah, even that seemed possible that afternoon. I forced my smile to fade and said, "Nope, no way..." Before her marvelous smile could disappear, I quickly released my own again, and added, "It has to be a little sister, a girl exactly like you, Barb. I want a dup of you in this world, not one of me." On that day, at that moment, I meant it with all my heart and soul. Another duplicate of her.

Four days later, I had gotten pissed off at work, came home really late, totally wasted. Barb got drunk the following evening.

Then, just a couple months ago, going to the same restaurant, walking the same paths along the lake with Lana that I had with Barb, feeling love again, but for Lana that time, when we got to the spot where I had stepped off the sidewalk with Barb heading to that shady bench, I realized I had unknowingly tried to reprise that day with Barb, that day when everything seemed possible, everything seemed within reach. That epiphany had overwhelmed me with guilt, sadness, and shame. I tried my best to hide it from Lana, kept the smile on my face, kept holding her hand, but I had been a hair away from breaking down and sobbing right in front of her.

The next day I could barely look at Barb during the visitation. The following Monday after work, I got a bottle of Comfort and got wasted that night. Lana got mad at me, saying I had lied to her about stopping drinking. I told her to go fuck herself. That was also a replay of what Barb had said when I came home wasted, and what I had said to Barb that night I fell off the wagon after that special Saturday with her.

It felt like something had gone down the wrong pipe again. I turned my head and coughed a few times. The pain in my chest intensified. I coughed harder and I actually saw some blood fly in the air. I looked at Lana after that. She seemed to be shaking harder. She kept glancing at the knife handle, then my face, back and forth, back and forth. She was still crying silently. I thought that was weird, no sound from her, well, a few sounds, although nothing loud enough to fit her facial expression.

She used her palm to wipe the blood from around my mouth and neck. Then, still shaking she got up and almost fell down, maybe dizzy. That happens to me sometimes, get up fast, then get dizzy, something to do with the inner ear, I think. I abruptly shut my eyes tightly. It felt like some prickly hand of thorns had just gripped around my heart. Jeezuz... it was painful.

I got very scared. I could feel terror invade me. That prickly hand had just told me I was dying. I felt like I was drowning again. I turned my head once again and coughed. I think blood ran down my cheek and chin. The blood in my mouth was making me thirsty. It left a metallic taste.

I remembered telling Barb I wanted to be cremated and then just have the ashes tossed in a trash can. What I couldn't recall was whether she was sober when I told her. I think I was, but maybe not. I hope she knew I was serious. That gurgling sound seemed to be getting louder. I started taking faster, shorter breaths.

I heard Lana shouting. For a moment I thought the son-of-a-bitch had come back. To beat her? Jeezuz... to kill her? I had to protect her! I tried to move and I did a little, I got my head and shoulder up, but it also made that thorny hand grip me again. It took away my strength. Suddenly she was at my side again. She was holding the cordless and still sobbing. I think I caught most of what she was screaming into the phone.

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND! HE'S HURT BAD! Please send someone FAST! HURRY!... ... YES! It's still stuck in his chest! I DIDN'T try to take it out! PLEASE GET SOMEONE HERE! He needs help right NOW!"

Lana dropped the phone to the floor. She was sitting back on her heels. She leaned down, her face right in front of mine. Her right hand started wiping my mouth and neck, as her left began stroking from my forehead into my hair with a bit too much strength. Her sobbing got worse.

Her voice was very squeaky and high pitched, "Don't you die! D-Don't you d-dare d-die! I love... y-you! I was s-s-so m-mad... mad at you f-for going to... t-t-to h-h-her today to... t-to fuck her... I don't care about... t-that g-guy! I was j-just so ma-a-ad at y-you! I wan... wannid t-to make y-you j-jealous! I-I'm sorry! I'm s-so SORRY! Don't you dare die! Y-You c-can b-be with her... I-I-I won't b-bothe... bother you two, but PLEASE... PLEASE DON'T D-DIE!" She released a jerking sob. "I... I-I love y-you. I l-love you s-so much."

That fuckin' thorny hand gripped both my heart and the left side of my chest. I turned my head and coughed again. More blood spattered to the floor. I tried to spit but I couldn't manage it. My breathing was still quick and shallow. Lana's hand on my forehead moved to the back of my skull, cushioning it from the floor. Her other hand frantically tried to wiped the new blood from my chin and neck. I turned my face to hers again. I used all my strength to raise my left forearm so my hand could cup or at least touch her face. I had to swallow some blood to talk and I know I wasn't speaking very loud when I said, "Lana. Closer." I attempted to breathe slower and deeper but I couldn't.

Lana tried to quiet her crying. She moved her face very close. I realized she had blood smeared on it. I prayed it was mine and not hers.

Her voice was a soft quiver, "W-what... can... sh-should I d-do for y-you? I-I don't kn-know what to do. Tell me... please tell m-me." More tears ran down her pretty face.

I tried to organize my thoughts. I had to tell her before it was too late. It all had to be truth, but was I sure it was the truth? Yes, it was the truth, and it had been the truth. It seemed so clear now. I swallowed again. I spoke between my panted breaths. "Lana, I... love you. Tell... Barb... I... love her... Both of..." I turned my face and couged, then swallowed a couple times. Lana tried to wipe the blood off. I shook my head slightly. "Listen." She turned her head slightly so her ear was closer to my mouth. "You both... can do... better... than me, and in... much more. Help her... help yourself... help each... other. Both forget... forget me." I felt the thorny hand again and my body tensed with the pain. I panicked for a few moments, then the pain receded again and I felt myself back away from terror to just being scared.

I had my second epiphany: I didn't want to die. I desperately wanted another chance. I'd do anything to have a second chance. Anything He wanted! Please God! Yet I knew if I got that chance, I'd fail again. My eyes filled with tears. I wanted to wipe them but thought cupping Lana's pretty face was more important. "Lana... I'm sorry... Tell Barb... so sorry." I felt like I was drowning again. I turned my face away, and coughed a couple times. I saw more blood fly. Lana again tried to wipe it off my mouth and chin. I wished she would stop doing that while I was trying to speak.

I looked at her once more. I felt sorry for her, for her ever knowing me, for what I had done to her, for her having a lousy mother; and I felt sorry for Barb because life had overwhelmed her and I had made it a thousand times worse for her. I guess I felt sorry for myself too, because I could now see so clearly how it all might have been different for the three of us, or at least for the two of them without me in the picture. "Lana... you... Barb... so... beautiful." I slowly blinked my eyes a few times. I was beginning to feel really tired.

Tears cascaded faster down her face again. I felt some drop on me. Her hand rose from my shoulder, the back of it wiped her nose. She then cupped the side of my neck with her palm. "They're coming! They said they'd be here fast... hold on... p-please... don't... d-don't fall asleep! You can't fall asleep! Please!"

I remembered Lana pointing out one evening that I was only eleven years older than her. At the moment though, she looked so young again, not more than thirteen, and if she was that age and my daughter, the day she was born I would have been about as old as Barb was when she gave birth to her. Looking thirteen right now, that's what Lana seemed like, my daughter, actually more like the daughter I never had. Yeah, the daughter I would never have. I could barely keep my hand cupping her face. I gathered whatever strength I could muster to hold it there. It was the most important thing in my life.

Daughter. I thought of Barb again.

My voice was raspy and not even a whisper, "Closer." I waited while Lana turned her head and I saw her ear. "Important... Tell Barb... baby sister... baby brother... Either... Tell her... with right guy... right guy... She still… can... She... can… Tell her."

I tried to smile at Lana. I'm not sure my mouth curved. Yeah, looking like the daughter I never had. I tried to take a deeper breath, then it felt like something went down the wrong pipe. I stifled the cough but tried to clear my throat. It was tiring coughing so much. It seemed I had to think to breathe. My breaths grew faster and shorter.

I thought about dying again. I wondered if there'd be nothing-- alive one moment, then just nothing the next. I wondered if I might see some white light and all my dead relatives. Maybe not my relatives. I don't have many. My parents are still alive. There must be some dead relative I knew. Oh, yeah, grandparents. Only knew my grandfathers. Both buscias died, one decades before I was born, the other when I was less than two. Both dziadzias are dead now too. None of them really spoke English. A little pidgin English. If I hear someone shouting at me in Polish, it will be one of my grandparents. I blinked. Grandparents. I looked at the daughter I never had.

I swallowed twice, then rasped, "Lana." I saw her ear again. My panting between words was getting more ragged, there was a wheezing sound added to the gurgling. "Grandparents... you... find... Gramma... Ask Barb... but you... find them... Find them."

My hand got too heavy to hold her pretty face. My forearm fell to the side. I coughed up more blood. I think some hit Lana. Breathing got more difficult, almost like hiccuping. I didn't panic, but I felt my fear grow, not higher but wider. Lana looked into my eyes. She started crying more intensely again. There was line of drool hanging from her lower lip. It was nearly touching my chin. The back of her hand wiped her nose once more, then her palm stroked my forehead and hair a dozen times. It moved and held the side of my face as I had hers so many times. I was glad her other hand was behind my head. I had really whacked my skull on the floor. I could feel her hands were still trembling. I closed my eyes to rest for a moment.

She shouted, "You stay awake! You hafta stay... awake! Don't you... d-dare l-leave m-m-me!"

My eyelids rose. My field of vision started shrinking. I kept looking into Lana's squinting, crying eyes, but I saw them as they were that day we went to the Thai restaurant. They were so beautiful and exactly the same color and shape as Barb's eyes. Magically the face surrounding those eyes, slowly became Barb's, then slowly changed back to Lana's pretty face, back and forth. Both of them could be so beautiful, all they had to do was believe in themselves. It was all so very simple. I wanted to tell her that but couldn't manage to speak. It was all so very simple. I did love them both. I wanted to tell them that again too.

Through the constant weird hiccuping, gurgling noises, I thought I heard a siren in the distance, or maybe Lana made a similar sound crying. My small circle of sight started dimming, getting dark at the end of the tunnel or maybe it was just the tiny black swirling dots overlaying the disk of vision, like a thousand tiny, turning flies.

I wanted to smile at Lana and Barb, and then even more so when I saw a surprising figure coming out of the growing darkness behind Lana. It was Mrs. Cantrall. She was grinning and speaking. I didn't quite catch every word, but she said something about having time to read and talk with me about my new stories. She came closer and gave me a warm, maternal hug. She was the best teacher I ever had. My arms slid around her, returning her embrace.

I don't have any new ones, not even the stories I wrote in college, Mrs. Cantrall. I didn't do very well playing chess with that old man on the steps, did I? I... I really made a mess of my life. I squandered it and hurt a lot of people in the process. Lana and Barbara... I've hurt them so much.

She leaned back, still smiling, and looked directly into my eyes. "Well, you can start on a new story tomorrow. And the other thing? Don't worry about it. You're going to be freed from making more mistakes. You'll never hurt Lana, Barbara, nor anyone again. I think you're going to find everything much easier now."

Easier here? Do you mean here, Mrs. Cantrall? Write that story here?!

Her smile stayed the same as she slowly shook her head. "No, not here."

That damn thorny hand gripped the hardest yet, but it seemed it was in someone else's body, or maybe very, very distant. I felt very tired, maybe it was sleepy. I didn't need to remember more. I had it figured out. I was here on the floor because I should have been the one driving that night. Please forgive me, Barbara. My eyelids drooped again for a moment.

"Stay awake! They're here! They're coming in the house!" Lana turned her head and shouted, "WE'RE IN THE KITCHEN! WE'RE IN THE KITCHEN! HURRY! PLEASE HURRY!" She looked at me once more and cried harder. Her face so close, her voice high pitched and quavering again, "Please s-stay a-a-awake. Don't you l-leave m-me."

I could no longer see Lana very well. I really wanted to know what would happen to her and Barbara. I was sure Mrs. Cantrall could tell me, but there wasn't time enough to ask. I suddenly understood what she had meant. It was all going to be so very easy. Breathing wasn't even necessary.

I sensed myself becoming weightless, then my mind, heart, and every cell of my being was filled with an unknown, unimaginable, amazing calmness.

Jeezuz... it feels so incredibly wonderful.

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(Your reader's comments/critiques below, and your feedbacks are invited. I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. A_Satori)

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